Toleration: A Two way street?

 Almost the end of the month so after relaxing a bit on Monday we come to a different topic as we try to find where this blog fits in 2023.

One thing is to just talk around certain things and one is relevant as I sit typing this out upstairs and that is the attitudes of the neighbours adult children although in truth they've displayed this through most of their childhood.

I go to put on a record - yes one those big plastic things with holes on - and within minutes I am hearing loud persistent knocking from the room opposite next door where one has returned where it was not being played unduly loudly and I might add I have loud computer gaming with very strong language being used to half eleven at night from them.

At other times one as knocking in the evening or loud singing to karaoke systems and indeed on Saturday thick smoke from a B-BQ that caused us to shut every window as we were struggling to breathe.

They are it has to be said autistic - which I openly admit I am too - but this wouldn't and wasn't allowed to develop to a sense of telling everybody else where to get off while imposing your needs and impulses on others.

It just seems to me their parents take the easy way out rather than encouraging toleration and some respect for others at bed time too.

Socializing and behaviour

Sometimes where you're thinking about how in any given situation we react around each other whither or not it's at home, at work or even say online in a forum it's as well to remember contrary what is often asserted, not everybody involved is in state of permanent fully realized maturity.

While to me and a good number of my closest friends we know we are not and fully see the child within come out in good ways and sometimes not so good ways such as getting stroppy or otherwise appearing rude because as littles this is what we know it what we also see is others who may not identify as we do but exhibiting similar behaviour.

Sometimes it helps if you visualize in such situation say men who might may appear to be so disgusted by the notion of being swept away by emotions as boys in their short pants they feel the need to act up to push away your emotionally driven drama seeing it as a weakness rather than engaging with it working through it to a resolution.

They're repelling something they can't cope with and that to them threatens their rumbustious sense of being, bringing to the surface their 'must hide' insecurities.
It isn't just men who may act like that so might anxious and insecure women and that can aid us in understanding them.

I think when you do see that, it can lead you to toward having a more tolerant view of obnoxious behaviour because we can now see they are still growing and developing feeling able to let more as much as we and they need to work on them.

Sometimes it appears to me, that's the problem, we see people as being "mature" we impose standards on them that they are bound to fail at when they like us are a work in progress in need of appropriate guidance and correction.

To me that's been the gain in understanding more why expectations widely promoted so often are dashed, because rather than working on raising our standards people all to often just presume you knew. 

Accidents or just carelessness?

We are approaching Christmas which is where I tend to take a break from blogging at various sites and on here simply because there are plenty of things that need to be done before Christmas Day and that eats into the time.

Time and its usage has to have been an honest issue with me for years as for one thing I tend to get easily distracted and drawn into things other than what I originally intended to do that really could wait and on others it's been too easy to let someone else do something that I could of done that would of helped them out.

I wrote a few years back about spillages and breakages because all too often in the past they were ignored and excused because I am more prone to them being un-coordinated.

That rather ignored such things like I need to learn to do things in a more slower, careful way, that by doing that I put myself and anyone passing at risk of injury and that breakages that are the result of carelessness are not accidents and require me to be given consequences and made to put them right.

Spanking me firmly on the spot does help to get that over, to think first before doing things and has helped together with talking about how I can do better sharing tips and examples.

Just shrugging the shoulders doesn't really help.

From how I see it

Our attitudes and behaviours for some of us are things that we do struggle with that can be in an age regressed setting, within age playing scenarios and for some more in the everyday adult world.

For some of us situations that might be irritants for others become overwhelming that either we try to control others to control how their behaviours affect us or we ourselves project our emotions through lashing out at them.

The problem with those approaches is they ignore the everyday social boundaries by flipping the attention those things that you cannot control which only amplifies our reactions.

It is really ourselves that we alone can control adequately if we put our minds to it that really is the more fruitful approach to take and sometimes we see things in a very different way than others might.

There are times with me it has to come out before I really start paying attention to sorting out my behaviour.

Dealing with those times we've messed up

In what has been a cool week I have been think a little about  how we deal with those times we are not being our best and have caused some offence or other.
It would be easy - and I've done it - to just ignore it as if really it didn't matter in the slightest and anyway don't we all make mistakes?
The thing is, it's less about us and rather more about the impact of our actions on others plus in time even that catches up with us when we are not able to get what we normally would of expected because of what we have done.
It's better to try to deal with it instead.

 

It's better to begin by acknowledging the need to express our regret over the behaviour or attitudes we showed and clearly show we accept responsibility alone for the wrong we did.

As good as those two things are they are insufficient because we have hurt others and so we need to it right - restitution - consider what we could do and do it.

People may want to say "It's okay" but actually telling us that isn't helpful because it WAS NOT okay     so they should enable us to make that step perhaps saying "Yes I'd like you to do that".

After doing that we need to tell them we will try not to do that again and ask for their forgiveness.

 It is a sad fact many of us struggle with this and others don't seem willing to help us through it.

Until next week, bye.

Pushing away

As I'm typing this it's raining hard  from what I can make out of the gloom just showing through my bedroom window at this hour so whither or not I get outside remains to be seen although after another day where the politicians singularly failed yet again discussing and voting on trade options after the EU but NOT passing an actual withdraw agreement that EU Rules require before they can start negotiating trade outside of it with us.
It's hardly surprising then that a return to the constants in my life has been around in the last month or so across the board as much as because all that "groan up" stuff I've struggled with motivation. 

I have been spending more time out not just walking although I have been doing that too but also sat in the park, just focusing on what's around such as the various flowers that are starting to emerge from the winter, passing insects and birds and trying to keep my mind more more on what I need to do rather than being diverted toward those things that really I have little control over.
I have been doing a bit more reading, reading more of the kinds of stories I loved in original childhood with mysteries and adventures and connected with it spending a bit more time on a website for people who like that kind of fiction, talking with them.
Being in more of a child-like mindset makes for a big difference not least when as it was at the weekend Mother's day over here cos our relationship is still very much child to parent.
As well I have been around SN as tensions lead to toward issues in my emotions and breakdowns when it comes my behaviour that can be talked through as much as with someone like me spanking or at the very least a reminder of its likelihood really helps with it as I easily get into oppositional conduct striking out.
That sites recent changes seem to have reinvigorated it not just in having a software update but also when it comes to interaction with more discussion as well as 'fun' threads.

2018 review

Usually I write a bit of a review on this blog where I look at the year and where things look like they're going but I'm not so sure about that because of the recent changes at Tumblr  where I've spent a lot of my time appealing false nsfw flags and even falsely flagging an entire Tumblr.
It may be that one might go or even ultimately both do rather like in April Googles failed social media experiment, Google + goes for good and that does reduce significantly the target audience for this blog.
Something that looks set to stay is little space as in spending time expressly as a little in time spent with friends although we're set to test drive a new venue nearer to me soon because outside of all the other  stuff with me, politics around Brexit have driven me to limit so time switched off from it is a must.
It's something that oddly enough this Christmas I spoke with my younger brother with explaining why it was I had one present and which suprisingly he agreed and said that's why he models and makes things from kits and that. 
It seems for a variety of different reasons there are a good number of people taking a step out of adult concerns and instead playing even it has a 'adult disguise'.
I even looked very much little while with him saying what I did!
Something else something I don't talk about every week here and can no longer even hint at on Tumblr was part of reason this blog exists and why until things kicked off on Tumblr, there was a brief mention of is that spanking is a part of my life and a part of how of that was connected with April's  death of Susan it came back in.
That was because as I explained in last years post on her death, it was something we both talked in very open, frank, way about long before I met some of people who have been part of my life since  and some of those who accepting my need to be spanked as a little in a non sexual parental way have without fail met that need.
I am grateful for being spanked and for the first times since high school being caned for helping me realize where I was making mistakes and certainly teaching me lessons I badly needed.

One thing is for sure in 2019 being spanked and caned is very much a certainty for me because it is having the desired effect on me apart from making me feel very much that child subject to adult authority.
In that way despite personal losses, I have come on underlining why this whole combination of age regression incorporating era specific corporal punishment is so good for me.

Laziness

 

Today as I write this ready for publication I am taking advantage of LilJennies being away meaning Sunday's Furry Story time isn't happening this week to get on with some work.
One thing I think is worth talking over again is what we call Laziness as it effects us and the people we live and work replete with the struggles  in overcoming it.

It's a good idea to know what it is we are talking about here and the OED definition is "the quality of being unwilling to work or use energy; idleness" which suggests this isn't a physiological thing such that arise from low self-esteem or depression but more an attitude to avoid or do the least work possible.

I think it's important both as the person who is exhibiting the behaviour and also for the one who is helping you with it to know the difference between "can't" and won't".

Some start points for a won't is the belief that it is someone elses responsibility  to undertake a task such as organize an event we wish to participate in or having notice that say a person has left some litter that we shug our shoulders as if to say "I don't do it, why should I clean this up?" when we are capable of doing it and keeping the area tidy is everybody's responsibility.

For some this began and ended by end of childhood and yet we see it go on around us. Still others of us have to truthfully say we are a part of this because we tend to be lazy perhaps because nobody would dare call us out over it.

I know when I was having major issues around this and procrastination things go to the point that I had a mentor who was able to see revisiting this more from the angle of a childhood hang over  and we agreed to resort to spanking without exception me because anything that worked on verbal reasoning got fogged over and totally misunderstood.

It took several goes to get this burned into my critical faculties - that there were painful consequences  before I started to offer or act first  as a matter of course which has lead the odd lapse aside to considerable improvements in my attitudes and behaviours so for me spanking did help with it.

An area that is associated with is feeling tired that may not be laziness per se but coming more from feeling tired and so not included to want to help because we did not manage our own health issues by taking medication, getting in necessary sleep and maintaining general well being.

I know I've had issues with cutting out sleep for cyber life at night before now so I just lacked energy to do what I needed to do for me and any agreed chores and apart from scoldings I have had lines and spankings for.

Unless you've gone through this, you have no idea how you mess up your own life often for the least important things just for a obsession of that moment you couldn't leave alone.
That's why I think it's well worth revisiting this topic today.

Tenth anniversary issue - the how and why

Actually in two days time it will be the Tenth Anniversary of this blog and so we may as well start by revisiting what it is about as sometimes people get that wrong because it was established to be about my needs, my issues with my behaviours and attitudes and how I'm getting better now.

It's the beginning of a New Year  that follows on from the last so naturally I'll be in the course of the year writing about how I'm feeling and how my behaviour is shaping up but it's a good start to the year to consider what a important part of my regressed life is about.
It's to match my developmental needs to a way of training me to do more for myself, to learn and apply societal norms as much as they may need to consider and sometimes adjust to better accommodate those things I cannot alter.
This involves being given one on one guidance and tuition on everyday life skills so learn how to do perform tasks and from then on assume greater responsibility for meeting them and where it involves working with people accepting and working with their oversight with them having the final say.
Because of my tendency to be lost in the moment oblivious to risks, to have difficulty in crossing busy roads safely and communication based issues I accept other people have to assume certain responsibilities in caring roles with me.
Part of that is as the adult-child being cared for involves the use of spanking to deliver clear consequences where agreed breaches of attitudes and behaviours occur.
Within that relationship the following general rules apply to the carer in looking after me
1. Give Affection at Least at a Rate of 10 to 1. 
As the adult-child, I have emotional needs such as to feel loved, wanted and cared for and to feel that from you as much as need you to spank me sometimes.
2. Never Spank a Adult-Child in Public. 
The act of disciplining is a private one between you and me that needs no extra public humiliation adding even if some of our friends know I am and I'm okay with that.
3. Never Use Excess Force.
The spanking I need needs itself to be proportional to what I have done, sufficient to deter me from that offence that I knew would bring it.
4. All Spanking Offenses Must Be Made Known in Advance, Carved in Stone, and Fully Understood.
It's important to know which of  those things that I do will result in a spanking, that there is consistency in your handling them and I have shown I understand the consequences of my actions.
If the going is tough, make eye contact with me. Say "Listen to me" "If you do x, I will spank you" and once it is clear I have understood that if I still do, then do it for me.
5. Be Truthful and Consistent, It Could Save a Life.
A relationship where you care and from that discipline me needs me to feel I can trust you and you will treat me in a fair consistent manner because those actions my keep me from dangers I am unaware of be they life threatening or likely to result in injury.

The 2017 review

It is the custom on my blogs to write a review of sorts around how my life has been over the last twelve months or so and Joanne's Dorm is no exception where we gather trends and notable episodes and here they are usually connected to my behaviour, attitude and disciplining.
I think the start point should be that the blog itself has like all of my blogs this year had a bit of a make over because they all go back a good number of years where the layouts were compromised by what blogger offered when it came to its templates so this has been bright more into line now with the others using easier to find Page elements the amount of static information shown  has been kept down and so on because the family of blogs gives you the whole picture while each specializes on key areas.
The second is that the title reflects the wider scope of this blog which is it has more thoughts and reflections by and about me and my life in it so while there is narrative it is more informative and I hope more entertaining.
It isn't a spanking blog but a blog that covers spanking in my life so my life, my emotions and feelings which do feed into situations where spanking is how I'm disciplined is covered rather more than it did.
One thing I have been talking rather more about this year is how my disabilities effect me, the stress and frustrations I feel and how that can and does effect my interactions with others in part because just writing about such things as feeling your needs are ignored in the political debate and how the changes to government social programs affect and influence my responses.
Although this Christmas preparation just gone has had its messy moments like my brother forgetting to pick up our presents from an aunt he'd expressly gone to get, a whole lot of 'cat herding' and his unannounced arrival yesterday that delayed our meal by over an hour (the activity around pans doesn't drop any hints with him!) that had a knock on effect all day, I had managed to avoid snapping and kicking off.
As well I have been engaged a bit more with my health walking weather permitting to improve my breathing, physical fitness, losing some weight  and switching off more enjoying being at one with nature, being in the moment.
Another has been how the support  over the years is helping to change some of my more immature responses to situations to one where I do take more responsibility not just for myself but also for others by doing things for everyone from helping more at littles camp to actively taking a part in preparing and cooking what we are eating.
Moving to being a passive consumer of others contributions to making a contribution.
Much of this is because there was been a gradual shift in the relationship ground rules such as being expected  to contribute, to be engaged with whatever is going on and more over they have shifted to a very much child-like handling model that has me doing chores and being told explicitly what to do.
That same shift also includes being scolded on the spot before being spanked with no exceptions whenever I breach those understandings about my role and conduct with those people I interact with.
It has helped me no end this year to have my bared bottom spanked by hand, slipper and tawse sometimes a few times one after the other to instill better discipline in me as it has help prevent repeats since making me think more about how those things affect others as well as me.
I honestly needed swift consequences and fortunately in 2017 people were prepared to be very firm to help me grow up.

Establishing a mature independent you...

I recently saw this which was originally published by the artist Kittycouch in April that I thought summarized so well what trying to be a mature independently minded person with your own boundaries but also respecting other peoples ideas and ones is about.
I just thought in a week that saw some drama in one Age Regression community and also at the spanking needs site this is something that's needed as everything within it applies and it is I aspire to in handling differences which is  a part of the everyday normal things between people.
We're all a bit different.

Raising an issue

Sometimes I do wonder how grounded in reality certain photoshoot agencies are as I can't quite see the cut of so many school type pinafores being accepted for being low or simply too skimpy.
I do rather like this Hello Kitty denim one heaps however as it looks cute and lends itself to having badges sown on it it.
The aftermath of Marmalade's passing shot  before he departed this planet - the fleas that were belatedly dealt with  is being fixed  after much grumbling and my being bitten very badly (I'm covered in red itchy spots).
You see The Powers That Be did NOTHING to tackle the infestation although the local vet advised spraying and indeed did stock it so I've been sat as the little devils gripped tightly with their jaws in my hands and so on having to pull them off  as they dined out on my blood as I felt like screaming.
I decided to force the issue - a tactic I had to at school to get any attention to school progress or meetings requested to actually happen and bought a can of darn stuff myself from a well known supplier on Amazon Marketplace and present it to them with a take and  use message.
I detest having to act this way but circumstances prevent what I would consider more acceptable ways of acting.

End of Summer review

Last post of August here on the Dorm blog so I'm feeling more reflective  which is what most of this blog will be plus things to do with with this last week.

First off I have been taking stock of my large music and video based collection, pruning it of duplicates and of things like box sets that you might only watch once in seven years and for the reminder of the time they just sit around gathering dust.
While its true compared to their older forms such as VHS tape or Eight track tapes they are slimmer it still doesn't a lot before it gets into sizable piles growing ever skyward! There is a limit to just how many of these things you can keep.
In general outside of the one computer incident, my general behaviour and attitudes have been pretty good although between next doors antics and Grumpy's carrying ones there's been enough provocation to set me off going by my past which shows I am maturing.
If I'm getting to the point of risky attitudes and the like, then I need a spanking to pull me back and I'd sooner that happens.
My BFF has been away and will be returning by the time she reads this as she messaged me Sunday during a gap which is nice but I'm glad in a way that she's not messaging me all the time she's away because it's important for her as it is for me to learn to switch off, spend time with those that care for her while they're away and enjoy the time at the places they go.
Of course I miss her, truthfully I can think few people in my life I ever missed not being around to spend time with because she's taught a lot about life, is a person I care for deeply and has taught me things about myself even but in odd sort of way we have grown up together and are growing up as adult middles living the same sort of life.
That way of life leads me to talk about a blog that's generally not listed at middle/little places that goes back to a period where most of my interaction was at forums very much centred at adults interested in music plus the arts and gender identity topics and that was my spot to talk off forum with them.
As time has gone on the dividing line between where those interests stem from and my middle/little side have not so much blurred as it's obvious there's not a totally separate age regressed side of me, just degrees of so much so what's on it would not of been out of place in anything I'd of discussed between the ages of say 12 and 14 so in many ways it's  more a Middles blog.
That's why that blog, daytime office girl crisis has been retitled That Boarding School Girl cos it is in truth her Journal, what I'd of published then and in the same headspace now I do.
It brings to fruition my long cherished aim of the unification of my blogs each with their own focus but from the common middle/little core which know openly acknowledged.

The blame game

It's not something I like to admit to being truthful but it is the case that I easily get into situations where I do blame others either for the whole of something wrong I did or excuse myself  by saying "They started it".
This I think goes back to pre teens and certainly and perhaps not unlike a good number of people who have been in Politics, I certain have done this in adult life.
In many ways  now as then faced with a blame game involving two or more with me in it, I needed to be spanked along with the others not to lie my way out of punishment and to get the just consequences of my behaviour.

Something for the road

Something that's not spoken much about is our behaviour on the road both as drivers and attitudes which important we bear in mind the number of incidents and near misses that occur and their impact on others.
For me, as some who is unable to drive for medical/disability related reasons I can have a strong impact  on this because what I do may influence the person who is driving which may include say fiddling with the cars radio settings without permission causing them to take their mind  toward me than the traffic.
It may be that by fidgeting, waving my hands about or starting a conversation that requires recall and a lot of thinking that results in the same as would if we were in a situation and the road conditions had altered requiring more attention but kept on regardless.
That's why I am expected to mind my behaviour whenever I am taken places by my Caregiver or other adults and why if I don't I do get spanked for it.
If you are the car driver, getting into situations such as texting while driving , having detailed conversations  with people it may well pull your attention from the road and more onto the that conversation.
What some people do to manage this is either set up an auto message so anyone getting their mobile is told they're on the road and unavailable or if they do answer using a hands free set it would be just to say they're on the road and please call in x hours time as detailed call about a specific product would refocus their attention away from what matters, their own safety on the road and that of other road users.
Depending on your relationship, you may have it failure to to account of these things may lead to you being spanked as it is a common thing.
Given the carnage we often see and disruption to others being thoughtless can bring, to me spanking for it is justified regardless of any civil action taken following police involvement and loss of points with fines for reinforcing limits both for drivers and those of us who travel with people because we must learn to act responsibly behind the wheel.

Breaking out

It's been a busy week and a bit which sadly is why this blog has been on my to-do list as I get back to normal following spending time unexpectedly away and suddenly having to reschedule everything including parcel deliveries and the like up to the last minute.
Although I did find time to post something about this on Tumblr, just, I wasn't able to do much about it here although actually the fact I was prepared to even go through this is connected to what this blog has been talking about since the beginning.
How I've changed.
Time was, you see if you of even suggested something completely went in the face of what I had gotten arranged I'd of been heading very much into a meltdown situation because not only would of triggered anxiety about making those changes, even rapidly making arrangements to travel, quickly sorting out things to pack would of worried me sick.
It's the help I've had from the various adults who are helping me, that has helped me reshape my attitudes toward changed situations so I can make more of the opportunities that are there and in so many ways the things that really meet my needs, not least the need for company and to play openly as the little/middle I am.
That's so much more meets my real unchanging needs than fixed routines and allowing them to hide me away

Bonds and emotions of a little

It's not that often I talk about emotions least of all what feels to be me  but there are times when I think it makes sense to not least for everything really comes together for me and this whole journey I've been through so far in. One thing is a childhood routed in fear, fear of how other kids could and did ill treat me from 'being sent to Coventry' though bullying, of a homelife where domestic tension to the point of things being thrown and calls to the police being made lead to me being at times even now feeling gripped by crippling anxiety. 

The problems I have with my disabilities as much as admit to using them as an excuse to be lazy and for adults to allow that to happen, compounded it with difficulties in making myself understood, difficulties in understanding others, in having a understood secure sense of place that I had a working knowledge of 'The Rules'. 

The whole thing leads to a "crippling terror of existence" for me so it's hardly surprising that a protective practically Child to Adult relationship is where I find myself in where the physical expression of affection in the way of cuddles and hugs, the love that is shown in overseeing, guiding me anew and the loving hands that have me at my most vulnerable over their lap spanking me feels so good.

Presenting and ouchies

Explaining to people just why you have these interests can be tiring  and why I might have several conceptions of presenting as a sissy might seem odd but while the school girl one is common as that of more kittenish young adult there is another.

For eons I just adored seeing waitresses and maids in traditional maids uniforms and indeed thought at one point if working as one in some was possible even but wearing something like this, decent, with gloves does appeal and is something I have experimented with.

Sometimes it takes a bit of a guts to just do it.
 

What spanking Do I deserve? 

My Result: Hard Spanking(80%)
Ok, thats it, bend over, your getting five with the leather strap then twenty with the hairbrush all on your bare bottom, that should teach you not to break the rules.
Additional Results:
Hard Spanking (80%)
Super Hard Spanking (69%)
Soft Spanking (50%)
Visit: What Spanking Do You Deserve?