Bigger girl talk - The value of work and why benefits matter

I deliberated over where to write this but decided as there were other things I may wish to talk about elsewhere I'd do that here.

The ongoing row over PIP and connected payments shows a lack of understanding that just being disabled means you incur costs in your attempt to be as independent as possible that have nothing to do with your ability or willingness to get a job as without them you wouldn't stand a chance of doing what it takes to take on a job like get dressed, get about paying for assistance and equipment and you may need more space than is presumed for a non disabled person which you don't get any help from housing benefit from.

Greater and quicker intervention when it comes to treatment and therapies would help but that area is facing year on year cuts and even insiders in the DWP admit their access to work programs struggle to deliver employment with over a year delays from assessments to aids for work being delivered which means in practice many employers don't employ perfectably capable disabled workers while governments and the tabloid press gaslight disabled people as shirkers turning down jobs.

A few years back a Government Minister here in Great Britain, raised several eyebrows when he appeared to suggest a major measure designed to set a basic level of pay - the National Minimum Wage - ought not to apply to learning disabled employees and the resultant storm left people thinking the idea was discarded.

Recently a noted personality and champion of disabled people and indeed parent of a 'grown up' child with Downs Syndrome, Mrs Rose Monckton decided to raise this topic again as the person who runs a training program for learning disabled adults.

The essence of her argument run that the output might not justify the National Living Wage for those over Twenty-four years plus the National Minimum Wage of Sixteen through Twenty-four year olds and many lived with their parents and so didn't 'need'  more than say Two pounds per hour as their parents provided for them. Hate the expression, but in essence this two pounds would be more like 'pocket money' for them being used for snacks, trips out and clothes rather than say food or housing costs.
By doing this, she argued learning disabled people would be more included in the work force and more importantly would feel they had a place in society that would be valued.

I suppose the first thing is to I say I share the same objective not least for having learning and developmental disabilities on top of physical ones, believe strongly in a more inclusive society and that even people  with learning disabilities should have employment opportunities.
That's where it stops with me because while some may be content with living with parents or some shared home with assistance -which absolutely is their right- the problem with this is it means they could not look for an flat where they would need to find money even if they claimed back some housing costs though other welfare programs.

The second area of concern is we are purposely exempting people on the basis purely of diagnosis and labelling from the everyday wage expectation whereas in the past 'top up' schemes would of helped companies employ people by paying them so they offered the same wages to a disabled employee.

The third area is if the argument is that some work may be therapeutic in terms of teaching life skills, the 'value' of work, retention of abilities which as someone who is disabled I'd agree with, then there was no reason they could not be  permitted to work in a voluntary capacity, assisted with any necessary travel costs and perhaps allowed to keep a small amount of any money they were given by way say of tips without having to declare everything.
That would provide  for much of this, be more flexible and not compromise the notion of everybody regardless of disability being literally of equal value reflected in their wages.

The originals of the Help! problem

 

Dealing with situations that I am struggling in has always been difficult but seeing a post by a very close friend recently rather brought into focus just what makes them so and this week I'm looking at that.

H.E.L.P!

That means trouble in my language as two things tended to happen when I struggled which I guess we all do at times.

The first was the school I went to had a considerable amount of disabled children, mainly physically and there was a drive very much around independence and self reliant, frequently excessively so that you'd be called out all the time time with statements such as "There's no such thing as can't ", "No One's going to do it for you", "No, don't help them, they've go to figure it out for themselves" directed at anyone who even offer.

It didn't help that it was an era where autism and dyslexia were seen as excuses for non compliance and willfully paying no attention so you got no special support only threats of corporal punishment for not following the norms and being useless at spelling and math.

Because of that any offers tended to given to others they thought HAD needs and you were purposefully shamed.

In time you learned to never be seen to ask for assistance and if you know something was coming up either avoid it or plow on regardless of the fact you were getting nowhere fast.

Thus Help! equalled shame and more.

Now I did hurt my wrist badly recent at a littles get together and we had a baking session so needless to say I was struggling to make pastry the rolling was excruciatingly painful when a organizer had to say "It's okay to ask for help" before I felt able to accept someone helping me complete the task that was necessary.

I can see how all of those bad experiences shaped my reactions even as they get in the way of trying to do more and I need to learn to accept help and understand today I won't be attacked and shamed for it.

May study weekend

I don't actually know where to put myself today as the weekends events have left me feeling very different about me (and some of this will go elsewhere), what I can do and really about my life so far in.

As well all know, the one big difference this year with the exception of days when I am truly too unwell to work or away on meets such as Camp, my weekends  are taken up with something deliberately challenging.

Two days of concentrated study where I pretty much have to work on just that, sat at a desk, in uniform with no distractions working from the study guides with just fixed recess periods with no dawdling, back chat or refusing to start being accepted.

Really.

This weekend has seen me work on my English looking at how people who write stories try to draw you into the character, getting you to think you were involved and learning how to compare and contrast different texts on the same subject by style, language, use of humour and summarize any differences effectively.

I had set questions to answer on it and I managed 90%.

Concentration is my main thing, I'm awful at it, often leap frogging from task to task often more around what I find interesting rather than what needs to be done and thinking about how  might get the thing finished.

Some days tend to be better compared to others but that's one of my problems apart from just forgetting tons and tons of things within minutes of been told that.

Perhaps getting back to more of this straightaway rather than leaving it a day or so and plenty of practise at making my own strategies for getting stuff done would help a lot more?

Convictions and the elephant in the room

Well last week had a lot of polly ticks of the hypothetical apples to oranges, what if stuff going on  which I decided to tune right out of of the sort I could in the Sixth of written a decent essay pulling apart the basis of.

When I was "on fire" then I'd be hitting the B's to A minus's on the grades preferring to make a case for one point of view than trying to create some "approved" consensus that never really came down on one side.

I really disliked the stillness of those official positions with a lack of real passion and vim so it was little wonder I liked people like Margaret Thatcher and Tony Benn back then cos they knew what they believed in and made their points accordingly.

I'm more for being being how you feel and expressing, certainly within polite boundaries, just how you feel about things.

I can't fake my emotions.

It's one thing to be with people in certain contexts such as family events where that event has nothing directly to do with how you feel about certain people and events and what matters more is having respect for the person you all are joining.

It's really quite another where it seems people suggest that groups sit in judgement of others, assessing their contributions, what and why they are truly there, who feel it is quite in order to volunteer a person who has been so unwell they have had to take medication and go bed for physically demanding chores upon just getting up to eat with a struggle some food on the basis they haven't done much?

And it isn't even their place to???

But then if you were to make a point of ensuring they did know so that no one could say "how was I to know, I don't read minds" then all you get is "you know all you talk about is you and your needs" and so it goes.

Something most autistic people get all the time as if it all comes back to us and our being a problem for them and yet at no one point did anyone who had authority ever call you over for a "bit of a chat" and seem happy with you.

So who or what is the problem???

Being around and stuff

 This last fortnight or near enough three weeks has been really rather a challenge with having one of the worst migraines I have ever had to which I've only really recovered in the last day, some unexplained tiny spots that felt like a cut and some rather poor and utterly misread conversations that may take a while to fade out of my memory.

To my mind if you ask a simple question let's say "What's this all about" then for me the reply would be fairly short "I was just thinking about x" rather than a lengthy explanation that would get close to a rewrite of the entire thing because you may well not want such a reply.

If you did, then you'd show in your reply you'd want the whole thing clarifying.

If you use expressions introduced to you in the context of the subject matter by that person then you would not expect them to be near enough foaming at the mouth ranting on about associations that clearly were not hinted at never mind mentioned.

You also would not expected to be told just mentioning certain attire however briefly that if you had "any" consideration for them you'd not mention it in their presence nor indeed they would want to see you in it. Ever.

This is especially as they that had never said anything about anything connecting unpleasant experiences when they did to you that had you of known you would of not just understood but avoided as much as from where I'm standing from I don't see some of my issues with bullies in white pereline socks from the past to be ever an issue with anyone new today if that was their thing.

The person who bullied or otherwise made your life a misery was  an *** on the inside and frankly the wrapper made no difference, that was just their nature sadly.

Bullying wherever it may come from be it sexism, sexuality, race, gender identity or disabilities is just plain wrong as is denying opportunities due to bias but we do ourselves no favour if we allow that to affect how we treat others.

Disability and getting on

How different people handle changed especially life changing conditions or disabilities has always interested me not least for possessing several and having known a good number of people in a variety of situations who have too.

 

It's often interesting to see how people who on the face of may have similar conditions have made of their lives, how they may differ and how others are quite different although I'd like to stress from the get go I don't feel a 'my disability is worse or better than yours' take is really helpful not least for only you alone know how that affects your life or 'mine is more or less “real” than yours either for the same reason.

 

This being said it is my personal conviction how much you are able to make of your life even though you have disabilities depends very much on not only what opportunities may be available to you (and certainly there can be a lack of them that does our society no great favours) and what our own attitudes toward making the most of our lives can be when they are.

 

This can be more difficult when it comes to dealing with things such as social anxiety which as someone does find things like meeting people or using the telephone difficult I readily understand but unless we are prepared to explore how we may get more confident or better able to communicate, then our opportunities are limited.

 

I think it's that which sometimes is the harder thing because on top everything there is insecurity and a blanket feeling that you are not being understood.

 

There is though I feel a difference between an understanding that says “I am prepared to try to improve on the things I struggle with however hard that might be” and one that simply isn't prepared to even explore what options may be available even if they may not be a “total cure” because you may be limiting yourself from the experiences and opportunities that would enrich your life. You can't advance by staying still.

 

It's hardly fair on the face of it but those of us who have disabilities who in some way or other wish to make the most of our lives in mainstream society need to do as much as can for ourselves to find ways of maximizing it, perhaps in some respects even more than those who don't face the same challenges. 

 

Things just don't come easy to us although I'd also add trying to compensate by excusing other things like 'fitting in' and following the accepted social conventions and rules as everyone else can of itself set you back simply because we have to 'hold our own' and isn't fair to everyone else even though I do recognize that's something I have been guilty of in the past.

Getting about

Last weekend I was away which usually brings into focus those things I can't change being disabled such as difficulties getting into coaches with my legs as I had to use a rail replacement bus rather that the train  due to engineering work or getting up a long stairwell to have a wash and that when you're staying with friends.

That's pretty much the thing cos you can't expect them to fix everything like stairwells just for you any more than anyone else.

It doesn't mean that they're not things if you are staying together you could do to help like this for instance:

If I ran with a tray in my hand even assuming I was able to hold on to it with my hand shaking, it's very likely it would be at an angle with the risks of spillage as I'm so unco-ordinated which is why it's so important to either let us go around with someone to help us get food before people start pushing and diving in or for you to actually get and carry it for us.

It is okay to ask if I or anyone like me would like some help in situations like this and please consider our difficulties where you're getting yours and I'm trying to get mine so I don't loose my balance, tripping up.

Small things often make our lives better.

All change!

It's a bit of a different post than I'd normally make on here as it's raining cats and dogs here as I type this but as of Monday we can do more NOT that all restrictions have gone away, they haven't but in what ought to had been a moment of celebration that we'd got to a point we could do that, there's a fly in the ointment.

It seems a fair number of people had brought into the UK  a Covid variant from India, highly likely to had been people from that sub continent by not taking tests and if positive self isolating compounded a lowish vaccine uptake in come communities that simply cannot be down to not being able to be vaccinated.

This means the authorities are running round like scolded cats testing and laying on more inoculations, even vaccinating all  17's and over  in households that might have almost adult children, parents and grandparents all under the same roof  in certain areas of concern to both bring down transmission rates with the risks of hospitalization and to try to keep the date we can ease all restrictions around the expected one of June 21st.

It's annoying as many people with physical, mental health needs and issues have struggled through this pandemic, grappled with our own issues around things like generalized anxiety, struggle with social situations with lots of people and noise  to get ourselves vaccinated and it appears others who could of too, did not.

The price of such behaviour is that normality in terms everyday social interactions may be delayed a week or two and for what? Thinking what everybody else was doing didn't apply to you and risking everyone's lives.

Getting out of this thing needs all of us pulling together with no ifs, buts or maybes.

Being little Wednesday

Hi it's the what's Jo gonna post Wednesday here edition after a few concerns about an Aunt of mine who had Covid and having quite a laugh in littles chat on Tuesday.

 First off of the bat, Dad got a build a bear jacket for a bear and gave me the hanger expressly to put on the my door handle which kinda signifies I'm a little.

The other is I actually love being at the shops and helping out in the kitchen with mommy even if I have tomboyish streaks as its fun to make food and it's pretty important to know how to fix your own if you don't want to living off tv dinners and the like which aren't that healthy for you.

Learning what is what, dates on foodstuffs and what you can put together is pretty important so why is rocket science seen as more important than domestic science?  Don't those people eat???

Why not tie that in making that a wear your pinafore dress time to help bring out the more feminine side of me while we're at it?

Because the kitchen has been seen as the province of generations of women doesn't mean men shouldn't help out stacking the dish washer and that boys ought to help out too even though naturally we're eager to do what our mommies do and they need to show us "the ropes" so we can look after ourselves and any partners we may have

I also found out the name for the problem I have around hearing and being understood - it is apparently Auditory Processing Disorder - and it does tie in with developmental dyslexia which why it may of been overlooked when I was younger.

Accidents or just carelessness?

We are approaching Christmas which is where I tend to take a break from blogging at various sites and on here simply because there are plenty of things that need to be done before Christmas Day and that eats into the time.

Time and its usage has to have been an honest issue with me for years as for one thing I tend to get easily distracted and drawn into things other than what I originally intended to do that really could wait and on others it's been too easy to let someone else do something that I could of done that would of helped them out.

I wrote a few years back about spillages and breakages because all too often in the past they were ignored and excused because I am more prone to them being un-coordinated.

That rather ignored such things like I need to learn to do things in a more slower, careful way, that by doing that I put myself and anyone passing at risk of injury and that breakages that are the result of carelessness are not accidents and require me to be given consequences and made to put them right.

Spanking me firmly on the spot does help to get that over, to think first before doing things and has helped together with talking about how I can do better sharing tips and examples.

Just shrugging the shoulders doesn't really help.

A few thoughts on disability

It is in some respects a a bit of odd time for me because apart from observing the start of new term seeing the locals return or even start school for the very first time it also is the first week where officially I have the extent of my disabilities formally reflected in the financial support I receive and from that other kinds of assistance.
People had when I was growing up very conflicted ideas around what is disability thinking it was either sensory such as blindness or being hearing impaired or being full time on crutches or using a wheelchair so not to be in that category meant you were seen as not 'really' disabled except when it suited them and they tended to push you toward the idea you didn't have one even if you clearly had a disabling condition to the point you didn't really know if should should 'tick' any boxes that asked about it.
Like you could have a disabled education but not be disabled or struggle with reading but not qualify for support with form filling or finding you way around places so the fact you could walk short distances meant you inability to use that to be independent wasn't taken into account.
A very oxymoronish world.
In effect they created a category of disabled but not disabled really people who didn't get what they needed in education, work and everyday life because of a rigid medical idea about what constitutes a disability and so were bound to struggle while others were assisted and sometimes were elevated above you when it came to accessing programs that you needed.
In some respects the change from now on is I'm in that other category but really I'm just the same as I always was so I do need to think a bit more from what I used to know in making the most of being made "Really disabled" to achieve what i am able to with that support I was in effect denied for so long.
 
 
 

Being messed around again part 2 - result (of sorts)

You might possibly remember me going on about assessments recently and in particular the Personal Independence Payment that I was more or less forced to apply for in February as I was informed if I did not my existing Disability Living Allowance would stop.
This is because they decided to scrap the benefit for new claimants and force everyone to reapply from scratch rather than just migrating over, reviewing as necessary.
The process was and is long-winded with having to apply by phone, complete a form within a month and then wait for an assessment which for most people would of been at a premises rented for it but for me was a home assessment.
Well eventually I received a letter from Department of Works and Pensions who in the almost fictional separation of hired out assessors and their decision makers making them, they have decided to award me enhanced Daily Living and enhanced Mobility in a massive well stuffed envelope which has been made 'ongoing' which is way of not expressly saying indefinitely or for life but really means "we can't see you improving but we will  play to  the notion of Lazarus style recoveries for the public by giving you a date we'll check on it (but we won't do much other than confirm you're the same or worse) in ten years time.
This is significantly better than my original DLA award more inline with how I'd assess my needs although looking at the scoring they put nothing down for communication, stress, anxiety and making my own plans.
I could argue with that easily but in reality had they of put them in it would not altered the awards by the scoring points system because I knew I was at least standard Daily Living and potentially crossing into advanced and while they missed out things around help with every day life activities such as  planning, getting out which really would of given me around 4 or more points at least, they give me top points on Physical Disabilities such as getting up from a sat position and how far I could walk without needing to break off ordinarily  and so on and which were observed.
Given the overall result I feel just accepting it faults an all works as large chunks are covered and in the end the kind of support I may get to deal with these things will be down to me so I can always build in in the missing bits.

Age Regression

What we mean by age regression sadly isn't well understood by the wider public even if in the last ten years or so it has more of an acceptance by health professionals and people engaged more in the world of mental well-being.
I think the first thing we need to say is being in a child-like state of mind doesn't mean we are not cognizant that physically  we are that chronological age recorded by law and therefore governed by law, rules and to a point custom that apply to it.
To put it another way if we're over the age of majority then that does mean those things that are inappropriate  to be engaged in with an actual child still apply even if we see ourselves as being one still.
If as I did I started regressing in my teens elements of the same did come into play too even if then I was under the Minor umbrella cos somethings you may do at say sixteen aren't appropriate to doing around younger kids either. 
It's no more a route into hurting kids than medicine, teaching, or being involved in any activity that may involve working with kids regardless of some of the ignorant comments you may read might suggest because boundaries still apply.
The second thing is there's no magical age of transition from play to 'serious' activity alone with many of things regarding social roles being formed out of economic necessity during the Industrial Revolution and the tendency in agricultural communities for everyone to pitch in doing what they could taking into account age to gather the crops in or work on garments to be sold to raise money.
The discovery of Childhood as we understand it today goes back to what Britishers would call the Victorian era, that's to say from the 1830's onward and the reaction to the previous eras seeing children as mini adults, being dressed as such, having to work and not being able to have time alone from adults to play.
If you look at the common driver of much of the legislation during this era it is to gradually reduce the hours and ages children worked, to provide for education and encourage a separate social life  for children alone through things such as play or crafts.
That space is created and then filled by children themselves.
Similarly for those of working age more free time has been made by law and custom so that even if of necessity we may work (and most of us do) then we too can play, explore or make things.
Age Regression is more a question of going back to that point in our lives as children  and acting on those feelings and interests we had and for a good number of us still have that we feel most comfortable with. 
The only difference is some of those things are more associated with being a child even though we all know adults must be involved as they design toys, test out construction kits or even get paid to play with Lego.
For a good number of us we find going back to more of our past lives therapeutic, putting in a place mentally we feel more comfortable, at one with ourselves being able to BE ourselves and for some work through emotional issues too.

Wednesday's assessment

Last Wednesday I had my face to face assessment for Personal Independence Payment at home as it had been decided I couldn't attend a centre belong to the people who do it.
The person who I'd say was in their thirties to do it was about a quarter of an hour early which I had anticipated being somewhat questioning of peoples motivations and so was as prepared as I could be and seen to be engaging in removing anything that might put thoughts into their minds.
It was quite a bit shorter than I'd of expected at just over twenty-five minutes from coming in to leaving whereas an hour is typical so it may be a question of going through the motions so having checked I had ID (thanks to folk who come from backgrounds where ID Fraud is common in 2019 you have to prove everything triple fold) she took a short history of me before going into a few areas on the previously completed form.
These areas included planning, getting and eating a meal which for me include the inability grip things, chop things, remember instructions (and what things look like), help with eating such as cutting up food and drinking where typically I use straws.
She dd ask about hobbies so I mentioned comic and magazine reading being light weight so easier to turn pages and ties to developmental disabilities and dyslexia which with me puts me on a reading age below eleven years and watching tv specifically childrens tv because so much of adult tv is beyond my understanding and following plus my plushie collection where upon being asked if I buy and sell said I didn't I just collect and Mom explained I have them bought for me.
Anything involving keyboards, gripping things wasn't mentioned.  
Former voluntary work was mentioned but explained no longer did and it was very much as and when I was well enough to attend.
We talked about dressing where I need help putting clothes on, seeing the aren't inside out and back to front, help with bathing  before moving on to a few tests.
I was asked to show how far could raise arm up, bend down, move neck, find a wall where I failed to and to raise from chair where I didn't manage to get fully upright before needing to sit so tests on my feet for staying upright were cancelled (I suspect they'll take my word and medical evidence for.)
We did talk about anxiety as it effects me, needing someone to keep me calm, help deal with situations.
With that it was concluded with her reassuring me I have nothing to worry about and that I wouldn't lose any money after explaining she'd write a report for DWP who run this thing.
We'll see how it goes.

Being messed about again

Sometimes it can seem that you're surround by a Government run merry-go-round as having eventually got my money sorted for being unable to work even if felt up to it, we have another hoop to go through because the money that's supposed to help meet my personal needs has had a change.
In Britain, we have for a longish period of time given by assessment money to people to help meet the costs of disability such as adaptions, equipment, services or support outside of social services through a variety of differing schemes.
The last expansion of this came in 1992 with the replacement of Attendence Allowance and Mobility payments for under 65's by a broader mainly self certified scheme called Disability Living Allowance where you set out what your needs were and why, doctors and consultants would be asked  to verify the accuracy of you said and so you'd be given an award for varying periods depending on likelihood of it improving or not.
I remember applying for it in November of 1994 and because of my own situation was given an 'indefinite' award because mine cannot improve, quite the opposite actually so when in response to some concern about the potential for fraud, many people were sent to 'medicals' periodically effectively I was exempted not that much fraud really existed but it satisfied the man at the pub who thought so and so believed they shouldn't be getting it.
It is worthwhile considering what actually is the criteria to be considered because to simply have a condition of itself isn't sufficient, you normally need to show how that effects you, what you may need and how that help.
The example people tend to quote against automatic condition as qualifier is a person has a eye deficiency - let's say they are short-sighted - and while without correction they are impacted supplying a (inexpensive) pair of glasses enables them to get around so they don't *need* extra payments.
Two things I'd say from that is this presumes people have sufficient money after regular spending to buy a pair since free glasses ended for most people over eighteen in the mid 1980's and some eye conditions don't lend themselves to simple correction and are grounds to such as severe impairment or actual blindness.
Fuelled by what was seen as increased costs and the idea some with low care needs didn't really need financial help the then coalition government  in 2010 decided to change the system to something that had less provision for lower rate care needs and radically reduced distances  for showing a person was unable or virtually unable to walk with face to face assessments by people called health care professionals who aren't and don't consider anything from specialists to decide if you do.
This is called Personal Independence Payments (P.I.P's)
To date the governments own National Audit Office Report has shown this change has actually allowing for inflation resulted in more spending on disability payments not the anticipated reduction, more cases are won on appeal at expense and many reports from the health care professionals contain errors sometimes even whole falsehoods.
I received a letter late last week informing my INDEFINITE award was stopping soon and I'd have to make a fresh application for PIP so I now have to get a form and fill it out like I did for the Work Capability Assessment eighteen months ago and like I ended up to sort out my main income replacement benefit just before Christmas.
I finally after a long wait and a twenty-two minute phone call got the form coming to me soon.
Will this ever end as with me at least nothing can change for the better and to be honest they might as well of just passported me over as they all the information they need as I'm not getting any better as my body ages.

Lessons Learned

As mentioned last week I was going to be away for a littles meet up and have only just arrived back a little lacking in spoons on Tuesday afternoon.
It may well of been showery when this picture was taken, but that wasn't the internal meteorological forecast because actually it was sunny inside for doing what I feel is the more important thing when you're away like exploring and visiting places and things.
 Not only did I behave myself, I found reserves of fitness as impacted as I am by my disabilities to do the things that until recently I'd of thought twice about like actually walking there and back to the castle in the background, enjoying the Whitcliffe Common Nature reserve along the way surrounded by trees.
It certainly wasn't easy for me with hilly terrain with some mud from the overnight rain difficult to walk through but I actually did it.
I like the things you can do indoors such as quizzes, colouring, arts and crafts and even the odd spot of cookery that connect to littles life in various sometimes not so direct ways but perhaps for me something more like a Brownies or Girl Guides camp  in feel and activities is what is more needed?

Role playing?

There are times when I do feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall  of one one them is when it is people insist this thing I write about is just a role play that I elect to play some of the time.
Now it isn't that there's anything wrong of itself with role playing someone who is younger although people do argue about how far and in what context it should be if that is what you feel (and clearly there is a need as it is being met commercially).
No, it's that for some of us it is more going back in your headspace so you are responding as if you were that child or for people like me that in reality a chunk of you is always in a child-like mode and that in effect you are an adult sized child.
Now interesting at a mainstream spanking site of all places there was a link placed to an online magazine that used a actual 1936 test for Emotional Age that people such as psychologists did use to assess the emotional maturity of people as distinct from going just by chronological age.
As it happened I did it which involved answering with a Yes or No a series of twenty-five questions based on certain scenarios, a marking scheme and a calculation to convert the marks to assessed Emotional Age.
The result I got from this was shockingly close to how I had assessed in my own head my my emotional age as I know to be very truthful I am 'immature' in certain respects and not able to function at an adult level.
The test score made me 11.3 years old.  I have maintained for a good number of years I was around  10 and not older than 12 simply because I never 'felt' older, able to carry what anyone older could and it was obvious even in childhood that was so.
Now let's go back to that assertion and again consider if I am 'age playing' here or not?
NO-what is going on is the handling by the standards more of my own era of a 'child' in effect -me- by adults who of necessity have to be parental, have to do things and set boundaries, reinforcing them strictly.
That's the goddam truth.

Getting things together

Oh well, reaching from the back to fasten anything not least to plat your own hair was always going to difficult for some of us with poor grip and worse co-ordination but you sure can't fault her for trying which is an easy mindset to fall into.
Sometimes it's born of the expectation someone else will always do such things for you or that you are so used to told you never will, it becomes a belief system so you never explore any way in which you might cos in your mind you have you can't and never will.
I've been there to, being capable of getting into a very defensive mindset which may of had more toward how others handled such things in the past especially if they tried guilt tripping you into the bargain but sometimes new techniques can make a real difference so why deprive yourself of a potential ability?

May bank holiday report

This week we're talking about something a bit different, mainly colouring as that's what I've been doing a fair bit of across the weekend to relax as sometimes I get rather anxious apart from find it helps with my hand-eye co-ordination and leaves me feeling more in my natural little space.

Before I'm off again I need to remember to get a new colouring book as I've almost finished this one.
This does lead into the area of things that can only happen in littlespace which occurred with me which is of course pencils do wear down for which we have pencil sharpeners but with my grip having to sharpen most of them I struggled.
While doing that I had friction burns and a nasty blister that stung for hours making hard to do stuff like eat.
The other thing was connected with the tv as most programs come via a massive roof top antenna and it goes to box that boosts and sends out to all the tv sets.
On Sunday we had as many did here in the midlands torrential rain, thunder and lightning and it blow up the box that distributes it resulting in partial loss of tv with only the stronger signals coming through.
Repairing that, the person who looks after it falls with a loud scream and sends a glass object flying at speed from the loft space to the floor that naturally enough breaks into thousands of pieces to sweep up.  
Trouble is I can't actually get in their to rescue them so I was relieved he managed to get out by himself so I'd have to get someone to climb up to get them.
 I also had my annual tax statement as my social insurance payments are potentially taxable although I don't earn enough year on year to get into the income tax bracket or rather I had two which seems rather odd as I see no difference between them. I've fled that away for future reference.

Thoughts on reaction to Steven Hawking's death

As I'm laying resting my damp bones here it has been snowing hard so I thought I'd write a few thoughts up around disability in the light of Professor Steven Hawking's death not least reaction to that as much had been written not just around his intellectual and professional achievements being inspirational but also of his Motor Nurone disabling him.

 (Source: ITW)
One reason actually I've chosen this picture with Steven on the far left was it was taken in 1977 and like him I also used a BEC electric wheelchair which were made in the Black Country around the same era, showing him with his then wife and children, being a family.
Steven's condition left him with what I'd call an 'output problem', one in a differing context I share  where while he knew - and was very gifted intellectually - what he wanted to communicate, putting that over especially into words was hard going and required assistive technology.
In one sense I feel Steve's achievements showed physical disability by itself isn't a barrier to learning in an era when many physically disabled children received a sub-standard education taking no public examinations because of the attitude of "You won't be able to get on in life" and Steven himself received a Grammar School education prior to developing MND.
The otherside of some public reaction to seeing that is to argue every disabled person is capable of learning to the same degree which I'd say isn't true even if there is a lot of mileage in saying different ways of teaching do aid learning  and the traditional one whole learning style approach doesn't work making learning harder for those of us with learning difficulties.
The other area is that his achievements were aided by the support he received in studying and personal care tailored around his needs and the times he required that whereas many disabled people in education often receive little and those outside feel they spend more of their time on battling to get appropriate personal needs paid for and met. It's not unknown for disabled people to put to bed as early as 8PM because it suits the care system who provide home helps where you may wish to be out for longer.
Influence at least in this society does make a difference and the sort of family and social class does count for something not that I'm personally against using any connections to advance you or your families needs being recognized and he was in a better position than many in that respect.
That support can make or break your attempt to break out of the cycle of low achievement helping the individual  to make the most of their abilities including their academic and vocational ones  many disabled people through no fault of their own find themselves.
So to conclude like many I was inspired by Steven's achievements and ability beyond his very real disabilities, one should not forget not everyone is the same and not all have the support system advantages he was able to get (and rightly) that greatly aided it.