Just being younger than my years me

As we enter a new month I thought I'd post something around what it means to me.

 This time of year reminds me so much of the largely unchanged way that I am no different in many ways around the ages of these children and even the fuzzy warm lack of focus of it might as well be a metaphor for both how I am and the prism I see things through.

Any of them could of been me and certain respects more mentally sharper and alert too.
Our world compared to today's was a good deal simpler for just reading, playing and watching tv more often than not together and communication was mainly face to face by phone with parental approval so we'd sure know about it if anyone had been mean.

  We read comics, often joining fan clubs whose paraphernalia come through the mail and talked about them during school recess  and in many ways that remains what I loved and within reason love to do even now cos in my head I'm still the same.

There times I love to explore more of the natural world  although the current Covid restrictions are something of a pain setting out how far from home we can go and the number of times you are allowed out even.

Water has always fascinated me.

I may be a girl but I do love model railway villages to the point there's a small one in the front garden, playing with it putting new trains on the track, buying the odd new building or domestic animal to put on it

However you wish to wrap this thing up, I'm really a child on the inside who needs to go out to play as that's our work.

Nap time

Nap times are important to me so to cuddle up to my stuffies really matters as it keep me happy and get the rest in so I can get things done.

Being 'there'

Sometimes you just might wonder why things happened the way they did.

That was one thought I was left with just listening to various people as they talked about their lives and experiences in completely random way with no real script or anything not that I usually do much of that and today I'm reflecting on something happened a few years ago.

I mean the only time I really talked much would of been the first week at my boarding school where Miss Howes asked me to speak about myself to the class, most of which had known each other for at least several months probably because of believing my family life was just so embarrassing with no real "small talk" and in part cos I felt much younger than most of the class.

It was kind of odd to feel able to share something that was actually about rather than of me and that was I had done something for the first time albeit with supervision.

I had managed to make cakes.

Truthfully the way things were at home, you might as well of put up "Keep Out" signs on the kitchen cos that was off limits when it came do doing anything at all like fixing a hot drink, a sandwich or whatever.

I'm not really sure how much it was fear of risks and how my perhaps of been subconsciously dealing with guilt by providing everything but what people might call 'life-skills'  where not things I knew as much as anything else no one had ever really taught me them. They just assumed I'd pick it up and duly noted "Does not".

Equally I was never expected to help out making meals even if you'd though for one thing I rather feel more a part of a family unit and actually it would help me which was  part of the reason why it the person I was staying with had me in the kitchen learning and actually doing with supervision and direct hands on assistance at times preparing vegetables for a cottage pie, sealing the minced meat and such like.

One of things they are helping with is learning to contribute directly and understand what sorts of things society expects you to when you're with people so I can co-operate better whereas to a large extent disengaging had been my norm.

That meal was the more tastier for having made a substantial contribution to its creation by labouring even with my limitations. 

In so  many ways then, that weekend was quite a important one for and the better for being shared with friends.

Contact?

How many littles are there out there?

You often hear it said "there's more than you might think" and certainly there have been places when it was obvious to me some one was even if they didn't realize it or engage quite so openly in expressing it.

I can remember the first time I discovered a works colleague I spent a few years working very closely who shared much of the same traits as I do skipping up and down the corridors like a couple of kids high on candy talking about our favourite cartoons, stuffies and so on even though we were super good workers and we had a caring male supervisor who was a bit more like school teacher to the two of us.

Equally sometimes we go online and find their are people who do share much of what we do who wouldn't see it that way being more an adult hobby or interest even if it may of started as a run on from their own childhood and it has a clear link to their sense of having an inner-child.

Sometimes it seems to me I see more littles away from what I'd call niche sites set up expressly for them in other communities where there is more around being more 'child-like', regression or other kinds of persona or even fursonas talking away about much the same thing as I an many others in our own unique way are doing while certain sites and even events may struggle.

In 2020 it is hard to escape all embracing social media be it all purpose such as Facebook or Tumblr (although I don't regard that a substitute for full on blogging) or adult sites such as Fetlife for making contact with others or even just knowing what's happening in your State or Province as that's where information is being increasingly posted although the public nature of it may not be ideal for anything personal and easily identifiable about you to be posted that may impact on family relationships or your employment.

One thing is for sure the World I encountered online in the early 2000's is very different than today's and places need to adapt to changed times.