Discipline and the disabled middle

Some people with the best of intentions get a fundamental  thing wrong about having a disability (or if you’re like me several overlapping ones) and this doesn’t just run into raising children it does cover handling the adult middle or little.

It’s that saying you have condition x or syndrome y, it’s implied somewhere down the line that as the person with you have no control whatsoever over and the only thing you can do is just distract you from any inappropriate behaviour.

The message you get is “I can’t help it, don’t punish me for it” and not a few people buy that forgetting that in many instances you can develop some control (it may be hard going though) and in any event we have to live in society where the only one set of  laws and commonly accepted values applying to all.

The reality though is more often than not I do know the difference between right and wrong, people with disabilities especially mentally debilitation ones like mine are actually much sharper than you'd credit me for.

We do pick up on patterns of behaviour and so test the limits and very capable of soon getting out of control.

When I'm like that, acting up causing you to think about how to respond,  I (and many others) are quite capable of comprehending certain types of behaviour result in consequences.

If there is room to act out and you create a mental space for me to do so, then I will be defiant and stubborn.

With me my parents felt really quite guilty about how my disabilities affected me to the point they seldom really disciplined me for anything nor expected anything by way of respect or following fairly ordinary rules around contributing to family life.

In many ways what I need and certainly needed at the time was clear structure and  to have enforced consequences

So when it comes to being an adult middle (or little), actually you should treat us like any other when it comes to dealing with our attitudes and behaviour.

 

If I have been dishonest disrespectful  or disobedient, spank me  cos 

I'm not that stupid enough not to known it was wrong.

 

 Pull my knickers down to help me feel your spanking

 

Don't feel you cannot cane me when my behaviour deserves it either.

 Make me do Corner Time with my bottom bared

Although we all operate from a position of informed consent, there is no earthly reason I should be spared from regular middles discipline such as spanking and the cane just because I’m disabled because I have the same needs as any other middle.

If my attitudes and behaviour warrant it, then it should just happen within the agreed limits. There are times when I do attempt to use my disabilities to justify laziness or acting up and for that I should be treated like any other middle.

Actually a clear cut structured system of rules and applied discipline is extremely  beneficial for some of us

Seasonal habits

I was looking at a TB  related site  a couple of days back when I saw an entry that piqued  my interest.
Well it won't long before the weather starts to get warmer which overall is good thing but it means we get warmer and in our attempt to cool down we perspire especially if we'd been doing anything physical such as playing or riding your bike.
So it makes sense to have a good wash and change the clothing nearest to our skin feel fresher and -and there's no nice way of putting it - reduce the chances of stale sweat smelling near others.

 Changing may also make sense if our play has lead to us getting a bit dirty and we're going to be sitting down to eat as people don't generally like dirt and especially mud being brought back in the house.

Going forward

Not long before next weeks big event here so here's the post before the last which in some ways at least is connected .

 I recently saw this motivational piece of art a few weeks back and I feel it's kind of apt really not least with me, working with one person to assist me and having a bit to do with others who are working on things that hold us back be it unhelpful attitudes, perhaps learning the 'wrong' lessons from our past experiences or struggling with organizing life.
 Sometimes it's easy to go with easy, to think that the only things to do are just fun things and rely perhaps more than is good for you on others, ignoring the things that others may have gotten their heads around.
But it's never a all or nothing situation as being 'on the move' puts you ahead of those who aren't and as hard as the last two months have been for me making changes, living with rather more accountability than I'm used to, I am making progress which makes it all worthwhile, not least feeling calm enough to do things that have bad memories for me.
Thanks.

An innocent past

There are times people misread it but my Age Regression lives in me as a re-run of that mindset even it includes spanking because it was all a part of the same life as a child and not seen as anything else.

Maintainance

It's also to be expected that I'm to keep my underwear well maintained free from wear and spotless when put on at all times to preserve the appearance of a well turned out girl at all times.

Charlie

As you might recall, something unexpected was given to me at Christmas (and I'm still overdue one present!) but it needed shall we say a bit of work to give it some life.

That's right the Grafix build your own teddy bear  that needed some groan up assistance with it  as I don't do sowing and so on with my amazingly bad hand to eye co-ordination.
Well at least he's alive is Charlie Bear having been named, having his birth certificate filled out and quite huggable too.
Tis a good life to be a teddy bear of a little.
Before I forget, I'd like to thank some new acquaintances  from one site some littles, others people who've been helping littles in their lives who are reading this blog.

Joanne's Uniform

As I explained briefly one the second Caning post, as an adult Middle, I do dress the part because for one thing it gives me my true ‘sense of position and place’ as that Middle subject to actual Adult Authority having and baldly needing that child-like guidance, support and yes, discipline.
My uniform is very much that being what it is I wear indoors and at meets as my day outfit and very detail is decided upon by my caregiver, other trusted adults who discipline me and my parents although I have a say in what I wear.

The start point is I have to wear my black school pinafore dress which is an actual school one with a white blouse which makes me feel well, very little/middle but that’s good as no one can mistake the real me.
It also makes me look very smart and presentable.

 I also have to wear a tie, which I’m not brilliant at fastening with my amazing co-ordination and if I struggle I am to have it fastened for me as it is a uniform item.

My underwear has to be modest and it has been decided that for now I’m to be put in  black Carta gym knickers which because my infractions take place and are dealt with in real time, feature in my discipline apart from the discipline of having to wear them. They’re usually taken down but being stretchy can be pulled over the cheeks and tucked in for full spanking in situations that might require a more discrete approach while preserving the ‘On the bare rules’.

As a rule it is I am to wear these very grey schoolgirl socks with a bow on at all times although I may be given permission to wear 40 denier tights in very cold weather or for going outside where something that screams out Adult Schoolgirl  may attract unwelcome attention.

Having Cerebral Palsy my walking is unsteady so I have to wear flat shoes so wearing Mary Jane’s or Ballerina styled ones are what I am to wear and they come from the Children’s section having small feet.

 

My uniform is a big part of me, features in my Middles life and is what I’m often disciplined in that keeps me smart.

The needs of littles part II

This entry is a more personalized follow up to the original from August 2013 where I looked at  the role of routines and structure as it applies to the lives of a good number of littles, not all obviously.
Since writing it, It has become clear to me through conversation and observation much of that rings true to differing degrees to a number of us which I suppose kind of validates it but for some of us, additional disability related matters do come in.
For some of us, the limitations are such that what might (cos we're all different) be more a relaxing way to live outside of the demands of work say for some merges more in with in many respects is the limits of our everyday functioning.
It's never the easiest thing for me to say but with the combination of physical disabilities as well as developmental issues that leave me struggling at times with what most past their mid teens can cope with, such considerations as having some fixed routines and structures are critical for getting the best out of life as we can and some sense of independence.

For me, such everyday tasks like going shopping are impacted when you find it hard to recognize what you're looking for, working out how much things cost, handling money and then trying to communicate with the assistant take a lot out of me so I'm feeling quite stressed so if then add things like fresh multiple upselling offers at the tills when I can't process verbal communication particularly well (not least to respond to), words being delivered quickly completely lose me and I'm stood there... Well, lost is the best way to describe it.
You feel like stomping your feet too.
 The first time I became aware of this was about a year after after the playground accident that left me with additional brain damage having been drifting in and out of consciousness on top of that from birth, when out with a  friend while physically disabled using a wheelchair that I was meant to helping him with, it became obvious he was needing to help me rather more with all of that. He could do everything other than physically handling items far better than I could.
I find situations like that very very stressful to the point I could easily snap cos there's too much going on for me to process which is why if I have to engage with such things having fairly common routines and expectations help. You may need to calm me down.

Similarly you could be busy going around people in an unannounced way and I may have no idea that you are and even if you do talk in passing, there's no guaranteeing I've made any sense of it so you do really need to ask me face to face and check I've understood.
I may only know you have from being told much later on!
That was something I found very painful during actual childhood, being the last to know anything.

I do find very necessary to have structures in place to ensure the needs I have such as knowing what I am to do, what I need to do to do it, who is doing what are met to avoid anxiety and do respond much better in situations where I'm told effectively this is what were are going to do next rather than just by trying make sense of what's not directly said.  Cos I won't.

I find keeping to and following plans difficult either by distraction or just not getting around to doing them which is why I'm getting some one on one help with it and other associated issues around accountability and responsibility, for while there are very real limits on what I can be expected to do, I do need help to meet those even.
When you're not in any kind of for want of a better word, a more formal care structure, you're very much left on your own including any programs to help you with such things.
For me it can include both rewards, positive  reinforcement in a more child like way that for some may come in a relationship such as "That's a good girl" to deal with insecurities I may of tackled well or the completion of an assigned task as well as anything more discipline if say I'm on the edge of losing it in again more child-like way as anything very wordy just gets lost completely in a fog of words with me which either results in 'switching off' or getting more frustrated with you.  That's the best use of twenty minutes with me-NOT!

It's also one reason I do say in all sincerity, in a very real sense when I'm out remember  whatever number might be on the birth certificate, you do need to 'look after me' more like you would a child of 12 as I can lose track of you easily and when I'm lost I get very worried plus I'm useless with directions too.

I cannot say learning to come to terms with my needs never mind be honest about them to others has been easy but being able to accept them and prepared to work on those areas I have some potential for improving on is of more help than just flat out denying them.

Littles dress patterns

I'm in great frame of mind right now so I thought I'd post this set of dress patterns from May 1950 looking a Mother and Daughter dresses and especially the aprons.

Third from the left just feels so me had I'd of been around back then.

One reason I'm feeling so great is a person whose name I shall not say said at a place you'd least expect it - paraphasing as something to the effect 'this blog is the one that really gets what it means to be a little'.
Yes, this one girl publication of many out there is apparently is it!
I'd like to think it's cos it authentic coming direct from 'the little girl within', it doesn't push any one form of being a little and encourages you to be the little you are, as you come to it.
To the person who said that, I am most moved, really I am.