For me this was the year my Middle/little side really stepped up to the point where the division between that and my Big side just merged in which was marked by the parking of original 'Big' blog and scrapping its related Tumblr completely because there wasn't anything that was specifically big and the whole mid 2000's blogging craze that for me just started in 2005 at Friends Reunited with a "Hey! You too can now blog" offer and experiment that got ported over to Blogger lead to a greater exploration of what I learned was Being a Little and "Age Regression" had come full circle.
It was also a year where increasingly I came out about what is "wrong" with me, why that is and how that plays a very important part in what being me means in everyday life rather than glossing over it or trying to say it doesn't define me where what I actual meant was I shouldn't be treated less favourably for why I'm me but the big elephant in the room no one in authority want to own up to is I can only be me with the needs and issues I have not least being an adult child to whom adult expectations simply cannot be met by passing an equalizing Act here and aspiring to something you can never be there.
The simply and painful truth of the matter is my regression such as it is is the outcome of being allowed to function on the basis and understanding of the learning disabled with brain damage child that is living in a body whose chronological age and expectations on the part of the mainstream society is adult instead of very much a child's and are better served by being treated as through I am that child.
Chunks of this are slowly being work through in my relationships with people such as my folks who after trying the equalizing trip beloved of the learned ones who know of things but not had the life, are dealing with me as that learning disabled child, allowing me a choice without confusing me silly with a myriad of options, learning to set the personal limits to that of my actual developmental age where we accept an adult override for me in certain situations so I have a sense of freedom I can use and enjoy that doesn't stress me out nor put me in danger.
I have a caregiver in my life who helps to keep me grounded, helping me with structuring my day which I do struggle with who I can share my middle little life with as their girl loved for child-like person I am, playing and doing my colouring as well as appropriate disciplining for me as with the learning disabilities, very poor short-term memory and auditory processing disorder, it's isn't that I just may not realize what's wrong with what I'm doing, relying on talking through and trying to reason fails as it gets badly jumbled up leaving me in a bad place mentally.
When I have been with friends too increasingly this year this whole approach of changing the way and the limits to that more appropriate to that of a junior age child who is looked after by them but encourage to do what a child of that age would for herself and those who look after her as part of a "family" is applied.
Part of what is my "Age Regression" does include more Junior style spanking which was a part of how I was brought up as discipline rather than for any more 'adult' angle and 2016 saw more people being prepared to use that with me whenever I'd messed up.
With me this is always just in a regular domestic setting just as it was when I was officially young not taking place in adult clubs nor scened even, just administered in real time as the adults in charge feel I need it.
You may think I'd really hate this but actually I hate the stuff I do when I'm about of control much more because with the exceptions of school and parents of children I played with sometimes, I never grew up with No and was mainly just taken away from situations to avoid scenes so I never really learned social norms.
For a long long time I avoided being with people because I'd get so worried about messing up without knowing it that people understandably would sooner not have me with them but ever since how I'm being treated has started to change and I'm being spanked, I am getting better at understanding my place with people and how I am to behave around them.
Like my second best friend spotted in November I was at risk of hurting myself making something and normally I'd just ignore anyone issuing an instruction but since I've been spanked for disobeying instructions, I just did what she said because I learned people have authority over me especially when it comes to keeping me safe.
I am learning to do what I've been told and I'm sure she's pleased about that.
2016 was a year when all of this really started to come together, seeing me changing my attitudes towards others and taking more responsibility for my own welfare by being put back in a setting I was able to cope with and starting to teach me what in many ways I failed to learn first time around.
Making sure I was given swift, very unpleasant consequences for my actions together with work on my attitudes toward making an appropriate contribution to those things people do for me has been one of the best things to happen to me.
A side benefit of this has been I've felt far more 'little' not just at home but when I've been out with people just letting that side of me out, not feeling I had to pretend to be an adult nor be so stressed out about how I was behaving I was not able to play in a group for not knowing the social rules and being feeling clueless on putting anything right.
Looking forward into 2017, I can see more time spent at gatherings of littles which is always fun to be able to just be regressed me with others playing, I know a friend of mine certainly is looking toward some more formal school lesson sessions as well as providing help moving me on toward a level of maturity as a forever a child I can achieve.
I hope some of the super stressful stuff I had on Tumblr across last year starts to clear away as there many similar people but last year inter community strife really took me and a few others out of that headspace ironically we went their for which is a pity so I made a more middly Tumblr and a younger more visual stimulation one with a walled community that my more tween side would normally rebel against so when anything happens at the middle one, I do have at least a safe young place to recover from as in that situation I need the authority figures keeping me from anything bad.
Losing the copy-cat person at FA, blocking them on me original tumblr and making this Dorm blog to talk more about me, my emotions and spanking in my age regression has helped give me a voice to express more openly how I feel to the people I care about the most as bottling it up was hurting me badly and stopping me from showing the empathy I have which was always one of my good points to people.
