Summer playtime

As you may of gathered I was going to be away for a few days this weekend which was a part the reason for posts being a tadge rushed.

 
But as ever and increasingly more so, I had do everything like pack everything I was going to take away with me, sort out transportation and remember to take some with me a biscuit  as I'd be travelling across midday with two friends.

This tends to be easier than sorting train connections and the almost inevitable issues these days of cancellations and delays due to weather, industrial action or no driver turning up.

Seasoned readers of certain forums will know, the last few weeks haven't been good with me with family health worries not least dads cancer, diabetes and related complications so a large part of being away was to get away from that and play more.

We've been finishing a few bits of collections off such as my Blue Peter annuals most going back to when I was younger and our television wasn't colour.

There will a more frilled mode of dress going on as you all know really that's me but in a relatively subtle more Little way given the setting - it always makes sense to "Read the room" - and keep within the events expectations.

I not usually much for short sleeves especially dresses as that's one area where body image connected dysphoria is strong in me (not feeling comfortable in your skin is so not funny) but thought this was a good setting with people to try it.

Plus it's so it's so middle/little and that above all was where I wanted, nay needed right noe.

* Picture NOT brought to you Associated Rediffusion but as I has no smart phone and selfie stick (dangerous given my computer usage issues) this is as close as you're gonna get AND see, I is for real.

Think Pink!

Sometimes  you come back with things you didn't expect when you see people.

Unfortunately seeing people wasn't possible this year with being very poorly although up to the last minute when I realized a firm decision was needed I had everything arranged and had spent a small fortune on things  to share with others.

Way back in late June a few years back I did get a dark blue gingham school summer dress that I quite liked not least for how Junior it made me feel, which as far as I'm concerned is quite a good  thing and I had been thinking about something in a more classic pink.

Having a few things come Sunday reminded this one with two pleats at the front I like - I'm big on pleats - that caught my eye from a friend which having put it against me, seemed to be just perfect so I paid her for it in notes of the Bank of Purrland.

Bouncing about

It's been an odd week for emotions with all this lock down stuff going on feeling very much I was waiting for groan ups for instructions which at times it can be  with me cos when I really feel things then it just is sometimes to the exclusion of much else
That took me back a bit in time mentally...

Time was when skipping just for the fun of it was one of my favourite activities outside of any formal games or PE usually involving a traditional knotted rope with wooden handles that actually I kept up until I was about sixteen.
Part of it I think was being in control of my body, making it move which with my disabilities is hard going as it feels often like there's several internal wires missing carrying that information so I can't 'summon' it to move to will, something that perplexed many an adult.
Actually I got pretty good at it.
The other side of it is it makes me feel very girlish, just jumping and skipping from side to side in a carefree way and I think I'm in need of carefree spaces so something like that the next time we are able to get away may be the thing

I have the right...

Last week I looked at the standards that are appropriate to hybrid middle/adult  me and why this year it's important to build on that progress.

One thing that gets sometimes forgotten about especially on this blog is I do have have rights and needs when it comes to how I wish to express my gender as that person excepting of course that you need to consider where and in what context you do not least for your own protection.

I do have right to express myself if I so wish in a very feminine and somewhat cutesy form even if much of the time I do wear either child-like casual or school-type attire depending on where I am and who I am with.

This is at the far end of 'sugary' with me but it appeals greatly again with some consideration to what sort of context, hitting the younger side of me head on.

This is more the sort of thing you'd associate with me but I really love gingham dresses and they cut of most traditional school type ones does flatter my figure well so I like to wear them when I'm with people who have responsibility for me.
I don't have a major issue with pants, indeed where I'm from it often got very cold and you'd be glad of the coverage but to be honest I generally prefer skirts and dresses with shorts being good for either play or walking as you don't want your flowing dress stuck on the brambles!
Just nobody should define who and what I am except me.

Lessons from the class room for Jo.

I've  written a bit about this Weekends Studying on the main blog which also has the other entries around the start of it from the beginning of this year as it is an important part of what this year is about for me.
It is about two interlinked things: One is dealing with my actual real life weaknesses in English, particularly written and especially Math which stem from by disabilities not least dyslexia and brain damage some of which was caused directly by a playground fall which  caused my head to hit the Asphalt surface head on which left me drifting in and out of consciousness for a good number of hours.
The second is the extent to which all the above while being  a very ready impediment  to learning was affected by attitudes toward coping with my disabilities and even the extent I was to even attempt to do the very things ever other child of my age at that time was expected to do.
Some of those attitudes amounted to authorized not trying  as I wasn't expected to be capable of them so it was felt this didn't matter which of course it did as most employers and many educational institutions require good grades not least because the knowledge behind them is necessary in an advanced economy.
But in many was it went even beyond that to one of just not bothering to try anything new because a 'they' somehow would solve them problem of what to do when it comes to caring for me and having a sense of purpose.
The fact this studying has involved some rather old fashioned ideas  such as being structured (but taking into account my real needs), being expected to work hard, being given the kind of scolding prevalent then and not least being spanked for my attitude toward that when as it was at the start was laid bare in just the same some schools back then would given me regardless of my disabilities.
My disabilities don't justify not trying, in many ways it's more important for me to try than perhaps most because my need to be able to do things is greater and in the pride I feel toward doing well so far, that is the bigger thing here.
To help me grow I need to be stretched, nurtured and disciplined as part of one whole called caring for Jo.

On character

 

When you scratch the surface, although I may know of the world, fundamentally I'm  an innocent  little girl who just likes to suck lollipops, skip enjoying cute things and having fun than the things older teens and adults generally get up to who deserves to have that respected.

I may get things wrongs and sometimes be naughty but not a bad little girl at heart, far from it.

Summer and Middledom

Oyez, Oyez,Oyez!
Miss Joanne has her Summer school dress in dark blue with pocket on the right!

It's nice soft and very comfortable and is very much a part of me really and while in the UK you'd associate it more with rising 5 through 11+ schoolgirls in some countries such as Australia you'll see similar dresses wear in high school no doubt with an eye to those hot humid conditions so I could wear this around my 'presenting age'.
I was having some interesting interactions at one site this week around a topic that has cropped up before connected with that last sentence.
You know, you can slice this broad adult littles thing up many ways and lots of individuals do of which the two most common are by those who do wear diapers or by presenting ages although it's possible to have both as in real life I knew teens in diapers cos for them it was a medical, disability related thing.
Although every one of us has our own unique feel for it, there are three main age related categories whose majority accepted definitions I'll go through.
Adult Baby, this is fairly self explanatory and quite simply means the person while an adult is in the headspace of a baby with  related interests and would be up to three years of age.
Although many do, this need not include diapers or the intended usage of and wearing diapers of itself doesn't make you one.
The widest group you'll hear of is that of Adult Littles which can get a bit confusing  as that's also the generic term for all of us, but strictly speaking adult littles are those who identify  as between 3 and 12 years when in regressed headspace, in otherwords the age range that in England goes from Pre-school through last year at Primary School.
In terms of interests and activities we're looking very much at cartoons, stickers, colouring, toys including blocks.
The group to whom this interaction was more interesting in was that of Middles which is a term spoken much of less of  but generally refers to those who identify more with teen interests and  the question was put politely to me a few times to which do I identify?
That is a very good question because my upper limit is around 12-13 which puts me midpoint although I can regress down a few years too.
Having thought about it, I think I'd say Middle first, because a good number of the things that interest me come from there such as more teen centred animes although there is a quite a carry over from the more Littles side when it comes to play and colouring for instance with me which reflects how my disabilities impact who I can do and enjoy.
The other area being some of needs I have cross from that sense of feeling powerful at ten and 11 to the boundary pushing mid teens requiring copious amounts of patience and understanding as well as undivided attention.
Allied to these changes can be issues such as brattiness and challenging authority requiring love, guidance and discipline of which (cough) I'm getting a good deal of as you navigate the World increasingly more by yourself and to which is really helping with the behavioural and attitude issues I've had on my 'adult' side.
The perfect summary was provided by one person I encountered who described themselves as Middle with a little ones side and that's how I see me although I don't feel any of us need keep ourselves to activities and events to just any one group so long as we're able to get a lot from them.
In other words, while defining  yourself is fine, don't be exclusive with it in your littles life.

 

I am...Me

I can remember the battles around accepting I could be anything other than an adult female even if I didn't feel exactly I was one as I'd never felt really 'high school'  at high school forever being the Junior, still thinking I was in a Junior school, regressing frequently much to the bemusement of my classmates as understanding as they were of me.
The simple reality of this is  I'm a girl who is NOT an adult who does belong in junior attire, who ought to be able to  play, suck lolipops just like a junior because that's MY headspace and functioning is at.
I belong in a gingham dress, school gymslip or short tails with my Mary Janes on in LittleSpace and have the right to be me.

Sorting me out

 

I don't like tattoos much but this is so much not just the kind of bedroom I just love with it's children's furniture, care bear plushies and posters but also of being in a very young girl gingham dress, braided and bowed as an adult little.

I was never really intended to be a grown up.