Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Not a good week

When things seem all over the place all you want is coffee, cakes and candy at  least in my experience wrestling with a lot negativity, worrying uncertainties and having to see strangers for assessments that I didn't actually ask for.
Like for instance after the assessment for PIP which whatever can be said of the methodology around it you can see if you apply for something you may well expect some kind of assessment but when you think you got head around that you receive out of the blue note to say you WILL be assessed in connection with you with a long tick box of benefits they tick Employment and Support Allowance not from the people who administer the benefit  but from the assessment company with a very generic explanation applicable to all benefits they assess of what a assessment entails and why you may be having one you do wonder what is going on.
Normally the people running the benefit write to you reviewing you claim sending a cut down version of the original form which you fill out from which they do have the right to send your for an assessment which is logical enough but at least you know why that is.
The last one of those I had was in April 2017and they didn't send me for an assessment but this time I have the form say I AM to be assessed but no real explication of why you may begin to understand why it is with my mental health issues such poor communication practises only make me ill.
Sufficiently ill that it required me to see my doctor for both the impact on my Anxiety - shaking, being unable to sleep, going through every possibility in my mind - but also bringing with a severe migraine which is something I've had since at least seven as I can recall.
That resulted in some tablets to trial for the migraines and some information and advice on managing anxiety, specifically social anxiety. 
It kind of undermines you that I have things I could read, listen to or play but I just don't have the inclination to just feeling like rolling into a ball to be honest.
I've been out on walks for a bit across the week, watching the birds, keeping an eye on what's growing and what isn't as some of the fields seem to be dried up on places not from sunlight but more lack of rain and meeting with dogs and their owners although Orson the literary cat does try to lock me out.

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Wednesday's assessment

Last Wednesday I had my face to face assessment for Personal Independence Payment at home as it had been decided I couldn't attend a centre belong to the people who do it.
The person who I'd say was in their thirties to do it was about a quarter of an hour early which I had anticipated being somewhat questioning of peoples motivations and so was as prepared as I could be and seen to be engaging in removing anything that might put thoughts into their minds.
It was quite a bit shorter than I'd of expected at just over twenty-five minutes from coming in to leaving whereas an hour is typical so it may be a question of going through the motions so having checked I had ID (thanks to folk who come from backgrounds where ID Fraud is common in 2019 you have to prove everything triple fold) she took a short history of me before going into a few areas on the previously completed form.
These areas included planning, getting and eating a meal which for me include the inability grip things, chop things, remember instructions (and what things look like), help with eating such as cutting up food and drinking where typically I use straws.
She dd ask about hobbies so I mentioned comic and magazine reading being light weight so easier to turn pages and ties to developmental disabilities and dyslexia which with me puts me on a reading age below eleven years and watching tv specifically childrens tv because so much of adult tv is beyond my understanding and following plus my plushie collection where upon being asked if I buy and sell said I didn't I just collect and Mom explained I have them bought for me.
Anything involving keyboards, gripping things wasn't mentioned.  
Former voluntary work was mentioned but explained no longer did and it was very much as and when I was well enough to attend.
We talked about dressing where I need help putting clothes on, seeing the aren't inside out and back to front, help with bathing  before moving on to a few tests.
I was asked to show how far could raise arm up, bend down, move neck, find a wall where I failed to and to raise from chair where I didn't manage to get fully upright before needing to sit so tests on my feet for staying upright were cancelled (I suspect they'll take my word and medical evidence for.)
We did talk about anxiety as it effects me, needing someone to keep me calm, help deal with situations.
With that it was concluded with her reassuring me I have nothing to worry about and that I wouldn't lose any money after explaining she'd write a report for DWP who run this thing.
We'll see how it goes.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Spanking on site

This is being written during a period where I am trying to stay calm, reading comics and the odd sports feature like on Women's Soccer and listening a bit to some music to deal with the visit today of that person, probably a woman for the face to face assessment apart from wondering where one cd ordered last week has ended up.
One thing around comics at least as far as  comics from the past go is as was the era I read them they did reference spanking from time to time as the star of the cartoon strip acted all cranky and that.
This as Britishers would recognize is Minnie the Minx from the Beano probably from the early 80's judging by the drawing style, clearly in deep trouble with dad being dealt with the way many of us were at home (and I might add at boarding school).
Now in 2019 a number of sites that permit spanking content have a "No actual or depiction of a minor being spanked is permitted" policy which in theory means I couldn't actually post something I read aged nine, bought for me by responsible adults (my parents) from a publication aimed for children.
Equally as I think a number of us are aware spanking was 'at the movies' when we grew up too so again a straight still of which a number can be found easily online  showing either an actual child being spanked (there's a girl in Elvis's "At Happened at the Worlds Fair" from 1963 who is on film or an adult playing a child role who was and ditto tv like Little House On The Prairie or the classic 1969 film Kes where a group of boys are caned.
The aims of such policies is quite right - to prevent the circulation of images of children being spanked as adult titillation and children being abused to provide same - but something is awry in its application on sites.
Another though relevant consideration to someone like me is I'm in a gymslip - an adult by law but looking like a school child - and I was shown bent over chair but clothed with at the edge a person with say a tawse or slipper would that fall foul on grounds of 'depiction or not if submitted?
See, it's not that black and white is it as these things  are written.

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Stuff on my mind

There is much that is on my mind like sorting some of my things out since having a few new clothes and books that have to be fitted in some how into this room otherwise their could be ouchie trouble.
We have that election thing this Thursday taking place that I'll need to make a point of walking down to to vote but the biggest thing on my mind has been that Personal Independence Payment business which resulted in a letter last week to say they'll be coming out to do a personal face to face assessment next Wednesday.
This means Mum needs to be with me to try to answer whatever it is the so-called Health Professional might ask questions about  while we try to remove things like the grump from the scene as he really doesn't know that much but has the tendency to interfere saying things that that either not wholly true or  doesn't  actually know  which you'd then need to correct in front of them.
But then we don't know what they'll be saying or if they are either telling the truth or got it wrong cos they don't say as they pretend to gather evidence someone in DWP looks at to make a decision.
Still whatever happens it'll be fought.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Resting week


Phew! It's been a warm ol week this week with brilliant sunshine  here so much so I've had to shower and cool off more than usual although I did have an issue with a pesky clothes moth who seems to have dead a death with super strong insect spray.
Sorry but the last one made holes in my school sweaters and even the odd cotton t shirt too so I can't be doing leaving them around fluttering when at night I put this Eco light bulb on that seems to send him a trance dancing all around it.
Between them and Wasps, who'd have them?
It's like bookworms that eat paper and can even burrow holes through the spines of hard backed books.
Talking of books I have tidied up the bookshelf so everything runs in order and removed a few books that either I never started or I've tired of ready to go to one of several charitable collections where the monies raised will do some good and someone gets to enjoy them all over again.
I've been dipping into one of those multi-composer box sets that seem to be all the rage where a range of recordings are all gathered on a large number of discs  that live in printed wallets with background notes to relax while the Euro Election talk starts although truth be told it hasn't stopped since the referendum and many of us have had enough of it.
Now for a glass of pop!

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

May Day weekend thoughts

Monday was literally a damp squib because I had planned to go for quite a long walk out but we had showers thought the day so I only managed a short walk and even then I just avoided getting drenched by the skin of my teeth.
Instead I spent just over an hour cleaning records, yes those big round black things you put on your phonograph as couple of cherished discs had been bugging the heck out of me as no amount of cleaning with carbon brush could remove whatever it was that was causing it to get stuck at a couple of spots when playing which was very frustrating.
A few others had  static charge that attracted anything such as fur, dust or hair within seconds of coming out.
Thankfully all of that got dealt with as they've all come up as good as new having sat at a table doing it as the last time I tried doing it standing up I hurt my lower back.
I also been straightening up my bookshelves, doing a bit of an inventory so at least I know what I have which helps to avoid buying the same thing twice although there's nothing wrong with upgrading to better copy when it comes to older books.
Seeing we've entered May and summer won't be long, I've just got my summer comic special editions organized to land in the mail as soon as they're published part of a childhood ritual that inner kid me still loves.
We also had a royal baby!

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

May confusion

After the drop in temperatures last weekend and the rain, things are starting to climb back up again here ready for that stupidly timed holiday where I've got pack at the end of this week only to return on Tuesday. 
Honestly how messed up can you get it?
I'm supposed to be getting some stuff sent home ready to clean my round things called records before putting them on MiniDiscs as its easier to store a few in my dorm and play them on a player than cart a stereo system back and forth apart from lending itself  more to be used on the train.
Thing is so far from what I told in a text message although the red coloured Royal Mail van has been with other stuff it wasn't on it which is very odd as we're only a few miles from the sorting office about seven minutes drive in a car.
The groan ups have had the cards that confirm if you are able to vote both on Thursday for the local government district elections for this bit of the Greater Stoke-on-Trent region and for the Election to the European Parliament , IF in this god awful  mess the groan ups have made around it  and when somebody actually says they will be held cos nobody knows for sure if we will be.
You don't have to bring them with you when you vote apparently but having them is proof you are eligible to vote. They use a pencil and paper here for it.
What I don't get is why although it has the correct address on it, it has a street ID that's not ours on the top right hand corner. 
That's so bizzare.