A few thoughts in March

 

Someone got that right not because getting older by the year from birth is a bad thing but rather it's the reduction of your life down to just the most purposeful and economic, with anything that might be spontaneous and fun extracted.

There are times when things get muddled in like the way much of my birthday has been overshadowed by all the other stuff to the point we are even struggling to find anywhere to put my cards and people don't feel like celebrating it so the rituals of the past are broken, so no meal together.

It's like things are on semi hold but what was paused won't return after it's all over after next week either so we'll see if by this time next year things return cos I certainly could do with it.

Escaping

Trying to find your way back to your little self after both the pause shortly after the start of the year and being surrounded by the cards plus phone calls regarding arrangements is hard going as much as I feel like just curling up half moon shape on the floor for some more tactile play or other suitable little interaction.

Sometimes it feels too much.

Paper dolls was one things I did like at the time, creating new looks and adventures armed with scissors.

Switch off, work with your imagination and just make something that may feature in play - that's always better with at least another person - in a different world.

 

Literally go back in time and dress more younger, perhaps in ways you have not in ages and let that side right out while colouring in princesses or perhaps watching something aimed at younger children, losing yourself in it.

To me that makes more sense apart from making the most of this years reduced opportunities to "play" with others after missing one last year resulted in missing out on all the others that had been decided.

Paws crossed for a few months time.

Working through things redux

It's weird really as this week goes through at what most probably a period of relationship  reset following recent events from the mundane like talking through things like menus for evening meals with all the planning that takes like what comes out of the freezer to what we're planning to watch on tv as for so long Mom had the last say over much of that.

When it came to the tv often she'd be sat in front room picking off all the major soaps  she followed so in practice you tended to watch your stuff elsewhere but during this period of ill health that often worked that you needed to be where she was to look after her having to see and hear them just to do what rightly you'd say was your duty.

That also meant the stereo unit - separates didn't get used much simply cos that would be where was and most times she didn't want "your" music on anyway so you'd go upstairs to play a cd or record.

Anyway we're starting to get things connected with the formal bits around a death resolved with information transferred and appointments scheduled between the many cards and visits in person.

I was out yesterday taking a breather as I was beckoned by a "aunt figure" for coffee and biscuits along the way just talking over things in her life before resuming a stroll.

It just takes a lot out of you

A short reflection on Mom

 

This post is short but to the point.

In a week that saw my Mom become very unwell with at least one possible emergency admittance hospital after a period of increasing ill health it is with much regret I have to announce her death at 5:15pm.

A women who saw herself as the centre of the family, aunt to the street,  a constant help to us as children, a devoted wife to dad I'm saddened by this turn of events.

R.I.P. Mom.

Updates

This week as we enter another month, the period that normally I'd of been away but between the outcome of last years events and the changed circumstances from the start of last month just isn't going to happen I did think about what I tend to wear.

Given how I am with different presentations things have to key into each as part of that wider whole than it is for many and one think I was looking for was a quality red sweatshirt that could function as an extra layer like a jumper over a pinafore dress or be worn with skirts as needed

It just does the job.

This was one, basic but decently made I spotted and decided to buy being quite stretchy unlike some I have had in the past as I like to wear things that really fit well.

Just having one of something doesn't cut it with me anymore.

Guidance

Life can get a bit crazy at times, few of us came with an instruction manual complete with chapter index on how to deal with certain situations but normally we get through it over time learning from our earliest past experiences and it has to be said with some guidance which might of been more of talk about an issue we're dealing say the first time we felt bullied at playgroup or school.

Sometimes though it may of been different, perhaps it was us being unpleasant, unkind or pretty beastly to some other child or shockingly an Adult.

Adjusting to the changes in our roles as we move on can be hard going but just imagine you thought you really were too big to be told, perhaps something like this might of been called for:

 

I know I was out of line for a period in my teens and twenties, just failing to get to grips not just etiquette but just basic stuff about my rights and responsibilities and who really was responsible for what.

With me this kind of wake up call was what I needed.

End January update

 

You may of wondered what had happened to posts and I did try to explain that things would be different because of these complications that I am having and certainly from just before Christmas have been pretty bad with almost but not quite covid like symptoms meaning I just have not had the energy to put together posts on top of everyday living.

Unto that unexpectedly Mom became unwell to the point of needing to be in Accident and Emergency for which thank goodness she is out but she also has similar symptoms to me and on top of all else I am also needing to attend to to her as much as I can as only Dad and I are doing anything.

I will try to get some posts out but it is difficult going in the present circumstances as I'm looking after more than just me as much as I'd like to continue plowing on talking around the things I do care about in my quirky way.

Until next time.