Ball girl

Being something like a Ball Girl was the kind of thing I always looked to be and indeed many of the girls I envied were in their own ways just that.

Joanne's wood

Fall at least in my area is almost coming to an end with the leaves having changed colour dropping on to the wood like a vast carpet of vivid colour so I thought I'd share with you this week this picture of Wild Berries taken in my local woodland.
As well, the acorns are falling which is great news for Squirrels, but not so good if you get several underneath of your feet  which happened to me on Tuesday when I was out walking!
Before I forget, I'd like to say thanks for all five comments on last weeks blog entry the second largest as that went out to the little community exclusively and for the nice comments elsewhere for the photograph of me as that was a last minute touch!

Autistic Jo

 My name is Joanne and I am autistic so I rather write something today about that here.

I wasn't diagnosed in school, they were more fussed with my physical disabilities than say my brain damage, dyslexia and autism so diagnosing them came in later adult life as I was screwing up part of which was the inspiration for this blog.

• Lack of social skills: Because I am autistic, I have always had trouble keeping conversations going, making friends, and maintaining relationships. I also have a hard time understanding social cues, which often costs me friendships and lands me in bad situations. Even when I do try to put myself out there, I fail, because others view me as weird because of the way I speak, what I talk about, and how I interact. I often say things that are offensive, that I never considered offensive in my brain.

I also feel sometimes they do not actually listen to what I have said and just respond badly to the idea their take on something may not be shared .

 • Overstimulation: When in law I was child, I had to go to school. School was loud, really loud. Teachers screamed too much plus threw board rubbers across the class, the kids are even louder particularly the new kids.Chairs were most uncomfortable especially when you have a twisted spine.

As an adult I found the work place was little different so tried to get jobs in quieter settings away from telephones, computer printers and the din of tens of conversations all going on at once.

• Burnout: This is more AuDHD related then simply Autism related, but I get burnt out very easily. To the point where I cant have a job during school season, because I will literally be exhausted from all the constant masking, that I'm making my next point.

• Masking: Masking is common for those of us with low support needs Autism. Especially females, but males do it as well. Masking is when you put on a “neurotypical” personality around neurotypical people to make them more comfortable. Before my diagnosis, masking was something I did 24/7. Now, I only do it when I have to. Learning to unmask is hard, but trust me, It makes life better.

• People not understanding: When I tell people I am autistic, I’m often met with confusion. I know I don’t “seem autistic”, unless you are well educated on autism and you observe me well, you would probably never be able to tell I was autistic as a stranger. 

Autism is a spectrum, there are folks like me who only need help in certain areas at certain times and can pass as typical, there are people who don’t have functional communication and need 24/7 care into adulthood, and there are plenty of people somewhere in the mid-range of the spectrum too. 

Every autistic person is different, we have different needs depending on the individual. What people don’t understand is that even though I am very low support needs, I struggle a lot. I’ve had people blow off my struggles because I was the “smart akward type of autistic”, when in reality, if I was just smart and awkward, I wouldn't be diagnosed with ASD.

Some people see Autism as a Get out of jail free card for transgressing rules and everyday behavioural codes and personally I feel they may well have a point looking at how a person is defended in the Courts or at a work related meeting.

. Chastisment: Society is at odds around this especially as it applies to children and young people, some feeling any sort of consequence such as forfeits is discriminatory before we look at time outs or physical punishments such as a single smack.

As an legally adult Adult Little Girl, I have no issue with being chastised for my behaviours so long as you try to help me deal with how my autism effects my attitudes and moods and where possible plan to avoid more difficult surroundings that you know trigger me.

If I act out, I would sooner have a spanking to help deter me from letting myself and you down because it's how I respond that's the issue and NOT my autism that needs support and yes care.

Taking your turn

Let's say we did this school role playing thing, this would be a dead ringer for one very memorable part of my growing up (allegedly) in that era, having to wait outside of the Headmaster or Principals office for a paddling where one would be leaving in tears you were next and the one after having heard what happened before, isn't taking it so well.
Maybe it's her first time up for a Paddling and perhaps even mindful was she tries to explain to her parents just why sitting down seems so awkward today with the pain her bottom is having to live  with.
My own head teacher did this to a number of times but actually I loved him to pieces even naming the teddy bear I slept with after him cos he genuinely cared for you even part of that was having to correct your behaviour and he did heaps to help me in school, made sure bullies got proper punished and always made time to talk to us not as equals because he was an Adult Authority figure and I was a a child in his care but as a very caring man. I cried buckets full when he died.

Being your complete self

This upcoming week, I'll be off on an adventure and so need to get myself prepared for it in the next few days so I'll have a little less spare time for blogging and that although I'm looking forward to it.
Looking around the internet as you do, I saw this captioned image  - as you'll know I don't generally do captions - but in a way it gets to the heart of the matter. 
We'd all agree she's physically a grown up by appearance but what of the things she does, the things that make her happy? Sat here, I'm thinking she could easily of been like me in my late teens and twenties, looking sophisticated but wanting to play games, running around clutching her teddy.
And that's really the thing, this idea that everything you do once your chronological age gets past 14 if you're lucky something funny happens to how you're expected to behave, like everything is meant to purposeful, serious and unless you're a parent or grandparent and get the chance to relive your childhood with children you can't be seen do anything that's not.
You're a groan up!
Really it's so silly and actually detrimental to our own well-being emotionally (something that is increasingly being recognized by experts in the field)  that we need to say no to it.
Be responsible where it matters but don't jettison what makes you happy in the process.

Ready and waiting for you, Miss

Sometimes the school girl role playing idea comes up at various places sometimes more a kind work of fiction story, sometimes a fantasy but I rather wonder what would really happen if you did go to one of the few 'Role Playing' schools for a weekend or so or what it might be like to live with person who'd treat me like that schoolgirl.
Such an approach may involve setting out a uniform for me to have to put on as they'd have authority over me like in thi picture complete with say a Hairbrush for spanking me with