This is being written in the inbetweeness of what will be a busy weekend here not least with UK Mothering Sunday (they have different conventions here for some reason or other) and a birthday which elements leave me feeling like why are we doing this?
Some of that lies in mess that is my family, always at war with each other over the silliness of things, petty one upmanship and rank disrespect never mind just refuse to speak to folk for months at a time. Indeed often if you'd of said what did I want for a Birthday my honest answer would be a 'Proper family' to belong to and no wonder I feel closer to my age play family.
It's not that I'm opposed to the idea of working with is, god knows you just have to at times, and not making a bad situation worse by tossing a whole of easy to throw in attitude to the mix it just makes things feel...hollow.
Mom always say I'm the one that can be counted on to think more about what needs to happen, what would make a difference and just do it so I'm happy to take her for lunch and she understands marking the wedding anniversary in the view of events I grew up around is something I can't cheat on emotionally so won't happen.
Part of the reason I cope with much of this mess is actually the people who filled the gaps, providing guidance, an understanding ear and much needed help in developing some self-discipline and usually around this time I'm reminded of how much I have to be grateful for in that way.
This year unlike years in the past I do feel I am moving in the right
direction, becoming a little more mature than I have been which to tell
you the truth has been so embarrassing for those years so I'd like to
thank every one who's helped me.
Here's to Moms and the all the people who are helping me as we approach my birthday.
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