Transitional arrangements

Great isn't? The combined fibre/telephone service has been dropping out this week so phone calls "dropped" mid flow and refreshing on sites was problematic apart from the usual click here and get an infection things presently taking advantage of the FUD (Fear, Doubt and Uncertainty) with the impact of online legislation.  

Still the good news is I'm rediscovering bits of the past that got chopped and changed on the blog over the years and one was I did have an interest in wearing proper maids attire and indeed at one point so wanted to work as one.

Can't say if that'll come back but it was something I did enjoy.

You can't escape the past though, and I've been through some rough patches like while I was in my teens I went rolling down a hill backwards in a motorized scooter scaring the heck out of everyone (and probably myself too) when I made a big mistake involving gradients that could of been fatal.

Talking of the past, I was reminded of things from the past while reading a few tumblr blogs where that realization at time I always seemed to want to present different to peers from time to time and the tension between their ideas and mine.

This sort of presentation was what I liked around the middle of decade that kind of got the "and she's wearing that!!!" looks but in context I just love gothy meets kittenish looks beyond school girl atttire and god knows school girls have more than one look for after school!

That was the thing and maybe I'll return to that.

Musings

You'd worry had I of been a modern girl born in the 2010's surrounded by interconnectedness from dawn to dusk from my Smartwatch, Smartphone and gaming Pc when I've had my struggles with online addiction in the recent past being up to two in the morning at one stage despite being in bone years at least.

So yip, Smart isn't always so.

This is the big conundrum for those of us who do love being feminine, loving our skirts and dresses.

It's like every slight possibility of unwanted exposure from stairways so open you can see up our skirts, that moment when tired you just want to spread your legs a little and you're obliged  to keep them forced together on tightly crossed least some MAN see you (and start having thoughts as if we asked for HIS attention).

Like most I'll sit as I find it convenient at home. 

The perils of "Ill just look at that" and....

The "and just what do you think you are doing being up and using that computer at this early hour?" look as the door just opens having heard the sound of keys being pressed and the mouse being scrolled upon a silent background.

You just cannot under estimate the capacity you have to ensure you are in no fit state to get through the days chores, drifting off to sleep in the morning by just going with the concept of just following a topic of interest thinking I'll just look at this and get back sleep and find yourself four hours later still deep mining the topic with an hour and bit spare before its time to be up feeling half asleep.

It isn't even like the childhood of the past crime of reading under covers by torchlight where soon enough you'll run out of material, the internet is just like a rabbit warren you get deeper and deeper in.
 

Online welfare

 

Today's message is simple.

Try to spend less time staring at that thing as if your live depended upon it.

Keep tabs on what sort of content comes in your your stream: does it it make you anxious, depressed or feel like self harming?

Is it keeping you up at night?

Try to find people who you can trust to talk about what you've seen if it's troubling you.

If a site is a worry because of things like child pr0n, inappropriate content or otherwise harmful report it.

That's all folks!

Wednesday ramblings

While the countdown continues toward Christmas following some discussion at FA I thought I'd set down my thoughts.

Everyone does this thing different which can make co-existing on some sites problematic because you can fall between two stools.

Fundamentally I am very much a age regressor, a person who goes back to the time and in real time instincts of my childhood a girl who plays and goes to school where things evolve through just being in of that state of mind in real time with no script, no discussion of what any *scene* might include.

School may not for obvious reasons be a actual school but would involve real studying with lessons being taught  and as I'm in England the wearing of a uniform cos practically all children wear on to school that is proscribed for you.

It's a totally fetish free, non sexual non bdsm thing with no power exchange suited for those of us who developmentally are more like children and do have vulnerabilities that could be exploited by predatory adults. 

What can complicate it I am the product emotionally of the era of cp in the home and at school where that was just part of childhood, it didn't have the bdsm connections people assume today - it was often the go to discipline we had.

Because of that, spanking can feature if by the standards of that era it is what you'd of been given - not pre-arranged or asked for in advance just cleared in case its needed so consent is there.

That additional element tilts things as some adult site won't take the whole "as a child" side with spanking as they see that as adult content (and I was spanked from early childhood so for me its anything but) while more minor friendly site understandably don't want any content of that sort not least when official attitudes have changed and it may be illegal for it to be used today.  

For me then it's age regression with the spanking of my childhood included.

Sanriotown issues and more

 It was with some shock to find on Friday last an activity that had been a part of my internet life for a long time just wasn't available outside of the other business talked about elsewhere and still isn't available as I type this.

For almost as long as this blog has been going, Sanriotown.com was the first port of call not just for The Game but also things such as the busy forum where by design discussions were never 18+ which suited me as most adult conversations go over my head and don't really fit in my life, offered wallpaper and screen-savers.

They also has something I just adored, a oh so kawaii email with customization of the domains for whatever sanriotown character you liked  which for me meant I had a me @hellokitty.com email address that linked directly to things such as ecards you could people at Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas and that

When I went to look at it, my email had gone with over a decades worth of stored emails from past organizations and acquaintances 

The overall impression is that sanriotown.com and Hello Kitty Online is for all intents and purposes dead joining other sites we used such as experience project, friends reunited, beststuff and the GeoCities blogging platform in the internet graveyard. 

Something else I wish to get off my chest is I have no interest in sissification and all it's female dominate misandry driven tropes having had more than enough people on tumblr and on other no longer with us sites try to bracket me in with all that stuff.

I'm into age regression, being an adult but acting from a age regressed little/middle girl mindset where everything is from my own childhood era what it was and seen as suitable for an actual child not some kink based game.

I like boys as in adult males who are age regressed to be just that, with gumption, purpose and to act and dress like one not in ridiculously exposing super fussy dresses that no girl would be seen dead in while being treated in grossly humiliating fashion by bossy women.
I feel it's wrong to 'make' boys like that and a insulting parody of real femininity.
  

Teh Internet edition

Things will be a bit different this week for a variety of reasons one being actually I'm not well being on hot drinks, throat pastels and the like as I have a bit of soar throat and cold.

 The other is while all this is going on my Broadband is being upgrade to "Superfast Fibre" by my provider for free which should give me a speed of on average 67mbps which is just over two-thirds as fast as my current speed.

Part of that is done electronically, throwing a switch to send my internet via the service but to fully use it I need to change my modem and router combination for a new all in one faster hub which even if I'd been well would of been taxing so I'm kind of dependent on someone doing it when it suits them.
That means I may not around this weekend gone to write this blog and other things like Storytime at FA so I'll have to occupy myself with comic and music until I'm back up ready to change the Wifi name and password across laptop and chromebook.

Beware of the Law of Unintended Consequences

This week ought to be interesting with the amazingly awful shenanigans around Brexit having some more performances to play out in the Commons  with deals, amendments, only if you leave and other add ons just to make things more complex than they really need to be.
It also will end where the provisions of the UK requirement for verified proof age to use 18+ sites anywhere on planet earth will start to kick in although tech commentators are saying as much material exists on not expressly adult content sites it will fail ultimately.
I can be reasonable sure access to one site I signed up to a few years back will go because it is attached to commercial services which is the main target although it's a stand alone site simply because they won't implement with  charge per user a verification scheme that matches what UK law will require.
That may well go on a whitelist for ISP based blocking.
I'm not so convinced Fur Affinity necessarily will be blocked as the site does allow over thirteens with toggle nsfw protections for adults and a block by design for those under plus it's a general furry related art site which isn't commercially focused - artists do any commissions etc off site.
It's unclear if things like Reddit that have adult content reblogs will be blocked either as there is a point at which "Overblocking" occures and this causes more issues than what the blocking was intended to prevent although you'd be hard pressed to find a person in the UK Houses of Parliament that really understands how the internet and websites really work.
Mainstream social media such as Facebook, Tumblr et all should be unaffected.
Be aware sites of a more private nature will be off limits but as some pointed out during the passage of the legislation, this act of parliament only encourages the young to experiment using Virtual Private Networks or install Tor which just involves a few mouse clicks and they are at risk then from *anything* on the so-called dark web.
There is I suspect a very good reason no other Country has tried this approach  to dealing with genuine concerns about they young having access to adult content.

The past moves as you go forward

On Monday October 8th, buried in a document around Google and Security written in very much positive language it was announced Google + was to be "Sunsetted" and by August 2019 gone.
When you strip it of that California Lab Talk, it means the service is to close but in an orderly way with it going on to say ways of saving and reusing content you created would be offered in time so no one would lose anything by that point.
The service began in 2011 originally on a invite only basis and I was able to get one via connections to a forum and this coincided with a group other people saying they wished to break from Facebook however they soon left it for the Facebook freebees.
So much for principals.
Instead ironically it became a anime/littles/lgbtqi friendly spot I shared with others posts, promoted my blog on, at the time played Candy Crush and other games onboard that site.
A kind of a playground for little me although initially  much of that happened on the slightly more grown up account I'd created for that other group


























Part of the reason that was possible while in other context that would be outing yourself as a little was down to circles which in the original form were like the above screen shot.
You made sets for specific groups and of themselves you could have any posts you made would only go to that Circle and no others unless you added other circles in or chose Public.
I could therefor send littles stuff groups of the like minded knowing the group who'd asked me to join wouldn't have to deal with posts by little me as they'd never see them.
It had a rapid take off but by around 2014 a good number of games had left and it was a poor third to Facebook and Tumblr.
This had lead to a redesign as a more pininterest like Communities push with people making community groups and joining and I made one on the original more groan up account but noticed even that started to lag when came to participation.
An API security breach affecting 500,000 users potentially in March this year lead to a review and sober heads decided it wasn't worth throwing a lot of resource at it trying to prevent this for the low usage.
In so far as my blog(s) go I'll put posts on each to cover, they are covered by RSS, Tumblr and certain sites to encourage people to bookmark/follow as that fulfils much of the function of posting blog links on a per week basis.
I haven't used it to post anything much for a good year or so so in some respects I had come to expect this decision but as it was a part of the path of my littlespace  I do feel a bit emotional over it.
It was after all until I joined Tumblr, my home.

The M.I.A. Edition

Hello again! I've come from the darkest recesses of the littles blog to talk about something that seems to be endemic on online  communities and that is the curse of the disappeared ones.
They come in a number of forms such as the enthusiastic poster, who sends a good dozen a day from the moment the sign up, the one that encourage you join up but only posts a couple of times or the one that's been on the site for quite a while.
The thing they all have in common is they just leave, no Custer's last stand style rants or kiss-offs with no trace at all. Not even a last past or personal message so you are left wondering had you or anyone offended them or they're actually okay especially when they alter their username to Gone and that.
I think the most important thing for us to realize is as much we enjoy social media and websites, people or even the sites themselves are always in state of flux and the relationships that really  matter with them or those that went to personal ones through emailing or face to face encounters and that we can't restore things to how they were.
Sites do go over time - I can think of five of the top of head I belong to between 2005 and 2009 that are no longer with us - that we may miss but they are either replaced as a good few have for all intrusive social media or that we replace by with real life activities such as munches or play meets.
Sometimes the best response we can make to such situations is to simply move on.

Being responsible in a crisis

It has been a trying start to the week and I think it matters to me that I talk about this without naming names because there are some lessons in here and it helps with processing it.
It isn't always easy to make friends especially online so the appeal of a ready made circle who when you read about them on page sound very much about what you like and also are about - age regression - is strong.
You are welcomed and shown how to find members so after a while you start to share pictures of cute things or calming 'stimming' moving images although you find some seem to hostile similar people with different group names but you're caught up  enjoying it.

Then yesterday I came to read a page by a leader of the group who calls for all these other groups and some adult kink ones to kill themselves which really worries me so I go the the  group page where the people in charge called moderators answer questions and I find three people in or group have said they are very upset about it.
I find the moderator swears at them for questioning it, condones that remark and goes to accuse anyone who isn't comfortable with that a person into adult kinky stuff and worse.
I start to feel sad, crying hugging my teddy as it's one of the nastiest mean things to say to people who it seems to me are so like us and I am struggling to think what to do.😢
I find the people they not like and leave an anonymous message saying what group I'm from and I saw this so they can find it and ask them to please do something as our group doesn't look or feel a safe place anymore not just for us but anyone. 
I see someone from them contact a register of groups saying what I'd saw and asking them to be put on list of not safe groups and why.
I decided to change my group, blocking the person who baited the other group and left on their page a message saying who I was and why I'd left my group for theirs which hurts but as this upset me so much I think for my own safety I need too.
It troubles me that I was linked by being with our group to what was said so I apologize for it to the group I am now  with and hope they will accept that.
I think the lesson the lesson I have learnt is it can be very easy to be taken in, not seeing the attitudes they have toward others and how that spills over into hurtful, threatening behaviour and that I can act on it to protect myself and others.

Online bullying

I am sat her reflecting on a couple of things with a tenuous connection that have had quite an emotional impact on me.
One happens to be the online encouragement of a person from another Tumblr community to commit suicide for what was seen as a slight on another communities member. The person concerned was a young Kidhearted member as I was until an incident lead to us parting  who has a number of mental health and developmental disabilities and as such I always kept an eye out for them
This is being condoned by a teen mod of the other Tumblr community.
Ya know this takes me back to English Literature, would of been about aged fifteen reading William Golding's The Lord of The Flies where a group of well educated English boys bereft of adult authority due to a crash separate into groups  in a downward spiral from mean-spiritness to outright savagery.
My problems with all this drama start with inappropriate moral equivalency in putting offence caused by a ill considered comment (and god knows we all can do it) with actually encouraging a person to take  their lives after taunting them.
They are two different things.
The other is the lack of tolerance which is not about agreeing with somebody but respecting the right of an other  to hold an opinion even one most would consider ill judged that soon leads into mean spiritedness.
This so often manifests itself in NIA banners or Non Interaction Allowed where people from one group are told because they either belong to a community on Tumblr or interact with one they don't like you cannot 'like', reblog from or comment from another because one says the other is wrong.
It means since what happened with me I cannot even post message of support for this person subject to the sick suicide baiting  because their community bans ours (although we ban none) from posting to them.
I am waiting for certain communities to grow up and  at least  agree to disagree on some topics and work together on keeping people really safe.

Triggered and trying to pick up the pieces.

The week was due to end on something on high and anyone that read the post on Friday  on the other blog may well of been forgiven for thinking that  as I looked at how over the years I had actually developed and as a result of that the blog had reflected those changes in me.
Some of those things included people who were going to have a more parental input in my life to help me better manage it because I was struggling with it providing guidance and oversight and also by consent, spanking me which has worked well.

 It's perfectly true to say emotionally and psychologically, many of us carry some baggage around with although for most it's something they have control over but for some of us it goes much deeper than that.
You might think you have it safely contained where it doesn't cause you any problems however this sort of traumatic events can jolt you back back very much in that moment reliving those raw terrifying emotions, freezing you, leaving you shaking badly.
For me personally I do go 'mute' in stressful situations, I stare out oblivious to what is going on around, I just shut down and curl up. It's a vulnerability I have to live with when I'm so overwhelmed I can't act to look after myself.
That's what makes a triggering episode like the one I had on Thursday really bad bring back painful memories of witnessing verbal abuse and physical violence at home and of inappropriate physical contact outside of it. It goes that much deeper than just something you'd rather never happened.
I supposed in a way it had to happen at a site very much for adults because with my mixture of learning/developmental disabilities I don't really slot into sites well because I do need generally a higher degree of moderation and 'hand holding' than most sites expressly for adults offer but either that sites that do are strictly under 18 or more general ones where some topics would (understandably)  be off limits.What I need more - an more older kid style of site -  but for over 18's doesn't exist.
It just happened that in innocuously questioning a part of the main site entrance,  it opened up discussion things that directly triggered emotions from those experiences that left me shaking in my tummy  just even typing it.
I just feel at the moment typing this I need  to try to get this under some control and a part of that is to take a break from the site in question until I feel ready to log back in seeing posts without all these memories flooding back.
I think the whole topic that lead to this needs to resolved, "put to bed" so the thread and everything in it can just float away or be closed off.
For me at some point when I feeling better than I am presently, I would like to work toward some permanent closure  with the individuals concerned and  not just from a personal point of view  that's obviously a very important for me but also for them to try to work through their feelings on what happened and how it's left things.
To me it is that within my limitations, I do need when I'm better to resolve all of this in a mature way rather than just avoiding people who I did really like and mostly likely never saw where things would end up.

Explosion

 

Oh lordy, I really blew it this week or rather others did for me because of some activity when in a voluntary post I did, I was outed as a little that  come as I guess as a shock for my colleagues.

This was bought about by a  group of losers who didn't get the proposition, your site, your rules to the point of being banned who  then started looking for hidden bits of my life like the bits around spanking and regression and so on, deciding to repost them on some site they own  for all to see.

The strange thing  is I've been implored to hold my head up high by the powers that be what I do and think what I do  offsite is my own affair however bizarre it may seem to others and I will be supported.

It actually makes me cry so much that they care.