Smallness continues

Last week was the second Anniversary of Mom's death, by irony on Valentine's day and some three weeks before her wedding anniversary date too so I was away on that day but while I was carrying that with me as it were apart from ones case.

Perhaps that was the better thing to do really rather than just being sat at home looking at the pictures and maybe spending an hour or so by the graveside because she was always clear that life goes on and wanted you to continue.

Mom was well in on this more child-like me as much as we found ways of balancing that with the expectations in certain social contexts with grown ups present and did want very much for me to continue attending our more "little" get togethers.

The idea of a little me enjoying the recreation of childhood christmas complete with tree, presents, games and meals would of been something she'd of been happier with than just staring at the wall.      

That was the better choice.

Away thoughts

One thing about being away is there's so much on and you don't have servants to do stuff for you while you play, make things and so on so you all have to "muck in", tidying away, table duties and so on which isn't untypical of being a child in a family.

We could when they did things like get food and running around sorting you out whenever you needed it but your folks aren't away with you and we have to step up.
 

I helped out setting up, clearing and even doing some washing up as not everything goes in the dishwasher and then putting it all away.

I also helped loading and unloading the car even though my wrist hurt a bit too.

I did okay so the lessons of past years relearned are working.

Away Update (starred edition)

 

This week is  little different for me in that actually I'm at home but preparing away for the best of six days under supervision.

The other thing is I have to get my packing all sorted ready for off on Friday so timeways I'm rather pressed this week while I recover from the first degree burns.

There are a few things I do wish to talk about first though of which although alluded to here and mentioned at the odd forum in the past the wordpress blog "Jo's Sp**king Blog" was deleted in early December 2017 for a number of reasons one being it had run its course becoming in some ways a dummy run for things written here although to be honest I found some of the posts I made on that were more centred around personal emotional reactions and some of them had been spliced into this blog as part of the tidying up.

The other was it was following the same drive to talk more about my needs and issues rather than a weekly write up on sp*nking and being sp*nked as this blog did so I didn't feel I needed to similar blogs.

The other is I have put a few original "Angels" posts in rather like there's some from "Experience Project" as like that place, Angels is closing and the best of those posts deserve a home  which they've been given.

There won't be a post next week as I won't be around and really I haven't the time to do that and get ready so we'll resume on or about the 26th.

That Boarding School Girl

After last weeks post which was really pretty rapidly assembled after I realized that with a few problems across the weekend I had not got around to  it I think this week we may get deeper and some indication of which is for the first time in ages I am using a Windows based machine.

One site I have used for donkey's years is closing at the end of the month, a matter of the increased liabilities anyone running a site they themselves own do face and in part the slow dwindling of traditional forums as much as I regret that as simply, a well designed forum is much easier to find your way around than the likes of X or Instagram even though the cool kids just stay in that "walled garden"

That place played a part in the establishment of my original blog being the direct inspiration for taking topics, be they around Trans Life, Music, Reading, the nature of Gender and Sexual identity and expanding owns own thoughts to many there that followed it.

Reading through some of the old messages still preserved reminded me very much of just how front and central that site was and why to this day the blog still has quite a high coverage given I don't push it really hard.

It was really the place where after some negative encounters online and a struggle balancing the more serious grown up side and what simply would never go away, the more little, child-like I just broke down and came out LG.

And they just accepted that.

My choice of avatar their reflected that, a girl on a swing with the forum signature line "I'll go on my swing if I want to" summed it up.: While prepared to engage with adult topics, I was to be open about my Little Sides needs. I created a spot for them there too.

That write large went into the more grown up That Boarding School Girl blog as an expanded entry.
 

kk

The way things were Feb 9 2012

 I'd like you to imagine a scene.

This morning we discussed the causes of the the Franco-Prussian war complete with an essay to write as homework due in in around three to five days time listing sources used and so on.

The bell is heard, we pack up are textbooks, note pad and exercise books as it's morning recess, filing out slowly in single file (yes we had order at my school).

We discuss what was on tv last night but inevitably the conversation turns to where you went last with your boy/girlfriend , relationship statuses and who's hot.

You're so not into this, wanting instead to play games in the playground, you aren't romantically involved with anyone just wanting to share your dolls, teddies and other interests to others but this is so uncool with your peer group. 

You're not just feeling isolated for being the only trans in the form, you are lonesome because you can't share never mind openly talk about about this whole other side of your life without inviting ridicule.

Well that was me at 16, getting good results, responsible showing maturity where it mattered,having a good understanding of some grown up things like current affairs and looking after those who needed help settling in. 

I still have my dolls, plushies (more mainstream now than they used to be) plus teddies and yes I love to go on my swing when the weathers great as it's so comforting.

I'm the same today as I was yesterday and those years ago although some interests have changed maybe a bit more clued in what passes as 'social norms' and been employed in fields that would be too upsetting for a good many of you to protect society.

Thank you for reading this.

*Originally posted at UK Angels.

Round up

We appear to be moving back into a cold spell here after that warm up and the internet stuffs that's still not right like the landland phone line while we're still working through the ideas that were in mind for the new year.

One area was sleeping attire that we started to work on but frilly often tends to be cool which when you don't have a working central heating boiler doesn't tend to work so well.

The other was getting more of my dollies on display and having less tech dominating which it had from the days of the oldest machine been stuck in one room with the modem and router plus the phone being in the front room.

That's now changed so the Little Red Ridinghood dolly is now on full display downstairs where the phone used to be with some of the others.

I had the first two tumblrs to block this weekend with two sex pests leaving unwanted messages that have nothing to do with what I post at all which is something that's plagued me ever since I joined the site. 

h

Connected - unconnected!

Well we called last weeks entries reconnected but here we've been unconnected with some very interesting consequences as in essence I was connected to a duff circuit and left in limbo which isn't a great dance to be doing and taking ages to find someone who could make sense of what happened and how it was to be put right.

One thing they did do after much gnashing of teeth is supply a router that runs of the 4G mobile phone network and sends it over Wifi to any wifi device such as a laptop or chromebook although that had a fault that made it impossible to tell if it was really working correctly.

As many of you may be aware by default a good number of Mobile providers block sites that are seen as inappropriate for children so you would expect Pr0n sites to be blocked but one safe for work "littles" site was block even though there was no sexual content whatsoever just because some see the broad category of "adult littles" as being all about DD/lg aka CG/l where the site itself is more about being that child in an adult body focusing more on dressing, playing and acting more like a child, skipping about cashing butterflies and flying your kite.

On the other hand two overly sexual "sissy" sites were not blocked at all as was one ABDL and one DDLG site which seems odd even if the other the ABDL site isn't sexual more R15.

It is to be hoped come Monday someone will repair the fibre optic cable so the system that was installed will work properly.