Jo and the Aunt (fiction)

Halloween is coming up and indeed I'll be away this weekend which creates all manner of blogging challenges but anyway picture the scene.

You didn't get on that well with your Aunt, perhaps she tended to remind you about your manners rather more than you cared to hear, to get into the chair properly so you din't flash your knickers or pull your falling down pereline socks for the seventh hundred time

Seeing it was halloween, you thought to yourself you'd get your own back on the Olde Witch and sneaked up on the 31st with this massive spider and put it right in her front garden knowing she goes all in a faff if she just sees a small garden spider in the bathroom.

She wakes up screaming and phones your Mom who just happened to find your tablet on the very Amazon page that carried a entry for it so she calles you down and orders you to show her the Orders page.

 

Right there in front of her it shows YOU did order it and when asked why you just have to tell the truth lest you get in even more trouble.

Your aunt is called over later on the day to witness you confess that but it wasn't all now was it?

No, while only the three of you are in, you are ordered to  bend over you mothers knee for a spanking, feeling her hand folding the back of your gymslip over your back as she begins to take a hard slipper to your bottom before inviting your aunt to pull your knickers down and spank you some more too.

This Halloween is one you'll never ever forget where you paid a high price for your naughty prank.

Away day schooling

It's a bit of a while since I wrote anything around the re-creation of schooling a form of words I'm now a bit more for as "school based role play" for me implies in part I am role playing the child at school and with me this whole whole thing is more like I have that child running 24/7 in me.
Effectively you've created a school with all the things I recall of my education that I just attend.
One of the things I did involved having a math  lesson taught to me by a person being  a teacher doing what was called "chalk and talk" where they would talk away but write important concepts and any questions on the chalkboard for you to do.
For my part I was dressed in a traditional black tunic (Brit speak: "Gymslip") with tie and school socks at a equally traditional wooden desk with a  hole for in, grooves for your pens and a lift up slightly sloped lid that before flat "Go-Pak" stacking school furniture such as tables became popular you had together with matching wooden chairs with an S shape bottom.
Like most I was taught metric units as my home country went metric during this period  although for somethings imperial never went away like road distances and part of this lesson covered an introduction to Imperial weights and measures that I had to sit and write down from the chalkboard including the questions set on each unit.
This covered ounces, pounds, stones, hundred-weights  and tones when it came to Mass, inches, feet, yards, cubits, chains and miles in linear measurement.
I also had set some multiplication and division work too that I had to copy, answering all the questions.
The work from the point of view of presentation, neatness of writing and showing of workings out was examined in addition to marking the answers to questions set and my attitude toward studying.
My work was then written on in red pen.
Overall I hadn't done too badly but I had made a few mistakes down to not being as careful as I should of been as when asked to show how I got the answer where I had made mistakes, I did get it right first time so it wasn't a question of not knowing or comprehending.
Because it was that and nothing to do with my actual learning limitations which are NEVER a reason to, I was instructed to bend over the desk at each unit where this had occurred to be spanked either by hand or for one which was more around not paying sufficient attention to the work, the tawse.

This needless to say did hurt persisting for some time but to be honest, it is what lead to it that really is more the problem: I don't take the care I could to produce work that limitations aside I am actually capable of, that reflect my abilities rather than my disabilities.
In that sense what might in the past of been called "school based role playing" has real benefits in helping to change because it identifies in real-life situations those attitudes and behaviours that need correcting and delivers the lessons that in all honesty people who were less centred around the dis in my disabilities excusing me and more on abilities and training me to use them properly in same way my peers were really should of done.
For me then this bit of the weekend away was really beneficial.

Standards and their origins

One of things that does matter is telling the truth not that going by popular opinion  is it something we expect from people in positions of power such as business leaders or politicians although I feel our expectations ought to higher even if at times dashed.

The must basic reason for this is we have a need to feel the other person has a sense of honesty and integrity about them, that what they say is based on reality rather than either wishful thinking or something having no basis at all in fact.

Most of us can understand  and relate to what are sometimes called 'magical thoughts' where belief is suspended because the illusion of say" seeing an elephant fly" is preferable to us than the reality which is of course that they cannot. That whole notion is very child-like and because we saw it in our imagination it may feel real but isn't.

Telling the whole truth is something we can all struggle with especially if by doing so it shows us  in a poorer light so we do not so much say something it isn't true: we omit that which  shows our culpability and responsibility for what really transpired.

If there is a hierarchy when it comes to this it is the outright lie, the very thing that had no basis in reality at all that takes pole position.

We use it to place ourselves where we were not, to claim credit for things we did not do, to transfer the blame from us to others when we have done wrong and remove ourselves from situations where we had a responsibility but chose not to exercise it.

I am - and my Caregiver amongst others expects me to -  tell the whole truth at all times and whenever I'm not there's no question of not being punished because of its seriousness.

On restoration

Restoration

Restoring the balance both at home with my parents and with other adults trying to get so a kind of natural order is there is very much what the last fifteen or so months of my life has been about, been given a proper place in those relationships, subject to their adult authority at all times.
When I look back at how things were at the start of this I can see how unsatisfactory the way I interaction at home and with other adults were, doing pretty much what I pleased no matter how they may of felt about or been effected by it.
I had a okay relationship with Mom and poor one with Dad and didn't really feel bonded to other adults at all so things did not run anything like smoothly for a lot of the time.
It wasn't that I was necessarily super obnoxious but I could not truthfully say I was exactly well behaved either having little sense of boundaries and parental and other adult guidance in my life.
It felt that I'd been been left without any guidance but being expected to know what to do when in fact I had no idea about how to behave.
That was when during Christmas 2014 when the external guidance started and as time went by other people followed through with everything changed although it took time.
This was when there now was a set of House Rules and similar rules for other adults brought into my life with very real consequences for any breach of those rule.
These included  being scolded, having my knickers taken down to be spanked or caned without fail and having to carry out any restitution straightaway.

Of course I didn’t become perfect overnight, but gradually, week by week, the new discipline code began to turn my behaviour and attitude around and as the adults recast as disciplinarians began to feel this wonderful sense of positive empowerment to act because they cared. Every time they took me over their lap I felt that at last I was receiving a way of providing me with the kind of positive guidance that I needed. I felt that they were giving me exactly what I needed, at exactly the right time in my life and I could see that I was absolutely thriving on this old-fashioned form of discipline.

It wasn't that it was all discipline, because it did include face to face discussions about my behaviour and conduct and what my many limitations being allowed for, I could and should be expected to do better together with rewards so it was recognized when I did really well to help me form a sense, a belief, in my ability to do the right thing .

This restoration  went hand in hand with having me dress more as that adult child often in her uniform as a learned to accept and co-operate with adult authority  I resembled their child subject to their adult authority with that uniform signifying my acceptance  of their rules and the spanking that I subject to in it.

Spanking I would say in my experience is an excellent form of discipline for girls who like me are over 18 and live at home or with adults to help learn how to conduct ourselves and adopt good personal habits

Birthday reflections

This day is quite an important one for me that I'll blog the other bits of separately but for me this is the start of another fifty-two weeks in my life and the end of the last period of fifty-two weeks although like many littles and middles I never really leave the sense of being the age in this headspace I am. I never really feel older cos I hit my developmental limits a very long time ago.
It's a messy thing cos of the mess that is my family whose many degrees in messiness often took much of the magic of having a day of your own away never mind the petty-mindedness of the arguments they'd pick  on and around of that day.
Mom always say I’m the one that can be counted on to think more about what needs to happen, what would make a difference for the better and at least try to work with it.
Much happened in that twelve months some of which I have written about here and elsewhere but it's been the biggest period where I had real guidance in my life talking through both my longer term problems with plans and shorter more immediate needs.
It's also been the period where the rules and structures in my life have changed dramatically as there has been a very real rolling back of my post legal childhood authority  and status to approximate tween/early teen level.
Part of that is from the recognition that while it is fine for me to have an input and a say in things, because I do mess up in ways I don't necessarily learn from because my ability to do so is limited allowing me the final say just wasn't working. Someone who is more responsible needs to.
The other part is that in order see to it the rules and structures I agreed to are being kept they need to have the authority to impose them and discipline me for breaches so I learn to follow them and that's that in outline that's much such a big difference to my life this last twelve months.
So on this day I wish to thank those people in my life who have provided that guidance be they friends who stepped in saying what needed to said to help me or those who are more directly involved working through issues,for each and every reprimand and spanking you gave me when I needed it.
You did right by me helping me become more responsible over our last twelve months and here's to the next twelve where you'll help me further cos I know you all care about me and that's why all this happens.

Six days with Miss

I've just returned from spending six days with friends away for which there will be a post on my main blog about cos that's really more about what we did at the big old property in East Anglia together age playing for want of a better expression.
Well that's the expression my second best friend ever calls it and she's pretty much on the ball when it comes to this stuff because at least the both of us while we're there are in our younger selves character, doing what comes naturally to us.
Since last year though I have a 'go-to' person who isn't a classic Caregiver but more an Aunt type character with some caring, mentoring sides who I spend quite a bit of time with literally under their roof.
You see for me this whole six days started off being with them where from the minute they meet me at the rail station everything changes because the relationship we have is one where they are the Adult Authority Figure who is looking after me as a child having authority over me.
They are to be addressed by me by their Title, they have quite a bit of input into how I am dressed nearly always as a child in their presence (typically school uniform) and they always have the final say with me.
As the Aunt like person they have household rules I am to go along with and am expected to do what I'm told straightaway with no backchat.
Being with them is therefore so much like the whole stopping with actual childhood Aunts and Uncles for vacations and short stays I grew up with which I loved for all that routine.
There is something else in our relationship, which is as their child I am subject to and that is when and wherever I am with them, they do discipline me on the spot often using spanking and other forms of corporal punishment as they feel fit if either say I didn't do something I  am am expected to because I'm capable of it or for being cheeky and the like.
Having been spanked by them I know it's no idol threat and as anyone whose read this blog knows it does really help as painful as it is to keep me in line apart from getting rid of past bad attitudes of which I've a good number unfortunately.
For then this thing outside of the time spent with our friends is very much time with a age-play parental situation in real time which is ideal for me as not only does it help to keep me in Middle Space as a junior it provides the structured very strict parenting I need.
A kind of alternative family.

Final study weekend

The weekend brought on more work on my English looking at how different strucures go with different types of written work plus thing are described  and characters compared and contrasted. My Math work involved looking at ratio, portions, units and basic muliplication with division.
 Hmm as you’d prolly guess I was threatened with a spanking if I didn’t at least start on Long Multiplication and Division (no, not the diversion on the A461!) as I was starting to get stroppy which as you guys know is a bit of problem of mine when I didn’t want to do something I need to cos it’s not that stuff isn’t hard, I just don’t wanna try half the time so I make things harder for me and that’s why I’m dealt with very strictly from now on.
This kinda approach may not  everyones cup of tea but undermines what a Caregiver type relationship comes down to, You as the Caregiver are a Parental Authority Figure working with and Enforcing what we’ve agreed to help me as your Middle make the most of my abilities and cracking down on attitudes of mine that self sabotage my becoming more mature is a part of that.
During the weekend I was checked on by BFF so I had direct support across that period from someone who’s in the similar situation as I as we have many conditions in common and sadly the same attitudes, encouraging me to keep going as I did for her. This mutual support is really helping.

Accountability and the Middle

Our lives as Middles have this running through them surrounded as we are around our clothes, our cute stuffies as part of everyday domestic life which takes me a very important area of Middles life and that is accountability.
Accountability as a concept is simply that as Middles we are expected to be held to account for those things that we are responsible for, such as our learning, our house-hold chores, the things we agree to do for others and our attitudes and behaviour as they affect us and those in our lives.
This is because, whatever as individuals we have difficulty with, we are capable of exercising some that within the Adult world we interact with. We need  and are expected to meet some basic standards to be with you such as being truthful, reliable and so on.
As middles, we need our parent-like figures to support, guide and discipline us when we mess up, letting ourselves and others down and to learn to expect ourselves to be held to account as a matter of course rather than excused from it, that some of us including me have been in the past.
Having to accept swift,very strict  punishment  is something some may baulk at but it is a need of ours to help us make the best of ourselves.
It’s a important learning we should not be excused if we are to grow up to be as mature as we can within our limits.

On character

 

When you scratch the surface, although I may know of the world, fundamentally I'm  an innocent  little girl who just likes to suck lollipops, skip enjoying cute things and having fun than the things older teens and adults generally get up to who deserves to have that respected.

I may get things wrongs and sometimes be naughty but not a bad little girl at heart, far from it.

Age regression

What does age regression mean to you?
It’s not a phrase I use simply because my Middles with a little side flows from my inner child in real time less than the notion of say taking on a pre-defined role with an script, running more with actual child within emotional responses and  needs as it happens in real time. It’s more space for my Middle with little side to express herself with the ‘play’ being the setting where she comes out.
It also is the case with developmental disabilities and brain damage, even at school, not least high school, I was considerably younger than my years which left me out of sync from my mid teens onward with most of my peers although I could share in say a love of music and some movies at least but with a lot their more grown up interests and sexual references going completely over my head, like they’d be talking about making out and I’d be more interested in having a teddy bears picnic or a tween sleepover.
For me those situations either on line or in playmeets  with some of my friends over here are very therapeutic to me because they’re where I can really let that side of me out without the fear of people poking fun although the community where I live are very tolerant of my child-like ways and being know to have “special needs” does run  to my advantage in that way, allowing a greater degree of self expression than I’d of imagined after leaving high school.
How do you express you inner-kid: online? offline as part of your everyday life?
Online is fun as I am very childlike, cracking lame jokes, getting super excited but thankfully most people are at least tolerant of my childlike ways although I make serious posts on non IK sites but am very open at sites like DDLG World or Girltalk.to.forums about my little side sometimes really regressing in say a IK chat room
In what we call Real Life, as will be apparent later on, my 'big’ and I express ourselves pretty much the same, which can be fun  cos I just can’t help being myself as I use child-like phrases and words instinctively, often have plaything with me (my last works colleagues 'got it’ and were super understanding of me being very much a child to the point of buying childrens gifts at Christmas),  do dress in a more child-like way, often have cute plushies around, and easily move into little/middle headspace when I’m out, playing with thing.
My IK really comes out at Adult Little Girl meets and sleepovers, it’s just like boarding school which I loved having been to one and I’m always dressed as Middle in either playwear or English school uniform which fits me perfectly.
How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don’t feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.
The answer to this is simple  which is to say I don’t have much of adult sense of self through the real world impact of learning, development and intellectual disabilities to the point much of the adult world is beyond my personal comprehension, having no interest or need to. Basically I’m a child with a big age number living more like a child apart from paying taxes and that.
What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?
I struggle with things around getting things done on time, do put off important things for more fun in the moment activities, badly need structure and am capable of being disrespectful of others because I get more into what I want then and there without considering them. As well, I don’t always judge situations well and my abilities especially in  emotionally stressful situations to keep up with and process verbal reasoning can get so poor that it just ends up jumbled up with me getting more and more frustrated with that person.  Grown up approaches to disciplining me simply aren’t effective because they just can’t go in.
What works better with me is having clear cut rules and rigid boundaries around what I’m expected to do and clear consequences which is what my mentor/caretaker has been working on with me since just before Christmas. The main focus is around working on bring more permanent changes in my behaviour and attitudes rather than just the use of discipline through talking about situations and one on one guidance.
Discipline forms an important part within the maintenance of those rules though, flowing very much as the consequence delivered for breaching them in the way as a child  it would and so my mentor/caretaker does use corporal punishment with me as so an increasing number of trusted 'grown ups’ when I’m in IK situations involving them with permission and appropriate discreteness, often when I’m dressed more as a child too.

I find being disciplined less stressful than wordy verbal scolding, feeling very calm over a knee while it also certainly has helped together with the guidance and love of others in improving my attitudes and behaviour no end. My parents have little idea what this is about but they’re really impressed by how much I’ve improved.
The aftercare is really good and I find afterward its like I’ve been 'reset’, centred anew with no past offences hanging over me although it does hurt.

Disgraced Jo gets it

 

The week had began most promising with both having a  pleasant day with Dad who I have issues with for like ages working something out that enabled us to share a bit of time together as well as helping Mom out more while she’d been poorly but ended up some other place, despite rather than because all of that.

To begin with I had been given some homework by Sir that I had actually done on time and spend quite a bit of thought over before writing quite a lot  which is really around me, discipline and our relationship when it comes to it.

But there was a question I had to answer in this and it was if there was an infraction I needed to own up to? Well I could not lie to him whose presence in my life has made such a difference so I had to tell him the truth and the whole truth at that.

I had been asked a few times to clear up my space which had gotten over run by used jiffy bags, boxes and so on to the point you couldn’t get to clean around it and you’d need to be agile to get around of it  on your legs without walking on something or other.

Well, it wasn’t long before I got the message all right as I was due for a “Sound Spanking” which wasn’t an expression I was that familiar with but then you, dear reader probably think I should of  been before all this.

Then I was ordered to drop my knickers right down and spanked both with slipper and after a short pause again by the wooden hair brush while bent over a chair rather a lot of times so by time we’d finished my bottom was extremely sore and practically on fire. I had cried toward the end and after pulling my knickers back up, stood hugging me teddy as a I rubbed my smarting bottom.

I then had to sit on hard chair in contact with my knickers for half an hour facing the corner amplifying the discomfort from the spanking to further internalize it something I’d forever associate with my actions. That was followed by something new to my punishments, hand written lines to write too, 100 of them .

It was the most painful spanking in my whole life still leaving after a few days my bottom  still painful and and would like to thank him for giving me, his little, the Sound Spanking I so badly needed to change my ways which is is going to help me do. As I explained, the lines are very much child like but did give me a sense of closure on this infraction that I find I need.

I am grateful as his little, he takes the time to understand my needs not least my need to be spanked and to use that in his mentoring approach helping our relationship and his parenting of me to and for my own good.

Spanking needs review

I’ve been busy this week after the difficulties I had last week although as I’m sure you saw I did cope pretty well with them, arguably better than I’ve done in any point of my life, getting those things that are important done first and the primary task of handing in my end of term task will be done on time.
I had been offered the opportunity of leaving off my weekly mentors report given the emotional difficulties but declined because I find the review process helpful in assessing how I’m feeling around my general state of mind and how I feel about myself not least my abilities to regulate better my life. It’s hard for some to understand without my specific difficulties but it takes something like that a structured exercise to get me to reflect on those feelings. I’m not generally good at processing stuff without some input or ‘push’.

I have been asked to consider if it is a set of regular maintenance spankings I am needing  or if is discipline spanking.As it is about 7 month into being mentored it’s worth talking about as I’ve had some experience to judge how my bottom is best spanked to help me.

Maintenance spanking is more a light series of spankings carried out without any infractions being committed usually with something  like the hand or a wooden spoon although some may use a hairbrush but with less force than normal.
The general aim is to keep you  on track and re-connect to your mentor while at some time allowing you to get a sense of emotional release and usually this is weekly although trying to avoid rituals like every Monday may help in maximizing the feeling.
Discipline spanking is more around enforcing obedience or training to say follow rules (some separate out Punishment spanking -punishment as penalty, some don’t)

My thoughts on this run that what I’m needing the majority, around two-thirds of the time is Discipline spanking. What is happening effectively is I’m being trained up to follow the rules that I’ve accepted around maintaining healthy life-style  habits and adopting co-operative ways of behaving in more the way you you’d raise a child because at the emotional and development level, that’s where am at.
So to a very large extent this all happens within a Middles headspace, with me as that child often dressed as one, disciplined as a child, over the knee (very much like the illustration) as a direct consequence for being disobedient in following the rules and that’s where my needs like a good many littles or middles are lie. For us the whole intimacy equates to a feeling of being loved and protected very much on a child-like child to parent model aka being a Caregiver in DD/lg terms.

There’s a smaller need around maintenance spanking maintaining that feeling of protection through acceptance of a junior role, keeping you on the right track and letting out the stresses that as a adult-child having to play a role as an adult you’re ill equipped for build up in you.
Having  my bottom spanked in a consistent, compassionate and fair way  has been the bestest Christmas present this girl ever had so sorting out  how I’m to be continued to be spanked from now on is a great thing to help me grow.

Helping me learn

Looking back at things, it's possible to see how some of my behaviours started, becoming firmly entrenched.

Take dealing with tasks for instance. Let's be honest and say I have having difficulties in both the understanding of the nature of the task itself I'm asked to produce and any stages that are necessary to do it.

There are a number of way people try to deal with it.

The first is simply called you do it for me which might happen cos you feel sorry for me, I might actually be incapable of it but more often than not it's because you're feeling inpatient with me having to explain things and generally supervising.

You start to raise your voice and in the past you may well of called me names plus if you'd of been a teacher humiliated me in front of the class.

You'd just sooner just get it done to fit your time.

Another way might involved working out what I need to get better at and work on each bit, gradually bringing it together, coaching me. This may take time and a lot of encouragement as I easily get upset and feel like giving up but leaves me with something useful I can do.

Quite often that's what so-called Professionals have tried only to find little active support at home.

As crazy as it may sound I was effectively barred from the kitchen until I was 18 because I didn't know what to do even though I had been taught a bit of basic cookery at school. You'd of thought that would of encouraged but my folks have this way of doing things or rather not doing expecting you to just start things from nowhere with no support, questioning why you should even try.

So it's hardly surprising in time my stock response to seeing something that needed to be done was one of “What's that to do with me” or “I don't know how” if asked to help with looks of exasperation .

And when it came to dealing with criticism about how I might do something I learned not to avoiding it because that was more acceptable than trying cos I wouldn't be supported.

I acted like I didn't exist.

If didn't know what to do in an activity, I'd just deke out missing out on valuable activities although I did feel confident to draw in one and do a craft kit recently while with friends

That's one reason why even being set a exercise to study something and make a short report can be good idea because if you set me the task, provide encourage and guidance to make the effort but punishment for not trying, it can help to change a cycle of behaviour that might be comfortable routine but doesn't help me at all.

I can be trained to try.

New year thoughts

I have a lot of things to think about this year like for example just how I slot my regressed life, having accepted I'll never truly be an adult around the edges of adults when it comes to getting the to understand I can never be them in a world where all to often only full adult needs are seen as those to meet.
I am working on being more upfront with people about my limitations when it comes to people may provide a service such as shops in the way I have with health professionals like doctors because there are things they can do to help and in some areas legally they are kinda meant to because the things that are difficult stem from my disabilities that I can't help.
Another thing dear reader is I NEED you to remind me that IF I don't want the spanking I WILL get for my attitudes and behaviour, then  I AM to change them because they ARE the consequences that arise from them.
That's because Nobody will accept my excuses from now on.

It's about time

Writing anything with quite a number of words in it isn't something I find easy as I find structuring things difficult actually but maybe it's time I tried to rise to the challenge?

 

One of big problems over the years has been around motivation, as in feeling very much inclined toward not doing anything without a grudging muttered insincere “I'll get around to that later, thanks” without finding the time to actually undertake the requested action.

 

I might know I agreed that but I just don't feel like getting around to it, preferring to do nothing but that which just amuses me instead like watching tv or spending hours online (and I mean hours-you should see my internet browser history logs!).

 

Months may pass and that request never gets dealt with no matter how many times the matter is raised. Again.

 

It's just the same when it comes to me wanting or needing to do things that are just about my needs such as keeping my own spaces tidy, getting around to buying things that need to be replaced, organizing things I need that involve others.

 

I just don't feel getting started on them so I don't resulting in me spending the reminder of my time fighting through items, hunting for item that are not so much lost but filed under M for mess or half expecting somebody to have gotten things organized for me as if by magic, getting mouthy when they're not.

 

I'm sure you'd think straight of the bat this reads like an entry from a teen but it's not although it's true much of this probably stems from that period which was very much disturbed with inter-family relationship issues some of which involved threats to call in the Police that left so many behavioural issues unchallenged cos nobody wanted to go there. And I had a stack of cards to play and know how to.

 

So much of this has been rumbling around even with reminders ever since, that having hit a bad spot recently, I felt open to trying to do something about given verbal reasoning is something that I either ignore or shout down and I needed something in which that just wasn't possible.

 

Seeing I'd been doing nothing preparing for the season even though I had plenty of time to do, so I came to the sobering thought that what I was in need of at that point was probably what I needed at the starting point of all this-a spanking.

 

Given I'm on my own, don't (can't) drive and live off the main public transportation network, this was going to have to be self delivered, would require me to not be inhibited in inflicting the swats and so I took out a paddle getting on with inflicting twenty  without flinching. 

 

It wasn't the easiest thing to have to do for me as it really hurt lasting for a few days(naturally I did check for undue soreness etc), feeling tearful afterward, however I have to say I have finally caught up now and am likely to stay on track as it has moved me more toward finally wanting to stop so many of these habits that impact on others apart from stopping me from being responsible.

 

As painful as it is to sit afterwards, it is what I deserved.

 

As for what next year brings, I can't guarantee but I'd like people to take those cards of mine I played to escape being accountable for my actions, rip them up and help me face up to my responsibilities.

 

It's about time.

L is for little

After last months entry I saw this and feel it's time to be more open about certain things.
I AM a little, I AM a submissive even though I get bratty at times that's cos I'm needing someone else to direct me. I DO dress and  speak in a more childlike manner although for me some of this has medical reasons and DO find this dynamic  comforting although for me there's nothing sexual going on.

New Year

Yes Miss, I do Miss
* I really need this correction as when I'd bad I'm awful.

Traditional school role playing.

When I think about school and the idea of age playing it, that's to say you act like you're say a pupil at it, what goes through my mind is way in which those of us of a certain generation recall having our moments where we had infractions dealt with .
It wasn't for the most part an era where near enough every other week a new syndrome or condition appeared connected in some way to your being educated and even if like me you had a physical disability and were labelled as Educationally Sub-normal at one point, you still were expected to try to learn even in a school that may accept your disability as that.
I was disciplined at school like any other child and I knew others who were taken off their crutches or wheelchairs to be spanked like the rest of us because while having some restrictions on how far you may learn was accepted, the idea that you may in effect be excused from trying to learn wasn't.
The same applied to your behaviour say in the playground as syndrome X didn't mean you were told you can't really help it, you were expected to at least try to and be subject to the same strict rules as everyone else.
If I was to age play then, I'd need in school role playing situation the punishments of the time era we'd be set in and accept I was to get them like every other adult school boy or girl there including getting the cane.
It might be just the thing for me.

I miss my school days

 *Written for "Experience Project" July 17, 2013

For me it began with being given to the older girls at the age of 5 who'd old me by my arms and legs swinging me back and forth over the grass which with being physically in their hands I learned to trust other girls to take care of me. In time they taught me to play games with them all of which helped me to settle down into school with the more formal lessons, learning  what was required of me to learn about different subjects anew. For me it was a relatively carefree point in my life.
We did a great many physical things such as playing rounders, gymnastics, climbing, swinging from ropes like I was a monkey girl but one of the most fun things we did was to sit outside and draw, feeling the wind blowing through did quite a bit of reading both class based and also individual, having to give short accounts by the time we'd gone to secondary school of what we'd read to the class that proved to be most useful in public life as an adult.

By the time of my secondary school it was even more fun because I went to a boarding school so the adventures that started in the day often continued to at least lights out in the evening which included pillow fights.

There were times in my school life where I was in trouble seldom for anything really mean or obnoxious but for things like refusing to co-operate or being a cheeky monkey and one one occassion hitting another child. I was punished for these things usually by being spanked or on a few times caned but after having it, it was forgotten about with the slate being wiped clean.

I learned to hold my own and to care for others from those experiences because our school wasn't a place just to be little exam passers but also to help develop and shape our characters which was as well cos we had to leave for employment that was never quite the same.
 
To conclude, when I say I miss my school girl days what I miss is in part the people and adventures that were apart of that time, the lessons I learnt and above all probably the structure of our lives so carefully created by those who had our real interests at heart.

Responses : Naughtysusi July 21, 2013
I love this story simply because I am one who would also like to go back to the regulation and above all though security of school life. I would also love to be in this situation again and even live in an environment where if need be and within reason I got spanked or even caned on occasions. Some people might feel this life severe, but for my part although my schooldays were strictly regulated, as you say school life was governed by adults who cared and you got many opportunities to turn over a new leaf.
Well worth an occasional sharp whacking!
Suzi X

Comment: Although I did not say outright in this story, as anyone who has read this blog knows, I did and do want to go back to much of that regulation and security of school life and being a schoolgirl including being spanked or caned within reason whenever I mess up for no good reason.

The Ow edition

The real reasons for my continued issues really go back toward parental confliction over discipline techniques and even any was needed as they felt someone with my needs had too hard a time of it as it is and so couldn't be faulted for going off the rails.
Reality was they gave me a Disability Card to play that many in society would accept so I run rings around them.
Ironic thing was if I was over at some other childs house they never accepted that card and so I was spanked over the knee just like all the other kids because I had been naughty regardless ut I never turned away afterward or had any distance put between them.
I was always welcome, always loved but never indulged, being taught firmly what wasn't acceptable.
They knew what a girl like me needed: a spanking.