Another reset needed

It's been a quick transition from late summer to autumn with it getting much cooler and for their being torrential rain that meant it wasn't able to get out much plus that districts from being stuff.

Somethings have been coming along fairly okay like getting things for the next get together and things for Christmas but there are other things on my mind.

I was struggling several days ago just getting head into gear, missing off tidying things away before going into this tiny hidey hole for hours and emerging to the mood music so with how things are right now with me it wasn't long before the cane came out.

You might of wished it had stayed at this point, a few strokes but it won't anymore so the gym knickers came down and that's when it all started.

Several days on and there remain welts that are raised apart from lumps from a well caned bottom that feel warm and sore with searing burning sensations amplified if I sit for any length of time that intrude on my thoughts so I can't tune them out of my head.

However you wrap this thing up, I am very conscious of been disciplined, the unpleasant sensations that lead to you feeling tearful but knowing you brought this on by you inactions.

I don't need nor deserve sympathy for what lead to this because I know what it is I am meant to do and how things will run from now on if they don't because the emotions, the unpleasant feelings are what need to burn into me to deter this kind of attitude.

My job is to take and learn from it without exceptions.

I'm paying the price for my own actions and inactions these days.

A slight matter of correction III

The last mention of anything at all to do with my attitudes and behaviour was in December 2014 originally in a guarded form on the main blog because of issues with both one specific individual who part from having major mental health problems also saw themselves as a "white knight" for me utterly failing to see I know what my needs are in this life.

As this blog emerged to cover the whole persona well being and spanking related side of my then it was passported in better quality and a bit less guardedly  into to avoid those issues altogether.

The long and the short of that entry basically was that because (a) mentally I was and remain in a junior mindset and (b fail to learn by more "mature" aka "grown up" forms of chastisement such as verbal or direct consequences to avoid the problems of me just not doing stuff and being disrespectful, disobedient and dishonourable I was and agreed to being spanked just like I used to be by those who cared more see me be more mature within my limits.

In general terms that and other techniques explored over time did bed in within me to the point I was more fun to be around, being more responsible and did what I was told first time even being to learn to just do things on my own initiative knowing what I was expected to.

We have been through a very tough time mentally and psychologically thank to the Covid emergency and the measures taken that rightly prioritized  limiting transmission and saving lives but that came at a high cost for a fair number of people.

For me some of that cost has been a lack of focus, the forgetting of social codes, habits and reasonable expectations of being with people and a sharp drop of in my limited personal self discipline that's been an issue with me for as long as I've been old to go to school.

I wrote some weeks back about the first occasion after the change in regulations issues around getting started on tasks had earned a caning and not just a "playful" one, whose impact lasted over a week. 

That reduced me to feeling deep and genuine sorry for my actions while feeling tearful as the strokes continued to hurt for days not least whenever I sat down.

It was an experience I never felt for long time

It was a thing that people did commented on at various places as nothing is posted as "entertainment" but more with any for advice and constructive criticism in adjusting my attitudes and behaviour.

It has been decided I will be subject to period of strict correction that outside of a short sharp smack across my knickers will go straight to up to twelve strokes of the cane with  them taken right down because it does have the required effect.

That's the point, you need to be left with a certain amount of discomfort in order to it to act as a deterrent and internalize within you the following of rules and expectations so it can't be something that is light weight because it's reinstalling them in me that really this is about.

There was a point when "being nice" might of seemed the right thing but it is is unpleasant consequences applied without favour to  burn it in that I need and that I have agreed to accept from now on. 

In 2021, then, Joanne, an adult little school girl  will have childhood rules and having her bottom firmly caned restored to help her be more mature and this may continue in next year.

I understand it isn't everyone's idea but I feel it is the best way to help me make these overdue changes that will improve my life by being more mature and co-operative while providing the support I need.

The Cane

Life can seem a bit odd when it is that some high school children in the era of corporal punishment were moved to protest it.

Yet others held counter demonstrations supporting it fearing that standards would drop and the school corridors would be a no go area for any kid who was just that bit different.

Personally I felt it only impacted on those who would of incurred some other sanction that might of dragged things out and it wasn't that most of us didn't get spanked cos over 90% of us then did at home or at other family members places especially for reported bad behaviour or poor school reports.

Perhaps then it's no so much of a coincidence that in this life of mine somethings remain.

I'm usually relieved to be informed I'm in for the spanking or six of the best simply because as painful as it is, the situation and I have been corrected and it's all over with feeling the cane teasing my bottom before it makes it's decisive impact.

Preferences

It's been a pleasant week to be out enjoying this sunny patch in The Fall this week in the open air which I wrote a bit about on Monday because really the more time out spent out in the open the better things are.

In someways it is going back to how things before more sophisticated hobbies and trying to appear 'grown up' used to be when I'd be out  until I'd had enough or it was a meal time being active and to be honest even though I'd never been super fit, I was fitter then and that had a lot to do with it I think.

Connected with that was having spend sometime sorting out a few socks as I found a long bowed pair were no longer paired being mixed with another when I went to put them on the other morning .

Fortunately unlike normally when I end up having to buy yet another three pack of socks I found the missing ones and re-paired each one up again as at this time of year it's the long socks I need on (or thick tights).

Truthfully you cannot remove for me spanking as a actual need as a built part of this life even though I don't go on and on about here and on the marginally more groan up Tumblr because for one thing I started to have too many just interested in that and not actually in me as a whole person and also I am much more than just a canvas for spanking.

I just feel better for say being caned when I mess up compared to any amount of scolding and that so sticking that in with (having to) wear a uniform is great for me.

Weeks thoughts and a surprise or two!

It has been a really quite a hot period of late which has added to the disruption caused by next doors major building work with noise, dust and that going on which tends to push me toward sensual overstimulation and associated behavioural traits such as feeling agitated, unable to think aloud and the like.

Perhaps both a reason to need to get away but also having the potential to bring all that with me when it was for a few days I was away with friends.

A good a start point to all of this was the combination of heat, vertigo the previous week, tiredness from the overstimulation with limited sleep with the heat left me very rundown on arrival feeling very much as if I was going into 'standby' mode.

This while taking nothing of itself from what I enjoyed doing  while being away did mean I wasn't able to help that much as I had wanted to just because I didn't have the energy for it even though I did help when I felt able to.

On the Monday I found myself with a full on R.S.I flare up that made just cutting and bring food to my mouth very painful which meant I had to decline a request to help with washing up that didn't appear to go down too well with the person concerned even if those near me clearly knew how much pain and discomfort I was in as having asked I had told them.

Perhaps in hindsight I should of sought them out given they tend to be very much at the focus of 'gather the troups' activities and as I later discovered although I have a lot to do with them ordinarily, the everyday "Jo doesn't appear well" remark you might of expected someone to have passed on evidently hadn't as they had been blissfully unaware of me being unwell although a number had asked and were informed.

It also was an interesting week as a good few years ago I did mention about how the discipline side of my life was changing and how unexpectedly for the first time since leaving education, the use of caning had come in.

Sometimes it had been decided to take a range of spanking implements for me whenever were are away and sometimes not as no one should underestimate what can be down with little more than a hand and a hairbrush.

This time with nothing more than 'on file' consent, things were going to be much different without any advance notification.

The first indication was unlike before in that I was asked to follow them into their bedroom where apart from being pretty tidy, I noticed a chair with open sides toward the far end of it but in line with the door access.

The door was shut. "You no doubt have noticed the empty chair. You know what it is for don't you?"
I nodded.
"Then get over it, Jo?"

I obediently walked to put my feet by the legs and stretching over the back placed my hands on far corner of the seat just over the front leg joint raising my dress so the lower cheeks of my gym knickers were exposed.

I felt a hand on the tailbone of my back and a draught as I felt their other hand  raising the back of my dress followed by a hand on my now fully exposed as they started a full blown discourse on how I was to behave as they started to hand spank me vigorously.

It felt quite a bit stronger than any I had before and moreover I felt very much reduced in stature feeling  both free from burden of trying to be an adult when you never feel it and very much in the past where others set my limits.

It had been eons since I had a 'reminder spanking' being more familiar with discipline spanking but it set the tone.

The other was I had been a bit less than civil toward the end of one day, forgetting 'please', 'thank you' and generally being rather blase when after breakfast I was asked innocuously enough when I was to change for events shortly where I answered "In a few minutes" when the reply I heard was one I hadn't heard for decades "I'll be back in twenty minutes,okay".

So naturally enough I went to the toilet, had a quick wash and got changed, checking the time sat on my bed scratching my head thinking "What's this about?"

Twenty minutes came and there was a knock on the door so I opened it a little

"Have you changed now?"  "I have, thank you" I replied  as heard something I was not anticipating.

"Come with me now!"

I soon realized we weren't heading toward the corridors that lead out of doors but actually into their room when they shut the door briskly.

"You know what to do, bend over that chair!" They said "You know what I told you and why you are here?"

It dawned on me I had shot through what had been a clear warning about my attitudes and behaviour and that was what this was all about.

Looking toward a table I saw an object amongst a couple and thought "No they were not going to use this" as we'd never done this before but as I was bent over the chair I saw them pick it up.

They had clearly decided it was time to cane me for the first time since I left school where at least they tended to keep me in check as I felt the lifting of my dress and warming up as they ensured I was in the correct position ready to take the swishes and thwacks I had offered my bottom  up to receive.

I had forgotten exactly how it stung in those intervening years as two sets of six were delivered accompanied ows that thought given how loud they were coming out people might hear it passing.

That was how it came to be I had my first caning in this relationship and as I was to find out it wasn't necessarily the last.

In the three and a bit years since this whole relationship started I had wondered what life would be like if for a period it was just like things were back in my childhood and while obviously as a legal adult tm consent applies and exists, the whole rules, cautions and discipline for not applying them would just run as part of life with no set time or location for all of this.

The week was just that and while in hindsight knowledge of how I was feeling may well of altered aspects of it which was my own failure, none the less it was what I felt comfortable with emotionally.

What had been envisioned came into being, from being at the point where on paper caning was an option, they had seen my reactions to it - that I could take it and while some may of said "Okay you're not well  but Next time, you're getting it" I feel it was time the gloves came off.
I know I certainly well be caned from now on and that's what I'm needing to be more considerate of what people do for me.

Weekly review

This week was important for me for a number of reasons one of which was a lovely little does a couple of AB related comics and the storyline featured something that was a painful Core Memory  for me.
You see when I was little, I had a lot of difficulty speaking and very poor language skills which unfortunately made me a target for people to take advantage of knowing I'd be without the means of defending myself by doing things themselves and blaming me.
This included for some reason my younger brother and one of things he'd do was he'd start a toy war saying his toy was better smarter and was going to defeat mine, getting so carried away in that either he'd launch a fight  or damage something saying it was all my fault.
It wasn't that I was an angel but I did as now know when and what fights to pick and those weren't them and so either I'd get scolded or lose out on something even though it wasn't my fault. This was one of several things that left me feeling less than safe at home.
My older brother if he was around could see right through this and deal with it, as he did when my folks were out as he did spank me a few times but as he was a Mini-Dad to me and I knew he did genuinely care I accepted it. We get on very well now no doubt helped by him reinforcing boundaries between me and authority figures.
The other thing is following the issues at one forum I talked about last week in various places, the moderation people who were removed set up a new site which is really cute even though a few bits are understandably being worked on  given they made the site up in four whole days.
The site is unapologetically covering the whole of CG/l with separate sub forums for various bits so if say BDSM isn't your thing then you don't have to read anything about it.
I rather like it
Link:
 DD/lg World
Tomorrow I have some math work to start on OR Else!

On restoration

Restoration

Restoring the balance both at home with my parents and with other adults trying to get so a kind of natural order is there is very much what the last fifteen or so months of my life has been about, been given a proper place in those relationships, subject to their adult authority at all times.
When I look back at how things were at the start of this I can see how unsatisfactory the way I interaction at home and with other adults were, doing pretty much what I pleased no matter how they may of felt about or been effected by it.
I had a okay relationship with Mom and poor one with Dad and didn't really feel bonded to other adults at all so things did not run anything like smoothly for a lot of the time.
It wasn't that I was necessarily super obnoxious but I could not truthfully say I was exactly well behaved either having little sense of boundaries and parental and other adult guidance in my life.
It felt that I'd been been left without any guidance but being expected to know what to do when in fact I had no idea about how to behave.
That was when during Christmas 2014 when the external guidance started and as time went by other people followed through with everything changed although it took time.
This was when there now was a set of House Rules and similar rules for other adults brought into my life with very real consequences for any breach of those rule.
These included  being scolded, having my knickers taken down to be spanked or caned without fail and having to carry out any restitution straightaway.

Of course I didn’t become perfect overnight, but gradually, week by week, the new discipline code began to turn my behaviour and attitude around and as the adults recast as disciplinarians began to feel this wonderful sense of positive empowerment to act because they cared. Every time they took me over their lap I felt that at last I was receiving a way of providing me with the kind of positive guidance that I needed. I felt that they were giving me exactly what I needed, at exactly the right time in my life and I could see that I was absolutely thriving on this old-fashioned form of discipline.

It wasn't that it was all discipline, because it did include face to face discussions about my behaviour and conduct and what my many limitations being allowed for, I could and should be expected to do better together with rewards so it was recognized when I did really well to help me form a sense, a belief, in my ability to do the right thing .

This restoration  went hand in hand with having me dress more as that adult child often in her uniform as a learned to accept and co-operate with adult authority  I resembled their child subject to their adult authority with that uniform signifying my acceptance  of their rules and the spanking that I subject to in it.

Spanking I would say in my experience is an excellent form of discipline for girls who like me are over 18 and live at home or with adults to help learn how to conduct ourselves and adopt good personal habits

Looking back at the last year

As a few entries touched on, I went from a situation in my late teens with very little effective discipline of any kind to the removal of anything short of being made to leave home without having the very attitudes corrected and by late 2014 things were in a mess.

More by chance than anything discussions at various places lead to me finding a Caregiver who accepted and was prepared to work with adult middle me who made it plain they wanted me in school uniform and they were going to discipline me as that schoolgirl.

 They made it a hard rule that My knickers were to come right down for all punishment spankings so my bared bottom was going to pay the price from now on for all infractions, looked at my problems  and we agreed a set of rules to help me change.

And not just a  slipper but a hairbrush, leather and wooden paddles too as I increasingly learned to present my bottom for correction as just an everyday part of my life.

 
It wasn’t long before I felt so at ease with it that talking to other trusted adults who knew me and my problems well, that they took on a disciplinarian role to a middle who they also knew as one who is in school uniform, agreeing to spank me whenever I’m with them.

For good measure measure many of little/middle friends know about this, do know when I’ve been in trouble and are supportive because they know I can be more mature and considerate if I want to be.

It was through the discussions through them that quite against the odds caning something I only had at school came back as an option in more severe infractions with a variety of different canes being available to use when extinguishing a behavior or attitude was required.

Given it worked then I can't see it failing to keep my behaviour and attitudes in decent limits. 

Other things such as the Tawse and Martinet are agreed options too.

It was a long, painful process with some elements such as having more trusted Adults re-enforcing my Caregiver by disciplining me too not even in the original plan but it has started to work.

 
Who knew this was just what I so badly needed from Adult Authority figures who cared enough to step in and prevent me from falling while also working with guidance and support on changing me so I never get to that point again.

Please support spanking me. You know it  makes sense.

Prefecture

Although at my school head boys and girls didn't have the ability to use the cane (unless they broke the rules and found the head teachers) it wasn't unknown for them to punish you and indeed my best friend was one and did spank me several times not that it wasn't done without good reason you understand.
For one thing I was prone to swearing quite a bit, sometimes writing the words on the chalkboard for good measure and even when not, if I had written them down on paper , I'd be called over and had to explain truthfully what I written and why before being put over her lap for a spanking.
It always was the case when I was at risk of developing a smoking habit I was told in no uncertain terms if she caught me with a cigarette, I would get the biggest spanking of my life from her.
The fact I never ever took up smoking says a lot about how much of an influence she was and what I have to be grateful for her  for.

Delivering the message

A powerful, well delivered caning that leaves it stinging with burning weals across my bottom is highly effective in motivating me and something no one should be afraid to deliver when the going gets tough.

What Jo needs - a caning

In the last two posts I spoke about my experience of school PE and that the teachers we had for that were not excused from spanking us changing, during and and changing back into our uniforms.
I also spoke about the knickers you wore for gym and how knickers play a part in school rituals including those connected with spanking but while this isn't a blog about it, I shall talk about what I am needing to happen.

 Not to put too fine a point on it I do feel there are times when caning me is more than justified not so much just not doing things but more when I persist in talking all over your fairly mild rebuke for some behaviour or attitude I'm displaying or when you've told me numerous times to do it and I just refuse to.
In that situation those gym knickers figure but to make the caning more memorable you go a bit further than you normally would and you pull them down which feels like you've been deflated from your ego as you have me get and hold that cane.

 It need not be done to excess but if you scarcely feel it, not getting the rush through your system as it lands and sears you've failed and her reaction to it would be mine -and why it works.

 People sometimes argue around "Cornertime", to me it's a moment to reflect upon your behaviour and to made to endure a little more embarrassment with you knickers still down as your well caned bottom is displayed and you focus on it and why you got it.
It needs to last with for a while so you do learn from it.

Yes Sir. Here's the cane, Sir

Involving you in your own punishment such as fetching the implement helps in making it the more memorable and therefore most effective in stopping the behaviour that lead to it.

Come with me!

The invite to have your transgressions corrected and how!

Educating my bottom

 

Dealing with me isn't easy and here's a short clip that shows  how I'd like to be given a good caning.

Out with the old

 

That moment as you survey the scene having to stand attentively seeing what is before you.

 You and it are so acquainted you just bend over the desk as he pulls your skirt over you back and pulls your knickers right down ready to set your bottom on fire with a junior cane