Home life

 

Sometimes I wonder where so much of my attitudes and behaviour comes from but it came to me the other day that there were several episodes that shaped it.

One was the occasions when I was at home where in theory at least my younger brother was looking after me although if this chronological age thing had anything to do with it it would of been the other way around.

Ours was a house like a good many back then that had a coal fire in the front room although we did burn the odd bit of wood and that although it wasn't a proper log burner that having spent what seemed like ages getting it going with firelighters, tindling and coal, you needed to keep well lit until it was time for bed in order for us to stay all cozy playing or watching tv.

He always seemed put out to be this kind of situation, thinking somehow my being disabled cost home unspecified lost opportunities and for good measures had a number of crazy ideas of one tended to be someone just HAD to make it possible for him to spend his money and still get more.

Unfortunately he took to psychologically bullying me in attempts to make up the difference, thinking if he kept it up I'd hand over either my pocket money or holiday funds to him that day and if that wasn't enough he come back the next day for more.

Well this particular evening it must of turned toward Eight PM as it had gotten dark and Mom and Dad had gone to some event in our district leaving him in charge as my older brother was on older teen business that you know you didn't ask much about.

 It wasn't long before he kept putting forward demands for handing over my money saying I didn't need it that week and he wanted it one after another never letting go to the point he'd really wound me up and I chucked that money right into the fire saying if was going to get it when my back was turned then that was it.

He'd never seen me really snap like that but I felt so scared in my own home with him I just did as he tried to retrieve the coins from the ash pan as the paper notes had been burnt and didn't believe my folks would take my word if I told them the truth. 

I think some of my anger and sadness comes from feeling unbelieved and insecure being taken advantage of even by your own family.

Fairly recently I told Mom about this and she was dumfounded to hear about had gone on

Mommy time

For me there is nothing so much as a Mommies love not least in the small things she does for you such as plaiting and putting your hair in bunches or in a pony tail, brushing it all the way down like the magical mane of who is her Princess you are.
Being involved matters so much to you as you wanna be Mommies little girl cos she was one once too!

Get set and matched!

One of things the person who is working with me is trying to do is to work on feeling confident  and part of this is about removing barriers between how much of me I allow others to see so I'm  having my hem lines taken up and long socks or tights removed.
She's trying me in a pleated tennis skirt with a suitable top and casual footwear.
A bit of this ties into the regressed schoolgirl playing sports in a competition context which does have it's appeal.

Comics

When I was younger I grew up reading comics which are usually combinations of short stories written for children in a series of frames with the drawing, speech bubbles for the characters and a little bit of plain text to set the scene of the frame.
The stories are usually centred on universal aspects of childhood, such as parents, authority figures, school, war or adventure stories with heroes and having fun with other kids.
Some comics are written to appeal mostly to one gender but most I read were for both such as the Dandy and the Beano pictured.
In many ways the Beano had it all as far as I was concerned with the adventures of Dennis the Menace,  the lovable roguish boy fighting dad, every authority figure there was, Walter (the goody-goody boy) with every trick in the book. That said in earlier editions he'd get his comeuppance once in a while when Granny would arrive on the scene and spank him with the 'Demon whacker', a notoriously hard leather slipper!
My favourite though was Minnie The Minx. She was a bit like Dennis but with a Tan and obviously a skirt on compared to Dennis flannel shorts but more cunning with a tomboy aspect to her personality always scheming to get her own way . She'd have me in stitches every week!!!
My other favourite as The Bash Street Kids set in a old run down inner city primary school with loads of wacky characters engaged in a constant battle with 'Teach' who carried a cane with him who himself was under pressure from the Headmaster. In older episodes he's cane the kids from time to time for their misdemeanours in class or on trips.
I still love reading them and buy the annuals.

Play and the Middle

 

There are many aspects around being an adult kid, which if you're like many of us it's taken time to come to an acceptance of and while many have been talked about here, there is one I'd like to introduce to you, play.

Play is something we associate very much with our childhood, something that regardless of our gender or disabilities we all have in common that outside of school was the means we socialized at home or the playgrounds in our communities.

If you've struggled since with these things they also can be of use to you to relearn those skills that can crossover into your more adult roles.

Playing is how we learned about each other, learned new skills from each other be it building a model, skipping or just how to be a friend, looking out for others.

We felt good going out in the snow building snowmen or tossing snowballs at each other and I still do actually!

So whenever I've been with my adult kid friends one of things we program into our meet up are various play opportunities starting with an ice breaker and one of our favourites is working on a jigsaw together which gives an opportunity to not to just solve the puzzle which is fun but to start working together, establishing a good co-operative feel from the get go.

Play can be both individual as well as group centred like for instance you may enjoy making Lego's small kits say of a Helicopter up from the supplied parts, which can help with develop your hand to eye co-ordination and ability to concentrate too.

Within play you can create stories using your own imagination either by actually role playing (Dungeons and Dragons or playing 'School' anyone?) or making up adventures for your Teddies dolls which I find pretty good at getting rid of 'adult' stress.

Finding anew that sense of imagination is magical.

Another one you can do by yourself or as a group is...wait for it...colouring, something that's on the up at least in the UK with some more older age group colouring books being published but if, like me you love Disney, bliss can equal going to the local store and getting yourself one (my new one is Frozen) and a pack of pencils (or crayons).

I find it very relaxing.

We often bring traditional board games such as Mousetrap with us dividing people into teams as we throw the dice over the course of a few hours and dice have this habit of not quite going the way you want so may have to wait until you get the right number.

Space permitting you could put together small train set powered or even the chunky push along sort pretending you're along the Canadian Pacific climbing the inclines and going over bridges, train whistles optional!

Or maybe you like playing with toy cars creating an adventure as you go long as they all come from the same place inside you, your 'little' side, and just letting it out in a setting that's comfortable I find removes layers of emotional constipation so you feel more at ease with yourself.

Although I don't for personal disability based reasons, there's no reason not to rig up an Xbox or PS4 and have several of you just sat around playing while your daddies or mentors are either having more groan up fun or just discussing things between themselves, looking out as most of our dads did in case we started to get into trouble.

Your playing then can actually be pretty good for them too, giving them a break while their littles are all together doing their own thing.

Naturally play can take place out of doors too with a bit of planning and consideration for those not in the lifestyle, where you could go to a park and fly kites, have a kick about playing soccer or maybe baseball while sharing food together.

Wasn't that the kind of fun you just loved? Well if so, let's just get on with recreating it cos there's no reason to do without it.

How girly are you?

How Girly are you? Your Result: Little Girl Girly   This species like to stay young girls forever. They tend to ware bows, ribbons, in their hair until they are 70, and talk like little girls through out their lives.
Semi-Ultra Girly	 
Just Girly	 
Ultra Girly	 
Not So Girly	 
Tom Boy Girly	 
Valley Girl Girly	 
Girly...F***K That!	 
How Girly are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I love to be dressed up like this.
In soft   flowing  skirts with frilly slips and pretty socks.

Onesies?

Let's get one thing straight. Although some of things I talk about are classed as 'adult' in truth they are more from my own childhood, the values I was brought up and so are a continuation and in parts a plea to a return to child-like norms and being treated they way we were rather than anything that routed in bdsm or so-called 'adult services' although I'd be the first to say children are best being children and only should explore more of this, should they feel a need to after becoming adults able to understand and consent to some of ideas.

 One thing I think would be good for me is as far as is practical to make as much of everyday clothes I have as reflective of my state of being a child so 'sensible' adult nightdresses would be best replaced say by either childrens motif ones or say a one piece all in one 'onesie' to help uplift more of that headspace.
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