Going away and Inspection time

Thoughts this week have been a bit more about the upcoming week toward the end of July and what to take as the case is relatively small, has to dragged by me so unlike some I can't take a whole minivan worth of dresses and all matching accessories.

What can fit more efficiently within the case tends to win out so traditionally I tended not to pack slippers as they take more surface area preferring slipper sox.

As my older pair had got a bit worn out, I have new official Sanriotown thick ones featuring Miss Kitty (D.C to you) with non slip pads on the soles which will help given the accident I sustained last February.

It's a bit early for any reliable weather forecast but if it warm to quite hot I will most likely pack my satin with lace frills night dress which wouldn't be just probably more comfortable given I'd be in the top of the property but also I so much prefer to wear more overly "girlie" attire where practical when I'm away.

It's not uncommon even mid term to read some story around school uniform rules being breached or even changed covering School Uniform  items and how it's to be worn.

As is the case even now, the length of ones skirt, or the skirt portion of ones pinafore is something that's taken seriously to avoid immodest displays shall we say and this cartoon shows one method of ensuring compliance.

I can remember well a college lecturer explaining how every so often her Mom would have her kneel on the ground to check her pinafore wasn't too short.

As the cartoon text illustrates growth spurts could lead to situations when some fitted them better than others.

While there are no formal rules while away, a certain decorum is expected around others and definitely no "flashes" of underwear and the like

Pay attention Jo (yet another study weekend)

This was typed between bit of spare time this weekend where it was bright and sunny although not exactly warm here not that it stops his Gingerness from being out for hours at a time.

"Cheer up, Girls, it can't surely be that bad" is the thought that enters my mind looking at that picture and the desks we sat at one by one until my secondary education were similar for those of us brought up with rote learning and the notion the teacher delivering the lesson to the class.
This weekend I've been studying  with an English practice on an extract from Oscar Wilde's The Picture  of Dorian Gray which was more about how to answer questions long answers where there is not a clue in the question as the what in the extract you need to look at and where necessary quote from.
Not wishing to sound like I'm on repeat, but my reading age is barely in double digits so reading it for the gest of the story was very hard going but I managed 90% in this.
The other part of the study is my favourite subject  -NOT- Math looking at working out Areas, Circumferences, Diameters and Radius using formulas for squares, circles, rectangles and triangles (right angled and others) in addition to learning about Solids and Nets which involves having to use ordinary math.
Although part of the formula wasn't properly explained so I had to work it out for myself, I did actually get 100% on this unit which is pretty amazing.
I'd like to thank Papa Bear for his supporting me, he's a lovely, firm but fair guy who believes in me probably more I've done in the  past to be honest and everyone else who does helping me grow.

Final January study weekend

If you looked around of Friday and nothing seemed to have changed, that's okay cos I didn't make a optional late week entry.

Anyway, this Saturday saw me working at English looking at different styles of writing, formal and informal, the sort of language, sentence structure and introductions, concluding paragraphs and the way you sign letters.
Writing I learned can be about many things thing, such as stories, essays, informing, explaining ,advising and persuading people by argument and how each has their own needs to be effective.
As well, I learned about the importance of planning what you write, setting the topic, the points or when it comes to stories, the plot, seeing it through to a conclusion that leads to the reader understanding fully what you were saying.
It's very tempting to just plow on with an idea very much as it comes to you without really making sure at the end you've fully covered everything that's relevant to it and while it's possible in the age of the text writing program to change things, it's still more time consuming to rework everything compared to just setting down and making a plan.
Structuring matters especially to ending a piece of writing, which has never been my strong point as while I did lean how to write a decent business letter at college a good number of years back, everything we did was very business orientated including how to compose telegrams.
The other area of English I did was around Reading, looking at descriptions and how authors compare and contrast characters answering questions on extracts including quoting to back up the points in my answers.
I got 100% in one test and 70% in the second, which for someone with my disabilities is pretty good going.
On Sunday because I'm better now, I had math work to get on with such as looking at using and calculating Ratios, working out Units and Money (the making sense of that I really struggle with in shops).
That sort of thing can help if you're trying to figure what's the best offer in the shops, what the total cost of things are and how much change should have cos as embarrassing as it is it's all stuff that adds to the other aspects of being out, shopping emotionally that soon takes me into very negative oppositional behaviour.
In addition I have Long Multiplication and Division to work at which I struggle with, being warned of consequences if I flat out refuse to try get to grips with them cos I'm like that at times.
I did the tests on this and I got them all right just using paw, pencil and paper.
My BFF suggested trying a Times Table cd to help me learn my Times Tables as I struggle with them so I got one, copied it and it lives on a portable player so I can both learn and keep them them fresh in my head.
Knowing my times tables helped me especially with long division  which I think was the big problem at school - taking to take me to more advanced work without really grasping the basic things - so I just dug my heels in.
Thanks to everyone not least my BFF for supporting me checking in across the two days.
Lucy, you're a star!

Chilling little style IV

The last entry of this series looked a bit more at presentation in the form of uniform and how that's changed and how that is a part of my life.
There are other parts of it too which have changed over the years, socks being oddly enough one of the first manifestations from buying school socks from the schools department of British Home Stores  every term usually grey from the late 1980's before moving gradually toward an exact replica uniformed presentation via 'Senior school' or 'Secretarial' wear.
Sometimes I have bought patterned socks like Harlequin ones in different plaid colours before moving more into that exact replica uniform by wearing actual school socks with it such as these Grey ones.

These are some I recently got although I usually wear white one of the same sort of design
except the bow would be a matching white.
The other thing that goes with it is underwear which has changed a bit over the years from all white around 2010 to grey or bottle green full school briefs when the original replica uniform came about.

 Now it is to go with the newer uniformed presentation I'm to be wearing mainly black high waisted Carta Gym Knickers which apart from being good for sports do keep me warm and cozy which is good thing at this time of year.
These arrived a few days ago and are to be worn from now on.

Chilling little style III

After Monday's write up about the combined Halloween and Bonfire party here is the unexpected follow up.
Whenever people get together, not only do they talk about different things but sometimes they may bring things that for whatever reason they no longer have a use for or perhaps found didn't fit quite right but would rather another had if they could make use of them and this is very true in the Adult Little Girl community.

In many ways as discussed in 2013, this picture which is a part of the same photo series, captures the spirit of the 12ish Middle me, a girl who relaxes sucking her lolipop, stroking her pet and reading a book who may know more of the grown up world but isn't in it as just those things alone are what matters in your world.
 I remember writing in December 2014 around how it was the form of uniformed schoolgirl was going to change as I was to be wearing pinafore dresses with my first outing in one at the Christmas party and how they felt so me.
Pinafore dresses are for a good number of actual schoolgirls, a requirement of their being at school as part of the uniform emphasizing your 'belonging' to that school and the implied acceptance of its rules.
There is a parallel of sorts with me because my caregiver requires me to wear mine not just as an adult middle treated very much as the little but also it does reinforce the acceptance of His rules and any correction that follows. It is MY uniform.
Not surprisingly that is very much how most of the time I've been out with people this year and certainly worn at home with blouses and even a tie!

I have a few school type pinafore dresses now in my wardrobe but was rather surprised to see Matron at GHS had something hanging on the stairwell that she said I could have if it fitted.
Math isn't my strong point -prolly was fitted with Math proof cap early on in life! - and sizing isn't always straight forward  but putting it against me it seemed right.
It was a grey pinafore with a heart shaped front zip but  with a straight skirt section that was a bit thicker than some of mine by Banner so seeing it was a 17/18 I took it back with me.
I put it on after a quick wash on arrival home Sunday coming down the stairs to my folks wearing it with an air of confidence sitting downstairs an having my evening meal in it and they said NOTHING!
It fitted perfectly so I like to thank Matron for her kind offer of it as she understands the importance of Uniforms to middles like me.

The return of the school girl

Hi.
This is the first entry of September because I took a few days of from blogging cos I was going to be away for a few days so needed to use my time differently.
The first thing was packing cos I had a new once piece travel case as the handle on my old travel attache case broke which took some getting used to was it has a short compartment at the front for things like my tickets and timetables, a middle compartment for things I need immediately on arrival and a generous core for other things with a total weight capacity of 2.5 kg together with wheels to drag it around.
That meant I only that had my hello kitty hand luggage carrying bag which I kept Katie Kitten in as she helps me deal with social anxiety, cellphone, outbound ticket ready for inspection and hello kitty purse.
As we had had heavy showers up here, I did have my Peter Storm waterproof jacket with me too.
Given I didn't need to be out early I caught a later local bus to join the service calling at the North-west Midlands leading rail hub to travel down my friends.
I had a few damp moments between connections but despite warnings about signalling issues on the train, that went very smoothly with the train being on time so having come in at the station in this part of South Staffordshire, I was met and walked to the parking lot just beyond the station before a short car journey to their home.
Upon arrival I changed to my middle uniform a black tunic with a zip having my hello kitty slipper socks on over my white 3/4 white socks with bows.
Over the period I did a lot of colouring  taking my new pencils as well as my Frozen colouring with me to work on as well Lucy one of my dollies to play with which probably says a about why I spend my time with and at littles meets here in the UK.
It's to be in (for me) middle headspace, just enjoying things more associated with actual middles without the sophistication's or concerns of groan ups during that period, just some point where I'm focussed on small things  and not like being preoccupied with news or adult interests.

So it was a welcomed surprise to be working sat at a traditional school desk and chair in uniform  doing my colouring, something that mentally took me back in time, feeling very much that child in class in view of groan ups. It's a feeling I feel very comfortable with, bring back many memories  from my past.
This is so much me.
We had a lovely chicken roast and home made plum pudding for our evening meal enjoying a sing song and quiz in the evening until it was time for me to sleep on the couch in front of the fire which I quite like anyway.  It's the feline in me!
I had a good nights sleep after about twenty minutes ready for the next day.
I got up sometime around 7:30 which is actually a bit later than normal for me, had a wash and got dressed in good time for everyone to be up drink and talk.
As is my want I did play at being a cat making the appropriate movements with my paws and meowing between colouring.
We had a cooked breakfast that was much appreciated before I left to join my train on the way home.
After Auntie Andi had dropped me off at the station, I caught the 13:20 that calls at our rail hub and as I was feeling tired I got a taxi off the rank straight home to cut out the waiting in very good time, directing my driver who was from Mid-Cheshire.
Thanks to Jennifer and Susan (no other name or Gah!) for their cooking and hospitality and Auntie Andi for giving me  a lift back to the rail station,

Being Middle me

Just getting down to a spot of work here today before lunch and I'm going to write something about one of things we've touched on a couple of times in chat and occasionally elsewhere.

Everybody's lives not least their Middle or Little lives is different and that might be because of things like having a partner (or not) or how it is your middle or little side comes out and how that is balanced with your big side.

Indeed search this blog and you'll find I've written a few pieces around how we do that and the 'real world' challenges in dealing with it not least when it comes to being in the workplace.

Perhaps to a greater extent  than a good number of  us and within  'our group', my sense of middleness arises less than 'age playing' or even a relatively straightforward regression in a play situation than living with real life conditions that mean I'm in middle/little headspace most of the time and not by choice although as those of you who know me understand I don't have any time for regrets. 

For all that lead to those conditions, I enjoy being the person I am, limitations and all.

Those limitations are however just that, and without being hypercritical were not things that I've had much help in either dealing with or helping me make the most of  my reduced abilities at necessarily.

That does lead to area of my live that does differ than many although I can see some crossovers in the more mainstream ddlg world which is I have person who works with me on the things I have difficulty with such as staying focused on  a task, getting started on and working through the things I need to get done rather than just going with what's fun, dealing with stressful situations and some behavioural tracts amongst other things.

They recognize and work with me as that Middle with little side providing more the kind of loving care, support and structured environment that also is quite strict to help me be more productive and adopt better habits as that Middle.

In a very real way then, being and presenting as the adult schoolgirl I am ties in with this sense of having a caretaker/daddy-like figure in my life with me as that 'child'.

While he'd be the first to say the improvements in my life since his involvement in it come from my preparedness to work with him, to accept his authority (by agreement) working through it and accepting any discipline that may be needed at times, it's that support and guidance he's shown me that helped me turn a few corners so far to the point as I explained on Tuesday I did really well with my Homework (another thing that helps me focus on sticking to agreements, following schedules and working hard) which was a first for me given I've always sucked big time in the past with it.

 And that working with who I am, a Middle, in a more Middles setting can help me so much in those situations I can't help avoid having to deal with the big world by helping me to be more responsible and learning more self discipline, not that removes all the problems but helps me feel more able to deal with things and be a bit more independent.

For me then Middles life and the ddlg dynamic go beyond pure lifestyle not that there's anything wrong with that but are an important part of helping me make the most of my life being fulfilled, able to take a bit more care of myself and handling responsibility better.

It may not qualify for the strict criteria around the term 'Therapy'  but for me this life is therapeutic. 

Pinafore dresses II

This post goes back to December 7th, 2008 where I talked about what I loved about Pinafore dresses as a style and in particular what that meant to me so I wasn't really sure if a sequel was really called for but seeing that it was a very popular entry on this blog, in a way you dear readers have settled it.
You see I actually wore one at the Littles Party for two days no less and it confirmed much of what I wrote back then.

The first thing to say is I found wearing it extremely comfortable, with plenty of movement in the shoulders and arms which I quite enjoyed.
Also I did wear actual blouses with it which wasn't my original plan but it worked out fine, finding the dressing experience which is something I do find difficult in real life (not that anything in my life isn't) quite easy, getting myself in it and zipping myself up.
As was said by persons whose names I won't mention, actually it does really suit me going on my frame very well and they weren't flattering me as I have to say they were absolutely right about that.
I look as if I belong in them.

It's obvious then that I now know what works so with that, I shall be wearing more pinafore dresses in the future including a black one just like this with a pocket and I will be getting some more white blouses as they just look right under them as that also ties in with more girlization of the wardrobe as nearly everything else is apart from a couple of pairs of trousers regardless of what may happen in the future.
They are me.

Chilling little style Pt II

Remember early last year where I talked about something in Chilling Little Style? The image and the likeness of the "Joanne" a twelve year girl, a part of the past life in boarding school and more? Why even it is desirable for me to remember where I'm really at.

There was even a bit of challenge around the whole notion of Pinafore Dressing me something I never had happen in my childhood, tying in with taking me back to being that child, not unlike 6 thru 12 years in school as in some schools a traditional pinafore dress is more usual although at least in this part of England you tend to see it more with the tens and under perhaps cos the older girls want to be seen as more sophisticated in separates and donning tights, something I didn't see at my school until you were in your mid teens at least.  How times change,eh?

Usually it's something like this - other styles such as box pleats, buttons etc are available  - worn over a piqued t shirt or blouse sometimes with a tie and more often than not with 'regulation' socks either ankle ones for infants or just under the knee 'long' ones for juniors
I did mention to about having the odd one although they were more adult takes on the Pinafore style and I felt like changing them. That 'Alice Band' is a nice touch too.
Well it has finally happened I am to be finally properly pinafored.

It is just like this although I was a bit worried about ordering it as the measurements provided didn't seem to make sense and math isn't my strong point so I measured out the length of a top to where I'd put the skirt over and added the skirt length that looks okay to it in order to check the length by. They also appeared to confuse Waist measurements on the chart with reference to Chest (aka Bust) on the accompanying text but as I don't know of any 4 year olds with 28" waists well that just had to be wrong as looking at children's sizing guides showed.
Anyway it is here, and having managed to take a few measurements by myself just to be sure it does actually fit having tried it on.
As I don't have a caregiver to do this for me, I'm going to put myself into it when I'm in the company of my friends, learning to feel good wearing it as the little I am. I feel it's time having written about this as long ago as 2008  as a few of you have read recently to go with my convictions and come out as that properly pinafored schoolgirl sucking her lolipops.

Joanne's Uniform Pt3

I have written a bit about the history of my little side, how that connects with how you are recorded as being one gender but feel you actually are of another and how that connects to your life as mapped by gender ridden institutions, so for me my start point on being a little and specifically the schoolgirl side starts from there.

This entry, the third in this series, is part background capsule and part update of the originals from 2011.

I became a schoolgirl exchanging my drab male uniform therefore at an early age even for brief periods while at school thanks to the girls that helped me change uniform but never really got more started on it as in putting together a full uniform until I'd left formal education.

That uniform has a strong emotional resonance to me as something I desperately wanted to own, take care of and have to wear as that girl I felt so while part of my female exploration centred around the more adult big girl, this whole schoolgirl side which had never really gone away also was a part of it. It did rather confuse me at the time having two different ideas of how I was that female and also some on the big girl side seemed to have issues with even feeling this way.

Although the term and indeed concept of 'age-play'  wasn't one I was familiar with at the time (sometimes it seems I'm playing catch up with things like that), in hindsight that's where the concept of being in a past point in time, role playing a child seems to have taken hold.

So it was around a period of major profession related stress that I started off with experimenting with netball skirts and tops, the whole girly sporty thing in part cos girls sports were what I loved to play, when I was able to talk around folks into letting me be on the team and that I wanted to play in traditional girls sports kit.

I just found the whole experienced dressed as such such a great relaxation not least for feeling I was being a part of the denied me that it was not long before I started looking more into the regular daytime schoolgirl look.

One start point into that was more adult dark goth dresses not least the pinafore type which I wore for a period before encountering online communities of adult little girls and what you might call recreational school based role playing sites and establishments looking more at the latter to try and understand more of the whole role and structure of uniform and what those who had gotten more into that got from it.

Encountering them lead me more into looking into full replica uniforms, that's to say the tops, outer garments such as skirts, socks and smalls that were and in some schools still the prescribed 'you have to wear' brands.
Traditionally one would have worn Pelerine long socks with such a uniform and at one point that was rather more what I was thinking of getting.

 Often they had eyelet patterns that used to fascinate me.

It also lead to an examination in my mind of what sort of age range the schoolgirl I wished to present as was so seeing I felt more middlish -around the ages of 9-12 than the high school sort this lead me to something like UK Juniors uniform comprising of red sweatshirt, grey pleated skirt, white or grey socks with plain t shirt and regulation school smalls and a blue pleated zip fastening games skirt.
This is more documented with pictures in the previous Joanne's Uniforms posts.
When it came to deciding what to do about the subject of the socks as this uniform is something I wear most days, I made one concession to current trends which was to get and wear these

They're the more modern replacement so while they're not replica uniform to what my real life peers had at the time they no doubt what I be wearing today in the same setting.

It's in this uniform as a schoolgirl, I've been out with littles/middles enjoying real life interactions being and playing that schoolgirl I always wanted to be finding life much much more enjoyable.

A few days ago spurred on by a local charity, I went through my wardrobe and noticed those early items that lead to being that uniformed schoolgirl, some that don't quite fit, all seldom worn today and they are to go.

As I have written about on few entries here, the idea around having actual schoolgirl daytime dresses has been with me for a long time and as those Goth variants were to go together with a few other things it was time to decide what to do about it.

Because I so wish to wear an actual schoolgirl pinafore as uniform, I decided to get myself two, one grey and one black to replace them with together with a black pleated elasticated skirt.

Looking back on this whole adventure from over a decade ago, you can say I became the schoolgirl increasingly in her pinafore, being the little I really am. The tide has turned.