Do we really belong here?

There will be a pause next week I think simply for being away and so not with chromebook and you really cannot type up droves of posts for blogs to cover that period while getting ready to go away with all the packing and the regular weekly activities and that.

There is one topic I keep coming back to which is around age identity and from that what really is appropriate because if you are very much a person to whom sexually or other kink based interests apply (like bdsm) then it's quite straightforward.

You may role play an age in a context, say DD/lg reflecting a point that for you you wish to return to in the context of that and any relationships but you still ultimately see yourself as, and identify with, your age as recorded on your birth certificate.

You are also quite likely to have the adult adeptness to handle adult content sites connected with that.

And that is okay.

I seldom if ever feel adult, although I know the law says I own consequences for actions I commit as one and never identify as an adult (I could have written this in my teen easily).

I struggle with tasks that require adult levels of comprehension and seeing what is coming next so does it make sense at all for me to have a presence on any adult site that has lead to issues around bullying, presumed overt sexual interests and what not?

In the ideal world, I will be blunt and say, No.

The problem comes for me in that a small portion of me, a portion that in childhood featured the threat and delivery of spankings that still runs through that perception of how I see me is a topic that (understandably)

today cannot be mentioned in child safe places (heck references to it often get removed in republished children's literature).

That only leaves adult sites as places I can talk about and with people and then sometimes they won't allow you to reference any however briefly that occurred as a child at that time and we'd all agree mentioning that of actual children in the modern world isn't right (and attracts bad sorts).

And those places are the ones I struggle with, cos beyond this one subject, I really don't belong in scenes that going by any assessment of my emotional intelligence would show I'm too young for.

I'm just wondering if really leaving such spots for good might not be the most sensible thing for someone like myself.

Wednesday ramblings

While the countdown continues toward Christmas following some discussion at FA I thought I'd set down my thoughts.

Everyone does this thing different which can make co-existing on some sites problematic because you can fall between two stools.

Fundamentally I am very much a age regressor, a person who goes back to the time and in real time instincts of my childhood a girl who plays and goes to school where things evolve through just being in of that state of mind in real time with no script, no discussion of what any *scene* might include.

School may not for obvious reasons be a actual school but would involve real studying with lessons being taught  and as I'm in England the wearing of a uniform cos practically all children wear on to school that is proscribed for you.

It's a totally fetish free, non sexual non bdsm thing with no power exchange suited for those of us who developmentally are more like children and do have vulnerabilities that could be exploited by predatory adults. 

What can complicate it I am the product emotionally of the era of cp in the home and at school where that was just part of childhood, it didn't have the bdsm connections people assume today - it was often the go to discipline we had.

Because of that, spanking can feature if by the standards of that era it is what you'd of been given - not pre-arranged or asked for in advance just cleared in case its needed so consent is there.

That additional element tilts things as some adult site won't take the whole "as a child" side with spanking as they see that as adult content (and I was spanked from early childhood so for me its anything but) while more minor friendly site understandably don't want any content of that sort not least when official attitudes have changed and it may be illegal for it to be used today.  

For me then it's age regression with the spanking of my childhood included.

Meadowland III

After the last  more heavy weight entry I thought I'd write something a bit different today.

To me, as much as we talk about the active, doing things, like the places we travel to, the things we undertake there are times when you need something that's more reflective, enabling you to think through the stock of experiences you'd had.
They may not be just those of the last few days or weeks even but from way back in time because those past events have helped shape us and do influence to a point how we see both ourselves and the things that are currently happening in our lives.
So time spent away from the immediate hear and now, albeit online activity or face to face in favour of time in a secluded pleasant place well away where we are able to let our mental guard down and just think at length free from interruptions is beneficial.
Standing, watching local meadowland is one thing I find that helps and it sums it up in that at first glance it doesn't look that busy but when you really get to focus in, you see a lot of small connected things happening.
I think learning to discern things, identifying patterns is very desirable in itself.
*Photo by me.