Dealing with situations

This week I've been dealing with a couple of things that are not easy for someone like me to do and can have a bad effect on me emotionally and behaviourally.
Like most people I have a checking account with a Bank which is typically used for things such as my disability income replacement and care needs payments (Dla) to be paid into since for the majority of people payment by Government cheques redeemable at Post Offices or transferable to bank accounts stopped a good number of years back and equally I use to pay for things such things I buy, my PayPal tm transactions and rail tickets and to draw out paper bank notes.
To cut a long story short, here in the UK, banks have been trying to get out of owning branches, encouraging people to move to mobile or online banking and paperless billing and I recently received a letter saying unless I told them otherwise, I would no longer be getting monthly paper statements from August and they would be done quarterly.
Now while you can telephone the bank where it can tell you your transaction details, I don't always understand what is said and between hearing it and say trying to write it down , I totally forget what was said and while I can see a monitor online, my dyslexia is such words and figure go all over the place while so I normally use colour transparencies and a rule to filter  on paper this doesn't work on a monitor and I'd end up having print everything off.
I get very anxious telephoning people, never feeling I've understood them  and what we agreed especially if needs me to read information cos I struggle with that so I wasn't looking forward to it which wasn't helped by a good seven minutes wait.
Anyway I get through to a customer advisor in Glasgow and having supplied my ID details, explain to him a bit about my disabilities around talking and using the bank before explaining my call is about monthly statements and I'd like to keep them. We do a quick ID to confirm the account and with his support, reassuring me throughout I managed to do this by myself.
The other thing was that 'Form' - the Employment and Support Allowance Work Capability Assessment from April and I had a brown envelope from the Government department  that makes decisions and sends the payments electronically  in yesterday's mail in a badly worded three sheet letter.
It tells me they have looked again (not using the word 'reviewed') at my claim due to a 'change' (not saying what 'change' it is) outlining what I should get , what to if wish to appeal the decision and that I'm judged to be in the group for people who are unlike to transition back into work anytime soon.
Without expressly saying it, given nothing else had changed I'm reasonably sure this is the decision looked at with medical information from my doctor by the assessment people and the department as it was dated last Tuesday and followed a statement by them of my total payments for the last tax year I had last week.
I'm cautiously optimistic this is the last say for a good while about that benefit which leaves me feeling a lot more relieved.

Little needs

The initiated know just how hard it has been for me this week emotionally and psychologically with Monday's tragic events in Manchester and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's struggled this week

This is for us and I hope it helps.

Incidents, anxiety and grief

Today I've been feeling like crying most of the time here in the Dorm after an evening that sadly will live in the history of Great Britain and more so live on in our lives, not least the lives of the young people of our country some of which were killed and severely injured  at a concert in Manchester by the popular American singer Ariana Grande in a solo suicide bombing minutes after she had stopped performing Monday evening.
Forget the adult talk about motives and justifications although from my dorm chair I cannot  begin to imagine how you can justify killing people one of whom was only eight years of age and of injuring others from 8 upwards.
I remember only too well how my world fell in during the period shops, clubs and places of entertainment were targeted grim picture after grim picture of bombed out buildings, injured people and seeing bodies carried out.
I was ten at the time, loving to play out, play with my toys and read comics but then the big newspapers kept coming through the door with the latest bombing across its front pages, the hourly headlines on the radio and shocking footage on tv.
Its relentlessness didn't just make me nervous, I started to worry all the time my folks or my dad alone cos he travelled a lot in his work when I stay with with my grandma and grandpa worried sick if they were coming back when you heard something happened. My world no longer appeared safe.
Tonight I feel very numb about this incident, very shaken and concerned for those who today who are of a similar age to how I was and just what impact this may have on them and let us not forget the artist herself who is devastated that something she did to bring people together has had such a tragic outcome.
Everyone responds differently but one lesson we have learned in years since is being prepared to share our feelings even if it is say say less and hug more, to comfort those hurting rather than focusing on rationalizations and to offer practical help is really what it is that people need right now.
Some of that is what the people of Manchester have been doing in the last twenty odd hours to help each other and for the rest of us impacted by events is really what we need from our friends.

Feeding the affections

Well-being is a theme that's been very much on my mind for the last week or so ago as I've posted at certain places around in differing ways but what sorts of things can lead us easily into it?
Typically very tactile experiences such as petting an animal which may be at say a petting zoo  or you own cat, dog or other creature such as a hamster  often is a way of letting go of certain feelings and emotions we are feeling.
Sometimes though it can be animal itself that initiates to doing things that makes us happy, such as sitting on your lap or climbing onto your shoulder.

I'm hardly unique in that I find human affection really helpful such as soft affectionate cuddles, an arm around a shoulder if I'm upset all helps.
Hair strangely enough is something that does too from having it brushed, washed, cut and say braided or otherwise put into a style so it's hardly surprising I feel much better from  going from the hairdressers in itself never mind how the actual appearance helps me feel, adding to my confidence.

Being responsible in a crisis

It has been a trying start to the week and I think it matters to me that I talk about this without naming names because there are some lessons in here and it helps with processing it.
It isn't always easy to make friends especially online so the appeal of a ready made circle who when you read about them on page sound very much about what you like and also are about - age regression - is strong.
You are welcomed and shown how to find members so after a while you start to share pictures of cute things or calming 'stimming' moving images although you find some seem to hostile similar people with different group names but you're caught up  enjoying it.

Then yesterday I came to read a page by a leader of the group who calls for all these other groups and some adult kink ones to kill themselves which really worries me so I go the the  group page where the people in charge called moderators answer questions and I find three people in or group have said they are very upset about it.
I find the moderator swears at them for questioning it, condones that remark and goes to accuse anyone who isn't comfortable with that a person into adult kinky stuff and worse.
I start to feel sad, crying hugging my teddy as it's one of the nastiest mean things to say to people who it seems to me are so like us and I am struggling to think what to do.😢
I find the people they not like and leave an anonymous message saying what group I'm from and I saw this so they can find it and ask them to please do something as our group doesn't look or feel a safe place anymore not just for us but anyone. 
I see someone from them contact a register of groups saying what I'd saw and asking them to be put on list of not safe groups and why.
I decided to change my group, blocking the person who baited the other group and left on their page a message saying who I was and why I'd left my group for theirs which hurts but as this upset me so much I think for my own safety I need too.
It troubles me that I was linked by being with our group to what was said so I apologize for it to the group I am now  with and hope they will accept that.
I think the lesson the lesson I have learnt is it can be very easy to be taken in, not seeing the attitudes they have toward others and how that spills over into hurtful, threatening behaviour and that I can act on it to protect myself and others.

Something for the road

Something that's not spoken much about is our behaviour on the road both as drivers and attitudes which important we bear in mind the number of incidents and near misses that occur and their impact on others.
For me, as some who is unable to drive for medical/disability related reasons I can have a strong impact  on this because what I do may influence the person who is driving which may include say fiddling with the cars radio settings without permission causing them to take their mind  toward me than the traffic.
It may be that by fidgeting, waving my hands about or starting a conversation that requires recall and a lot of thinking that results in the same as would if we were in a situation and the road conditions had altered requiring more attention but kept on regardless.
That's why I am expected to mind my behaviour whenever I am taken places by my Caregiver or other adults and why if I don't I do get spanked for it.
If you are the car driver, getting into situations such as texting while driving , having detailed conversations  with people it may well pull your attention from the road and more onto the that conversation.
What some people do to manage this is either set up an auto message so anyone getting their mobile is told they're on the road and unavailable or if they do answer using a hands free set it would be just to say they're on the road and please call in x hours time as detailed call about a specific product would refocus their attention away from what matters, their own safety on the road and that of other road users.
Depending on your relationship, you may have it failure to to account of these things may lead to you being spanked as it is a common thing.
Given the carnage we often see and disruption to others being thoughtless can bring, to me spanking for it is justified regardless of any civil action taken following police involvement and loss of points with fines for reinforcing limits both for drivers and those of us who travel with people because we must learn to act responsibly behind the wheel.

What about US?|

At the moment there is a General Election taking place here in Great Britain that I do write a bit elsewhere about but if you were disabled you might well be forgiven for thinking it had anything to do with you at all.
Nobody is actually talking about disabled people, carers and their concerns at all even in things  that do effect us such as education, health care, welfare and transportation which are things we are discriminated in such as 'shared space schemes' that pit blind people against cars getting across roads where tactile paving and crossings are being removed in the belief that by confronting pedestrians against road traffic traffic flows better and that there are less accidents. That's also no good if like me you have good vision but the inability to see and react to oncoming traffic having no idea of traffic speed and prone to just dashing across regardless, often having near misses.
The vexed question of disability benefits, assessments that are widely regarded as joke and wildly inaccurate and managing the welfare of those of us with long term severe disabilities is again not being talked about but do you know who is?
The Hard Worker. What I'd give to be even darn well able to be her so she can be helped out financially followed by The Pensioner whose pensions went up more than any group of people in society not that I'd begrudge ensuring the old are well cared for, far from it actually.
Then there's carers, the people who look after some of us who may be typically older parents or others who do more than make us a cup of tea and do help us with everyday living supervising and assisting us. We need a flexible care system to help us be independent within our limitations so we can everyday things like go out to places at regular times even if for some of us social activities may be better organized within groups.
It's all this conversation we're not having because our politicians are ignoring us which is so annoying because we are voters too that annoys me so much.

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