Spanking therapy?

Been a bit of a busy weekend with Father's Day and what have you and so between the showers outside thoughts drifted to that thing which happens, the sometimes conflicted feelings and just what it is you get out of it beyond reinforcing a rule or lesson.

 

 

 

That was an interesting piece of research as I had noticed personally that there had been times where I felt much better in myself after a spanking whatever may of brought it on and any other part of a corrective process such as putting a situation right.

Obviously consideration has to be taken to ensuring any marks and that do heal up properly to avoid any injuries but it does make me wonder wither or not just being given a spanking if say I'm down in the dumps might not be a bad idea.

 

 Now that kind of order may just make this a "good spanking".

Any thoughts?

Jo and the Aunt (fiction)

Halloween is coming up and indeed I'll be away this weekend which creates all manner of blogging challenges but anyway picture the scene.

You didn't get on that well with your Aunt, perhaps she tended to remind you about your manners rather more than you cared to hear, to get into the chair properly so you din't flash your knickers or pull your falling down pereline socks for the seventh hundred time

Seeing it was halloween, you thought to yourself you'd get your own back on the Olde Witch and sneaked up on the 31st with this massive spider and put it right in her front garden knowing she goes all in a faff if she just sees a small garden spider in the bathroom.

She wakes up screaming and phones your Mom who just happened to find your tablet on the very Amazon page that carried a entry for it so she calles you down and orders you to show her the Orders page.

 

Right there in front of her it shows YOU did order it and when asked why you just have to tell the truth lest you get in even more trouble.

Your aunt is called over later on the day to witness you confess that but it wasn't all now was it?

No, while only the three of you are in, you are ordered to  bend over you mothers knee for a spanking, feeling her hand folding the back of your gymslip over your back as she begins to take a hard slipper to your bottom before inviting your aunt to pull your knickers down and spank you some more too.

This Halloween is one you'll never ever forget where you paid a high price for your naughty prank.

Counting them down

Only thirteen more nights to go before Mr Claus arrives at midnight with his sack (and we're all hoping he's not sacked thanks to you know what this year rising its head again) as I'm sure we are all looking forward to Christmas and what that might bring.

I often get super anxious in the days before that I can't always sleep with Christmas Eve being the worst.

Life as a little is like that. You get the best and the worst of it from the innocuous fun, often spontaneous to the tantrums and  "I hate you right nows"  as you appear to have learnt nothing no matter how many times you've been around the sun because you might as well be a child.

You might as as well just discipline me firmly there and then however hard it might appear as it is far more likely to go in than delaying and taking anything less than a juvenile approach.

So long as the consent is there, you might as well just go for it with me.

Changes and what stays the same

As more astute people will have noticed, the blogging cycle has altered for a variety of reasons of which one is the access to it's audience has been been impacted  by the demise of one social media, Google + and by the ban on adult content being hosted on tumblr.
I can scream and scream that actually this blog isn't adult content in that it's not about sexual kinks and everything to do with the rerun of the kind of discipline I grew up with but there's every probability they'd just shut down my entire account no if buts or maybes so that only leaves FA and the spankingart wiki list of blogs about spanking that have any kind of link to here.
Of course this blog isn't and hasn't always been about the red bottom in my life but the things that may lead up to such as stresses and other sorts of issues so it's in part a vent blog that hopefully leads to me not earning a spanking.
That is also another difference between this blog and others that isn't recognized by these broad stroked rules which is it's not me writing 'spanking romances' for titilation it's about writing about actual spankings and how that works with me.
It's a privileged position that deserves respect for having this brought in within the context of being in a very age regressed juvenile adult but child life to provide the guidance I need and can learn from best and I want to ensure that this blog is the best expression of just that.
Not writing a spanking per week for an audience.
It's also about growth, becoming more effective even though I have fixed limitations because I can be trained to make more of opportunities and make better judgement calls consistently too which can involve spanking me when I let myself down.
Here's to the future of this blog.

That Boarding School Girl gets a Tumblr!

I have been busy this week and no doubt will be be into the week after with a project that was half realized earlier last week until I decided it wasn't radical enough.

Anyone who knew me especially at Fur Affinity or heck face to face knows just how mixed my feelings are around social media and Tumblr as it applies to me having been through a number of sites in over ten years.
What I don't like about contemporary social media is the tendency for it to be an echo chamber of right on usually left-leaning views that discount many things are actually beyond settled even by academics and other "experts" in those fields.
This often moves into areas where groups disallow alternative views however respectfully expressed because they make others uncomfortable and to placate this sites have rules that also block whole views not merely hateful speech, incitement to commit assaults, terror related acts or harass.
Other issues abound one being Tumblrs change in Terms of Service last year that left swaves of people who wanted to share and discuss topics either removed outright or facing an often inaccurate flagged image like that of a boy scout reading a comic annual full clothed with the account shut into NFSW in seconds as "protection".
Those changes also prevent me from publishing a link to this blog where ironically I can't at 'adult sites' too cos surprise surprise they don't like talking about anything connected to childhood
It's like your too adult for Tumblr but not sufficiently adult for "adult content" spots.
Anyway I did mention changing the avatar at my other Tumblr whose long history I'll spare people but it's enough to say the main difference between that and my more mainstream age regression community is that on outset following on from two successors and a more Sfw Caregiver/little one I had up to January 2016 was talk about and pictures of school uniforms in the context of regression to being a school age child studying and limited talk and tame images connected to spanking which is part behaviour management and part regressive, being a non sexual part of actual childhood I am comfortable with in legally adult life being administered as part of the whole Age Regression package.
One reason to change was Tumblrs rule changes drive a a carthorse right through the latter, wiping tame images, communities and so on and secondly it removed the barrier to having in effect a sfw age regression tumblr that had school uniform talk targeted at over 18's from being a secondary of the main one as all contentious content was banned anyway so provided there was no linkage it would work.
Conceptually it ties in with my That Boarding School Girl blog on Blogger having that bit more maturity about it which had a lot to do with naming it. 
Thus I decided to bit the bullet remaking and rebuilding in places the Tumblr to focus yes on that age regression but free from the hysterics sometimes found in communities with chunks of under 18's, still have the uniform talk but short of the briefest possible mention on the about page nothing around spanking.
Instead I decided to focus more on things around personal development and youth movements from childhood that run through part of my age regression what you might call the Second Chance School to move on within limits.
Again those of you who have met me know how much moving on and "self improvement" always have been and are core things about me so I thought that could belong in their that helps differentiate the mainstream CGLRE on and the non com for over 18's version.
That's what I've been doing and that's fine
Link: That Boarding School Girl

Preferences

It's been a pleasant week to be out enjoying this sunny patch in The Fall this week in the open air which I wrote a bit about on Monday because really the more time out spent out in the open the better things are.

In someways it is going back to how things before more sophisticated hobbies and trying to appear 'grown up' used to be when I'd be out  until I'd had enough or it was a meal time being active and to be honest even though I'd never been super fit, I was fitter then and that had a lot to do with it I think.

Connected with that was having spend sometime sorting out a few socks as I found a long bowed pair were no longer paired being mixed with another when I went to put them on the other morning .

Fortunately unlike normally when I end up having to buy yet another three pack of socks I found the missing ones and re-paired each one up again as at this time of year it's the long socks I need on (or thick tights).

Truthfully you cannot remove for me spanking as a actual need as a built part of this life even though I don't go on and on about here and on the marginally more groan up Tumblr because for one thing I started to have too many just interested in that and not actually in me as a whole person and also I am much more than just a canvas for spanking.

I just feel better for say being caned when I mess up compared to any amount of scolding and that so sticking that in with (having to) wear a uniform is great for me.

An Authentic Jo

Here at the dorm I've been rather busy dealing with the Blogsphere tm of this is one of a few in this family of blogs that go back to the mid 2000's that deal with different aspects of my life overlapping a little but with main focus which so reminds me of school Venn Diagrams that one was to draw neatly or be suitably admonished.
In someways then it's perhaps for the best this family blog member is fairly recent as all the 'baby steps' in blogging happened before and had been learned from so the same mistakes had not been repeated.
An often repeated comment I hear at various sites that sadly I'm less able than I'd like due to my physical disabilities to message is around the extent in a world where people do cultivate an image of themselves and their abilities to the point when one interacts with them either messaging or face to face even there's a gap between what you read and what you see with me I'm very much the same on any site, any kind of 'chat' and  when I've been privileged to spend time face to face with people for extended periods.
The word that comes to mind is "Authenticity", the extent to which one is true to yourself in harmony with your own spirit while respecting rules and social conventions that make life frictionless as we all know what to expect.
Thus while on one blog I do write around social trends and current affairs, another more of joys of littles regressed life and here around emotions, attitudes and the role of corporal punishment in my life neither denies what the other centred on and where all is intertwined, the one whole me.
What I write about is what I feel, what I have experienced and actually know routed in my life albeit my education, employment and learning more about coping with my actual needs rather than what may know second hand or the views of those who write about what they have read.
The one thing towering over all is a childhood that was very much routed in being in an actual boarding school for much of my education which went beyond of curriculum subjects but in moral character building and standards and one that understood you learn through consequences, believing strongly in disciplining you very much for ones own good.
What I have to say around this and as it applies in particular to corporal punishment  is very much from having received it 'in loco parentis' several times each deserved and from that how that changed for the better those attitudes and behaviours first hand rather than any kind of role playing fantasy.
I know it works well with me as it did with most of my peers at the time not just in nipping our behaviour in the bud but also of deterrence of the class,  year group and ultimately whole school from acting on such impulses.
The benefits in terms of being able to study, to have your teacher just come in and start the lesson and carry on with everyone engaged rather than endless low level disruption might surprise present generations!
It is that I suspect the last person who commented picked up on in the broader sense in that I am the product of such an education and it shows in my work.
Thank you for your compliment.

"Nothing else seems to help..."

After last weeks justified rant about the failings of part of my Support System in dealing a important health and welfare issue we move on to something else.

This digitized newspaper clipping from the mid twentieth century where in connection with bring up children (and young adults) there was quite a bit of talk about what worked and up to how old you then popular methods of discipline such as spanking should be used for.
The explanation around why the daughter gets spanks more often than many  is very very close to home because with me I just don't deal with warnings and reasoning is often less than effective with me getting muddled and seen more as a walk over as I just ignore them.
Until the resumption in adulthood of era stereotypical spanking, we'd just ignore any requests and just get into a totally confused mess when trying to verbally chastise me.

To actually deal with me you need to learn to feel comfortable with having a relationship with me where you will communicate your displeasure by just gently restraining me with an arm  and spanking me straightaway.

You need to hold nothing back so I feel both physically and emotionally your displeasure ensuring it registers with me beyond any doubt to dissuade me in the future from repeating it.

You may need to be prepared in extreme situations to bring a cane out to really get the point over because the point is simply, this is just about the only thing that does teach me how to behave oddly enough. It's just how I'm wired.

Away day schooling

It's a bit of a while since I wrote anything around the re-creation of schooling a form of words I'm now a bit more for as "school based role play" for me implies in part I am role playing the child at school and with me this whole whole thing is more like I have that child running 24/7 in me.
Effectively you've created a school with all the things I recall of my education that I just attend.
One of the things I did involved having a math  lesson taught to me by a person being  a teacher doing what was called "chalk and talk" where they would talk away but write important concepts and any questions on the chalkboard for you to do.
For my part I was dressed in a traditional black tunic (Brit speak: "Gymslip") with tie and school socks at a equally traditional wooden desk with a  hole for in, grooves for your pens and a lift up slightly sloped lid that before flat "Go-Pak" stacking school furniture such as tables became popular you had together with matching wooden chairs with an S shape bottom.
Like most I was taught metric units as my home country went metric during this period  although for somethings imperial never went away like road distances and part of this lesson covered an introduction to Imperial weights and measures that I had to sit and write down from the chalkboard including the questions set on each unit.
This covered ounces, pounds, stones, hundred-weights  and tones when it came to Mass, inches, feet, yards, cubits, chains and miles in linear measurement.
I also had set some multiplication and division work too that I had to copy, answering all the questions.
The work from the point of view of presentation, neatness of writing and showing of workings out was examined in addition to marking the answers to questions set and my attitude toward studying.
My work was then written on in red pen.
Overall I hadn't done too badly but I had made a few mistakes down to not being as careful as I should of been as when asked to show how I got the answer where I had made mistakes, I did get it right first time so it wasn't a question of not knowing or comprehending.
Because it was that and nothing to do with my actual learning limitations which are NEVER a reason to, I was instructed to bend over the desk at each unit where this had occurred to be spanked either by hand or for one which was more around not paying sufficient attention to the work, the tawse.

This needless to say did hurt persisting for some time but to be honest, it is what lead to it that really is more the problem: I don't take the care I could to produce work that limitations aside I am actually capable of, that reflect my abilities rather than my disabilities.
In that sense what might in the past of been called "school based role playing" has real benefits in helping to change because it identifies in real-life situations those attitudes and behaviours that need correcting and delivers the lessons that in all honesty people who were less centred around the dis in my disabilities excusing me and more on abilities and training me to use them properly in same way my peers were really should of done.
For me then this bit of the weekend away was really beneficial.

Past childhood into new adult-childhood

In some ways this post is a complementary post to this post The return of the original Famous Five  on Monday's  regular blog really because reading is a part of my regression, a getting back to my natural child-like state that puts me in Little Space as such as it is about maintaining my limited ability to read and from that to learn about new things and new words.
Sometimes people argue about  you can't have parts in your Little Space that are not of the era you were brought up in as if they are not emotionally an authentic part of you so that if say you were brought up in say the nineteen fifties, you cannot have plushies or have say books from other eras.
In my regressed world you can add some things into it so say dollies can be complemented by say a Care Bare or Hello Kitty Plushie because it's function and utility to is the same, you play with it, it comforts you as hold and hug it as the inner child you are.
In much the same way to read say the books of Jacqueline Wilson is a part of understanding a part of contemporary childhood with the objects and experiences our age in it, that can aid me understand more of this age I'm travelling through as the hybrid adult-child I am.
The core though is very much routed in era I was brought up in not least the extent to which the stories I read or were read to me reflected the social norms around us even though things were and did change over time and in that context re-writing them so much of the social structure is missing but the dialogue sounds dated even for those of us who lived through the nineteen seventies and eighties just muddles it all up.
One might as well say for arguments sake have " Noddy goes to school" re-written by (insert editors) based on a story by Enid Blyton  as miss out the whole section when in the class room a slipper is hanging by the chalkboard and when a child is naughty, is instructed to fetch it but hesitates, Noddy (trying to be obliging and not realizing what it symbolizes) says "I'll fetch it for you miss!" because that was just how it was like in the first year of Infant school where we got a few spanks in front of the class as we all learned school discipline as a class.
Such things were and are part of the authentic emotional sense of the inner-child me tapping into my experiences and to part of how we were brought up and part of Caregiver to little re-parenting.
Consider this quote:
 
"Big-Ears the goblin was always on the look-out for anything he could take. Sometimes it was an apple off a barrow, or off somebody's tree. Sometimes it was a biscuit from the counter of Mr. Butter the grocer's and sometimes a few flowers from a garden.

He was too clever to be found out, which was a pity, because a good spanking would have done him a lot of good, and might have stopped his bad ways. But nobody ever spanked him or locked him up for a night, so Big-Ears grew worse and worse. "

 It's from the "Hi Feather-tail!" Noddy story in Enid Blyton's Sunshine collection where clearly we are talking about teaching Big-Ears right from wrong from an early age in they way that was the norm then. No 'but they have (insert) syndrome so they can't help it and there is an implicit idea that it's the adults who are to work on managing your behaviour so you learn to however difficult it may be. You learn social limits, not be exempted from them.

It is very relevant because truthfully I had the same traits as Big-Ears, was pretty good at not being found out so my behaviour had gotten worse and worse in my hybrid adult-child life and why it is spanking has been put back into it, to re-parent me in the way we were expected to so so adult-child me learns to conform.

Or take the following exchange from Claudine at St Clare's one of six novels in the St. Clares girls boarding school series Enid wrote:

"If I wasn't in the fourth form I'd give you the hardest spanking you've ever had in your life, Angela. A good spanking would be the best thing you could have."

"Nobody has ever laid a finger on me in my life."
The first person speaking is Carlotta, the wild ex circus girl who is a Prefect and that is Angela's  retort.
 This like the other quote has now been removed from current editions on sale  but it rings very true in that Prefects and Head Girls did have that delegated authority with one threatening me with quite a spanking if I was caught smoking in school.
It also had to be said, it wasn't just them that did, so did teachers.
My work for a period had fell from  mediocre at best level - my school reports are a source of shame -  to that of not paying any attention and failing on several occasions to complete homework with clear warnings so I was kept back one lesson by my Geography Mistress Miss Thomson who took me into a store room and gave me a quite hard spanking because she felt it was what I needed as I was at risk of flunking my upcoming final examination. It was the best thing that happened to me because I actually passed it even though my work was usually poor and my other grades were up.
That was the kind of thing that was not so much the core plot but very much in the background of those stories I loved by Enid Blyton such as the girls boarding school  Malory Towers, St. Claire's series and referenced in the Famous Five.
For being there you got more of a feeling of how each character felt, empathizing with them in their situations that you also knew of that either wholesale deletion of a paragraph or  replacing the word with a say scolding doesn't work because expecting a scolding feels different than say expecting a spanking.
What happens is therefore more believable for being set with the social expectations and sanctions of that very era where pretty much everything else is at odds with Twenty-first century  Britain anyway.
It is in the form of novels, a depiction of the world that in the past I was brought up in so in their attempt to render a depiction of the past in terms that are seen as 'right on' so-called 'politically correct' is in so may ways a tampering with our recollection not just of these texts and how they they were a part of our lives but also of our recollection of the world as it was as that child around seven to thirteen as we lived it.
Grown ups are more than entitled to debate the rights and wrongs of our era (although a return to that era's values and sanctions is helping me no end) but in airbrushing the world we knew, they are not simply disrespecting us who loved reading these books at the time, enjoying re-reading them later in life, they fail to give a basis to explain to newer young readers the difference between now and then, muddling up the past.

Summer LG Camp extras

My main blog entry  Summer LG Camp 2016 covers the major account of my six days  including Summer 2016 LG Camp  that I attended such as activities that I was involved in and so on but this is more the reflections on the experience as I experienced it emotionally.
As an adult little girl who is more on the Middle side for me this whole thing is rather like the Caregiver/little side of things in that it is a space to allow the child-like me out to play and interact as if I was an actual child at a emotional age appropriate level for me, the one impacted significantly by my developmental/learning disabilities that in so many ways I function ordinarary and with no choice at that level.
It's hardly age-play, I mean I didn't choose it, it just the hand I was given and it's a matter of learning to make the most of the only life I have.
I have been interested as much as I'm more around upper UK juniors and first year senior side about things more associated with younger children as for example I've always been drive to spin or rattle things such as whizzing tape reels around or enjoying the sound of winding a cassette back with a pencil or impulsively leaping to a rattle.
While I was away a "Baby Gym" with a pretty patterned mat and mobiles that made noises had been set out and I though, "Right, it's a quiet area" and decided to have a bit of a play with it.
It only took a few minutes and I sensed myself shifting to a younger more tactile headspace playing with it so while I may not identify with AB, some things from it could be in my little space needs that benefit from being met.
The other large side to this that for this whole period I am in a setting where my behaviour and attitudes are under the gaze of adults with authority over me and where I know I will be taken to one side and spanked without exception for any breaches of what I know isn't acceptable.
I do tend to ignore no's blanking them out or get into oppositional behaviour because my emotional side is running at a child's and not even necessary a maturing teen level and spanking is part of the way I'm being managed to put a stop to this to help me mature within my limitations in the way I generally wasn't before.
In that way I'm in the middle/little headspace where Authority has the final say and I am slowly learning, changing my behaviour so much so that I didn't need a spanking just doing what I am expected or am told to do with no back chat.
Connected with that is that they are challenging my low expectations of not just what I can do but of what it is I am to be expected to do from now on to help me grow up a little, taken on a bit more personal responsibility and contribute more to.
In this way they're putting me through growing pains and strict discipline to move me from where I had been parked.
Some of this showed for example in the Games morning where in the past I'd of not taken part in things that I both find difficult with my physical as well as developmental/learning disabilities such as being rubbish at archery, not understanding instructions well, poor co-ordination and lack of strength I'd of gone down the route of oppositional behaviour but I was informed I was to bring my games kit, put it on and be in a team regardless.
In other words I was to adopt a more grown up mature approach which would be overseen to help me with them ensuring I co-operated.
I am so thankful as hard going doing this is, they're putting me through it because I need help to change and be the best I can, not the least I can get away with.

On having a Caregiver

Papa Bear is my main Caregiver.
There is a difference between being a Mentor and a Caregiver because while both have a kind of relationship between them and you and both have some element of teaching new skills and dealing with attitudes that may set you back, the main one is it has a deep  personal emotional level to it regardless of it is a 'fostering', 'live in' or long distance one.
You have this emotional connection to you Caregiver that has some level of intimacy (not necessarily sexual) that allows the use of pet names and terms between you that wouldn't be in the 'professional' ethics of a Mentor.
You are their little girl or boy to care for emotionally either face to face or virtually, spending time being engaged socially an playfully with you very much as a child, you may sit on your lap or have your hair played with or be caressed or hugged.
It just feels...different.
My Papa Bear believes strongly in reinforcing the rules about my attitudes and behaviour where he feels it needed to bring them under control as the Adult in charge of me.

I am spanked by him as he feels I need it and to be truthful there a good number of times I do and as my papa it his accepted role to raise me as his Little Girl and that includes disciplining me. I accept it because it is a part of his caring for me that he will never allow me to get away with anything that isn't in my best interests.

That care also runs into giving advice on things like when I should go bed, looking after myself when I'm unwell to help me take better care of myself so I become more responsible within my my limitations.

It's a total package.

I have been allowed to getaway with a lot in the recent past which has spoilt me and failed to correct patterns that have made lots of problems for me

On my attitudes

There are plus points to being very much a adult child not least when like for me it is developmentally what you are but it also means I have the same sorts of reactions as a child in certain situations leading to situations that can be trying.
One area of attitudes I do have problems in is regulating my emotions  being impulsive, quick to act and quick to just say things without understanding what is wrong with the way I'm saying it if not the words.
I tend to raise my voice to people who contradict my wants, not paying any attention to them or not  respect any authority so I challenge, make excuses for not going along with it and delay what I am told to do to 'get out of it'
I don't do as I'm told.
I appeal to authority figures but only obey you after making the appeal and then my appeal is demanding and disrespectful of your authority.
Generally I'm not prepared and willing to obey either way and accept your decision with a good attitude.
Some of this has been reinforced through being encourage to stand my ground  against anyone who'd treat me badly because of my disabilities and I'm used to going on the defensive feeling you're picking on me or feeling you should cut me a special deal.

I need you to teach me how I am to treat you and anyone else in my life who has authority over me, setting the standards and reinforcing the boundaries so I learn to instinctively respect them which I don't now.
I need you to scold and correct me so I learn what I was meant to had done when I was younger and be prepared to spank me without fail so I understand the consequences of my failure to recognize your authority over me.

Post Experience Project edition

Yesterday marked many things such as the 90th birthday of Her Majesty, the Queen and sadly was the day the multi-talented musician and actor, Prince died but it also was the day the door shut on what had been a part of my life permanently.
The Experience Project finally shut its doors at 4PM PDT April21st after giving notice but sensing a certain nostalgia, I did get in using a spare account to leave a few brief posts up interacting for the last time with people.
You see I joined it would of been about eight years ago after reading quite a bit from the site sometimes about things about other people I'd encountered before had  and also it had to be said  to find out more about me.
They way it worked was that you found an experience you wished to talk about, be it one affirming some element of you or as I did writing about what I had felt and though comments, messages and further entries you through what it might be you were feeling.

It was by talking around this continual sense of still being a child that Iearned that a good number of others did from different directions, that I'd sooner lay across the sidewalk in a dress marking out and then playing hopscotch.
It wasn't that everything was good there, it was and remains a very mixed experience with me but together with another short lived time on a site I found the Sissy lifestyle was very much odds with me with some sending me coarse messages.
That was the first spot where I began to understand you could be an Adult by chronological age but feeling as a Little Girl enjoying the childhood of a girl the second time around that lead to other places and what has been very much my life ever since.
We talked about different ways of presenting  as that Little Girl and that then lead into talking about the past and schooling, where I discovered the  notion of being that 'adult' in law little schoolgirl involving uniforms, teaching  and having encountered the girl in question, lead to meeting her face to face.
It also was the place I found from somewhere the courage to talk about something else about the past at home and at school, rules and consequences, how they differed and to the extent some of those needs even remained.
I came out as a person who feels the need to be spanked as that schoolgirl, middles child forever to help me behave myself, talking with others who are, talking with people who did spank them around how they did it.  They in turn started very open conversations  with me about how I'd like my bottom spanked and how that would effect my relationships with people would be doing this.
This in time lead to me getting a caregiver figure that used spanking and other techniques to help change my behavior, bring in a clear cut sense of accountability and others coming into my life restoring the accountability and childhood spanking that has helped me so much.
Experience Project as a site was a mixed thing with me but I learned to explore, articulate and stand up for me, my identity and my needs, helping move me on setting up a life that is so much the better for me.

On restoration

Restoration

Restoring the balance both at home with my parents and with other adults trying to get so a kind of natural order is there is very much what the last fifteen or so months of my life has been about, been given a proper place in those relationships, subject to their adult authority at all times.
When I look back at how things were at the start of this I can see how unsatisfactory the way I interaction at home and with other adults were, doing pretty much what I pleased no matter how they may of felt about or been effected by it.
I had a okay relationship with Mom and poor one with Dad and didn't really feel bonded to other adults at all so things did not run anything like smoothly for a lot of the time.
It wasn't that I was necessarily super obnoxious but I could not truthfully say I was exactly well behaved either having little sense of boundaries and parental and other adult guidance in my life.
It felt that I'd been been left without any guidance but being expected to know what to do when in fact I had no idea about how to behave.
That was when during Christmas 2014 when the external guidance started and as time went by other people followed through with everything changed although it took time.
This was when there now was a set of House Rules and similar rules for other adults brought into my life with very real consequences for any breach of those rule.
These included  being scolded, having my knickers taken down to be spanked or caned without fail and having to carry out any restitution straightaway.

Of course I didn’t become perfect overnight, but gradually, week by week, the new discipline code began to turn my behaviour and attitude around and as the adults recast as disciplinarians began to feel this wonderful sense of positive empowerment to act because they cared. Every time they took me over their lap I felt that at last I was receiving a way of providing me with the kind of positive guidance that I needed. I felt that they were giving me exactly what I needed, at exactly the right time in my life and I could see that I was absolutely thriving on this old-fashioned form of discipline.

It wasn't that it was all discipline, because it did include face to face discussions about my behaviour and conduct and what my many limitations being allowed for, I could and should be expected to do better together with rewards so it was recognized when I did really well to help me form a sense, a belief, in my ability to do the right thing .

This restoration  went hand in hand with having me dress more as that adult child often in her uniform as a learned to accept and co-operate with adult authority  I resembled their child subject to their adult authority with that uniform signifying my acceptance  of their rules and the spanking that I subject to in it.

Spanking I would say in my experience is an excellent form of discipline for girls who like me are over 18 and live at home or with adults to help learn how to conduct ourselves and adopt good personal habits

Six days with Miss

I've just returned from spending six days with friends away for which there will be a post on my main blog about cos that's really more about what we did at the big old property in East Anglia together age playing for want of a better expression.
Well that's the expression my second best friend ever calls it and she's pretty much on the ball when it comes to this stuff because at least the both of us while we're there are in our younger selves character, doing what comes naturally to us.
Since last year though I have a 'go-to' person who isn't a classic Caregiver but more an Aunt type character with some caring, mentoring sides who I spend quite a bit of time with literally under their roof.
You see for me this whole six days started off being with them where from the minute they meet me at the rail station everything changes because the relationship we have is one where they are the Adult Authority Figure who is looking after me as a child having authority over me.
They are to be addressed by me by their Title, they have quite a bit of input into how I am dressed nearly always as a child in their presence (typically school uniform) and they always have the final say with me.
As the Aunt like person they have household rules I am to go along with and am expected to do what I'm told straightaway with no backchat.
Being with them is therefore so much like the whole stopping with actual childhood Aunts and Uncles for vacations and short stays I grew up with which I loved for all that routine.
There is something else in our relationship, which is as their child I am subject to and that is when and wherever I am with them, they do discipline me on the spot often using spanking and other forms of corporal punishment as they feel fit if either say I didn't do something I  am am expected to because I'm capable of it or for being cheeky and the like.
Having been spanked by them I know it's no idol threat and as anyone whose read this blog knows it does really help as painful as it is to keep me in line apart from getting rid of past bad attitudes of which I've a good number unfortunately.
For then this thing outside of the time spent with our friends is very much time with a age-play parental situation in real time which is ideal for me as not only does it help to keep me in Middle Space as a junior it provides the structured very strict parenting I need.
A kind of alternative family.

Looking back at the last year

As a few entries touched on, I went from a situation in my late teens with very little effective discipline of any kind to the removal of anything short of being made to leave home without having the very attitudes corrected and by late 2014 things were in a mess.

More by chance than anything discussions at various places lead to me finding a Caregiver who accepted and was prepared to work with adult middle me who made it plain they wanted me in school uniform and they were going to discipline me as that schoolgirl.

 They made it a hard rule that My knickers were to come right down for all punishment spankings so my bared bottom was going to pay the price from now on for all infractions, looked at my problems  and we agreed a set of rules to help me change.

And not just a  slipper but a hairbrush, leather and wooden paddles too as I increasingly learned to present my bottom for correction as just an everyday part of my life.

 
It wasn’t long before I felt so at ease with it that talking to other trusted adults who knew me and my problems well, that they took on a disciplinarian role to a middle who they also knew as one who is in school uniform, agreeing to spank me whenever I’m with them.

For good measure measure many of little/middle friends know about this, do know when I’ve been in trouble and are supportive because they know I can be more mature and considerate if I want to be.

It was through the discussions through them that quite against the odds caning something I only had at school came back as an option in more severe infractions with a variety of different canes being available to use when extinguishing a behavior or attitude was required.

Given it worked then I can't see it failing to keep my behaviour and attitudes in decent limits. 

Other things such as the Tawse and Martinet are agreed options too.

It was a long, painful process with some elements such as having more trusted Adults re-enforcing my Caregiver by disciplining me too not even in the original plan but it has started to work.

 
Who knew this was just what I so badly needed from Adult Authority figures who cared enough to step in and prevent me from falling while also working with guidance and support on changing me so I never get to that point again.

Please support spanking me. You know it  makes sense.

Accountability and the Middle

Our lives as Middles have this running through them surrounded as we are around our clothes, our cute stuffies as part of everyday domestic life which takes me a very important area of Middles life and that is accountability.
Accountability as a concept is simply that as Middles we are expected to be held to account for those things that we are responsible for, such as our learning, our house-hold chores, the things we agree to do for others and our attitudes and behaviour as they affect us and those in our lives.
This is because, whatever as individuals we have difficulty with, we are capable of exercising some that within the Adult world we interact with. We need  and are expected to meet some basic standards to be with you such as being truthful, reliable and so on.
As middles, we need our parent-like figures to support, guide and discipline us when we mess up, letting ourselves and others down and to learn to expect ourselves to be held to account as a matter of course rather than excused from it, that some of us including me have been in the past.
Having to accept swift,very strict  punishment  is something some may baulk at but it is a need of ours to help us make the best of ourselves.
It’s a important learning we should not be excused if we are to grow up to be as mature as we can within our limits.

The waiting game

There  is a very good reason  for why this image features in the Header of my Dorm Blog. It is that that girl is the likeness in my gymslip , particularly when I was in white socks, of me having to wait as whoever is disciplining me makes up their mind which to use.
You see they all have a pretty full selection of implements, always on full display to choice what they feel is the best one to apply to my bared bottom to make the lesson I’m to learn the most effective together with some non cp punishments such as lines and corner time.
Making me face what may be used on me focuses my mind on what I did that will cause them to make my bottom painful and red
Corporal punishment is very good for me so I’m glad I’m given

Age regression

What does age regression mean to you?
It’s not a phrase I use simply because my Middles with a little side flows from my inner child in real time less than the notion of say taking on a pre-defined role with an script, running more with actual child within emotional responses and  needs as it happens in real time. It’s more space for my Middle with little side to express herself with the ‘play’ being the setting where she comes out.
It also is the case with developmental disabilities and brain damage, even at school, not least high school, I was considerably younger than my years which left me out of sync from my mid teens onward with most of my peers although I could share in say a love of music and some movies at least but with a lot their more grown up interests and sexual references going completely over my head, like they’d be talking about making out and I’d be more interested in having a teddy bears picnic or a tween sleepover.
For me those situations either on line or in playmeets  with some of my friends over here are very therapeutic to me because they’re where I can really let that side of me out without the fear of people poking fun although the community where I live are very tolerant of my child-like ways and being know to have “special needs” does run  to my advantage in that way, allowing a greater degree of self expression than I’d of imagined after leaving high school.
How do you express you inner-kid: online? offline as part of your everyday life?
Online is fun as I am very childlike, cracking lame jokes, getting super excited but thankfully most people are at least tolerant of my childlike ways although I make serious posts on non IK sites but am very open at sites like DDLG World or Girltalk.to.forums about my little side sometimes really regressing in say a IK chat room
In what we call Real Life, as will be apparent later on, my 'big’ and I express ourselves pretty much the same, which can be fun  cos I just can’t help being myself as I use child-like phrases and words instinctively, often have plaything with me (my last works colleagues 'got it’ and were super understanding of me being very much a child to the point of buying childrens gifts at Christmas),  do dress in a more child-like way, often have cute plushies around, and easily move into little/middle headspace when I’m out, playing with thing.
My IK really comes out at Adult Little Girl meets and sleepovers, it’s just like boarding school which I loved having been to one and I’m always dressed as Middle in either playwear or English school uniform which fits me perfectly.
How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don’t feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.
The answer to this is simple  which is to say I don’t have much of adult sense of self through the real world impact of learning, development and intellectual disabilities to the point much of the adult world is beyond my personal comprehension, having no interest or need to. Basically I’m a child with a big age number living more like a child apart from paying taxes and that.
What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?
I struggle with things around getting things done on time, do put off important things for more fun in the moment activities, badly need structure and am capable of being disrespectful of others because I get more into what I want then and there without considering them. As well, I don’t always judge situations well and my abilities especially in  emotionally stressful situations to keep up with and process verbal reasoning can get so poor that it just ends up jumbled up with me getting more and more frustrated with that person.  Grown up approaches to disciplining me simply aren’t effective because they just can’t go in.
What works better with me is having clear cut rules and rigid boundaries around what I’m expected to do and clear consequences which is what my mentor/caretaker has been working on with me since just before Christmas. The main focus is around working on bring more permanent changes in my behaviour and attitudes rather than just the use of discipline through talking about situations and one on one guidance.
Discipline forms an important part within the maintenance of those rules though, flowing very much as the consequence delivered for breaching them in the way as a child  it would and so my mentor/caretaker does use corporal punishment with me as so an increasing number of trusted 'grown ups’ when I’m in IK situations involving them with permission and appropriate discreteness, often when I’m dressed more as a child too.

I find being disciplined less stressful than wordy verbal scolding, feeling very calm over a knee while it also certainly has helped together with the guidance and love of others in improving my attitudes and behaviour no end. My parents have little idea what this is about but they’re really impressed by how much I’ve improved.
The aftercare is really good and I find afterward its like I’ve been 'reset’, centred anew with no past offences hanging over me although it does hurt.