What If I Mess Up in Public?

When you think about the disciplinary process there's usually two ideas, sometimes running in tandem that take centre stage .
The first is the idea of the person, let's call them the disciplinarian for convenience's sake observing a situation around you and taking the decision to discipline you there and then may be with a few minutes to think out exactly what he'll do.
Another might be that they have a regular time set a side in the week where they may review a written record of any infractions you have had including any with other people that have been reported and that they use that time to discipline you, setting up any additional work on your attitudes.
In general I prefer to be taken in hand within minutes of the infraction for a number of reasons such as I do soon get anxious if any kind of response - scolding, spanking or restitution -  is delayed and any connection to what I have done is soon lost or 'distorted through time' with me. This is fine if I'm staying with someone who does spank me and we're some where with some degree of privacy such as a home or place where 'little's meets may be happening where they may be a spare room or quiet spot to administer it. Indeed to be seen to be taken way and to return tearful, rubbing your sore bottom, only adds to the sense of shame even if the spanking has been carried out in private as they know why and what must of happened.
Thing is, sometimes this just isn't going to be possible such as we're in a public park, I'm dressed more vanilla but mess up as there's crowds about (and sometimes crowds have an effect on me) or some public venue such as a mall but even a discrete attempt at smacking me may be observed and bring us to other folks attention.
That's one occasion you as the disciplinarian , you need to step in and say something like "Jo I WILL spank you as soon as we're home (or back at camp) because (state infraction) is disrespectful" and if there's a bit cover around so you won't be seen , a swat delivered  to my bottom as you say that to remind me you're in charge helps even though it's not ideal because any uncertainty about how you feel and what will happen is removed. I know what to expect and why and all you need to do is take me to the place you spank me when we get back to deliver the spanking I need .

Preparing and stuff

It's a busy time for me with just over a week before I'm away for short while so there's sorting and freshening up things to go as not only is there just so much room in my case plus any 'hand luggage' there is the fact it's damaged pawed wobberly me that's carrying it until I get a friends so I can't take tons of stuff with me either 'just in case' or for a change every few hours for several days with all the co-ordinating that takes.
That means I restrict it to a few things I'm comfortable with that co-ordinate with  common 'base layers' which sounds rather close to uniform which you could say it is.

 Great Britain is a country where very many schools, State and Independent have uniforms that pretty much have to be adhered to the style of which has change for a good number over the years although the current trend is toward more traditional forms such as the pinafore perhaps a backlash from the late 1990's, early 2000's fascination with more casual almost track suitish  'sporty' attire that also influenced Girl Guilding uniforms.
Believe me I'm much happier with that kind of approach as it makes managing and picking out what to wear much much easier.
Another kind of preparing of a less pleasant kind is getting my head together for Thursday when the funeral service for my Aunt will be held as currently there's a three week waiting list for them at least in my district and at least the service is within walking distance.

So true

Indeed  am a little am for real having been seen in the flesh by a good number of people  and most definitely proud.
Terms or indeed if there was a single term to describe what you might call an adult by age who doesn't feel adult, who shares many of the facets of a child not by acting but just spontaneous responses to everyday situations change and indeed at the start of this quest that began in actual childhood I didn't even know to describe this feeling of being younger than your years existed.
It can take differing presentational forms such adult baby/toddler, little or more of a school boy or girl form or even just on the inside with just regular adult attire on it's just a state of being that once you accept it is you really is the bestest thing.

The role of this blog

The third Tenth Anniversary special where we're looking back to  why and what this blog is for and about.
When it comes to blogging, people have many different reasons for doing so which is often connected to the purpose of the actual blog and part of last years activity wasn't just about tidying each but also about exactly how each one relates to each other.
I would say the main purpose of this blog is is to talk though trends in how I am feeling and how my interactions are going so I get a clearer picture of what is on my mind and the reason behind sharing this is because other people may be going through similar episodes in their lives and the ways in which it is dealt with.
The  final element of this is to help spread awareness of the needs of people like me who all to often fall through the twilight  gap of being legally adult but having many of the characteristics and issues of typically older children which has its upside -even if I could wave a magic wand and fix it, I'm not so sure I'd want to- and its downsides whose parallels are linked by being developmental more child-like.
Just about the easiest thing to do in terms of popularity would be to push a whole correction to endless cycle infraction, lines and a spanking side as believe you me their are lots of people who'd merry live their own fantasies through you totally missing the point which is it is the last resort when reasoning doesn't work and for me and those who look after me there's nothing remotely kinky in this.
We're just trying to work with my attitudes and behaviours to bring about more permanent changes for the better by one to one guidance, modelling for the most part but with the agreed sanctions if I breach our agreed standards of behaviour expected of me rather than looking for an 'excuse' to spank.
When this blog was first envisaged, it was seen more as a log of incidents before it became apparent more of our time was being spent on weekly reviews and the outcomes such as set exercises or aims and target setting which lead to the a more review and discussion lead approach when it came to to the entries here.

Age regression and age play

Age Regression is when you revert to a younger mindset with its own interests and means of expression that arise from your own past compared to your chronologically  age appropriate ones especially as an adult.
For some people this can be a coping mechanism from trauma or sense in which the current world is 'too much' for them to cope with so moving to one where you are following more a child-like role enjoying play activities while another acting more as a caretaker, guardian or quasi-parent takes on the oversight that most adults most of time assume for themselves, being cared for directly is not uncommon.
This as with me ties very much into not in certain critical respects having developed the adult skills required to handle and assume those roles and responsibilities.
It's less acting a role out as just 'being' that person as it happens and because it can lead to complications working out that balance between the side of you that needs to be big and that inner  kid where their own 'age' and with it, needs, because that side has its own development
What it is that you do during that period and what it is certainly has been at the centre of some controversy from the very beginning  because it takes us to some very awkward points because for much of place especially online the term used for what you do whilst in that headspace is "Age Play" but it has become linked with other things.
It is undeniably the case that some people have used the presentation as someone younger  as a warm up for adult sexual behaviour but that has always been an act put on by and for that purpose alone and that the sexualization of childhood rightly concerns people. It is beyond argument too such a sexual side to it is kink based with 'sexy schoolgirl' as interchangeable as that of 'Office girl sexpot' as a role that they put on.
Age Regression though is never about this, it is about letting that child side out to play as an actual bio child would in itself but that very word 'play' because of the context it has been used in suggests playing a role, which  it isn't but more acting more in accordance with the regressed adult child you feel at the psychological level.
Think of it more as letting the breaks of adult behaviour inhibitors where instead of trying to act grown up because of social pressure and ridicule for being the adult child you are, you 'play' the way that bio-child within feels and if their chronological age was say ten, the kind of life you would a  actual ten your old would playing, reading etc with the social responsibilities that child would too including caretaker roles for another adult to look after situations you need help with in order for you to feel safe. To do that is literally Age Playing, acting in accordance ones mental and developmental age and with me that's painfully apparent because at no point can I relate with you as in an adult to adult context because mentally I'm never there. I'm always looking at and for you to being the 'adult' and yes look after the adult-child me.
In plain speak I have the need to be parented and a parent authority figure to do so.
Just saying that is profoundly shocking for some people and there are others who simply refuse to accept this isn't a game of "I want a daddy to play with me" rather than doing the tax returns that I could just snap my fingers and leave.
Indeed that was at the core of an unpleasant public ridiculing on one adult spanking related site where I was attacked by someone who could not see this before being banned but that whole experience shook me up because in effect an adult humiliated a child wrapped in an adults body for being themselves.
That's why actually understanding this whole thing matters and why I'm talking about on the tenth anniversary of this blog.

On the loss of a dear Aunt

Today's entry was not the planned one but as one increasingly realizes not every eventuality lends itself to such an approach not least anything involving people.
We received a telephone call on Wednesday from Mom's brother in law saying my Aunt who had been unwell for a period moving into a care home about five miles away for about eight months following a fall, showed that she wasn't really safe to be 'at home'  even with some supervision, had died having contracted pneumonia on New Years Day.
That didn't particularly surprise me as I had seen over a two year period when I visited her, a marked deterioration in her condition an her moving from limited informal oversight from family and neighbours to more formal careworkers coming in and a 'careline' being put in although she always looked after her personal hygiene and ate well.
My Aunt was one of the central characters in my life because I often visited her at least once a week if I was 'home' myself as it was a home from home where given the many issues and incidents on my weirdo family history that would break out. I go spending hours with talking about things as she'd try to settle me down from the drama around my home life having left often with a book, some money and my plushies.
She lived with her parents because she needed a some support although she worked for a good number of years at automotive factory locally until taking retirement and so that unit was in my ways an alternate family for me that did accept what we know would see as a more child-like regressive side from my teens and older.
They also spend a lot of time talking to me about pasts, my families pasts, their pasts and how we ended up where we did encouraging me to talk more about what was was on my mind and why it was troubling me.
This was a link I kept up for a very long time so outside of my regular at least once weekly  visits I go with Mom around birthdays and Christmas, chatting along the way with her neighbours and indeed it did get to me this christmas past as it was a ritual I missed from the previous year.
The one thing I know is I'll miss her.

Tenth anniversary issue - the how and why

Actually in two days time it will be the Tenth Anniversary of this blog and so we may as well start by revisiting what it is about as sometimes people get that wrong because it was established to be about my needs, my issues with my behaviours and attitudes and how I'm getting better now.

It's the beginning of a New Year  that follows on from the last so naturally I'll be in the course of the year writing about how I'm feeling and how my behaviour is shaping up but it's a good start to the year to consider what a important part of my regressed life is about.
It's to match my developmental needs to a way of training me to do more for myself, to learn and apply societal norms as much as they may need to consider and sometimes adjust to better accommodate those things I cannot alter.
This involves being given one on one guidance and tuition on everyday life skills so learn how to do perform tasks and from then on assume greater responsibility for meeting them and where it involves working with people accepting and working with their oversight with them having the final say.
Because of my tendency to be lost in the moment oblivious to risks, to have difficulty in crossing busy roads safely and communication based issues I accept other people have to assume certain responsibilities in caring roles with me.
Part of that is as the adult-child being cared for involves the use of spanking to deliver clear consequences where agreed breaches of attitudes and behaviours occur.
Within that relationship the following general rules apply to the carer in looking after me
1. Give Affection at Least at a Rate of 10 to 1. 
As the adult-child, I have emotional needs such as to feel loved, wanted and cared for and to feel that from you as much as need you to spank me sometimes.
2. Never Spank a Adult-Child in Public. 
The act of disciplining is a private one between you and me that needs no extra public humiliation adding even if some of our friends know I am and I'm okay with that.
3. Never Use Excess Force.
The spanking I need needs itself to be proportional to what I have done, sufficient to deter me from that offence that I knew would bring it.
4. All Spanking Offenses Must Be Made Known in Advance, Carved in Stone, and Fully Understood.
It's important to know which of  those things that I do will result in a spanking, that there is consistency in your handling them and I have shown I understand the consequences of my actions.
If the going is tough, make eye contact with me. Say "Listen to me" "If you do x, I will spank you" and once it is clear I have understood that if I still do, then do it for me.
5. Be Truthful and Consistent, It Could Save a Life.
A relationship where you care and from that discipline me needs me to feel I can trust you and you will treat me in a fair consistent manner because those actions my keep me from dangers I am unaware of be they life threatening or likely to result in injury.

New Year thoughts

As I sit here typing my minds thoughts move toward what I and this blog have been doing and what we are so looking forward to from this New Year onward and I think I know how I'll begin this even if only directly applies to a section of my followers.
The life we lead as age regressors matters more than the labels, their definitions and what different groups may think of what words we use to describe this thing we do and what by extension a good portion of this blog talked about last year.
It's what you do for real that actually matters such as the various meet ups I attended out there in the real world and wrote about doing things together, forming friendships, exploring for yourself  what in age regression it is you love and having found out what you don't, respecting your friends who have different likes.
It's also the things you may do on your own  or share less in real space but in cyber-space because they feel right for you and no one online community such as on Tumblr owns you very own regression. Indeed the most they can say is 'don't post about this and this' in a community you've chosen to join with their name and tags on.
I dislike discourse with a passion but there have been some occasions last year on here I've just needed to say a few things because I firmly believe some of that drama we see in age regression on Tumblr is causing harm to those who do regress due to trauma and other conditions and disabilities.
Getting that out of the way, another good thing is to spend as much time outdoors as you can switching off from the online world and allowing yourself to be in the moment with nature whither or not you walk as I have started to do more of, learning to reflect and take comfort from the everyday stuff of life. It's not just mental resilience and healing it will help either but overall wellness even if you face heath or disability related limitations.
One thing I do write about here is things like colouring which can help with de-stressing and improving your co-ordination skills which if they are like mine, poor and with reading which can cover things around the age range you regress to for sheer enjoyment or if you like me you struggle with reading by carefully selecting more upper junior fiction that stretches your vocabulary help in learning to read more for information and picking more the feeling of characters in those stories. The books I wrote about last year fitted that definition to a tee.
You for me it'll be that I'll be doing this New Year, sharing it with you all here and for some fortunate folks even under the same roof together.
Happy New Year!