In another world

This could of been me so easily in actual childhood, sat in class with textbook open upon the wooden desk staring into space, daydreaming which it had to be said wasn't something your teacher way back then was very partial too and most still aren't.
Actually as much is it seen settings such as school as a attention or discipline issue, a lot of research has shown that's it not time wasted so much as time and skills at problem solving and using your imagination that can benefit people.
Of course we can all think of just dreaming up an imaginary world which for some may well be preferable to their only too real one, but that imagination can be channelled into drawing and writing fiction.
Perhaps that's why it doesn't surprise me a good number of those writers and artists tended to fall foul of the school authorities. 

This life and how it is yours

It is not for the first time that I noticed a schism across the wider community although the fact it is so  centred on Tumblr does not surprise me as ever since I joined originally in July of 2013 so the joy of seeing so many people with things in common has been heavily compromised by the sheer amount of drama between and within communities.
At the heart of it is tags and streams, the one area that makes tumblr different than say this blog because if you're anything like me you fire up your smartphone, chromebook or whatever, select Tumblr and the first thing you'll see is your stream comprising of the Tumblrs you follow, the obligatory rubbish promoted posts Yahoo added and any messages.
Tumblr isn't too fussed of itself about content so long that any blogs that is nsfw or adult are flagged and ideally if a blog is split say 99% sfw and 1% nsfw, you tag the nsfw posts as such.
Within the world of littles there has been developing a storm around two separate but partially connected things.
The first is one some of you will be aware of, under 18's interacting with adult blogs which can be safely regarded those that may feature or reference sexual acts, bondage and so on and that can include the dl of abdl.
There are two sets of concerns,  one is exposure to children of graphic material and by messaging, inappropriate contact by adults by which they are risk of serious harm by predatory adults and usually this potential contact occurs through false ages to which the best response is to report them.
The bigger more contentious question is around what I'll call littles tumblrs and under 18's.
At a more mundane level I'm what I'd call a realist in that provided a tumblr or any other kinda blog can be read without having to log into a service that *may* ask for some age verification then frankly  I know it'll be read by anyone under 18 who even if I block them will get around it by bookmarking it and signing out or reinventing their age if that's what they want. Only if I see someone is clearly under age and following a nsfw or adult blog would I act.
Only adult or nsfw blogs on tumblr are restricted to only being able to read by being logged in the so this blogs Tumblr nemesis is covered although frankly there's nothing on there than what might of been shown in some editions of pre 1988 Beano children's comic that even run a who do you want to whack competition with an image of someone with a cane pointing at a clothed bottom or the then Daily Mirror's Jane  cartoon strip when it comes to the depiction of spanking and nothing sexual.
To me, splitting that off on Tumblr make sense especially as even if you were over 18 and as a little you may not wish to see spanking images with your cornflakes!
Allied to this and in some ways something I find more troubling is the furore around non sexual littles blogs and how some littles communities are treating the people who publish them.
To recap on Tumblr's rules which are relevant so long as nothing that is adult or nsfw is published as general, then whatever is posted isn't by content breaking a rule.
If you publish a littles tumblr that say covers age regression such as plushies, dollies, cartoon characters, child-like attire and lego there is no reason why your  blog should be flagged because although you may be legally adult, there is nothing adult on there. Even mentioning Caregiver little relationships of themselves doesn't alter that.
This is where core of the  tag and labelling war on Tumblr is at.

Being a a little means in simple terms:
You 'feel' younger than your chronological years being atypical of your peers
Because of, your interests differ and *may* present more 'like a  child' in terms of attire
You may 'function' as a child
You may not be sexual necessarily although some are.
You may have or feel the need for a 'Caregiver'/Daddy/Mommy even if you do not have one
The above may not have any sexual role with you as a little
You expressly are NOT a pedophile nor is any Caregiver as you have no sexual interest in children.

It depresses me to even have darn well type that because that  is what two Tumblr communities of littles DO NOT accept.
On the one hand we have the Kink people saying all people who say  littles must be sexual because their community uses and in their opinion owns the term and all Caregivers must be sexual or at least  kink centred.
We have another interesting group, a mirror image Chire, who basically say the same and add anyone in Cg/l is automatically kink, they oppose kink and try get your super squeeky clean age regressive tumblr flagged and ban you from reblogging any of their folks Tumblrs.
(Chire apparently means Childlhood Regression and appears to be aimed those who use age regression as coping mechanism for trauma or mental illness )
That's cos they say they alone are the nonsexual age regressive community and anyone in Cg/l  who say they same is flat out lying and littlespace is inherently sexual so they send threats to you and even this morning I was sent a link to a hardcore porn blog by one just to try and 'trigger' me.

That opinion is  news to me as for as long as I've been since  past two paws worth of age I've been clearly and at times embarrassingly obviously to some younger than my peers and for period I've looked up this way way before social media came along the terms littles, caregiver etc were not owned exclusively by the bdsm community (caregiver was the term used for a person aiding usually a younger disabled adult) or any other.
For me this whole thing about being a little is that opportunity, that space to be as I am not having to pretend really grown up I can just express myself in. That space you get into when you do is littlespace and what's in there isn't inherently sexual at all.
Having a caregiver simply means you have someone who helps you when you are in that space and in dealing with any thing you may struggle with providing guidance, reassurance and if agreed as with me, discipline.
For people like me who are into non sexual regression, that's the end stop, so in a lot of respects that person is more Parental with you, treating you with the same care and same paternal instincts that a parent would of a actual child.
Frankly it's a must in my life making it more bearable, meeting my needs not least those of actual disabilities  and yet these people choose to paint a different picture on it.
I know what communities I belong in, I do not need people to define me out of spaces and I belong in Cg/l and the subset Cglre (Caregiver/little regression only) that merely signified it is nonsexual regressive caregiver little. I have no issues with people at all who have a sexual side in their relationships because they keep what is intimate to them, just that in much of same sort of way as if you had an older sibling they were going out with someone  certain stuff would never happen in view of you at home.

That 'in front of  you' I feel is the real and genuine issue on places like Tumblr so it may be as well to have separate blogs for anything that might be seen as 'adult' enabling people to choice  which they follow and can be flagged to help keep under 18's away too. I don't honestly feel there is any need to keep them away from a purely regressive Tumblr but would agree any Tumblr that was 'adult' or nsfw should mainly because of the messaging side as much as I would some concerns over content.
Obviously in so far as meets go, that's with organizers most of which would stick strictly 18 plus not least because of licensing and the risks of sexual contact with minors and any comeback from it.
The idea that Caregiver/little relationships are inherently sexual is just ridiculous.

Chores for Middles and littles

Today I thought I would give some thought to things a little or middle either in relationship or living with someone even on occasional basis can be encouraged to do for themselves
Own area
Making own bed
Getting clothes out for the next day
Hanging up own clothes neatly after wearing/washing
Making sure worn clothes are available for washing
Keeping own spaces tidy

Helping in the home 
Fixing own breakfast
Setting tables with cutlery, mats, glasses and cold refreshing drink
Clearing away and washing up afterward
Tidying away in other spaces after you
Helping with vacuuming
Feeding pets

Sometimes it can be easy to drift into a pattern where other people may not expect you to do (or be able to do)  these things which doesn't help you either with trying be more responsible and independent and may in a low key nagging way begin to undermine a relationship.
It also is the case that within reason, people shouldn't try to do that too, even if you  as a little or middle have a disability or two regardless of like a  number of folk  you may not of had to do much if any of these things in past yourself.

Talks

There are a number of things that I'd like to talk about in this weeks edition of which the first is really about the use of profiles on sites which are really a condensed way of communicating important things about you and why you may belong to a site.
One thing I do say on a good number of my profiles is I don't generally do chat simply because with my badly damaged tendons it's very painful and cuts into my ability to do other thing such as eat, dress myself and also help out in the home which truthfully is a expectation anyone should have for me to help me become more responsible.
It annoys me the number times I get  loads of requests to chat from people I haven't friended, who haven't even written  a thing about themselves that just think being a female adult little is a automatic suggestive chat up service or a means of getting something to add to their wanna Male Dominants ego to control. That I have a Caregiver too is listed on the profile but guess what? They can't darn well read!
The funny thing is I did chat to three females, one in a relationship where her partner is her (agreed) dominant, a female dominant who spanks and a young woman who was interested in what being a little and our lifestyle was all about.
The one distinguishing thing about these conversations although each had their own style, was  the respect shown in the conversation toward myself given these were not people I really knew that well and anyway on the internet you know there's stuff you never give out about you.
One rather surprising thing was that they all asked about what I wore, and having explained it was a school type uniform wanted to know what it was, the colours, talking for sometime about it without any implied criticism or having any misunderstandings that are not uncommon elsewhere.
That meant I was to explain its role in my life, that my Caregiver prefers me in it and the shape, cut and colour of each actual bit to it.
The younger one asked about meets so I explained they are generally 18+ and it was good idea to go talk with whoever organized one about their own dos and don'ts, that generally any sexual with people is kept away from  anything that's not so it doesn't cut into the experience of non sexual littles (or those who may be but aren't looking for that there).
That one also came straight out with  the question "What about spanking, Are you spanked?" which took me by surprise so there I was explaining it all, like I am spanked for being naughty by my Caregivers and other adults to some one only just out of her teens who has a younger sister who as it happens is spanked by her folks for much the same reason.
Any sense of 'adulthood' just evaporated at that point as she actual just 'got' what being a little was and actually she loved how it was with me.
The one who was in a more Adult kind of domestic discipline relationship with her partner talk quite about more in detail about the spankings comparing them with her own between a lot jokes and general good humour.
The female dominant talked quite a bit about the uniform I had on, each individual garment by the material, the shape, in the case of my skirt the length together with the pleats and my knee length schoolgirl socks. She also wanted to know about my knickers-the colour, material and shape as well as my general appearance such as build, eye colour and so on.

She really liked the idea of me being in this uniform, what it symbolizes, that whole girl to Adult Authority figure. We talked about spanking techniques, rituals such as baring, the uses of scolding, corner time and what we felt about it. Had I not of gotten a Caregiver and others who spank me she clearly indicated she would of been prepared to take me on, working through the those attitudes and behaviours I struggle with.
For me this whole experience  being able to talk openly about being being an adult little/middle was good. Moreover to talk about the attitude and behaviours I experience and how it is that I'm spanked rather like a child would be without any sense of shame or embarrassment to relative strangers who just accepted it was quite a breakthrough for me.
*There is nothing shameful in being spanked as an legal adult*

The Secret Seven and the missing words

Seeing my Caregiver is away but otherwise contactable this week  I really better be good  and get on with things here.
One of things I have made a bit of a start on is getting replacement hard back copies of my Secret Seven books that I originally wrote a bit about on here a few years ago with the bulk of them being modern edition but with good original illustrations and the other five being 1970's paperback ones.

 This series is for me a link of that nine through thirteen period where  having moved from the first 'proper' reading books I had from around  six with Mr Twiddle, I was looking for something a bit more 'grown up', a bit challenging both by the style of writing and also use of a wider vocabulary and that of older children.
It's an adventure series of a group of children who meet up having adventures while trying to solve mysteries and in it we see their personalities such as a somewhat bossy Peter, club leader.
In many ways it touches on that sense of longing to be long to a group, a circle which as a child of that age  you sure felt and in the series we see Susie, one of more quick thinking children kept out, perhaps more that she might undermine Peter than anything else.
They have a scottie dog called Scamper who rather like George's dog Timmy in the Famous Five plays a big role, big enough to be counted as a member even!
Actually it is the similarities that invite comparison between both of Enid Blyton's adventure series usually to the the detriment of the Secret Seven in which two later stories do clearly reference Famous Five books almost as if she was saying "If you read this, please consider reading the Famous Five!" but that's negate the point which is this is a self contained series aimed at younger children or children with a lower reading age which was probably why I got them given my reading issues when I did.
The series was started in nineteen forty-nine  and concluded in nineteen sixty-three and like the Famous Five editions later copies were subject not just to things such as changes in currency but also in dress where the girls generally wear pinafores rather as I do now but these were again changed for jeans or shorts and the boys wore jeans unlike boys even in the early to mid nineteen-seventies in school who wore tailored hard wearing lined shorts.
The text also was altered in recent copies to 'reflect' modern social ideas so where in the second novel, Secret Seven Adventure, Peter says to Jack as he is being scolded for allowing his sister Suzie to have his  Secret Seven badge she should be smacked for it and a grown up says to the children  the girl at the circus should be spanked for her constant fibbing, that is removed. Given it was written in nineteen-fifty that would of happened and I can well recall when I did something like that in the nineteen seventies I and my peers sure  were smacked or spanked.
It's small details like that, the references to things in 'shillings' that set the backdrop of this adventure as are things like the circus acts a child of that era saw, regardless of our own views on that today and why apart from the feel of having the hard back I'm slowly building up a collection of them hopefully all with dust jackets, to read and enjoy as I did back then.

Original entry:
Original 2012 Secret Seven entry

Families

Somedays things just come crashing to you,  a bit of the past that jolts you as if a meteor struck you as you were just walking on down the sidewalk.

It was really about some thoughts that I had with my second best friend at high school at the time, she faced a lot of physical challenges in her life but she had hours of time to try to understand me and we were chatting would of been early 1982 about tv and what we saw mattered to us.
You know, the kind of totally random teen stuff that actually in hindsight was really pretty significant for how I saw and felt.
Let me explain. On commercial tv there was a long running American tv show about family life across the decades called The Waltons that featured this extended family sharing lifes ups and down together in rural Virginia, and the head of the family John Walton Snr, operated a lumber mill and supplemented their income with a small-scale farming. They took in people and shared a lot as a family united, attending church on Sundays.
That's probably was much as I need to say for the purposes of this entry as I'm not writing a essay on the series or anything as it's what's in more modern parlance a "Slice of life" series seeing the family grow and change over time in accordance with events such as the Great Depression, WW2, the Great Society and Civil Rights  era and so on.
The thing Linda and I were discussing was Family: what it means to be in a family, our involvement or interaction if you like with with Mom and Dad, your immediate siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles. The extent it is a 'unit' and all that.
We were also comparing and contrasting our own relationships  with our families to what we had been watching.
In a lot of ways she saw many parallels  between that of how she cared for them as much as they had to do quite a lot for her and the fictional family we saw.
I once said half joking to Denise one recess If it was like mine, then everybody would be off doing totally their own thing, with Mom trying to hold the thing together and me behind a chair on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
That may sound kinda melodramatic but there was and still is the lack of bonds between everybody, no real sense of feeling for one another, for me it wasn't a place of safety with one sibling who'd think nothing of verbally and financially abusing me which wasn't really helped by my being able to spot in seconds any outright lies he was telling to get more for himself as he felt hard done to and obliged to report it.
That's before you bring in Pop who'd explode at the slightest thing, throwing stuff across the room, propelling me in a chair into corners like trash, threatening to burn down the house.
You see, that's the big comparison  between what family was like for her and for me and to open about this really hurt.
This whole experience left a big legacy with me, not least a very strong feeling of longing, almost desperation to loved and cared for.
What I wanted so much was physical and emotional intimacy, a feeling beyond mere words of what it means to 'belong', to be bonded and have bonds that outlast their very beginnings, that provide emotional comfort promoting personal confidence and development.
A relationship that would teach me what I needed to know to get by with people, to be able contribute to it, helping me to stand on my own two feet as a grounded individual within the wider unit.
A wider unit that shared a common purpose, the raising of and looking after that family that was prepared discipline me in a loving, structured, affectionate way so fulfilled my role and expectations within it and our wider community.
I wanted to be...in the Waltons family.

Dynamics in a little /middle relationship

Part and parcel of the entire thing around being a little or middle is centred on the rolling back of post adolescent control (assuming  you got to point developmentally you took that from adults such as parents) on an agreed basis to another trusted adult as if they were the parent of an adult-child called you.
One reason this happens is because in order to let out our child-like feelings to the fullmost extent, it requires the security that someone else will take care of our higher needs in terms of keeping safe, having good  habits and behaviours.
It may be rather like with people such as me actually you didn't quite make it that far anyway so in that context you'd be doing a part of that anyway keeping me safe but in a Caregiver role it builds on it respecting the extent to which I'm not functionally an adult and so by agreement treating more as a child even if you do work on some personal independence.
However that situation is, there is a need, a desire to provide guidance, direction and maintain clear boundaries in much the same way as there between actual children and adults such as parents and others in authority that may cover things such as manners, personal hygiene, obeying and respecting what you are told and so on. Somethings may seem trivial such as elbows on tables others more serious but the point here is to ensure you are in your place following the rules and in much the same way as a parent is, your Caregiver is in theirs, in control, having the final say in your life to teach you what you need to know.
The whole relationship dynamic plays out in the everyday situations between adult-child you and whoever is your Caregiver or disciplinarian as you either forget or purposely push the boundaries.
Their role by agreement is the reinforcement of that role and the enforcement of the rules so that you learn over time by repetition what it is you are expected to do and to keep to them.
This whole process is called disciplining and as little/middles it is we have agreed to, often feeling it is  what it is we need and are by agreement subject to while children are but don't as legal children need to consent to it.

For many of us it will start with scolding, bring very much to the focus what we have done and what it is that is wrong with our attitude or behaviour. That's kept short with me because of my problems understanding what is said to me but does happen.
The next step is the consequence for what we did which is often a spanking, typically over the knee that might by hand or implement such as a hairbrush/paddle but may involve say the cane depending on what both of you have agreed on.
They may be time spent in the corner reflecting on what you did as your now sore bottom hurts.
What is important is reassurance-reassurance that you are a good boy/girl, that you will learn from this, that you are forgiven and loved. Ideally they should be prepared to work you with tackling why you needed disciplining because that's their responsibility in the relationship and some getting a genuine sense satisfaction from reparenting their little.
For me this whole thing is  me placing in the emotional/developmental setting that's appropriate for me - that of a child - and doesn't include any sexual motivations or related adult kinks.
To me it is the place I feel comfortable in where my vulnerabilities will be both respected and protected, not expected to cope with those things I cannot so I am happy to allow trusted adults to have a more openly parental role treating me more as a child they look after and discipline outside of my own Caregiver.