This week I messed up pretty badly although across the range I hadn't been doing too badly at all even getting the blogs out on time and the English work I was set on Friday for this weekend done in very good time.
What happened was I woke up one night with my mind whirling ten to the dozen which wouldn't of been so bad other for being a little after three in the morning and having had little really deep sleep before, I grabbed my computer and went online not stopping until a quarter to eight when I went downstairs for breakfast.
I was okay for a bit but by Ten I was starting to feel really off, not really alert and even yawning struggling to find the energy to eat so I had to rest for the reminder of that day.
This resulted in me getting twelve swats from the hairbrush and quite a lecture on the importance of getting a good nights sleep in which really stung which was really the point behind this as it had been eighteen months or so since I did anything like this and they didn't want me to revert to the bad habits I had back then.
Some people might think just talking about the issues at an intellectual level would work but with me it simply doesn't not least because there's a large time lag between what you may say and the time any of its significance going in and when it does it gets jumbled up badly.
One other thing is guilt which I was talking to a few friends in similar situations about this week, which is if you just rely on either trying and usually failing to talk me though what went wrong and agree some actions or decide just to sidestep it as it won't do any good, then over time as bits start to make their way toward where my thought processing brain parts are, I begin to feel very ashamed and guilty to the point it pulls down everything I need to do and even sends me down the path of feeling useless and dreading being with people spiralling to point of avoiding contact.
For me spanking gets your message through better and much quicker enabling me to be 'reset', given some guidance and returned to something like normality which is much less harmful to me than anything else.
It's enabled me to feel able to be with groups of people knowing if I do mess up, someone will deal with it in a way that works for me, helping me follow everyone else's rules and expectations better. And it has.
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