Many boxes, one you

 Yes I know technically I'm in a state of disgrace but I can still talk to people 'kay?

Sometimes I do wonder if people write responses to subjects rather than any critical understanding of what the question was put in the first place if my experiences around various sites are anything like typical.

One of the first things I think you need to do is get a clear indication of how that person is feeling and what it is they are looking for in terms of an answer as some people are just wanting to be given "the fix" and a pat on the back.

Others still remain very much questioning their own previous thoughts  and perhaps may be better served taking a step back and then exploring a few things which are not permanent and are less likely to cause any issues further down the line of it is they find it wasn't what they were looking for.

I think you really can rush at changing major aspects of your life without fully considering if that is you which having had a few about turns over the years I can understand.

The other thing is sometimes we are so keen to emphasis individual difference we may ignore how much we may actually share something untypical but possibly a part of what makes us unique.

There's nothing wrong with having a different interest or hobby than your peers, you're you in all that as much as having my disabilities makes me what I am too to the point I wouldn't not want to be me as much as it is a challenge at times.

Another reset needed

It's been a quick transition from late summer to autumn with it getting much cooler and for their being torrential rain that meant it wasn't able to get out much plus that districts from being stuff.

Somethings have been coming along fairly okay like getting things for the next get together and things for Christmas but there are other things on my mind.

I was struggling several days ago just getting head into gear, missing off tidying things away before going into this tiny hidey hole for hours and emerging to the mood music so with how things are right now with me it wasn't long before the cane came out.

You might of wished it had stayed at this point, a few strokes but it won't anymore so the gym knickers came down and that's when it all started.

Several days on and there remain welts that are raised apart from lumps from a well caned bottom that feel warm and sore with searing burning sensations amplified if I sit for any length of time that intrude on my thoughts so I can't tune them out of my head.

However you wrap this thing up, I am very conscious of been disciplined, the unpleasant sensations that lead to you feeling tearful but knowing you brought this on by you inactions.

I don't need nor deserve sympathy for what lead to this because I know what it is I am meant to do and how things will run from now on if they don't because the emotions, the unpleasant feelings are what need to burn into me to deter this kind of attitude.

My job is to take and learn from it without exceptions.

I'm paying the price for my own actions and inactions these days.

Socializing and behaviour

Sometimes where you're thinking about how in any given situation we react around each other whither or not it's at home, at work or even say online in a forum it's as well to remember contrary what is often asserted, not everybody involved is in state of permanent fully realized maturity.

While to me and a good number of my closest friends we know we are not and fully see the child within come out in good ways and sometimes not so good ways such as getting stroppy or otherwise appearing rude because as littles this is what we know it what we also see is others who may not identify as we do but exhibiting similar behaviour.

Sometimes it helps if you visualize in such situation say men who might may appear to be so disgusted by the notion of being swept away by emotions as boys in their short pants they feel the need to act up to push away your emotionally driven drama seeing it as a weakness rather than engaging with it working through it to a resolution.

They're repelling something they can't cope with and that to them threatens their rumbustious sense of being, bringing to the surface their 'must hide' insecurities.
It isn't just men who may act like that so might anxious and insecure women and that can aid us in understanding them.

I think when you do see that, it can lead you to toward having a more tolerant view of obnoxious behaviour because we can now see they are still growing and developing feeling able to let more as much as we and they need to work on them.

Sometimes it appears to me, that's the problem, we see people as being "mature" we impose standards on them that they are bound to fail at when they like us are a work in progress in need of appropriate guidance and correction.

To me that's been the gain in understanding more why expectations widely promoted so often are dashed, because rather than working on raising our standards people all to often just presume you knew. 

A slight matter of correction III

The last mention of anything at all to do with my attitudes and behaviour was in December 2014 originally in a guarded form on the main blog because of issues with both one specific individual who part from having major mental health problems also saw themselves as a "white knight" for me utterly failing to see I know what my needs are in this life.

As this blog emerged to cover the whole persona well being and spanking related side of my then it was passported in better quality and a bit less guardedly  into to avoid those issues altogether.

The long and the short of that entry basically was that because (a) mentally I was and remain in a junior mindset and (b fail to learn by more "mature" aka "grown up" forms of chastisement such as verbal or direct consequences to avoid the problems of me just not doing stuff and being disrespectful, disobedient and dishonourable I was and agreed to being spanked just like I used to be by those who cared more see me be more mature within my limits.

In general terms that and other techniques explored over time did bed in within me to the point I was more fun to be around, being more responsible and did what I was told first time even being to learn to just do things on my own initiative knowing what I was expected to.

We have been through a very tough time mentally and psychologically thank to the Covid emergency and the measures taken that rightly prioritized  limiting transmission and saving lives but that came at a high cost for a fair number of people.

For me some of that cost has been a lack of focus, the forgetting of social codes, habits and reasonable expectations of being with people and a sharp drop of in my limited personal self discipline that's been an issue with me for as long as I've been old to go to school.

I wrote some weeks back about the first occasion after the change in regulations issues around getting started on tasks had earned a caning and not just a "playful" one, whose impact lasted over a week. 

That reduced me to feeling deep and genuine sorry for my actions while feeling tearful as the strokes continued to hurt for days not least whenever I sat down.

It was an experience I never felt for long time

It was a thing that people did commented on at various places as nothing is posted as "entertainment" but more with any for advice and constructive criticism in adjusting my attitudes and behaviour.

It has been decided I will be subject to period of strict correction that outside of a short sharp smack across my knickers will go straight to up to twelve strokes of the cane with  them taken right down because it does have the required effect.

That's the point, you need to be left with a certain amount of discomfort in order to it to act as a deterrent and internalize within you the following of rules and expectations so it can't be something that is light weight because it's reinstalling them in me that really this is about.

There was a point when "being nice" might of seemed the right thing but it is is unpleasant consequences applied without favour to  burn it in that I need and that I have agreed to accept from now on. 

In 2021, then, Joanne, an adult little school girl  will have childhood rules and having her bottom firmly caned restored to help her be more mature and this may continue in next year.

I understand it isn't everyone's idea but I feel it is the best way to help me make these overdue changes that will improve my life by being more mature and co-operative while providing the support I need.

Wednesday musings

I don't know about you but with this bug I've been feeling really tired and meh all last week which isn't good but I suppose little else can be honestly expected as I tried to get a few things sorted for next months get together.  

There are times where a return to short dresses and being a "Mummy's helper" with women might be a good role when it comes to just getting me to do be more motivated and do things rather than just being left to my own devices.

 Going by what I'm seeing something like this is really what the responsible adults need to get for me and this is so cute you'd want to take it for a walk, play style which might help in having me have to things to help reliably.

And play at this minute I think is what I'm needing I think as role playing where people go missing isn't very satisfying which is one reason I've usually preferred forum based activity cos at least people can come back to it whenever they can so you don't get the big pauses outside of actual RL meets.

Resting and fingers crossed

 

Not the greatest start to the week, no not the burning aftermath of last weeks post but in a more general sense with having a sore throat, temperature, woozy head, fatigue and aching bones.

Basically I'm having to stay around the curtilage of house in uniform to sit out for sunshine and fresh air a bit while resting with painkillers, those pick me up tablet things you dissolve in water and try to stay cheerful.

In more normal times - can you remember when we had them? - you'd put it down to something like a bad cold or flu but because the symptoms are similar to Covid infections for those of us who have been vaccinated, twice in my case.

That means you need to be careful for other peoples sake and not just be concerned with yourself, keeping near enough isolation for around ten days at least.

I know what Covid is like - I got it late February last year and given how I felt when it struck genuinely don't know how I got home and even survived given how I felt it's not something to take chances with.

Look after yourselves, ignore the conspiracy stuff and if you haven't been vaccinated yet - get it done as it isn't too late and we'll see you around.

The beginning of dolly time

 

Well it might be a new month in what remains a topsy-turvey period we seem stock in but I'm going back a bit to the Summer of 2012 when I was showing through a thread at UK Angels a bit more about this littles side of me.

Dolls were always a part of this thing although I had to buy my own originally and via a disguise in the form of collectable porcelain ones before I got dolly ones but getting them was a vital part of getting back to being girl me from everything that had gone before and specifically about the LG side of me.