Domestic skills and the girl

It has been a damp start to the week here back at the Dorm which if you're about and on foot as I was bringing bread and that back from the stores  you'd soon notice and in a way that connects to this post and a previous one Gender Spaces. on the other blog.
Sometimes it seems to me, a good few decades of life on earth on somehow we get ourselves lost for all the very best reasons conflicting two things.
Whatever we may feel people should be able to decide fits into their own idea of gender roles, there is much to be said for spending time with the parent of the same gender because it enables them to share with you their own experiences, such as what being a girl is about because actually they've lived it and so have valuable lessons.
No amount of equality training can replace that.

It is the most natural instinct in any society for you as a child to emulate the parent of the same gender as yourself and to spend time with them and for girls that can mean making or buying similar outfits. Most of us actually enjoyed this before the gender studies people came along and said we shouldn't do this. 
Strangely enough at six or seven we do want to be a gender!

We get things wrong when we start to object to the idea a girl shouldn't be expected to learn about cooking and instead elevate the physical and academic over it not because she shouldn't learn these things too but because we fail to ensure boys are also taught and expected to help out in the home too.
Because we don't, we try to protect her by ensuring she can't be taken advantage of by saying it's not her role. The problem is we all need to this for ourselves and that includes her as well as her male siblings and so teaching nobody doesn't help. Cooking is a skill boys need too.

As many a student can recall, next to paying for food, getting the laundry done efficiently matters if everybody isn't to be suffering from stale smelling clothes so there is nothing wrong with showing your daughter how to and even having her help as some of it is bound to be hers.
The problem here is because we're so hung up about sexism and roles we start to say she shouldn't be cos it's sexist. What is sexist is not having her brother do the same, carrying some domestic 'weight' in the household and she needs to see females insisting on it.

To me in trying to fight sexism and the notion it's a females role to run the household exclusively we seem to have devalued that which just needs doing without tackling the core issue:
Putting contributing to the smooth running of the household into core responsibility of boys and men.

What If I Mess Up in Public?

When you think about the disciplinary process there's usually two ideas, sometimes running in tandem that take centre stage .
The first is the idea of the person, let's call them the disciplinarian for convenience's sake observing a situation around you and taking the decision to discipline you there and then may be with a few minutes to think out exactly what he'll do.
Another might be that they have a regular time set a side in the week where they may review a written record of any infractions you have had including any with other people that have been reported and that they use that time to discipline you, setting up any additional work on your attitudes.
In general I prefer to be taken in hand within minutes of the infraction for a number of reasons such as I do soon get anxious if any kind of response - scolding, spanking or restitution -  is delayed and any connection to what I have done is soon lost or 'distorted through time' with me. This is fine if I'm staying with someone who does spank me and we're some where with some degree of privacy such as a home or place where 'little's meets may be happening where they may be a spare room or quiet spot to administer it. Indeed to be seen to be taken way and to return tearful, rubbing your sore bottom, only adds to the sense of shame even if the spanking has been carried out in private as they know why and what must of happened.
Thing is, sometimes this just isn't going to be possible such as we're in a public park, I'm dressed more vanilla but mess up as there's crowds about (and sometimes crowds have an effect on me) or some public venue such as a mall but even a discrete attempt at smacking me may be observed and bring us to other folks attention.
That's one occasion you as the disciplinarian , you need to step in and say something like "Jo I WILL spank you as soon as we're home (or back at camp) because (state infraction) is disrespectful" and if there's a bit cover around so you won't be seen , a swat delivered  to my bottom as you say that to remind me you're in charge helps even though it's not ideal because any uncertainty about how you feel and what will happen is removed. I know what to expect and why and all you need to do is take me to the place you spank me when we get back to deliver the spanking I need .

Growing up Jo

The complimentary post to This  on the main blog.
One of the things I do struggle with is face to face interaction not least opening up a conversation with people cos I get so super nervous I just freeze over or not have the conversation I had intended in my head.
So it was actually pretty good I managed to start one with my second best friend this weekend talking to her about her life, her studying animation while listening and even making eye contact with is something I've had feedback on before now as I find that...so oppressive ordinarily.
Like I can recall this being brought up in a staff review looking at client interaction several years back in what was generally a excellent review as a potential barrier to communication.
I also found the work I have being doing over the last five weeks or so on putting together a PT routine for me paid of well but with unlike last time being able to get across the from the rail station to a bus interchange without getting out of breath propelling my wheeled suitcase and bags and also while i have difficulty with steps and uneven surfaces I was able to keep up with the group as we walked through woodland and canal tow paths for a good mile or so to where we were eating without breaking out into a deep sweat or struggling at the back.
That for me is really good going. 
The weekend went very well overall like  I mean no one found good reason to spank me which is reassuring cos it never was a role playing or sensual game thing with me and more to the point the people I'm with not least those in 'grown up' capacities to me  truly understand and ensure my my vulnerabilities are never taken advantage of. 
When that gap is what it is sometimes I do feel it was so much more easier when I was in my teens cos at least those very same issues and needs would be protected and moreover nobody would 'assume' I had a developmental level I don't whereas now they do because they are working with adult norms which just don't apply. So in a way I'm very fortunate they meet my needs and respect my limits, saying that to one made me tearful to tell you the truth.
I also did co-operate fully, helping out with preparing the evening meal two other guests consumed on the Friday and baking the sponge cake for the Party without a murmur of discontent even when I had to make another sponge as one of my haves didn't quite take in the oven.
Changing my attitudes around looking after my needs and also contributing, being expected  help out has not been easy given my past but with a lot of encourage to help and the preparedness of people to strictly discipline me over it, I am starting to develop more of a sense of self discipline to help me be more mature in that way even with the oh so real limitations in other respects.
I did great this weekend.