A short message from me

 

Hello and welcome to the week from the old Windows 10 laptop powered by Opera with its built in VPN rather than the usual Chromebook as that had died with the Wifi section just refusing to comeback on no matter what.

The original plan was have it replaced but having bought a new replacement as I thought, the seller failed to dispatch it and did not respond to my messages so it never arrived so I opened a case with Ebay who on Monday gave me a full refund and hopefully suitably chastise him.

Despite not being the sharpest crayon in the pack at times and a bit prone to not doing wot I should I had half expected him not to respond so had ordered up another and it arrived mid yesterday afternoon where I put it on charge like you do before setting it up which is child's play which makes sense when you're an adult little schoolgirl.

Now when it turns on, it has my name on it.

Growing up Jo

The complimentary post to This  on the main blog.
One of the things I do struggle with is face to face interaction not least opening up a conversation with people cos I get so super nervous I just freeze over or not have the conversation I had intended in my head.
So it was actually pretty good I managed to start one with my second best friend this weekend talking to her about her life, her studying animation while listening and even making eye contact with is something I've had feedback on before now as I find that...so oppressive ordinarily.
Like I can recall this being brought up in a staff review looking at client interaction several years back in what was generally a excellent review as a potential barrier to communication.
I also found the work I have being doing over the last five weeks or so on putting together a PT routine for me paid of well but with unlike last time being able to get across the from the rail station to a bus interchange without getting out of breath propelling my wheeled suitcase and bags and also while i have difficulty with steps and uneven surfaces I was able to keep up with the group as we walked through woodland and canal tow paths for a good mile or so to where we were eating without breaking out into a deep sweat or struggling at the back.
That for me is really good going. 
The weekend went very well overall like  I mean no one found good reason to spank me which is reassuring cos it never was a role playing or sensual game thing with me and more to the point the people I'm with not least those in 'grown up' capacities to me  truly understand and ensure my my vulnerabilities are never taken advantage of. 
When that gap is what it is sometimes I do feel it was so much more easier when I was in my teens cos at least those very same issues and needs would be protected and moreover nobody would 'assume' I had a developmental level I don't whereas now they do because they are working with adult norms which just don't apply. So in a way I'm very fortunate they meet my needs and respect my limits, saying that to one made me tearful to tell you the truth.
I also did co-operate fully, helping out with preparing the evening meal two other guests consumed on the Friday and baking the sponge cake for the Party without a murmur of discontent even when I had to make another sponge as one of my haves didn't quite take in the oven.
Changing my attitudes around looking after my needs and also contributing, being expected  help out has not been easy given my past but with a lot of encourage to help and the preparedness of people to strictly discipline me over it, I am starting to develop more of a sense of self discipline to help me be more mature in that way even with the oh so real limitations in other respects.
I did great this weekend.

Raising an issue

Sometimes I do wonder how grounded in reality certain photoshoot agencies are as I can't quite see the cut of so many school type pinafores being accepted for being low or simply too skimpy.
I do rather like this Hello Kitty denim one heaps however as it looks cute and lends itself to having badges sown on it it.
The aftermath of Marmalade's passing shot  before he departed this planet - the fleas that were belatedly dealt with  is being fixed  after much grumbling and my being bitten very badly (I'm covered in red itchy spots).
You see The Powers That Be did NOTHING to tackle the infestation although the local vet advised spraying and indeed did stock it so I've been sat as the little devils gripped tightly with their jaws in my hands and so on having to pull them off  as they dined out on my blood as I felt like screaming.
I decided to force the issue - a tactic I had to at school to get any attention to school progress or meetings requested to actually happen and bought a can of darn stuff myself from a well known supplier on Amazon Marketplace and present it to them with a take and  use message.
I detest having to act this way but circumstances prevent what I would consider more acceptable ways of acting.

Wednesday ramblings

There are few things I do want to talk about today that don't easily slot into the other blogs of which one may have an effect on next weeks edition which is I'll be out Sunday for some kind of wedding reception event my oldest brothers son features in.
If that sounds vague in my weirdo family between my brothers and  that's how it is as it's been the most secretive wedding going with the groom seemingly being unaware of his involvement in it, his Dad knowing nothing about the day and if he was even attending.
Nobody knows where the wedding ceremony seems to be taking place although bride and groom spend ten days in Florida which was seen as honeymoon  so it 'may' have happened there and in any event his aunts were not invited to attend.
We only received an invitation to what reads as a reception event for friends that people can dip in and out of at whim although we are aunts and uncles and God parents which doesn't suggest any thing formal such as lunch or witnessing the Union.
As  yet even the question of how it is we're supposed to get their hasn't been resolved with the usual state of non-communication between themselves and between us and them.
Al we know is the dress code is black and red as its a Goth themed event or perhaps more 'happening' might seem a better term so I'm looking in the closet for something to wear.
The other thing is really to do with being on forums which having been on various ones since 2005 I think I've a pretty good angle on as while often they can be fun sometimes people can cause problems to others in which instance site owners have to deal the mess.
The problem seemed to be that some dispute got heated as strangely enough they do at which point it attracted the attention of the sites Moderation whose job it is to keep things within the law and to act on rules which are about people having a good time on the site are broken who decided to block the person.
This person used the status update that hadn't been blocked to lambast the moderator and accuse another of being involved suggesting they'd been picked on.
This sort of approach seldom if ever achieves anything good as it looks very disrespectful to challenge a moderator publicly where taking a disagreement to message or email is usually better and accusing people in public not only adds fuel to the fire but risks polarizing a forum undermining its core purpose.
It seems so odd people who presumably wouldn't handle a in so-called real life like that goes this way at it.
The thing both have in common is how they can effect how I feel and the extent I've learned to switch off more so I don't let them drag me down emotionally.

On friendship

Here we go again seeing white rabbits as we enter a new month and so start with our first one of July.
Talking as one does often lead to my mind thinking about things that may not of been at the centre of attention  but around the edges.

This was one thing that was revolving around my mind the other day cos we all seem to have different ideas of what a friend is or isn't wherever we happen to be.
For me one important part of being a friend to someone is the extent to which I feel emotionally connected to them and with them, that's to say we feel for each other  in ways that go beyond general sympathies.
Another is that you share a lot in common with that person seeing at least some parts of you in them although you are your own person, both the good points and the bad.
You do have differences but you learn to accommodate them because what you have in common counts for more.
You can argue with them because you care passionately about them and their well-being but you respect boundaries, always making up afterward. When you do that your friendship hasn't lessened-it's grown deeper.
The amount of true friends can be counted on one finger rather than the number of followers on Facebook and Tumblr because they're just acquaintances.
You sure would share the last thing you had with them.

The M.I.A. Edition

Hello again! I've come from the darkest recesses of the littles blog to talk about something that seems to be endemic on online  communities and that is the curse of the disappeared ones.
They come in a number of forms such as the enthusiastic poster, who sends a good dozen a day from the moment the sign up, the one that encourage you join up but only posts a couple of times or the one that's been on the site for quite a while.
The thing they all have in common is they just leave, no Custer's last stand style rants or kiss-offs with no trace at all. Not even a last past or personal message so you are left wondering had you or anyone offended them or they're actually okay especially when they alter their username to Gone and that.
I think the most important thing for us to realize is as much we enjoy social media and websites, people or even the sites themselves are always in state of flux and the relationships that really  matter with them or those that went to personal ones through emailing or face to face encounters and that we can't restore things to how they were.
Sites do go over time - I can think of five of the top of head I belong to between 2005 and 2009 that are no longer with us - that we may miss but they are either replaced as a good few have for all intrusive social media or that we replace by with real life activities such as munches or play meets.
Sometimes the best response we can make to such situations is to simply move on.

Dealing with situations

This week I've been dealing with a couple of things that are not easy for someone like me to do and can have a bad effect on me emotionally and behaviourally.
Like most people I have a checking account with a Bank which is typically used for things such as my disability income replacement and care needs payments (Dla) to be paid into since for the majority of people payment by Government cheques redeemable at Post Offices or transferable to bank accounts stopped a good number of years back and equally I use to pay for things such things I buy, my PayPal tm transactions and rail tickets and to draw out paper bank notes.
To cut a long story short, here in the UK, banks have been trying to get out of owning branches, encouraging people to move to mobile or online banking and paperless billing and I recently received a letter saying unless I told them otherwise, I would no longer be getting monthly paper statements from August and they would be done quarterly.
Now while you can telephone the bank where it can tell you your transaction details, I don't always understand what is said and between hearing it and say trying to write it down , I totally forget what was said and while I can see a monitor online, my dyslexia is such words and figure go all over the place while so I normally use colour transparencies and a rule to filter  on paper this doesn't work on a monitor and I'd end up having print everything off.
I get very anxious telephoning people, never feeling I've understood them  and what we agreed especially if needs me to read information cos I struggle with that so I wasn't looking forward to it which wasn't helped by a good seven minutes wait.
Anyway I get through to a customer advisor in Glasgow and having supplied my ID details, explain to him a bit about my disabilities around talking and using the bank before explaining my call is about monthly statements and I'd like to keep them. We do a quick ID to confirm the account and with his support, reassuring me throughout I managed to do this by myself.
The other thing was that 'Form' - the Employment and Support Allowance Work Capability Assessment from April and I had a brown envelope from the Government department  that makes decisions and sends the payments electronically  in yesterday's mail in a badly worded three sheet letter.
It tells me they have looked again (not using the word 'reviewed') at my claim due to a 'change' (not saying what 'change' it is) outlining what I should get , what to if wish to appeal the decision and that I'm judged to be in the group for people who are unlike to transition back into work anytime soon.
Without expressly saying it, given nothing else had changed I'm reasonably sure this is the decision looked at with medical information from my doctor by the assessment people and the department as it was dated last Tuesday and followed a statement by them of my total payments for the last tax year I had last week.
I'm cautiously optimistic this is the last say for a good while about that benefit which leaves me feeling a lot more relieved.

Rest day edition

Hi and for readers in the States happy labour day.
I'm a bit late getting this blog entry started not least with being poorly for quite a bit of the week and then busy with other things like the resumption of schooling on G.I., doing some background work for an activity toward next February Camp I'll be doing and so on.

It's a time a time of year associated with last minute return to school purchases such as pens and geometry sets through to school uniform which the recent closure of all BHS stores in the UK reminds me of as that was the first store where the whole pull toward buying actual items of uniform for me came from and it has to be said the quality of their stuff was very good.
I can remember buying lots of stuff around  this time not least long  socks and it would survive pretty much the heavy washing routines at home well
I am doing some tidying up tm stuff at various sites altering layouts, changing the odd avatar to spruce it up and help make using it for me a fun thing as with lots of sites you really have pick just a few you can be active on and given the changes that have occurred over the last year that's one thing I'd like to resume in a measured way.
I like to stay in touch with people who care about me more like my BFF and next best friend at FA rather than feeling everything's been dropped for those that are really keeping me just for themselves cos surprisingly enough I'm a social creature.

Happy things

I think Its a good idea to take stock of the things that make us feel happy and loved
Things that make make me happy:
Colouring
Middlespace 
Cream
My Little and Middle Friends
Reading
My Uniform
Anime
Peaches the Panda
The Caregivers and others who look after me
Children's tv 
Dolls and Plushies
Teddy Bears
Music
Play 
Cartoons
Fish Fingers