Experiments

It is a very windy day with much rain so it will be very much a stay indoors, read comics and stay warm day until it dies down enough to sort out the many moved items and a broken bird bath later on.

At one site people are discussing identity which for many of us tends to be complex because really many of us share multiple ones and within each you may not do or meet every single aspect some put under it.

It has also over the years been a delicate and troubling issue with me at least as much for the prejudices of differing communities toward certain groups from the big girl world of transfemales and transexuals feelings towards any of us who are more around being and dressing more child-like as in "little girl" or within that community of Little Girls towards other groups such as "Baby Cubs", AB and/or DL or "Sissies".

Some refuse to have anything to with you be it in real life or online no matter what you, yourself might do in your own take on that life or around others. 

And we all need to be aware of how our actions may be seen especially when in more public settings but when in reality nothing in it gets between what other groups are doing nor is illegal or immoral.

I will acknowledge I have always had a suppressed more overly girlie side that fits more in with some aspects of "sissy" as much as I can and enjoy other sides such as schoolgirl presentation and in real life recreation than what some "little girls" seem to be comfortable with and yet it's just a look, a cut of a few pieces of material stitched together. 

Dresses in satins often with prints, frilly undergarments possibly frillier than most girls would like but you just adore can I truthfully say I don't have a more sissy side?

Elsewhere I've battled with it, tried arguing against it, and yet it keeps coming back and what is wrong with someone seeing me as "a sissy" - just that individual and what really is my own issue with me?

I think it's time to accept that side of me and to say don't be afraid to call me what I am among many other things a "little sissy" in the same way many accept my needs for sp@nking and they can go together without straying into very much adult content territory.

Feeding the affections

Well-being is a theme that's been very much on my mind for the last week or so ago as I've posted at certain places around in differing ways but what sorts of things can lead us easily into it?
Typically very tactile experiences such as petting an animal which may be at say a petting zoo  or you own cat, dog or other creature such as a hamster  often is a way of letting go of certain feelings and emotions we are feeling.
Sometimes though it can be animal itself that initiates to doing things that makes us happy, such as sitting on your lap or climbing onto your shoulder.

I'm hardly unique in that I find human affection really helpful such as soft affectionate cuddles, an arm around a shoulder if I'm upset all helps.
Hair strangely enough is something that does too from having it brushed, washed, cut and say braided or otherwise put into a style so it's hardly surprising I feel much better from  going from the hairdressers in itself never mind how the actual appearance helps me feel, adding to my confidence.

Chilling little style III

After Monday's write up about the combined Halloween and Bonfire party here is the unexpected follow up.
Whenever people get together, not only do they talk about different things but sometimes they may bring things that for whatever reason they no longer have a use for or perhaps found didn't fit quite right but would rather another had if they could make use of them and this is very true in the Adult Little Girl community.

In many ways as discussed in 2013, this picture which is a part of the same photo series, captures the spirit of the 12ish Middle me, a girl who relaxes sucking her lolipop, stroking her pet and reading a book who may know more of the grown up world but isn't in it as just those things alone are what matters in your world.
 I remember writing in December 2014 around how it was the form of uniformed schoolgirl was going to change as I was to be wearing pinafore dresses with my first outing in one at the Christmas party and how they felt so me.
Pinafore dresses are for a good number of actual schoolgirls, a requirement of their being at school as part of the uniform emphasizing your 'belonging' to that school and the implied acceptance of its rules.
There is a parallel of sorts with me because my caregiver requires me to wear mine not just as an adult middle treated very much as the little but also it does reinforce the acceptance of His rules and any correction that follows. It is MY uniform.
Not surprisingly that is very much how most of the time I've been out with people this year and certainly worn at home with blouses and even a tie!

I have a few school type pinafore dresses now in my wardrobe but was rather surprised to see Matron at GHS had something hanging on the stairwell that she said I could have if it fitted.
Math isn't my strong point -prolly was fitted with Math proof cap early on in life! - and sizing isn't always straight forward  but putting it against me it seemed right.
It was a grey pinafore with a heart shaped front zip but  with a straight skirt section that was a bit thicker than some of mine by Banner so seeing it was a 17/18 I took it back with me.
I put it on after a quick wash on arrival home Sunday coming down the stairs to my folks wearing it with an air of confidence sitting downstairs an having my evening meal in it and they said NOTHING!
It fitted perfectly so I like to thank Matron for her kind offer of it as she understands the importance of Uniforms to middles like me.

Chilling little style Pt II

Remember early last year where I talked about something in Chilling Little Style? The image and the likeness of the "Joanne" a twelve year girl, a part of the past life in boarding school and more? Why even it is desirable for me to remember where I'm really at.

There was even a bit of challenge around the whole notion of Pinafore Dressing me something I never had happen in my childhood, tying in with taking me back to being that child, not unlike 6 thru 12 years in school as in some schools a traditional pinafore dress is more usual although at least in this part of England you tend to see it more with the tens and under perhaps cos the older girls want to be seen as more sophisticated in separates and donning tights, something I didn't see at my school until you were in your mid teens at least.  How times change,eh?

Usually it's something like this - other styles such as box pleats, buttons etc are available  - worn over a piqued t shirt or blouse sometimes with a tie and more often than not with 'regulation' socks either ankle ones for infants or just under the knee 'long' ones for juniors
I did mention to about having the odd one although they were more adult takes on the Pinafore style and I felt like changing them. That 'Alice Band' is a nice touch too.
Well it has finally happened I am to be finally properly pinafored.

It is just like this although I was a bit worried about ordering it as the measurements provided didn't seem to make sense and math isn't my strong point so I measured out the length of a top to where I'd put the skirt over and added the skirt length that looks okay to it in order to check the length by. They also appeared to confuse Waist measurements on the chart with reference to Chest (aka Bust) on the accompanying text but as I don't know of any 4 year olds with 28" waists well that just had to be wrong as looking at children's sizing guides showed.
Anyway it is here, and having managed to take a few measurements by myself just to be sure it does actually fit having tried it on.
As I don't have a caregiver to do this for me, I'm going to put myself into it when I'm in the company of my friends, learning to feel good wearing it as the little I am. I feel it's time having written about this as long ago as 2008  as a few of you have read recently to go with my convictions and come out as that properly pinafored schoolgirl sucking her lolipops.

Totality of indentity (a kind of essay)

After last week's entry which seemed to flow better than I anticipated, I sat down thinking a bit about about the follow up.

Some people write research papers, lecture and even publish lengthy books about things like Identity in all it's different forms and I purposely say forms because we're all different and from my point of view you can see it  as a Venn diagram  with it's overlapping elements.

For some people what can lead to an exploration of their own persona  can be a person they have a close nurturing relationship with in childhood or for some even into adulthood although for me it was more that I had that already but without the space to be me.

No doubt if I had the  space I'd been more like her as whenever I draw myself that was it and 'drawing in class' brought some of this stuff back to me recently and the crazy but true happening that upon seeing the  white frilly socks, Mommy bought me a pair and  a lolipop I could suck in her presence no less!

We cannot ignore something that a few people feel uncomfortable about which is I'm less "girl in a boys body" but in reality a sissy who has been like this from childhood and who wanted very much to dress in a uber feminine way with no wish to be actual girl.

 Part of identity for me certainly includes an interest in ideas, people and what one could call the arts being brought up where we belonged to a book club, went to the theatre and thanks to the record club had from an early age records of favourite ballet and other classical music.

I still have a number of the books in a bookshelf.

That was one and funny enough I could say the minute I saw the cover that I had it when I was younger as the smaller ones were a special offer you got and many were 'gifted' my way.
Another one I bought used when I was around 13 from a Country Fair was this

That rather formal portrait is of the late conductor Herbert von Karajan and this record was from 1954 in a performance I'd never really forgotten being played on my stereo phonograph even though the record was mono and I was able to get a cd with this on it a short while back.

For reasons best known to themselves my folks got me war toys but in time learned to buy me more girls stuffies and let me have artificial flowers in my bedroom.

Personally I wanted dollies to dress up and play with - ideally with girls - as I felt better that way but there you go 

One of the great things about this life is the extent to which you can rediscover play, feeling free to play more on the notion of what it is you'd rather be doing rather than any gender based restrictions by parents, play groups or schools that for some of us were issues at the time.

For me it helps deal with certain more specific to me issues such as my learning disabilities that can and does make deal with adult responsibilities very frustrating when you struggle with the means because I can focus more around things I can do, enjoying them. 

And so being disabled too for me is also a big part of my identity (I'm not with one, I has one in my whole being) too having had it from birth.

So this identity thing is pretty important for us personally although I don't feel people should put up rigid barriers between themselves  based purely upon that, focusing more on what we have in common.