Dealing with situations that I am struggling in has always been difficult but seeing a post by a very close friend recently rather brought into focus just what makes them so and this week I'm looking at that.
H.E.L.P!
That means trouble in my language as two things tended to happen when I struggled which I guess we all do at times.
The first was the school I went to had a considerable amount of disabled children, mainly physically and there was a drive very much around independence and self reliant, frequently excessively so that you'd be called out all the time time with statements such as "There's no such thing as can't ", "No One's going to do it for you", "No, don't help them, they've go to figure it out for themselves" directed at anyone who even offer.
It didn't help that it was an era where autism and dyslexia were seen as excuses for non compliance and willfully paying no attention so you got no special support only threats of corporal punishment for not following the norms and being useless at spelling and math.
Because of that any offers tended to given to others they thought HAD needs and you were purposefully shamed.
In time you learned to never be seen to ask for assistance and if you know something was coming up either avoid it or plow on regardless of the fact you were getting nowhere fast.
Thus Help! equalled shame and more.
Now I did hurt my wrist badly recent at a littles get together and we had a baking session so needless to say I was struggling to make pastry the rolling was excruciatingly painful when a organizer had to say "It's okay to ask for help" before I felt able to accept someone helping me complete the task that was necessary.
I can see how all of those bad experiences shaped my reactions even as they get in the way of trying to do more and I need to learn to accept help and understand today I won't be attacked and shamed for it.
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