Think Pink!

Sometimes  you come back with things you didn't expect when you see people.

Unfortunately seeing people wasn't possible this year with being very poorly although up to the last minute when I realized a firm decision was needed I had everything arranged and had spent a small fortune on things  to share with others.

Way back in late June a few years back I did get a dark blue gingham school summer dress that I quite liked not least for how Junior it made me feel, which as far as I'm concerned is quite a good  thing and I had been thinking about something in a more classic pink.

Having a few things come Sunday reminded this one with two pleats at the front I like - I'm big on pleats - that caught my eye from a friend which having put it against me, seemed to be just perfect so I paid her for it in notes of the Bank of Purrland.

Being around and stuff

 This last fortnight or near enough three weeks has been really rather a challenge with having one of the worst migraines I have ever had to which I've only really recovered in the last day, some unexplained tiny spots that felt like a cut and some rather poor and utterly misread conversations that may take a while to fade out of my memory.

To my mind if you ask a simple question let's say "What's this all about" then for me the reply would be fairly short "I was just thinking about x" rather than a lengthy explanation that would get close to a rewrite of the entire thing because you may well not want such a reply.

If you did, then you'd show in your reply you'd want the whole thing clarifying.

If you use expressions introduced to you in the context of the subject matter by that person then you would not expect them to be near enough foaming at the mouth ranting on about associations that clearly were not hinted at never mind mentioned.

You also would not expected to be told just mentioning certain attire however briefly that if you had "any" consideration for them you'd not mention it in their presence nor indeed they would want to see you in it. Ever.

This is especially as they that had never said anything about anything connecting unpleasant experiences when they did to you that had you of known you would of not just understood but avoided as much as from where I'm standing from I don't see some of my issues with bullies in white pereline socks from the past to be ever an issue with anyone new today if that was their thing.

The person who bullied or otherwise made your life a misery was  an *** on the inside and frankly the wrapper made no difference, that was just their nature sadly.

Bullying wherever it may come from be it sexism, sexuality, race, gender identity or disabilities is just plain wrong as is denying opportunities due to bias but we do ourselves no favour if we allow that to affect how we treat others.

Chilling little style IV

 The evolving notion of uniform here has had some makeovers since the start of Covid.

 A new grey traditional pinafore of high quality with length adjusted to look more upper junior than "young lady" at a school for older girls was got as some of the regular ones didn't quite fit right  and I was conscious of it.

 

Underwear was changed to maroon gym knickers and the odd white pair in comfortable cuts.

 

While no good for "stealth" dressing some traditional pereline white socks were bought for get togethers aided by having actual children's sized feet so at least while there I am more like a younger schoolgirl.

Of Updates and stuff

This blog just seems to ramble on in time however difficult trying to keep it up to date is with having periods of poor health rather like "Treacle" my second personal computer with an internet connection did even as a back up a better machine that developed issues of its own.

 The other thing of course is those things that "run" your computer seldom stay still so rather like in 2015 my last Windows machine you may be aware of attempts to upgrade you to Windows 11 rather like back then I was being nagged into installing 10.

Just imagine though for a second what if you were rather like that computer, would we, do we even receive a notification to say our brains and logical reasoning are compatible for a forthcoming upgrade with an Upgrade Now option?

Would there be a "roll back" of the software didn't take to the last working version?

For the vast majority of people a few teething human equivalents of driver reinstallations aside it works fairly well even if the work leisure balance isn't as good as could be as "play" is a long term universal need.

For some of us though it doesn't as our hardware doesn't fully take the software with a times a fleeting approximation to what Human 13plus 18th revision when installed can do so we're taken back to the last Restore Point and given the the last updates whenever errors are found to burn into our CPU to keep us running the best such a system can.

That's why this life and how it works is so different.

Disability and getting on

How different people handle changed especially life changing conditions or disabilities has always interested me not least for possessing several and having known a good number of people in a variety of situations who have too.

 

It's often interesting to see how people who on the face of may have similar conditions have made of their lives, how they may differ and how others are quite different although I'd like to stress from the get go I don't feel a 'my disability is worse or better than yours' take is really helpful not least for only you alone know how that affects your life or 'mine is more or less “real” than yours either for the same reason.

 

This being said it is my personal conviction how much you are able to make of your life even though you have disabilities depends very much on not only what opportunities may be available to you (and certainly there can be a lack of them that does our society no great favours) and what our own attitudes toward making the most of our lives can be when they are.

 

This can be more difficult when it comes to dealing with things such as social anxiety which as someone does find things like meeting people or using the telephone difficult I readily understand but unless we are prepared to explore how we may get more confident or better able to communicate, then our opportunities are limited.

 

I think it's that which sometimes is the harder thing because on top everything there is insecurity and a blanket feeling that you are not being understood.

 

There is though I feel a difference between an understanding that says “I am prepared to try to improve on the things I struggle with however hard that might be” and one that simply isn't prepared to even explore what options may be available even if they may not be a “total cure” because you may be limiting yourself from the experiences and opportunities that would enrich your life. You can't advance by staying still.

 

It's hardly fair on the face of it but those of us who have disabilities who in some way or other wish to make the most of our lives in mainstream society need to do as much as can for ourselves to find ways of maximizing it, perhaps in some respects even more than those who don't face the same challenges. 

 

Things just don't come easy to us although I'd also add trying to compensate by excusing other things like 'fitting in' and following the accepted social conventions and rules as everyone else can of itself set you back simply because we have to 'hold our own' and isn't fair to everyone else even though I do recognize that's something I have been guilty of in the past.

Culpability

 

In a number of ways this whole picture sums up what I find is sometimes ignored, that is there may be more than just one of you in on what has plainly caused much upset and you cannot truthfully put the blame down to just one even if a good argument might be made for saying the older child knew better.

In such instances perhaps it is for the best for both of you to be treated in very much the same way from being expected to tell the whole truth, to write an apology and for both of you to receive an appropriate punishment that reflects what you both were a part of.

New Year Edition 2022

No one can deny 2020 had been tough on everyone cutting through so much everyday stuff, with things cancelled and for some of us parts of our needed lives cancelled as we couldn't meet others.

While in most respects 2021 has been better although concerns around the latest variants ease of transmission are seeing some stricter rule reintroductions to the point people could meet up what that has revealed is just how messed up mentally it left me and in the absence of regular real life as it happens reminders sliding on attitudes and behaviours that impact not just on other people but also on my own functioning.

For me some of that cost has been a lack of focus, the forgetting of social codes, habits and reasonable expectations of being with people and a sharp drop of in my limited personal self discipline that's been an issue with me for as long as I've been old to go to school.

I wrote a few months about the first occasion after the change in regulations issues around getting started on tasks had earned a caning and not just a "playful" one, whose impact lasted over a week. 

That reduced me to feeling deep and genuine sorry for my actions while feeling tearful as the strokes continued to hurt for days not least whenever I sat down.

It was an experience I never felt for long time

In 2022 then in order to put a stop to this which developed through Covid, the gloves must come off and the transmission of the most painful consequences be administered without question. 

Wherever the seriousness may allow for it, I need to be caned firmly to get your point over.

Cane, strap or slipper it must really register with immediate sharp pain, not to cause permanent injury but to burn in as a deterrent.

It must really hurt to the point of tears if is to have the needed impact.

In the end you are just that, a stupid little girl learning her lessons that went array during the pandemic and need to be retaught them.