Being 'there'

Sometimes you just might wonder why things happened the way they did.

That was one thought I was left with just listening to various people as they talked about their lives and experiences in completely random way with no real script or anything not that I usually do much of that and today I'm reflecting on something happened a few years ago.

I mean the only time I really talked much would of been the first week at my boarding school where Miss Howes asked me to speak about myself to the class, most of which had known each other for at least several months probably because of believing my family life was just so embarrassing with no real "small talk" and in part cos I felt much younger than most of the class.

It was kind of odd to feel able to share something that was actually about rather than of me and that was I had done something for the first time albeit with supervision.

I had managed to make cakes.

Truthfully the way things were at home, you might as well of put up "Keep Out" signs on the kitchen cos that was off limits when it came do doing anything at all like fixing a hot drink, a sandwich or whatever.

I'm not really sure how much it was fear of risks and how my perhaps of been subconsciously dealing with guilt by providing everything but what people might call 'life-skills'  where not things I knew as much as anything else no one had ever really taught me them. They just assumed I'd pick it up and duly noted "Does not".

Equally I was never expected to help out making meals even if you'd though for one thing I rather feel more a part of a family unit and actually it would help me which was  part of the reason why it the person I was staying with had me in the kitchen learning and actually doing with supervision and direct hands on assistance at times preparing vegetables for a cottage pie, sealing the minced meat and such like.

One of things they are helping with is learning to contribute directly and understand what sorts of things society expects you to when you're with people so I can co-operate better whereas to a large extent disengaging had been my norm.

That meal was the more tastier for having made a substantial contribution to its creation by labouring even with my limitations. 

In so  many ways then, that weekend was quite a important one for and the better for being shared with friends.

Changes and what stays the same

As more astute people will have noticed, the blogging cycle has altered for a variety of reasons of which one is the access to it's audience has been been impacted  by the demise of one social media, Google + and by the ban on adult content being hosted on tumblr.
I can scream and scream that actually this blog isn't adult content in that it's not about sexual kinks and everything to do with the rerun of the kind of discipline I grew up with but there's every probability they'd just shut down my entire account no if buts or maybes so that only leaves FA and the spankingart wiki list of blogs about spanking that have any kind of link to here.
Of course this blog isn't and hasn't always been about the red bottom in my life but the things that may lead up to such as stresses and other sorts of issues so it's in part a vent blog that hopefully leads to me not earning a spanking.
That is also another difference between this blog and others that isn't recognized by these broad stroked rules which is it's not me writing 'spanking romances' for titilation it's about writing about actual spankings and how that works with me.
It's a privileged position that deserves respect for having this brought in within the context of being in a very age regressed juvenile adult but child life to provide the guidance I need and can learn from best and I want to ensure that this blog is the best expression of just that.
Not writing a spanking per week for an audience.
It's also about growth, becoming more effective even though I have fixed limitations because I can be trained to make more of opportunities and make better judgement calls consistently too which can involve spanking me when I let myself down.
Here's to the future of this blog.

Value added edition

I was reminded a few days a ago that what you might just casually assume we'd all go with isn't always so when told of the tale of a disabled person on a community weekend shopping trip who demanded it return in time for her other pre-arranged event when people were asked how long they wished to be out for, expected to be dropped off by the door and even run home while the others were still out.
Fortunately those in charge had some gumption and refused to let her dictate to others how long on a collective outing they all should be. 
Sometimes people may ask well what sorts of ideas do I subscribe to.

I'm easy going, preferring to reach agreement but will not stand for emotional manipulation or the idea that 'special rights' on grounds of gender, disability or sexuality trump anyone elses.
It isn't necessary to agree a person's point of view but to respect that is theirs and so should be heard.
When faced behind following cold logic or humanity in a situation, put humanity first as its stall of values underpin all others.
Also at SN a number of us while looking at the origin of spanking in our lives talked in outline about our own experiences of it in our schooling which with me is directly relevant as it is a run on of that.  

Reflections on Ghoulish Party weekend

While on the other blog an account of this weekends activities will be posted Monday because it takes time from arrival back to get it typed up to fit my publishing schedule  I will write a bit around how the week that included it went.

One of the first things I can honestly say was I actually got myself a workable plan together for both dealing with being away such as making sure I had my blog posts ready and also from the point of view of getting myself personally ready which hasn't always been good.

I managed to get the packing neatly done in good time in such as a way to help spread the load as I was bringing a bit more for the event than I usually did making a check list for the stuff so I could be sure I had it packed.

I also tried to do things in associated groups such as whole day changes being done in batches to lesson the chance of anything not making its way in and as ever sorting out money into that I'd need travelling with plenty of change and that I'd need later on.

I did remember to phone to let the person picking me up I was on my way and to pay attention to anything they were saying regarding any possible delays on their part.

Equally I was pretty helpful tidying up as needed, washing up without needing reminding and helping out in the kitchen.

I often struggle with following what is being said especially when theirs a lot background noise or other conversations going on but  I did manage to understand and use what was said pretty well this time.

As well this year I felt more junior than had before, going more with just being that little/middle. 

I think all over I did pretty good this time.

Jo pulls out the stops

One area I have always struggled with is staying focused or even being a single focused spot as I tend very much to be overwhelmed when it comes to stimulation and sensual input so tend to oscillate  around ideas so the tight circular focus  I might  need  becomes at least more oval shaped.
This at least when it comes to getting things done is never a good thing with me especially when it's been very warm as it was for part of last week with a greater risk of me me running low on spoons and wasting the spoons I have to get things done  by not going with the greater needs first.
I think it speaks volumes for how in the last few years I have come on since I recognized I had certain life skills issues that I needed outside help with, their preparedness to be really firm with me and your support too that for all of that and I felt rough for a chunk of last week, I did stay on top of everything that actually mattered and didn't lash out at people.
I'm just sorry I drifted off to sleep during chat.

Thank you.

Something for the road

Something that's not spoken much about is our behaviour on the road both as drivers and attitudes which important we bear in mind the number of incidents and near misses that occur and their impact on others.
For me, as some who is unable to drive for medical/disability related reasons I can have a strong impact  on this because what I do may influence the person who is driving which may include say fiddling with the cars radio settings without permission causing them to take their mind  toward me than the traffic.
It may be that by fidgeting, waving my hands about or starting a conversation that requires recall and a lot of thinking that results in the same as would if we were in a situation and the road conditions had altered requiring more attention but kept on regardless.
That's why I am expected to mind my behaviour whenever I am taken places by my Caregiver or other adults and why if I don't I do get spanked for it.
If you are the car driver, getting into situations such as texting while driving , having detailed conversations  with people it may well pull your attention from the road and more onto the that conversation.
What some people do to manage this is either set up an auto message so anyone getting their mobile is told they're on the road and unavailable or if they do answer using a hands free set it would be just to say they're on the road and please call in x hours time as detailed call about a specific product would refocus their attention away from what matters, their own safety on the road and that of other road users.
Depending on your relationship, you may have it failure to to account of these things may lead to you being spanked as it is a common thing.
Given the carnage we often see and disruption to others being thoughtless can bring, to me spanking for it is justified regardless of any civil action taken following police involvement and loss of points with fines for reinforcing limits both for drivers and those of us who travel with people because we must learn to act responsibly behind the wheel.

Welcome to my dorm

A prize of a packet of Smarties for anyway sufficiently awake to spot anything different this week when you tuned in.

Originally when I made this place it was with a very real difference rather like for differing reasons my Big Blog was too compared to "The World of Joanne_chan" but because my life has changed both blogs needed work on them and having gotten the Big Blog sorted for more grown up concerns such as Current Affairs and anything that isn't really  apart of my more regular middly/littles life my attention moved to here as I felt it was a bit messy in places and while more Ouchie things were originally what it was set up to talk about, really it and me have moved on.
This place is called Joanne's Dorm because it's the place I rest, think, if I'm naughty get a spanking and sleep in rather than the rooms where I study, play and be with other people having adventures, following my interests and hobbies talking about that side of little/middle life.
One thing I do find difficult is being able to get a good sense of where my emotions and feelings are cos I tend to blank them out so I don't actually assess how I'm feeling processing them and from that learning from them.
This influences what in the wider sense is my attitude and behavioural responses to situations happens to be so writing here about them helps me do this, taking ownership of them and from that helping me grow up more cos at times my thoughts are more magical or expecting others to solve for me rather than about help me learn to deal with them by myself.
That's what people like my Caregiver try to do too although it is hard when like me you get things jumbled up as they happen so I understand as much as I can about what I did (or failed to prevent) and learn from those mistakes.
That's why of late there's been more writing around this topic not that there will not be any mention of spanking because we all know that is part of my life, to help move me past those very same attitudes and  behaviours I spoke of because they come about from me acting on them and its role is to deliver swift painful consequences so I learn as I am increasingly doing not to repeat them while I also get the guidance to change them other more mature responses to those situations.
What you can say is running through this is really this blog is a place by talking how I feel, what did and the necessary discipline it is all a part of the process of helping someone like me who does have very real limits on our ability and potential to nontheless learn to grow up mentally using our abilities with proper direction so we do learn to be more mature and responsible even though we are and will in many ways remain very much younger than our years and child-like.

*This is where I'll do my growing up*

Feeling good

Post Easter entry after being 'on the nom' , posting off that form after going for a bit of walk today and seeing someone said they were looking at good or positive stories given how things are in  the world right now.

You might wonder about this image but the initiated do know, while it's not something I'd wear all the the time, I have been know to wear short frilly skirts and t shirts which is super brave by my standards even been know to hide in sweaters in the midday sun before now so like I'm a bit braver than you'd think (or for that matter I'd necessarily credit myself with).
That has a lot to do with not feeling for a long time comfortable in my own skin or comfortable about how my disabilities effect my life and how other peoples attempts to 'normalize' me really messed my head up, not helping in creating a mindset very of being somebody else's version of me rather learning how to handling just being myself better.
Learning to open up about this part of my past is helping me not just identify what went wrong and deal properly with the emotions but to move on having actually learned the lessons rather than being stuck in that past.
Dealing with that form brought a lot of things about me to a head because the nature of it is really quite negative  so I would sooner now work with what I can do even with help, even if by necessity I'm treated as the adult-child I am, so I have the experiences that don't just build better, more positive memories from social interactions but also help move me on to contribute more to the lives of others.

Being messed about

One thing never denied on any blog post anywhere is that I have a  that good number of disabilities both interact and overlap with each other which can be hard for some who have only one disability be it minor or majorly impact on them to accept as it can be for those who may not have any (at least recognized).
This tends to mean you need to consider the whole when you and as I'm meant to as well consider how to manage  my conditions, what I can do and equally what I may not be.
This sort of scenario usually gets more complicated when other people with their own ideas and agendas  start to come in their ideas around how best to manage you or what it is they think you can manage.
One area is around me and work. I could of said employment but the difference between the two is work is a thing you do either for yourself or for another and employment is when that work is given in exchange for money in the form of wages you are said to be employed.
Not surprisingly as as many of my disabilities came from birth or childhood, I have had a number of stops and starts when it's come to holding down jobs or looking and receiving specialized training and assistance although unfortunately one main condition stemmed from  an industrial injury in work.
For a considerable period officially I had been regarded as so disabled  that even with training and assistance I would not be able to hold a position down in open employment and in this country at least 'sheltered employment' making things for govermnent and business with taxpayers support to provide employment if you couldn't work commercially on the open jobs market has been removed.
As in most social democracies, there have been payments for those of us who this wasn't possible but it was reorganized some years back with the view more people were capable (and ignoring employer side barriers to employment) so after a faff that had one form completed and been sent to a medical where the person isn't medically qualified to judge you leading to examples of people found fit to work who died days later from medical conditions but then realizing literally last minute from my medical records I couldn't be assisted into employment anytime soon, this was accepted.
This week I'm getting another of these accepted as unfit for purpose by experts apart from government Work Capability Assessments filled out and we'll see how this goes.
Strangely enough my conditions are  seen as automatic exemption from retesting but buried in the small print of an announcement made by a Minister, they can't do this until they've updated their computer systems which won't happen to the end of this year at the earliest.
This means they're retesting people who by there own admission shouldn't be because it your conditions cannot change over time.
This hasn't helped me stay calm or do anything positive to my quality of life. I'm just glad my BFF is helping to steady my nerves.

Unexpected gifts

Monday, it had to be said was different not least for being my birthday the bulk of which is written about elsewhere really but in a number of ways, one totally unpredictably this does seem on reflection to have felt different.
Generally birthdays and me are not particularly grown up affairs both from the way in which I approach them with a very child-like sense of anticipation and excitement, the sort that keeps you awake   and also from the point that what I get in the way of presents is also more child-like to the point this year of including a girls  colouring book. We go out but it feels more like taking a child out for its birthday treat minus the balloons and pink icing cake, overseen by parents cos we're not nor never have been exactly equals.
The initiated know the issues within the immediate family, not least my treated as not a relativeness by my younger brother and indeed when he came at a time totally of his choosing and for a matter of minutes although he was last here only  just under three months ago being totally ignored as usual.
The other thing was my older brother came, who hadn't been since November last so if you work that out meant both we'd not seen him for Christmas AND his Christmas gifts (and his to us) hadn't been exchanged!
Well, he'd been invited to lunch and was supposed to have arrived around Eleven but had turned up at half Ten instead with just myself in the house thinking "crumbs what are going to talk about" as unfortunately he's the type of male that talks work and technical stuff that frankly bores the pants off me.
Anyway he comes in and it's obvious from the get go he wants to talk and I really mean talk as if it's been bottled up inside of him for like ages so I sit opposite him, listening more or less three parts to every one contribution, remembering to keep some eye contact.
It's obvious he's the adult here from how he addresses me, more like a teen in the room in many ways reminiscent of how things were when he lived with us as he had authority over me (and my younger brother) when they were not in and he leaps into a conversation that was in part quite a revelation and actually a conversation about in the wider sense, discipline.
He opens the topic with an apology for mentioning it  but starts an ensconced discussion of my brothers attitude to both people in general, to being a part of a family and to how I am treated, parts of which I am familiar with what he at length eloquently described as his  childish lack of maturity-going to sulks for several weeks, refusing to help when people need it, preferring to make kits all weekend instead, looking for arguments with anybody who doesn't just meet his wants and so on. He says it's because he's not grown up.
He pauses, talking to me about what I think about that and how I would deal with such  situations as if he actually cares about my attitudes and behaviour almost like sticking a thermometer in to take a reading as he resumes.
Then he drops a bombshell that part explained part of a visit late last year by my younger brother and his partner where redacting the substance, my younger brother had really lambasted her on a well known social media site and this had gone back and forth with increasing anger and bitterness in full public view with him mentioned.
He asks me what I think of this, he tells me how upset and angry about it he was that he intervened insisting they stopped and removed it all before telephoning each scolding them especially my younger brother, making him apologize not just to him but to his partner making it plain the consequences if either of them do it again.

He repeats that bit three times to me.
I say in quirky humorous way "That's very Big Brother" and he just laughs as he realizes something.
He's reconnected to a more tween-like me as an authority figure who isn't afraid to discipline having set out what he expects and most people do.
The most unexpected gift of all turns out to be the return of him and his fair minded firmness in my life, the one who would say NO to Jo and did spank me growing up.
This is one awesome present.

What I learned during Winter Littles Camp 2017

I've been away for a number of days in connection with that all encumbering part of my life that I don't really need to write much more about as the account of the six days away can be found Here.
There are some reflections I do feel the need to talk about about on here one is learning to be grateful for what people freely do for you such as seeing I was struggling at one railway station a couple kindly offered to help carry my luggage and even checked when I got to the end of the stairwell I was all right who I no idea of. I thanked them profusely for caring so much and acting on it.
There's the people who kept an eye on me as I was feeling a little homesick where I stayed, spending time with and the friend who knowing the sort of fiction I like, gave me a cherished book from their collection which they sure didn't have to and to which I didn't expect at all after giving them a dolly I thought they'd love.
Then there is a friend of mine who kindly put me up, offering a cooked meal and a lift to the train coming back completely out of the blue, seeing I was on the right platform for my train to come in. Even when I found I simply could not eat the whole of their home made and cooked meal rather than just saying it was very nice-and it was was absolutely lovely- from nowhere I found myself apologizing to them for not finishing my meal clearly feeling contrite.
These acts of kindness really moved me but whereas in the past I'd of blocked out my emotions I thanked them properly for all those things they did not have to do,that I have no right to expect nor demand expressing my gratitude, revealing my sense of being humbled openly.
Another thing was around making sure I stayed within contact while meeting one person after a rail journey, letting them know it was doing  and when I would be seeing them which as you may recall resulted in a lecture and spanking last time which I did.
As well I was asked to keep it on while they were going out of the house for a short period later on because they may be delayed and I just complied with the request with no back chat which showed I had learned from last times experiences.
While a few people needed a reminder to tidy up and put their plates in the dishwasher while we were away, I did not and indeed that I had was held up as an example for others to follow.
I think the one thing I can take away from this period is while I may have some distance to go and the potential to relapse, the six days did show I was moving on, being responsible and how I'm being helped to change is really helping me.  

Away day schooling

It's a bit of a while since I wrote anything around the re-creation of schooling a form of words I'm now a bit more for as "school based role play" for me implies in part I am role playing the child at school and with me this whole whole thing is more like I have that child running 24/7 in me.
Effectively you've created a school with all the things I recall of my education that I just attend.
One of the things I did involved having a math  lesson taught to me by a person being  a teacher doing what was called "chalk and talk" where they would talk away but write important concepts and any questions on the chalkboard for you to do.
For my part I was dressed in a traditional black tunic (Brit speak: "Gymslip") with tie and school socks at a equally traditional wooden desk with a  hole for in, grooves for your pens and a lift up slightly sloped lid that before flat "Go-Pak" stacking school furniture such as tables became popular you had together with matching wooden chairs with an S shape bottom.
Like most I was taught metric units as my home country went metric during this period  although for somethings imperial never went away like road distances and part of this lesson covered an introduction to Imperial weights and measures that I had to sit and write down from the chalkboard including the questions set on each unit.
This covered ounces, pounds, stones, hundred-weights  and tones when it came to Mass, inches, feet, yards, cubits, chains and miles in linear measurement.
I also had set some multiplication and division work too that I had to copy, answering all the questions.
The work from the point of view of presentation, neatness of writing and showing of workings out was examined in addition to marking the answers to questions set and my attitude toward studying.
My work was then written on in red pen.
Overall I hadn't done too badly but I had made a few mistakes down to not being as careful as I should of been as when asked to show how I got the answer where I had made mistakes, I did get it right first time so it wasn't a question of not knowing or comprehending.
Because it was that and nothing to do with my actual learning limitations which are NEVER a reason to, I was instructed to bend over the desk at each unit where this had occurred to be spanked either by hand or for one which was more around not paying sufficient attention to the work, the tawse.

This needless to say did hurt persisting for some time but to be honest, it is what lead to it that really is more the problem: I don't take the care I could to produce work that limitations aside I am actually capable of, that reflect my abilities rather than my disabilities.
In that sense what might in the past of been called "school based role playing" has real benefits in helping to change because it identifies in real-life situations those attitudes and behaviours that need correcting and delivers the lessons that in all honesty people who were less centred around the dis in my disabilities excusing me and more on abilities and training me to use them properly in same way my peers were really should of done.
For me then this bit of the weekend away was really beneficial.

Light and Shade

Sometimes you might think this life may be either all matter of fact or really a rather austere, feeling like you're on the edge of your seat at all times and it's true much of what you on blogs on Tumblr and that seems to have that kind of  trope running through it.
Well it's not for all of us and certainly not in mine as there's much sweetness and light  that starts from our morning exchanges with heaps of wit and humour like when I say I'm exploring the kitchen on all fours and  my Caregiver just says "Hmm better be careful of your bottom, it's such a appealing target like that!" playfully hinting of a smack or two with no malice or anything. With us even something that reference spanking can be fun cos we knew when things are being for laughs between us and when it's serious.
So in certain ways it almost mirrors the kinds of childhood experiences most of us had and how that made it easier as we got older to discern more subtler emotional means in how the people around us interact.
Authority figures played with us even if had a more serious role like showing how to do something or being the class teacher because they saw that helped us relate to them as much as we learned to pay attention following their rules.
Even if I did do something to which He (or anyone else for that matter) had little alternative than to go give me a spanking, it doesn't matter how red my bottom may of become, afterwards it's all over with and I'll be laughing and playing with them as if nothing had happened.
That's cos as far as any adult authority figures  go I'm just a good girl who  makes mistakes for which I'm corrected to help me learn from them and so there's no reason we can't go back to having fun in our relationship one that's taken care off which is how at at boarding school going from sore bottom to giggling in a quarter of an hour.

Standards and their origins

One of things that does matter is telling the truth not that going by popular opinion  is it something we expect from people in positions of power such as business leaders or politicians although I feel our expectations ought to higher even if at times dashed.

The must basic reason for this is we have a need to feel the other person has a sense of honesty and integrity about them, that what they say is based on reality rather than either wishful thinking or something having no basis at all in fact.

Most of us can understand  and relate to what are sometimes called 'magical thoughts' where belief is suspended because the illusion of say" seeing an elephant fly" is preferable to us than the reality which is of course that they cannot. That whole notion is very child-like and because we saw it in our imagination it may feel real but isn't.

Telling the whole truth is something we can all struggle with especially if by doing so it shows us  in a poorer light so we do not so much say something it isn't true: we omit that which  shows our culpability and responsibility for what really transpired.

If there is a hierarchy when it comes to this it is the outright lie, the very thing that had no basis in reality at all that takes pole position.

We use it to place ourselves where we were not, to claim credit for things we did not do, to transfer the blame from us to others when we have done wrong and remove ourselves from situations where we had a responsibility but chose not to exercise it.

I am - and my Caregiver amongst others expects me to -  tell the whole truth at all times and whenever I'm not there's no question of not being punished because of its seriousness.

Two steps forward and one step back

This week I messed up pretty badly although across the range I hadn't been doing too badly at all even getting the blogs out on time and the English work I was set on Friday for this weekend done in very good time.

What happened was I woke up one night with my mind whirling ten to the dozen which wouldn't of been so bad other for being a little after three in the morning and having had little really deep sleep before, I grabbed my computer and went online not stopping until a quarter to eight when I went downstairs for breakfast.

I was okay for a bit but by Ten I was starting to feel really off, not really alert and even yawning struggling to find the energy to eat so I had to rest for the reminder of that day. 

This resulted in me getting twelve swats from the hairbrush and quite a lecture on the importance of getting a good nights sleep in which really stung which was really the point behind this as it had been eighteen months or so since I did anything like this and they didn't want me to revert to the bad habits I had back then.

Some people might think just talking about the issues at an intellectual level would work but with me it simply doesn't not least because there's a large time lag between what you may say and the time any of its significance going in and when it does it gets jumbled up badly.

One other thing is guilt which I was talking to a few friends in similar situations about this week, which is if you just rely on either trying and usually failing to talk me though what went wrong and agree some actions or decide just to sidestep it as it won't do any good, then over time as bits start to make their way toward where my thought processing brain parts are, I begin to feel very ashamed and guilty to the point it pulls down everything I need to do and even sends me down the path of feeling useless and dreading being with people spiralling to point of avoiding contact.

For me spanking gets your message through better and much quicker enabling me to be 'reset', given some guidance and returned to something like normality which is much less harmful to me than anything else. 

It's enabled me to feel able to be with groups of people knowing if I do mess up, someone will deal with it in a way that works for me, helping me follow everyone else's rules and expectations better. And it has.

Summer LG Camp extras

My main blog entry  Summer LG Camp 2016 covers the major account of my six days  including Summer 2016 LG Camp  that I attended such as activities that I was involved in and so on but this is more the reflections on the experience as I experienced it emotionally.
As an adult little girl who is more on the Middle side for me this whole thing is rather like the Caregiver/little side of things in that it is a space to allow the child-like me out to play and interact as if I was an actual child at a emotional age appropriate level for me, the one impacted significantly by my developmental/learning disabilities that in so many ways I function ordinarary and with no choice at that level.
It's hardly age-play, I mean I didn't choose it, it just the hand I was given and it's a matter of learning to make the most of the only life I have.
I have been interested as much as I'm more around upper UK juniors and first year senior side about things more associated with younger children as for example I've always been drive to spin or rattle things such as whizzing tape reels around or enjoying the sound of winding a cassette back with a pencil or impulsively leaping to a rattle.
While I was away a "Baby Gym" with a pretty patterned mat and mobiles that made noises had been set out and I though, "Right, it's a quiet area" and decided to have a bit of a play with it.
It only took a few minutes and I sensed myself shifting to a younger more tactile headspace playing with it so while I may not identify with AB, some things from it could be in my little space needs that benefit from being met.
The other large side to this that for this whole period I am in a setting where my behaviour and attitudes are under the gaze of adults with authority over me and where I know I will be taken to one side and spanked without exception for any breaches of what I know isn't acceptable.
I do tend to ignore no's blanking them out or get into oppositional behaviour because my emotional side is running at a child's and not even necessary a maturing teen level and spanking is part of the way I'm being managed to put a stop to this to help me mature within my limitations in the way I generally wasn't before.
In that way I'm in the middle/little headspace where Authority has the final say and I am slowly learning, changing my behaviour so much so that I didn't need a spanking just doing what I am expected or am told to do with no back chat.
Connected with that is that they are challenging my low expectations of not just what I can do but of what it is I am to be expected to do from now on to help me grow up a little, taken on a bit more personal responsibility and contribute more to.
In this way they're putting me through growing pains and strict discipline to move me from where I had been parked.
Some of this showed for example in the Games morning where in the past I'd of not taken part in things that I both find difficult with my physical as well as developmental/learning disabilities such as being rubbish at archery, not understanding instructions well, poor co-ordination and lack of strength I'd of gone down the route of oppositional behaviour but I was informed I was to bring my games kit, put it on and be in a team regardless.
In other words I was to adopt a more grown up mature approach which would be overseen to help me with them ensuring I co-operated.
I am so thankful as hard going doing this is, they're putting me through it because I need help to change and be the best I can, not the least I can get away with.

I have needs

I like to have my hair patted, I like to be hugged and gently stroked when I am feeling in need of your affection and reassurance by my Caregiver and others because it is a need I have, to be loved and feel loved.
I have the right to have my needs met.

On restoration

Restoration

Restoring the balance both at home with my parents and with other adults trying to get so a kind of natural order is there is very much what the last fifteen or so months of my life has been about, been given a proper place in those relationships, subject to their adult authority at all times.
When I look back at how things were at the start of this I can see how unsatisfactory the way I interaction at home and with other adults were, doing pretty much what I pleased no matter how they may of felt about or been effected by it.
I had a okay relationship with Mom and poor one with Dad and didn't really feel bonded to other adults at all so things did not run anything like smoothly for a lot of the time.
It wasn't that I was necessarily super obnoxious but I could not truthfully say I was exactly well behaved either having little sense of boundaries and parental and other adult guidance in my life.
It felt that I'd been been left without any guidance but being expected to know what to do when in fact I had no idea about how to behave.
That was when during Christmas 2014 when the external guidance started and as time went by other people followed through with everything changed although it took time.
This was when there now was a set of House Rules and similar rules for other adults brought into my life with very real consequences for any breach of those rule.
These included  being scolded, having my knickers taken down to be spanked or caned without fail and having to carry out any restitution straightaway.

Of course I didn’t become perfect overnight, but gradually, week by week, the new discipline code began to turn my behaviour and attitude around and as the adults recast as disciplinarians began to feel this wonderful sense of positive empowerment to act because they cared. Every time they took me over their lap I felt that at last I was receiving a way of providing me with the kind of positive guidance that I needed. I felt that they were giving me exactly what I needed, at exactly the right time in my life and I could see that I was absolutely thriving on this old-fashioned form of discipline.

It wasn't that it was all discipline, because it did include face to face discussions about my behaviour and conduct and what my many limitations being allowed for, I could and should be expected to do better together with rewards so it was recognized when I did really well to help me form a sense, a belief, in my ability to do the right thing .

This restoration  went hand in hand with having me dress more as that adult child often in her uniform as a learned to accept and co-operate with adult authority  I resembled their child subject to their adult authority with that uniform signifying my acceptance  of their rules and the spanking that I subject to in it.

Spanking I would say in my experience is an excellent form of discipline for girls who like me are over 18 and live at home or with adults to help learn how to conduct ourselves and adopt good personal habits

Disgraced Jo gets it

 

The week had began most promising with both having a  pleasant day with Dad who I have issues with for like ages working something out that enabled us to share a bit of time together as well as helping Mom out more while she’d been poorly but ended up some other place, despite rather than because all of that.

To begin with I had been given some homework by Sir that I had actually done on time and spend quite a bit of thought over before writing quite a lot  which is really around me, discipline and our relationship when it comes to it.

But there was a question I had to answer in this and it was if there was an infraction I needed to own up to? Well I could not lie to him whose presence in my life has made such a difference so I had to tell him the truth and the whole truth at that.

I had been asked a few times to clear up my space which had gotten over run by used jiffy bags, boxes and so on to the point you couldn’t get to clean around it and you’d need to be agile to get around of it  on your legs without walking on something or other.

Well, it wasn’t long before I got the message all right as I was due for a “Sound Spanking” which wasn’t an expression I was that familiar with but then you, dear reader probably think I should of  been before all this.

Then I was ordered to drop my knickers right down and spanked both with slipper and after a short pause again by the wooden hair brush while bent over a chair rather a lot of times so by time we’d finished my bottom was extremely sore and practically on fire. I had cried toward the end and after pulling my knickers back up, stood hugging me teddy as a I rubbed my smarting bottom.

I then had to sit on hard chair in contact with my knickers for half an hour facing the corner amplifying the discomfort from the spanking to further internalize it something I’d forever associate with my actions. That was followed by something new to my punishments, hand written lines to write too, 100 of them .

It was the most painful spanking in my whole life still leaving after a few days my bottom  still painful and and would like to thank him for giving me, his little, the Sound Spanking I so badly needed to change my ways which is is going to help me do. As I explained, the lines are very much child like but did give me a sense of closure on this infraction that I find I need.

I am grateful as his little, he takes the time to understand my needs not least my need to be spanked and to use that in his mentoring approach helping our relationship and his parenting of me to and for my own good.

Spanking needs review

I’ve been busy this week after the difficulties I had last week although as I’m sure you saw I did cope pretty well with them, arguably better than I’ve done in any point of my life, getting those things that are important done first and the primary task of handing in my end of term task will be done on time.
I had been offered the opportunity of leaving off my weekly mentors report given the emotional difficulties but declined because I find the review process helpful in assessing how I’m feeling around my general state of mind and how I feel about myself not least my abilities to regulate better my life. It’s hard for some to understand without my specific difficulties but it takes something like that a structured exercise to get me to reflect on those feelings. I’m not generally good at processing stuff without some input or ‘push’.

I have been asked to consider if it is a set of regular maintenance spankings I am needing  or if is discipline spanking.As it is about 7 month into being mentored it’s worth talking about as I’ve had some experience to judge how my bottom is best spanked to help me.

Maintenance spanking is more a light series of spankings carried out without any infractions being committed usually with something  like the hand or a wooden spoon although some may use a hairbrush but with less force than normal.
The general aim is to keep you  on track and re-connect to your mentor while at some time allowing you to get a sense of emotional release and usually this is weekly although trying to avoid rituals like every Monday may help in maximizing the feeling.
Discipline spanking is more around enforcing obedience or training to say follow rules (some separate out Punishment spanking -punishment as penalty, some don’t)

My thoughts on this run that what I’m needing the majority, around two-thirds of the time is Discipline spanking. What is happening effectively is I’m being trained up to follow the rules that I’ve accepted around maintaining healthy life-style  habits and adopting co-operative ways of behaving in more the way you you’d raise a child because at the emotional and development level, that’s where am at.
So to a very large extent this all happens within a Middles headspace, with me as that child often dressed as one, disciplined as a child, over the knee (very much like the illustration) as a direct consequence for being disobedient in following the rules and that’s where my needs like a good many littles or middles are lie. For us the whole intimacy equates to a feeling of being loved and protected very much on a child-like child to parent model aka being a Caregiver in DD/lg terms.

There’s a smaller need around maintenance spanking maintaining that feeling of protection through acceptance of a junior role, keeping you on the right track and letting out the stresses that as a adult-child having to play a role as an adult you’re ill equipped for build up in you.
Having  my bottom spanked in a consistent, compassionate and fair way  has been the bestest Christmas present this girl ever had so sorting out  how I’m to be continued to be spanked from now on is a great thing to help me grow.