Frilled edition!

A good good while back anything really "girlie" used to really send me skipping off to the table to hide under but over the years things have changed.

Heck I did mention the odd thing about overall changes within some time ago so something I don't usually talk about  and certainly never something you'll see peeking out all ikky on this blog ever but actually some of us do a bit of the frilly albeit in a restrained way possibly cos we're exploring things. Exploring us even.

In my case probably more I just feel like sometimes being more girlie some of the time at least and something that is relatively plain with fully elasticated legs for a snug fit appeals more than some designs and I feel happy in them.

Plus I got a couple of pairs of these white frilly ankle socks to go with them and these do go just above the ankle which I prefer looking a bit more balanced with the skirt lengths I usually wear.

A message from the Plushies II

Been a bit busy tidying up this week removing magazines that soon build up and the likes and  I thought I'd post about something that is troubling me.

 One group appears to have a "one set of rules for some and another for all else" running through who can be in a private group on a popular messaging site, the way people can know about any group activities - only seeing the information WHEN you've been added to the list so you never know to even register an interest before and not even getting back to your messages.

Ideas for a back up channel if one long running LG site has issues using the same provider are just ignored without comment even though they know the old Yahoo system had ceased working a while back and there is no list on site of Moderators so if anyone has a concern they can raise directly.

 

 Time to just cuddle your plushies while this carry on continues.

Introducing Lauren

Yes it's finally here, for Christmas.

Although I don't endorse living your life as a stereotype - I sure haven't lived mine like one! - I have a classic girl fixation with dolls something that's been with me since childhood actually that in that typically confused way was 'permitted' by Mommy when many other things weren't.

I've written about a few of my dolls before but this one is special cos I found it in a store that was scheduled to close down within a few days.

She's a Vanity Fair doll coming with a certificate of authenticity that the designers called Laura but I beg to differ about that name so I went ahead and Christened her Lauren instead as I just love that name after removing all the packaging  with bubble wrap over the joints.

I like her face and hat.

Dollies is really more what girls like me need.

Dear reader

Hi peoples.

I woke up with this idea for a post cos the next scheduled one would be a in a few days time but before I went to bed with Theodore, I noticed something on the Dorm Blog I want to talk about.
The first thing is while I've been doing my Math schoolwork this week, we have had a grand total of 18,814 views since the blog was started and in the last month 2,014 which is a lot of views.

People have many reasons for writing a blog, some being very much with the authors own needs such as making a dairy of their lives, interests and important events getting a great deal of satisfaction in reviewing them as time flies.

Well, that's partially true for me but another reason for writing a blog is to better inform people about some interest or aspect of your life because many do not understand it or worse still think they do on the basis of sensational stories in magazines and the popular press.

 For me, it is that I wish people who encounter this blog randomly, to understand what being an adult little girl is about, like it's not  seedy, a dirty little secret, a threat to society or worse still Children's welfare.

It's an very important part of a everyday responsible life that you're engaged with that is stacked with childlike innocence, fun and a refreshing spontaneity. We also have mainstream hobbies and  a sense of humour!

As well,  many of us contribute in different ways to making lives better for others by solving scientific problems, making things people like or helping people navigate complex personal needs.

That's why having people stop over at this blog as well as other peoples too is important because it helps to break down these erroneous preconceptions so having good viewing figures matter to get the word out.

Thank you dear reader for stopping by today and if you haven't already please either spread the word about this blog or consider following it.

Somethings afoot!

Different kind of a week when it came to events in the background as much as we did have a bit more of "normal tv" in the final days rather than wall to wall live coverage of events connected to the death of our Queen.

You can understand it but there are times when it gets a bit too much as much as it act as a bit of a primer to how our constitution works, an aid to study.

Sometimes I just don't know what gets over me like apart from getting bratty I shot through two requests to take stuff to and empty the bin.

That resulted in the loopy cane making an appearance while over a lap with my knickers taken down and another caning a couple of days later just in case I thought it wasn't so bad after all.

On the other side I did some cute kitty socks which were cool!

Think Pink!

Sometimes  you come back with things you didn't expect when you see people.

Unfortunately seeing people wasn't possible this year with being very poorly although up to the last minute when I realized a firm decision was needed I had everything arranged and had spent a small fortune on things  to share with others.

Way back in late June a few years back I did get a dark blue gingham school summer dress that I quite liked not least for how Junior it made me feel, which as far as I'm concerned is quite a good  thing and I had been thinking about something in a more classic pink.

Having a few things come Sunday reminded this one with two pleats at the front I like - I'm big on pleats - that caught my eye from a friend which having put it against me, seemed to be just perfect so I paid her for it in notes of the Bank of Purrland.

Life (and why this blog is as it is)

After last week's past in present post, I felt like writing a bit more around what being this girl means and why it is this blog is the way it is.

Given this Covid thing we're going through has cut a hole through what normally would be happening around this part of the year, I feel it's a good idea to remind ourselves about it.

 I am somewhat more visual but in may respects this illustration sums a whole chunk of it up really well and in case you were curious some people can see "the music" in record grooves.

The first thing is we all dressed differently, showing that how we feel expressing our inner sense of being is different, I veer more toward the girl on the far left, others in this context might choose a party dress. It's all good!

We are all having fun, sharing chit-chat, sucking our Pop through straws. That sharing is what we do when at meets playing with each other and letting each other play individually with our dolls, stuffies and other toys. I am grateful my little/middle friends let me share things as it means a lot allowing us to build our friendships. 

There is music playing that we are sharing. It may be my home stereo component system is more technically 'better' than their phonograph, which I had a similar model when I was in my tweens but it is being used to share music, to enjoy it's playing so we have our records out.

That's the function of music in my life and there are 'places' I share it; it's not about the 'hifi', it's about the joy of listening to it which is why on this blog I do write about it, tossed in with the dolls, stuffies and other cute stuff.

There is also grown up supervision about keeping everything safe and ensuring we behave because it's easy for things to get out of hand and you mightn't see it and I sure don't!

The biggest thing in all of this is just innocuous fun!

Bouncing about

It's been an odd week for emotions with all this lock down stuff going on feeling very much I was waiting for groan ups for instructions which at times it can be  with me cos when I really feel things then it just is sometimes to the exclusion of much else
That took me back a bit in time mentally...

Time was when skipping just for the fun of it was one of my favourite activities outside of any formal games or PE usually involving a traditional knotted rope with wooden handles that actually I kept up until I was about sixteen.
Part of it I think was being in control of my body, making it move which with my disabilities is hard going as it feels often like there's several internal wires missing carrying that information so I can't 'summon' it to move to will, something that perplexed many an adult.
Actually I got pretty good at it.
The other side of it is it makes me feel very girlish, just jumping and skipping from side to side in a carefree way and I think I'm in need of carefree spaces so something like that the next time we are able to get away may be the thing

On relationships and life

While I was away this weekend an account of which can be found Here  I found myself thinking about the role of relationships in my life.
Relationships not least family ones have  played a negative part in my upbringing from distancing, not willing to get close to me or to encourage me to get closer, being more overly affectionate as well as a sense of suspicious  between family members that just corroded any meaningful sense of trust and security I ever had.
Living in a world where you always watched your back, where telephone conversations were bugged, people lurked behind doors listening in  and mail read took its toll on me even to the point I was writing or drawing stuff about it in my teens on correspondence and never kept a formal diary in case it was read which it would.
That's one of differences now cos I do but it's more online journalling it may be such as with my main blog an account of a day out or interests related or more about my moods and emotions cos it me understanding them and helps with having some record I can refer to.
One of the things that has altered for me now is how it is I am expected to co-operate and behave with other people and that's been a thing that's talked about here so when I was away I was expected to help with things such as setting the table, washing up and generally helping out.
I am also expected now to help in the kitchen with making whatever we are going to eat even if some tasks may be done for me because I am expected to use my abilities to contribute whatever my disabilities may prevent.
If I do something wrong that I know I shouldn't like trying to cut things on the top of the sink where I'd either mark it or risk injuring myself which I did, then I was spanked there and then for it to ensure I learn from it which I was
What I longed for as an adult little girl is the simple love and affection of a forever mother and father figure who will help me feel loved, wanted and secure so I can grow.
Was that too much to ask?
I think after thinking over how things have been not this weekends time spent with one who does looks after me the answer has to be no because they are actively engaged in making me grow, feeling secure but at same time prepared to discipline me.
It was and is what I truly needed.

I Guess I'm Different Part II

Well last weeks bit of a post created some interest amongst those that ready my comments at various forums and art based sites where I am publishing some short back to the past regressive stories.

One of things across this blog I've been talking about is what is me.
I'd normally hesitate to use a term like define because it seems to me define often excludes those things I may share with people for saying how I'm not the same as when to me at least what you are includes both.
It's also the case that self realization can lead at the very least to a reframing of what that definition may include if not a wholesale change.
Change is constant but the biggest constant in all of this for me the lack of of an adult sense of self and of place in the presence of others who are adults by age; My relationship to you is defined by me looking toward you for guidance and authority because you are the adult I am not and cannot be.
The answer to the question what is my sense of place is simple: I am a girl and much less a woman.
By the standards of most I'm not 'normal' in that way not least for the role my developmental disabilities play in this that means for me it's not 'age play' so much as 'emotional and developmental age is'. It's the not normalness of me that actually is my strength and what is wonderful about me.
The thing is then we must be honest about these needs and work through ways of meeting them so I'm emotional and developmental age treated approximately for the girl I am for me to make the most of myself and contribute to society rather than ignoring the elephant in the room.

Alternative presentations

Much of things that cover what passes as little or middles presentation is routed within my main occupation, adult school girl, so tends to based very much being that school girl and obviously her uniform.
It can include what you might call free or play time attire, stuff that's okay for playing, especially out of doors where things may get stained or damp which I have touched on before.

More indoors obviously  but co-ordinates like this are things that do appeal to me  even if I may need a nudge from daddy to get me in them.

I do like bows but aren't really big on frills  so these thigh high stockings  and panties with a understated bow on would work.

Truthfully one issue from the past with me was seeing and wearing maids dresses not out of desire for humiliation but more from wanting to be more the gurl who wishes to be of service and as a sissy has no issues with doing so.

Junior Jo

One form of Junior me was this, modified by a friend a few years back where the grey pleated skirt was changed for a straight hard-wearing one similar to that wear by girls at my high school and where the red sweatshirt is replaced by a V neck sweater allowing my blouse an school tie to show through.
The key word in this 'Junior', pre-teen, as that's very much how feel my inner child is and mentally I'm at as afterward the mismatch between appearing teen and how I was (and remain) really became more noticeable to the point I had to be looked after and even sheltered from some aspects of regular teen life.

On character

 

When you scratch the surface, although I may know of the world, fundamentally I'm  an innocent  little girl who just likes to suck lollipops, skip enjoying cute things and having fun than the things older teens and adults generally get up to who deserves to have that respected.

I may get things wrongs and sometimes be naughty but not a bad little girl at heart, far from it.

The space between

I don't suppose I'm alone in sometimes having the difficulty  in feeling  in more little or middles space as distinct from just how I may present because of other things around of me some of which you can't really do much about.

One is having parents with health issues, having to do things to help with no support whatsoever from other much more capable mentally and physical siblings who don't even return phone calls and any interest in them seems more superficial at best.

 That's sometimes where I find myself using spare bits of that time to frill myself up although I'm not normally at one with the uber-frilly side just cos it leaves me feeling a pretty carefree girl well out of more groan up space.

I also do a fair amount of colouring like yesterday between tasks to get back out of  as even for me personally  whole chunks are at the edge of  what I can cope with my my own needs.
Mommy saw and even liked some of my Frozen colouring yesterday!

Jo cares

One of the favourite tv shows from the mid 1980's for me was the Care Bears which had a lot tie in merchandise.
I am a girl who cares about things that happen to others be they close friends or communities miles from here, feeling their sadness, anger and pain and truly doesn't want to cause that to happen although I am also sometimes naughty needing my  bottom spanking.
I'd would do almost anything to help my friends if I could  deal with their emotions and needs being prepared to share whatever I have at the time.

Opaques and fashion.

A variation on theme, I do like patterned opaque tights not just from the point of view of being less likely to ladder when you're putting them on but also for the patterns that easily team up with something such as a simple plaid miniskirt too.

The 70 denier ones here are fairly common place in British high schools and an increasing number of Junior ones too a change I observed in school myself

The only thing that I don't do is the heels simply because with my poor walking and balance I couldn't stay upright walking in them.

Revitalized girl

Ha! that got you thinking, eh?

Well between the rain dampening my bones and the return of the gale force winds thoughts went back to creature comforts.

Part of the treatment for girls like me includes wearing shorter skirts outside of schooling as they do take away most the elements of appearing grown up, do look quite and can aid disciplining.

Well kinda connected I guess is this

Okay they're flat ballet pump styled but let's be honest here with the effects of my cerebral palsy on walking as fanciful as heels might be, the one big problem I have is being able to walk maintaining my balance and I wobble badly in heels (maybe I need crutches?) so practicality wins out.

One the other hand they are feminine, do possess a bow and are sufficiently school like to wear with my uniform.

Bonds revisited

 Another bond that can be between girls or between say a girl and an adult female is in allowing them to brush and plait their hair for them in different ways, no just the feeling of of being groomed as  social activity but the trust and conversations that develop as you do this over the years.
I like to have my hair ruffled and stroked.

Sorting one's draws

Hi folks.
Seeing it's the start of that cold season, Winter, and I need to distract myself from some of the bad stuff I referenced last week in passing, I've been going through my draws (there's a British pun somewhere in there!) sorting through the condition of my stuff.
One discovery was some of my socks had holes starting to form at the heel and as they went back a few years where my prevalent mode of presenting was slightly different bordering more on Goth I thought it was time for a change.

I bought several pairs of these white school girl socks with bows on because they go more my with my uniform which is what I wear most of the time and the bows are really rather cute which I'm sure will look great when I'm in alg company which is where I'm increasingly headed.

Not quite 'regulation' but very pretty, I bought another pair of these thicker socks that'll work for less 'school' settings or with things like my skater skirts or possibly tailored shorts (I'm the kind of girl who feels 'girly' even when not in skirts being more tomboyish in actual childhood).

One other discover was my spare grey pair of slipper socks were showing some signs of wear at the heel and as my other oldish Hello Kitty pair had gone down well at GHS as well as helping me dropping straight down to age appropriate behaviour to the point I could drop my 'groan up' guard, I bought a couple of pairs of these. Anything that aids that has to be good for me in the longer term.
They are also easier to pack than slippers for things such as alg meet ups and camp.
Finally I found a grey ragged sweat shirt that was definitely ragged in the elbows, one I'd bought around 2004/5 when much of this ten and half year adventure as documented here was starting and was in two minds as to do a like minded replacement or not as I have another grey one in much better shape.
Following a conversation at GHS around my green skirt and my explanation on why I didn't bring that, the suggestion was that actually red would go with it, I decided to get another red one from my usual school sweatshirt supplier like the one I'm pictured in a few entries back.
No doubt quite a bit of this will feature at the upcoming GHS meet up where I'll be in attendance.

Fall term 2013

The start of a new month and that means Summer vacation is over so we're all due to get back to school.

 That of course meant in the last weeks people were looking at and fixing their uniforms and as  can recall you often had to take a sibling or family friend on their first trip to either school or maybe your school if they had had reached a transition age so rather like centre picture you'd of been escorting your sister to her school all shiny in her uniform while you were in yours.
Modern school uniforms do allow for more when it comes to PE and Games stuff than what I was brought up with such as a fairly plain tracksuit for some Fall/winter activities like that of the teen girl n the left.
A well fitting blazer can make all the difference to your regular day uniform although that whole look is more Senior, keeping you looking smart.