The twilight zone

In a lot of ways because what had happened, the failure to really engage with me emotionally to fulfill my needs including installing a sense of right and wrong or even any tangable sense of independence, I always long to go back to my past.
My past is where a good number of problems lie not least this twilight zone  when I'm not really adult but people find it hard to cope with my impulsive childishness, feeling in many ways abandoned to fate rather than being enabled to resume that journey that stopped in my early teens. I actually want somebody to spank me.