Dolly love

Dolls are a fascination of mine and play a role in my age dysphoric life beyond even that of collecting which is something I did start in my early teens getting a variety of differently dressed and posed ones such as alpine skiing not just wearing frilly dresses and petticoats.

They're generally on bases that support them upright in those poses securely

On forks in the Road

Today isn't a good one as I'm pawley yet again, the reason I can't always "play" as much as I'd love to and wouldn't want to say I'll do it and then find myself one week in three in bed again.

I mean it's bad enough having other things that can mean I can't do much for a day or so starting with the badly damaged paws without adding that so sometimes it's a matter of resting as much as you detest the idea of doing nothing while looking for something to keep you mind off it.

Sometimes inspiration can be found from the most oddest of places you might imagine.

The Cheshire Cat it had to be said was quite right on this matter.

Faced with two two decisions about where to go but no idea as to where it indeed makes more sense to move forward by just selecting any one of them than to stay where you are cos you're going nowhere fast.

After a long wait, the fork in the road opened up for me and I had to choice which one to take and took the one we're on right now which may be one some may feel isn't right and indeed I know one person really took exception to it but it's the one that is right for me.

Right for me in that it is taking me though a journey I need to go through to come out the other side, learning along the way and developing as a junior adult middle.

The growing pains are those I need to learn to endure to take me to where I really belong.

Life skills

I guess the first order of business is to thank everyone for reading last weeks post and the two comments this warm week or at least it was as I type this and not necessarily just down to the suns rays!

Yes, I know this blog is kind of weird compared to most of the others you've seen listed cos it's a slice of life, emotions and smacked behinds wrapped in one and odd life stories tossed in usually cos there's a connection.

A ton of stuff you might take for granted just wasn't in my life.

Take the kitchen for instance. 

Cos I'm not good on my feet with my physical disabilities and not terribly co-ordinated, where as most people would of gravitated to it whenever anything was being made and perhaps of carried things basically I was told to stay out of there.

That meant in the absence of anything else I hadn't any knowledge of something as rudimentary in my late teens as how to make a cup or coffee, make toast with a grill, wash up and so on.

Because I find carrying things difficult, nobody took the trouble to show my how I could carry at least a few things or how to set a table.

In a way I didn't have a place in the home, certainly didn't have any responsibilities and upon seeing that it was said "doesn't do...".

Looking at that illustration even though it's pretty much of the fifties in a lot of ways feels...bitter-suite.

I'd of loved to had been dressed in almost matching dress, with a Mom who would have me in their teaching me these things and having made progress, helping me take some responsibility for doing things in the home so I could at least do something to look after myself.

Ironically it's taken caregivers mixing a chunk of that and some ol' school discipline at times to help me move on so I can do a few things and they have expectations for me just do them without reminders. 

The dance before the sparks fly

It's been a pretty warm week here so I've been sunbathing a little in the park partially for getting a bit of a tan and partly because when I'm doing that actually I'm disassociating from what's on my mind and that which does tend to mess up my behaviours at times.

 

Before we all got dropped into Zombieland  I'd get another kind of a tanning experience which did against the odds help to keep my behaviours pretty much in check.

The great dropping your panties dance before going over a knee is so relatable as you prepare yourself for what is to come.

Strange folks

 

I don't know if it's me, something around my autism or whatever but sometimes you think you're having a pretty decent conversation online and then you find its gone dead and no amount of examining afterwards shows a point you could discern a "change the subject" comment or request for clarification.

You just see this "not following each other" and gone to say their archive has this notice in the top right corner saying you may find more about why you can't access it as it is obvious at some point you were talking, they'd blocked you.

It's just so well, weird cos you'd think they'd say something first but no they block you rather like back in 2015 I remember someone at Experience Project doing just the same even though they'd initiated the conversation.

Still, blow them. I'm not blocking them myself but I'm ignoring them and will reblog anything that they might of direct from the source itself.