Childhood Dolly Playtimes

Once upon a time, there lived a little gurl who played with her girl friends dollies because Mommy didn't give her own but that was okay as they all knew what she was!

They also knew that's what she really wanted to be although they wouldn't say which curiously lead to her developing a love of being with other little girls as she could be herself as she played with them.

I was just that little fairytale ballerina with the short frilly dress on in my head.

Wow this picture takes me back to the mid 1970's when Mom and the adult females in my family wore these light summer dresses. They were into cutting and sowing their own - Gran was a champion cutter outer - and in addition often kitted me out in hand knitted girls jumpers.
I've enhanced this picture digitally as the original was very washed out and flat.

Lego for regressed Jo?

That decluttering post was good but it's not just my room that needs it, it's really my head to get out of thinking about and involvement in the adult things that got me in this whole messed up state that went so downhill a couple of years back.

One of the things I did enjoy was playing with Lego, usually with Full Kits which I built things like schools, cars , hospitals and that with that also had lego people I could position around my imaginations own creations.

It wasn't that didn't hear about the news, we did  with tv and newspapers, but we just carried on playing after hearing what the grown ups were saying about it and to be honest, that's very much what I need, not getting deeply into it.

Lolita fashion and I

Some elements of Lolita fashion such as Fairy Kei do interest me as they tend to be relatively unfussy and well, girlish which I do like in small doses.

Sense of place

One of the starting points of where things went wrong for me was really in what you might call my sense of place in the scheme of things when I was much younger.
In my scheme of things I was an exact equal of everybody around me including my parents, teachers and other authority figures having the same power and authority as them, muscling in on activities and conversations.
They could not as far as I was concerned deny me that and it had to be and more times than not even my parents would not so any delineation was not policed I could say just 'borrow' something from them without asking and as it would happen something might be damaged, then they'd shrug their shoulder at the 'accident' rather than getting on to me about what I was even doing having it without asking first.
I wasn't a child in their relationships and I didn't see me as one.

 They needed to pull me up, reminding me they and they alone were my authority figures and I was subject to their authority being expected to conform, disciplining me strictly when I did not  so I learned this and how that also applied to other sources of authority.
I needed to be taught who I was.

Tinker Bell and online games

I just adore Tinkerbell

Tinkerbell also abbreviated to Tink, is a fictional character from J. M. Barrie's 1904 play Peter Pan and its 1911 novelization Peter and Wendy. She has appeared in many film and television adaptations of the Peter Pan stories, being particularly associated with the 1953 animated Walt Disney picture Peter Pan. 

She also appears in the official sequel Peter Pan in Scarlet by Geraldine McCaughrean and commissioned by Great Ormond St Hospital as well as the "Peter and the Starcatchers" book series by Ridley Pearson and Dave Barry.

I love simple games that can be played on line and one place I love visiting is Best Dolls Games.com who have lots games from matching up games to dressing up games where you pick out various outfits and accessories for your character.
It's very addictive and makes me feel so happy playing.

bestdollgames.

Being a little

There's a very big part of me that remains a soft girl who loves being surrounded by her plushies wearing the sort of clothes and fashions more akin to young girls.
A day with the dress up box is something I'd lap up.

Childhood incidents

 

You really want to know what I did?

Hmm.. Deliberate destruction of a classmates toy at school aged 10 in the school cloak room cos I didn't think he should have it.

Period of 6 months harassing a fellow student at 14 involving threats to fight and knock over him and his wheelchair  and cos he was small, physical weak and I quite liked the power. I only stopped cos I got bored with it. He said nothing, so nothing happened, although others knew all about it.

Stole from school bus assistant. 

 Spending two years doing next to nothing in class and failing subject exams by not revising for good measure. Just told by folks they were disappointed in me so smirked when their backs were turned.

I'm not proud of any of it but there's something that needed to happen back then.

The thing was a Spanking because I evaded many school punishments by intimidation and lying plus home life was very disruptive with the usual preference just to say "We're disappointed" which was simply pathetic given the severity of these incidents.

It failed to prepare me for adulthood and all the responsibilities it brings.