Issues in dressing Little

Sometimes it seems I'm really outside the ideas of our little group when beyond replica school type attire it comes to dressing more as a younger girl which is really rather more where I feel from the inside.

It's almost as if everything we had been through in the seventies and eighties never mind the nineties just never happened as girls slacks and jeans are frowned up for not being "girlie" despite being for girls and probably more suited for some sorts of activities.

You really can't argue this top and shorts set is feminine - you'd never get a boy in them in a million years - and yet this and it's more grown up ladies floral shorts or culottes are frowned upon but if I was doing handstands isn't it a better idea 

There's really nothing wrong at all with dresses and I do like pastel colours for good measure but just what is so wrong with having a variety of outfits in your wardrobe and to wear when we're together depending on just how you feel?

Actual girls today do and the last thing I heard was they're still very much girls so just what is the problem???

Check your privilege

One modern trend is the "Culture wars" that are played out on social media, on campuses, in the courts with the battle cry "Check your privilege" as  its supports hold being in whole social groups gives you unearned and unwarranted advantages that effectively hold others back.
At least that's how they see it.

The retort to the proposition that criticism of one Meghan Markle is racially motivated suggesting it had more to do with how her actions are seen as met on BBC Tv's question time with the person being told they were not fit to comment as a white male and to "check their privilege" by a minority rights lecturer.

Their proposition runs black people only know how in lots of ways they are discriminated against and put down verbally and so any time a criticism is  made by a mainly white source such as the Mass Media, then it is. The end.

The Mass Media here have things to answer for, obsessive interests, playing people off  and yes sometimes racially motivated (or at least culturally insensitive) commentary but in this instance many in Britain's BME community do agree with that man.

A bigger argument can be made  that the process of comparing and contrasting similar people by gender and role (the obvious example being Catherine and Meghan) that it's less about race so much it is about what the roles of "Royal" women should be that editors are trying to shape.
Less racism, more misogyny if you like.

More to the point, can a blanket assumption of white privilege be upheld as if just being white puts you further forward on the starting block ignoring poverty, education (the lowest levels of attainment are white working class males). chronic disabilities and even the extent to which you applied your abilities studying or training?

If a black women in her twenties and a white male of the same age both win a 200 metre race can we say he's had every advantage and didn't earn his win? What if she'd of come from a well off background background and he hadn't possibly having health issues in his early childhood? 

Because I'm white does that mean I'm privileged beyond that anyone who is black even with many many long term health issues and disabilities? Things that have resulted in discrimination, verbal and physical abuse even?
Do you even 'get' me and my needs?

I suspect as a tool for saying we ought to be sensitive to others needs  and think before we make wide statements this term really is inadequate for the complexity of what constitutes advantage  and the extent to which any group of people use it.
It also has the ability to promote discrimination itself.

2019 in Joanne's Dorm

I usually write year reviews on blogs around this time and I have already done the one for my main adult little girl one  already which I don't feel that much of a need to boilerplate over using a printing term to this blog.

This blog as you may of noticed has had something of a make over and one area has been writing about my times away and as this blog was always originally about my emotions, what I felt about it, how I coped because I'd be lying if I didn't say I find situations  at times trying especially anything new.

This year I built in what I had been doing the previous year being more physically active, exercising my abilities to focus on things and recall which is something I struggle with because if I don't then quite simply I lose out by not being able to enjoy things.
The fact it is out of doors is a bonus for taking in fresh air, maintaining muscle strength which I'm lacking in and cultivating some hardiness in me.

I also talked  a little about age regression on here because it  it is the main aspect of my life, what it is, how you may present as an age regressor, how being younger than your years leads to a need for oversight and for want of a better term, parental input and structures some of which do include spanking which I have spoke of although it's not a 'spanking blog'  with honesty.

I also talked about things like having a full on disability assessment that has made a big difference to my personal situation as my full set of needs has been recognized which has been a burning point ever since in my mid teens the differences between me and my peers become increasingly obvious. Age Regression is a coping mechanism that places me in the appropriate setting to have independence with support.

I also talked a a bit about my personal beliefs and values too.

The other big thing was I had discovered my no longer operable original Fur Affinity account actually was - one can only assume the database got repaired at some point after I'd made a fresh account up so I decided to use that fur just  venting around things that may go down so well on the main account and certainly there as nothing to gained from moving accounts again as you can't transfer your journals and that over easily and talking around spanking.

That I think were the themes that were looked at on this blog in 2019 and it maybe some might be revisited although Tumblr's antics remains constant for now and I'm not having issues with what I posted even though there are somethings I would like to.

Issues in AgeRe communities

Just nine day to go for I'm off so sometime next week after checking the weather forecasts I'll be in for some serious packing for the five days I'll be away although being Winter I wouldn't expect quite so much outdoor activity which give how hot it was last summer was a bit of a must.
One topic that is still rumbling around on Tumblr is the extent to which any individuals own points of view on transexual identity and politics are both acceptable and should come into anything they may do in a community such as moderate a discord server or run a community.
The idea doing the rounds implies that a person who has the view that dysphoria is necessary, questions the 75 or more quoted genders on Tumblr as actual genders not gender representations) or doesn't feel you can be non binary and either gay or lesbian is somehow unsafe to perform such a task.
To me that only would be an issue if the person was talking around specifically such issues which would strike me as being quite odd in a community of age regressors where you'd only convene to regress together  playing and talking as your younger self AND if the person was acting on such a point of view such as refusing to use your preferred pronouns, deliberate misgendering and generally being a prick.
I cannot say hand on heart whenever I regress I am thinking about gender theory, forms of sexual attraction whenever I play with my dolls or plushies nor colouring cos I know my gender and it's not an issue with who I play.
Nor would I say having been face to face with people that I have had someone push gender issues into play nor I have had cause to.
To me that's much more older student/adult conversation and debate really that doesn't belong in the regressive experience and so I feel holding such views so long as others are respected should not be seen as a bar to doing things that can help people enjoy their regression.
There are too many parallels with the witch hunt in adult LGBTQI circles going on here I feel on matters where there's no clear cut authoritative answer.
Inner kids need protection from that discourse but respected as they are.

Seeing the overall picture.

One thing I find there tends to be rather a lot about is static, stuff that somehow just sets you off in a downward trend regardless of source which may be the tense political situations  such as that over "Brexit" here in the U.K. anything connected to President Trump without getting into any actual discourse, we all know it's about or things perhaps more closer to home such as family and related issues where no one appears to be the one to dial it back.
It's one reason while I believe in being informed about what is going on in the world, I don't make a point of checking out the news hour by hour nor spending time I could be engaged in more pleasanter personal talk discussion at length such issues.
It's also a reason for spending time away from the electrons, making a point of being switched off (cellphone in pocket for emergencies only) and spending a good hour or so in the outdoors tuning in to the more calming sounds of nature, just taking your time enjoying the good that is around us rather than the other stuff that takes the headlines and front pages.
That's the trouble I feel with this totally switched on age we're living in, we're not getting a balence that goes beyond the talk of "fake news"  into areas where all we hear is discord that then slowly starts to alter how we view things and our reactions.
That's why what I've been trying to tackle this week by spending more time out and zoning out perceptual news updates.
The news is actually there's a lot of good about.

Everything changes

It was a shock to some to realize Hello Kitty wasn't actually a cat but rather a girl and an English one at that but that did not mean she wasn't real or a genuine personality but that kind of thing can run on in everyday relationships too where people may not who we first think we see them as.
Such things don't deserve the cry of "Fake, fake, fake" you find on social media followed by a witch hunt and even if you did see them as they are right first time doesn't mean they like you may change over time especially over politics or identity issues digging around to find contrasting posts.
It's just evolution really.
That's one thing I'll be keeping in mind while I'm away this week at Susan's funeral which I'll be off to later on today.
Another thing is what might of seemed at the time a major issue may over time correct itself to the point you might restore a friendship or resume on a site after a major hiatus which was the case this last week where drama at one site lead to the removal of senior people who in turn set up a newer site a number of us thought safer emotionally which had to simultaneously to a situation that new site was losing money and activity to the point of closure in early June and the original site changing to be more inclusive with many of people we felt uncomfortable with away from the driving seat.
I've made my peace with how the original site is and have picked up from where I left now which I guess is a sign of having a more maturer outlook and being prepared to let past discourse go.
Until next week, bye. 

A year this week

This week marks the first anniversary of an incident that occurred a year ago, over December 7/8th last year to be exact that had a significant emotional impact on me apart from drawing some lessons from that for a number of reasons I had not been able to openly talk about which is why there mentioned here and not on either 'main' blogs.
I think we are are all familiar with social media and although I don't do things like Facebook and skipped the My Space phase entirely I did do briefly Experience Project and after a few prompts from some Lolita associates, I decided to do Tumblr starting with a a fairly regular sfw cg/l come Littlespace one adding a more 18+ cglish one as cg/l and some regressed discipline based spanking one on totally separate accounts.
This was the period 2015/6 where the whole question of under 18's and Cg/l, the emerging Tumblr Age Regression communities were forming as that side in some folks Cg/l relationships seemed to be what they were looking for and yes, being Tumblr we had bitter discourse (and a fair few threats).
The start point for how the incident occurred stems from a error born of what seemed to be a quick and easy way to deal with how a DMCA takedown lead to the 18+ Cgl-ish account being terminated by Tumblr where I decided to remake it in a more toned down form as a Secondary tumblr on the first one's account.
The short outline of that for non tumblr people is you don't have separate  following lists for each and while people can follow each Tumblr separately, when posting the default is your main and you have to toggle down to your secondary tumble when posting OR reblogging.
At that point my primary account didn't belong to any group or community because all that was to come around mid 2016 and so it was a sfw Cg/l account that provided you minded what you posted such as nothing sexual  on it  then that was it.
To save creating another Tumblr email/password ID I created that new 18+Cgl account as a secondary on the back of the original account in late January 2016 where I was loosely aligned with sfw cg/l.
Part of this discourse that has been the bain of CG/l and Age Regression on Tumblr is the separation between sfw Cg/l (toys, child-like play, cute fashion and meets) and 18+ or especially nsfw Cg/l that may take in sexual acts, bdsm and potentially spanking (although that can be sfw and non sexual) in that some may only want the sfw side of caregiver/little and not welcome interaction from any people more into say bdsm or sexual stuff of a  graphic nature.
Toss in the Minors in DD/lg (and CG/l) on Tumblr controversy and you'd have to be an idiot not to see a problem around adults who may be sexual/kink and minors who are not allowed (rightly) to be sharing that space.
This on Tumblr lead to a separating out of 'pure' sfw and increasingly minor accepting Age Regression from sfw Cg/l, the formation of communities that only accepted that and what some saw then as the demonizing of all Cg/l including the sfw form that moved into prohibiting interaction from sfw Cg/l  and in some the promotion of the idea 'Littlespace' was inherently  kink because some in more 18+ and Nfsw Cg/l used the term.
By the October of 2016 war had broken out between purist Age Regressors and those who used the Caregiver/little setting in a more sfw quasi-parental way  with a alignment of some in DD/lg supporting the purists.
Into that a number of people who had either been on the sfw Cg/l end or had joined Caregiver/little Age Regression (CGL/re) felt that separation hadn't stopped the war nor the business of Kink people getting in what were now minor friendly spaces and created a new community with own lexicon purposely to avoid shared terms with all CG/l communities featuring a CareBear logo.
That started out around the second week of November (the 15th??), I was hovering around the CGL/re community although not in membership but for two weeks they had dual membership where you could belong to them AND another another either CGL/re or the more Purist (and argumentative) CHIldREgression (Chire) and I joined with a person from Chire and in the first day we actually messaged each other rather than being suspicious of each other.
To understand what was to happen we need to go back that second 18+ non sexual Tumblr that was still operating, still reblogged some non sexual  'adult schoolgirl' spanking content with me having to remember to 'toggle' to that account and although I love her to bits I reblogged my BFF's posts cos we have the same sort of regressed non-sexual  CG/l life quite a bit sometimes when I hadn't been well being up around four in the morning.
It was a term of the community I joined November 23rd that you could not interact on that Tumblr with anything DD/lg or CG/L and by that fateful December morning even CGL/re although it was unclear if it applied to the whole account and by extension post anything that would go on such an account or just that individual tumblr.
Things had gone well, I'd masked the following information so nobody could see what accounts I followed although there had been the odd near miss where I forgot to switch account and wiped the post in seconds.
Well it would of been early December 8th UK time when not getting any sleep I fired up the laptop around 4AM starting first with the main Tumblrs posts reblogging and then reblogging anything from the accounts of those who followed my second Tumblr which needless to say included some spanking posts between yawns and had finished by about twenty to six when I noticed the message indicator was on and when I looked at the posts, reviewing them I saw on of the reblogs intended for that second Tumblr had instead gone on the first so I  quickly deleted deleted it thinking nobody would up that time of the morning.
I clicked on the message thinking it might of been my Caregiver with a "And what the heck are you up this time Young Lady expecting a probable trip to LapLand tm with a paddle" when I saw the user name of the Communities Mod who had asked me to leave the Group citing that post to which I replied in the affirmative.
What I didn't count on was a highly misleading blocklist post that implied it was much worse than it was AND this wasn't the only post which was a bare faced lie.
Throughout the day the blocklist and its falsehoods were reblogged, people didn't just unfollow me they blocked me -  near enough a fifth of my followers - and what was worse was I couldn't talk to anybody about what happened and why the account the mod put up about it  who has been accused of falsehoods since was incorrect because blocking prevents messaging.
I started to pace around the house in a distraught agitated state, crying all the time feeling I'd not just really messed this up but I'd let my followers down and people would start messaging me to drive me away. I wanted to end it all.
It was horrible.
It wasn't that I knew I'd made a awful mistake and in hindsight a bigger one in making that Secondary Tumblr, it was the banishment that even went beyond that community and the lack of any kind of forgiveness and restitution, the feeling nobody cared confirmed when I put an anon post about the topic just confirmed it: one mistake and you're dead for life.
I joined another community just before Years End with a couple of things in mind, one being to find someone who was prepared to allow me work to earn my reputation back by my actions as the loss of it weighed heavily on my mind.
I also felt there they had been inconsistent as another community Mod had had quite a bit of nsfw material on theirs but HAD been allowed to move it to totally separate Tumblr and yet for one post in error I had been banished.
The community I joined had a value system that was more around respecting others as you would have others respect you when it came to any interaction that lead to less petty squabbling and 'dobbing in' others with all the anxiety and paranoia that goes with it. It would offer the benefits of belonging but less stressful.
It had easy to understand clear cut rules on posting that I thought I needed so I could learn how to post responsibly, had no issues with terms like Littles and littlespace and recover from the anxiety the whole incident caused.

I think the lessons I learned was Quick Fixes aren't always a good idea, who my real friends were and you can dust yourself off and restart so long as you do  learn from things.

Reflections on what spanking is for

Well, I got my two new usb memory sticks to replace the defective HP one I mentioned last week which appear to be faster at not just reading but writing too as it took me less time than usual to transfer over the read only HP ones contents to them and then add anything that of necessity had been stored on the laptops own hard drive tidying up as needed.

That's as much techno stuff I really need to say here but for a few days I've been suffering with a migraine which has slowed me down although thankfully I had already written Monday's littles blog and have an idea of the next ones text in mind.

There are a few things I do feel like saying of which one is don't like clumsy mini-modding by people who may be new to a place around rules that it is obvious they don't quite understand more or less implying I had broken it.

The second is almost a constant refrain which is the main reasons why you don't go into detailed talk around childhood spanking on adult only sites are, firstly it's not a site about spanking minors so it's off topic, some people would write accounts of childhood spanking lingering in great detail author clearly enraptured as if we really wished to read it and that sadly such an account could be a thinly disguised depiction of an actual child having (one hell of a) spanking in which instance it might be argued we hosted 'child abuse' material that not only would trigger those of us who are child abuse survivors but also bring unwarranted attention that also has the potential to put members at risk of investigation.

Of itself it has nothing to do with spanking been associated with some as sexualized and the site reason for existence is seeing spanking as a NEED for some adults and it's application as being therapeutic rather than providing sexual gratification although there is a sub forum for those who do have sexual feelings arising from it.

For me spanking has been a therapeutic experience helping me deal with my feelings and at times tailspinning impulses, helping with other areas of my regressed life in helping me deal with my childhood, providing necessary structure and discipline I truly needed.

I have had people now fortunately banned suggest my age regression is not real, that I do not get into a regressed space with those very much child-like thoughts and even words using cuss words on that site.

Like in their world only Age Play is real and even question who I am even though people who look for that will find proof positive I'm Jo not Joe or Rob not to mention plenty of people have had face to face interactions with me and know this.

My regression doesn't need tainting with presumptions of supporting child abuse (which is really sick given some of the stuff I've had in my life) or just being for sexual gratification and that latter in particular really does make me wonder why I joined as I expressly rejected that whole scene and this non sexual approach is what caused me to join.

[Edited 12/7/2017]

Raising an issue

Sometimes I do wonder how grounded in reality certain photoshoot agencies are as I can't quite see the cut of so many school type pinafores being accepted for being low or simply too skimpy.
I do rather like this Hello Kitty denim one heaps however as it looks cute and lends itself to having badges sown on it it.
The aftermath of Marmalade's passing shot  before he departed this planet - the fleas that were belatedly dealt with  is being fixed  after much grumbling and my being bitten very badly (I'm covered in red itchy spots).
You see The Powers That Be did NOTHING to tackle the infestation although the local vet advised spraying and indeed did stock it so I've been sat as the little devils gripped tightly with their jaws in my hands and so on having to pull them off  as they dined out on my blood as I felt like screaming.
I decided to force the issue - a tactic I had to at school to get any attention to school progress or meetings requested to actually happen and bought a can of darn stuff myself from a well known supplier on Amazon Marketplace and present it to them with a take and  use message.
I detest having to act this way but circumstances prevent what I would consider more acceptable ways of acting.

Wednesday ramblings

There are few things I do want to talk about today that don't easily slot into the other blogs of which one may have an effect on next weeks edition which is I'll be out Sunday for some kind of wedding reception event my oldest brothers son features in.
If that sounds vague in my weirdo family between my brothers and  that's how it is as it's been the most secretive wedding going with the groom seemingly being unaware of his involvement in it, his Dad knowing nothing about the day and if he was even attending.
Nobody knows where the wedding ceremony seems to be taking place although bride and groom spend ten days in Florida which was seen as honeymoon  so it 'may' have happened there and in any event his aunts were not invited to attend.
We only received an invitation to what reads as a reception event for friends that people can dip in and out of at whim although we are aunts and uncles and God parents which doesn't suggest any thing formal such as lunch or witnessing the Union.
As  yet even the question of how it is we're supposed to get their hasn't been resolved with the usual state of non-communication between themselves and between us and them.
Al we know is the dress code is black and red as its a Goth themed event or perhaps more 'happening' might seem a better term so I'm looking in the closet for something to wear.
The other thing is really to do with being on forums which having been on various ones since 2005 I think I've a pretty good angle on as while often they can be fun sometimes people can cause problems to others in which instance site owners have to deal the mess.
The problem seemed to be that some dispute got heated as strangely enough they do at which point it attracted the attention of the sites Moderation whose job it is to keep things within the law and to act on rules which are about people having a good time on the site are broken who decided to block the person.
This person used the status update that hadn't been blocked to lambast the moderator and accuse another of being involved suggesting they'd been picked on.
This sort of approach seldom if ever achieves anything good as it looks very disrespectful to challenge a moderator publicly where taking a disagreement to message or email is usually better and accusing people in public not only adds fuel to the fire but risks polarizing a forum undermining its core purpose.
It seems so odd people who presumably wouldn't handle a in so-called real life like that goes this way at it.
The thing both have in common is how they can effect how I feel and the extent I've learned to switch off more so I don't let them drag me down emotionally.

Painted Black

Just when I thought things couldn't sink much lower I am dealing with some personal Tumblr drama that kicked off last Thursday when probably a bit worse for disturbed sleep I accidentally posted one (minor) spanking post on my regular Tumblr which resulted in one community mod shipping a cease and desist from using Community tag and without warning adding me to a blocklist of said community to whom I'd had no problems of belong before.
It's not that I don't disagree that was a breach of rules that I am responsible for so much that it was just a pure accident, the account changer box didn't respond so it was all tagged for as per Tumblr rules and regulations on the wrong account.  The first I realized something was wrong when I saw the message inbox indicate and It was a bit early for my caregiver.
The post was removed within an hour.
The thing I take issue with was not being asked to explain what happened, just presuming it was deliberate and that the message did not say anything about being put on a blocklist and to had been able to worked through a suitable apology to them.  Actually, it isn't that this group can't have *ahem* adult posts it's just they (rightly) go on a separate blog and if that is one the same account then there is a chance of the same thing happening to them. Indeed one person did but they were given the chance to start a fresh new account for the group.
Could I of been offered a period to show this would not occur again and to have taken some agreed steps to prevent such a slip up instead of a very public block listing?
I can't speak for many but for me at least such things do bring a strong sense of shame and mortification, you do realize what you did and how it may effect others, indeed I haven't had much sleep over it and its repercussions being extremely upset over it.
Instead it seems they would sooner leave me in a tormented mental state, pacing the floor, having some really dark thoughts.

Regressed spaces and welfare

Sorry for bring a bit slow at putting together this weeks edition of the Woodshed but just as I was beginning to recover from the previous weeks vivid flashbacks, a related incident elsewhere brought them flying back leaving me all shaking.
To be honest I don't feel people understand just what the problem area of taking debates  around child raising to what are 18+ "adult sites", the way it may look to outsiders, how it may leave people who whatever they may be doing on such sites are dealing with traumatic childhoods that touch the issues never mind how it can be a site is seen as endorsing a point of view on behalf of its users.
Those discussions simply don't belong on age regression or spanking related sites just for "adults"  never mind having users imply a refusal to support any individual point of view supports or condones another that takes you completely out of the mindset and purpose of being on such sites.
On age regression sites in particular, we are going very much into working with our child-like sides with the mindset of our younger selves writing stories, drawing having role playing stories rooted in our pasts that had no part in grown up discussion of the issues at the time and where the attempt to takes us out of it. For some of us it is a coping mechanism that we badly need - it's not Adult News Central - with all the headlines and debates on the screen distracting us.
It is our place away from all that.
They belong in the relevant discussion forums for politics and parenting issues for those most affected by them.
Let's keep our spaces just for us and the reasons we need them.