Bedrooms

What would a girls bedroom be like?

 This is quite pretty and very feminine but to me it looks more an older teen or a young woman's complete with nail polish and scented candles, the sort I'd sneek into peering rather than one that is so obviously me

This is more like it. A modern juniors bedroom with plushies and a space for your cute pink laptop not that sensible grown ups would have me sleep with it at hand.

Help from the screen

Tv shows like The Little House on the Prairie  were more than just time sinks for some of us growing up as they showed people keeping going in the most difficult of situations, holding the family unit together as they learned their roles.
Those families may of had hard times but cared for each other, were structured and that care showed in how the children were also disciplined.
It was the kind of family living in  a broken one I so wanted to be in and kept me going even in the darkest of times.

Discipline with love

I have lots of problems in my life but a good many go back to how I was raised or rather not raised that have caused me lots of issues some more around how others set their own rules and how they wanted me to relate to them that was at variance with others so I saw myself as at least an absolute equal to you although you were said to be an authority figure or able to get away with challenging you for authority.
It's really time I think to start again
When people talk about disciplining, they tend to think it should be a frequent occurrence to spank but if you do it right it shouldn't be that necessary because if you did it to me, I would associate the discomfort with what I did and avoid it.
It's not necessary to go really into 'hard spanking' being so harsh it hard caused me to lose my spirit but it needs to be sufficient to cause my to cry genuinely from from the pain you applied to my bottom.
If you would have me learn to yield  to your loving authority, there's every chance I'd learn to submit to the other forms authority that will confront me in my life such as teachers, school principal, police, neighbours and employers.
I need you to uphold your authority and constantly so when I challenge you, you win decisively and I always lose.
This isn't happening right now.
I want you to take that rod of correction and use it sparingly but with love whenever I am challenging you with no good reason so I learn my proper relationship between you and other authority in my life and me.
This would really help me.
All my love, Jo.

Every Night That's Clear

I've always enjoyed wishing from a star and here's a short entry about it.

" Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, Have this wish I wish tonight! "

~ Always, I wish for the same thing. Always on the same star I see. Every night that is clear I sit at my window & wish my little heart out. The wish hasn't come true yet............But I always have hope that one day... perhaps soon, it will come to pass."

Slovenly

One picture, two halves as when I used to get home from school I would just lounge about slovenly on the chair, sticking my feet up not caring about how I looked with bags and that just dumped willy-nilly on the table.
In adult life I'm pretty much the same just sat with whatever I bought just dotted around me with no inclination to put things away properly or smarten myself up. You'd walk in and I'd do nothing.
It's that lack of self respect and self discipline that people find telling about me athough they don't care to do much about it.

Gaining confidence

As a child I lack confidence in part through my disabilities but very much to do the miss-mash between my inner girl side and the rest of me, feeling very much like an alien trapped in a world that neither understood me or would allow me to be myself as much as I tried to adapt.

One thing that did  work for me oddly enough was being taught to swing from a rope  that was on a climbing frame which I had never climbed. In fact my parents I feel were too timid and just projected fear as the response to the very idea. However at school they got me on that frame starting from the bottom and even crawling along the top and then introduced the rope to me!

It was scary but having found a way to grip it well, I leaned to climb it and swing rope between my legs going form side to side and then to swing and get on the other side of the frame to climb.

It did me the world of good  and is one of my fondest memories of childhood PE.

2x Confusion....

In theory at least both parents assuming you had a tradition 'Nuclear' family would share the roles out doing things together, taking an interest in you and disciplining you fairly evenly so the one thing that ties all three together, their love for you are things both experience and you should be able to sense.
You shouldn't need to 'act up' to get parental attention nor should you feel one is a doormat you can trick into doing anything.
It was never like that with me having to fight tooth and nail to attend anything about me at school especially during the critical years, the messy disciplining system issues around disability and gender identity and so on.
It's ironic after these years Mommy has finally come around to the notion that spankies can help me and does use them on occasions.