Schools out

Well it's almost over, School Term that is having handed this test in, I'm so looking forward a well deserved break and you what I'd really love to do?
Something like this even though swings and I have a some unfortunate memories being a part of my difficulties falling a very bad fall from one in original childhood, climbing the climbing frame, swinging on a swing, running around in a nice summer dress with a group of girls of the same mindset.
That's the thing I really enjoy the most  outdoor fun and just being out helps me with my recollections of that time but it's more about moving on, getting on life and for me that life may be different but it's the one I like.
I intend to be out more weather permitting, relaxing, taking the day as it comes as that makes sense to me.

So begins another school day...

Another day in school before I brake up, this is quite true because  I do have things to study, research and even homework set to be done and am currently sat working on my end of term test assignment in uniform.
You might well be thinking why I might do this given in most respects I don't have to get up for anything much since the last few years when I was found not able to work with the many and overlapping disabilities I have.
The first and obvious thing to at least those who have seem me for real is the way my middle side comes out is that of a school aged girl, the age range as I mentioned a few times and not just on this blog being determined less by picking an age playing role as the all too real limits on my functioning.
Being the way I am means like with a good many actual children, school with it's routines, structures and support is something that makes me feel safe, secure even so being that person having some school work to do helps me feel comfortable with the world.
It's also the case when people set me work, they are really helping me because you're encouraging me to become more self disciplined which is something left entirely to my own devices I do struggle with because you set a task, a work level and a date to have it handed in completed by for marking.
Marking it helps not just by showing how much you value the fact I did it but also in showing me where I could do better that helps me learn how do tasks better.
So for me this whole thing is a very helpful part of my life.

Adult little girl and being girlie

When you look at some of this stuff around how I behave it's about how I've felt and do feel about me as much is it is about getting completely on the wrong track when it comes to how I see my position amongst people at times being very self centred.

Having the confidence to express how you feel not just in words but also in how you present such as your dress and for it to be respected is very important. As a sissy gurl, it matters to me that I express this side of me, being more open about as some have tried to say I can't be a little as an age regressed adult and even bullying me over it.
I can be cute as a girlie in a pure age regressed side with nothing sexual in that space and I have every right to be that person. I am a girlie gurl after all!

Being Middle me

Just getting down to a spot of work here today before lunch and I'm going to write something about one of things we've touched on a couple of times in chat and occasionally elsewhere.

Everybody's lives not least their Middle or Little lives is different and that might be because of things like having a partner (or not) or how it is your middle or little side comes out and how that is balanced with your big side.

Indeed search this blog and you'll find I've written a few pieces around how we do that and the 'real world' challenges in dealing with it not least when it comes to being in the workplace.

Perhaps to a greater extent  than a good number of  us and within  'our group', my sense of middleness arises less than 'age playing' or even a relatively straightforward regression in a play situation than living with real life conditions that mean I'm in middle/little headspace most of the time and not by choice although as those of you who know me understand I don't have any time for regrets. 

For all that lead to those conditions, I enjoy being the person I am, limitations and all.

Those limitations are however just that, and without being hypercritical were not things that I've had much help in either dealing with or helping me make the most of  my reduced abilities at necessarily.

That does lead to area of my live that does differ than many although I can see some crossovers in the more mainstream ddlg world which is I have person who works with me on the things I have difficulty with such as staying focused on  a task, getting started on and working through the things I need to get done rather than just going with what's fun, dealing with stressful situations and some behavioural tracts amongst other things.

They recognize and work with me as that Middle with little side providing more the kind of loving care, support and structured environment that also is quite strict to help me be more productive and adopt better habits as that Middle.

In a very real way then, being and presenting as the adult schoolgirl I am ties in with this sense of having a caretaker/daddy-like figure in my life with me as that 'child'.

While he'd be the first to say the improvements in my life since his involvement in it come from my preparedness to work with him, to accept his authority (by agreement) working through it and accepting any discipline that may be needed at times, it's that support and guidance he's shown me that helped me turn a few corners so far to the point as I explained on Tuesday I did really well with my Homework (another thing that helps me focus on sticking to agreements, following schedules and working hard) which was a first for me given I've always sucked big time in the past with it.

 And that working with who I am, a Middle, in a more Middles setting can help me so much in those situations I can't help avoid having to deal with the big world by helping me to be more responsible and learning more self discipline, not that removes all the problems but helps me feel more able to deal with things and be a bit more independent.

For me then Middles life and the ddlg dynamic go beyond pure lifestyle not that there's anything wrong with that but are an important part of helping me make the most of my life being fulfilled, able to take a bit more care of myself and handling responsibility better.

It may not qualify for the strict criteria around the term 'Therapy'  but for me this life is therapeutic. 

A kind of return to school days

One aspect of how a kind of return to school days comes out is through a kind of costume based situation in which I dress as a adult school girl which helps me find my real sense of place, fully letting middle me out feeling very much whole and complete.

It’s a place that’s increasingly accepted by my Caregiver, other trusted Adults who share responsibility of me and after a while my natural parents who are at one with it.

As my previous rather long post about behaviour  explained fairly well, I find it very hard to live without set rules and guidelines, messing up pretty badly when left entirely to my devices.

In general, when it comes to being an adult I’m not much good at that and many of the reasons are routed in things that cannot be changed and after much soul searching over the years, I’ve made my peace with it.

I struggle with dealing things like bills, banking and dealing with organizations whose correspondence I struggle to make sense of.

That’s where people like my Caregiver and other  trusted  adults come in and for me that includes cp and non cp discipline working in tandem with the love and guidance that now feature in my life.

Yes I am and had the catch phrase in  previous blog life  as “Spanked Girl” cos that’s very much what I am and a cropped version of the image below become my avatar cos it encapsulated  me: A ‘middle’ ‘adult little girl’ who wears her pinafore dress and is subject to spanking when my attitudes and behaviour fall short.

Things usually progress from spanked over my underwear to having it lowered to really drive the message home with me.

It’s very very effective with me, doesn’t mess my head up nearly as much as any other forms of discipline and has the merit of being over with, slate wiped clean at the end.

Thereafter I resume as me doing all the things middle me loves to do, still in the loving, protected and disciplining hands of those who are caring for me.

At the chalk face

I've written a few bits around my education here before now  and thought I'd write about an important feature of every classroom in those pre IT days.
The chalkboard played a very important part of the education I had (the term "Blackboard" was effectively banned in my schools) being the main point where teachers would write parts of the lesson that was to be taught such as math going through worked examples, setting a written task or teaching handwriting and bugbare of a good number of us, cursive handwriting.
Later on at high school, we had rolling chalkboards  where the notes for a whole lesson were put on for you to copy down or not given I had difficulties in reading, writing and spelling so usually someone else wrote stuff down for me.
When as inevitable someone got in trouble it wasn't unknown for the chalk board to feature in part of the punishment you got by having to write out lines .

That one wasn't uncommon as talking in class when the lesson was in progress at least  was frowned on as was passing notes between desks.

Failure to heed that usually lead to rather strict punishment  as I found out a  few times!

Dedicated to all the Misses and would be Misses, That one one that often came up even though every school I went to had a homework diary where you wrote down the task and when it had to be in and in my last school you even were expected if you were a day late handing any in to find the teacher at recess and hand it in, owning up to being late with it.
"The dog ate it" wasn't considered a good enough reason not to.
As I found out there was a big price to pay for not attempting it at all.

This week I'll get my Homework done (shh)!

School dress from past decades

Girls clothes especially school wear from the past have  always fascinated me.

This is very much 1950's, before I was born, familiar to anyone who read the school based stories popular from that era whose illustrations would be like this such as pre 1970's Enid Blyton.
The simplicity of it is what strikes me with just a blazer over the tunic (Gymslip for Brits) although unlike for most establishments a tie is missing.
What I normally wear is very much the modern version and targeted more toward Infant and Juniors reflecting the changed attitude toward senior uniform being blouse/formal skirt although pants are increasing in popularity for girls.