The originals of the Help! problem

 

Dealing with situations that I am struggling in has always been difficult but seeing a post by a very close friend recently rather brought into focus just what makes them so and this week I'm looking at that.

H.E.L.P!

That means trouble in my language as two things tended to happen when I struggled which I guess we all do at times.

The first was the school I went to had a considerable amount of disabled children, mainly physically and there was a drive very much around independence and self reliant, frequently excessively so that you'd be called out all the time time with statements such as "There's no such thing as can't ", "No One's going to do it for you", "No, don't help them, they've go to figure it out for themselves" directed at anyone who even offer.

It didn't help that it was an era where autism and dyslexia were seen as excuses for non compliance and willfully paying no attention so you got no special support only threats of corporal punishment for not following the norms and being useless at spelling and math.

Because of that any offers tended to given to others they thought HAD needs and you were purposefully shamed.

In time you learned to never be seen to ask for assistance and if you know something was coming up either avoid it or plow on regardless of the fact you were getting nowhere fast.

Thus Help! equalled shame and more.

Now I did hurt my wrist badly recent at a littles get together and we had a baking session so needless to say I was struggling to make pastry the rolling was excruciatingly painful when a organizer had to say "It's okay to ask for help" before I felt able to accept someone helping me complete the task that was necessary.

I can see how all of those bad experiences shaped my reactions even as they get in the way of trying to do more and I need to learn to accept help and understand today I won't be attacked and shamed for it.

Sticking up ears edition

In all the reverberating past presently I'm going through something came to mind that I hadn't shared here.

 Actually for what passes as my formative years, and across two properties we lived in, we had rabbits, you know, pet rabbits, not the sort your butcher may stock. 

They were generally grey rabbits.

Our first property had a fair sized garden so outside of the burrow, they had quite long run and play escaping soldiers in. The amount of times Dad had to go find them doesn't bear thinking about!

Our second properties gardens weren't so good being a Mews development, so the went run in the rear which was a bit better and as far as I can recall they didn't seem to escape so often but I don't if its we'd gotten more wise making it harder for them to escape of if they were more docile.

Rabbits always remind  me of spring and of renewal which at this difficult  time seems an apt thought.

We did get away to a picnic marking the ten years since Lillian left this earth in still troubling circumstances as enjoyed being about in a blue plaid skirt and tights which was probably as well as it got a bit bitter later on.

It also transpired in real life role playing school was a possibility from time to time very much the way you remembered so there may be the odd post around that from time to time on this blog.

Click, take a trip!

Hello again and thank you to those who have recently started to read me blog because I looked at the information I see where you're from if sometimes where you find about the blog from.

A note to any of my followers, you're very welcome here cos while some of our interests are different, we have much in common and can learn a lot from each other.

As a good number of you know, several of us  are off to Sammy's picnic just outside London this weekend, where no doubt we'll be on our best behaviour with her partner and a few groan ups present so I'm writing this early as I need to get my stuff all together and we know whose responsibility that is, don't we?  In  2025 I have to stuff!(lol)

That means routing out the handy compact camera and charging it and the phones up ready for off besides packing the case for the rail trip that will involve overnight stays which is important as we're marking the tenth anniversary of the death of a close friend in tragic circumstances.

Getting everything to work out was a bit touch and go but I think it matters

Downstairs girl

One first thing to say about this last week has been for a variety of reasons some routines have been different not that I'm kinda ocd over routine although I do benefit from some structure in my life which is why this post has been typed today when otherwise I'd of been busy.

The last few posts have been about interests of mine as I'm not exactly a one dimensional adult little girl by a long shot and things I had and enjoyed from my birthday rather than personal posts so I thought this last one of March would be different.

Birthdays do bring back memories not least around Mom and that's a part of what I'm looking back at this week.

Shared life is often a compromise whither you live as a couple or as individuals who maybe share a property and also this can and usually does cross over to relations with parents, relatives and so on. 

You may sense that some parts of your life not least for a good number of us being  a 'little' come under the heading things you can't share or be otherwise open with although there's nothing remotely shameful in it.

This is particularly so if like me you're also coming at this as being Tg too with a number of inter family issues around my being so following my greater involvement around alg activities I had been wondering more around working through this with Mommy.

We did manage to evolve to a point where it's finally okay to present as alg downstairs at night where just both of us are in (Grumpy has his own space upstairs he resides in then) as I feel fit, and she feels comfortable engaging with me sat in the front room being the same me as before for an hour or so. 

We did starting to bond better, I can openly call her Mommy - indeed even addressed birthday her card as that - which is helping both of us work through this having had our difficulties in the past around gender based issues.

Another issue is  the site Sp@nking Needs,a site for adults who feel the need for and those who did perform said services has ceased to be.

I joined in 2014 as it had a less fet1shly, more thoughtful feel to it that made it a great place to talk about those needs and some of my disciplinary issues that required some treatment which in time they did get.

It's a great pity such great sites seem to be going in an age of social media and ever shifting regulations as it was really safe.

bb

Going around the sun 2025 style

As you *may* of managed to work out it was my birthday last week but it just missed the publishing schedule which is why it is I'm writing about it today.

I had a number of cards from family and friends even if some were a bit late arriving with the recent extreme weather effecting when individuals could get out to mail them and also the UK wide delivery network.

Unicorns are such a cool creation, indeed I have a number of unicorns and one person I know, my BFF sent me this lovely card through the mail.

I went out for midday lunch with family to celebrate to a local public house that does home made cooking with big chunky carrots and home prepared roast potatoes so I opted for a Turkey roast with cranberry sauce. Apple sauce never did that much for me to be honest.

I followed that up with home made Apple Pie and vanilla ice cream which was really scrumptious having lots of flavour and texture. I don't like mushy apple flavoured filling in fruit pies.

I had birthday wishes from the site that's the home of 'George' and the Famous Five and other Enid Blyton favourites and some forums including GT, the LG camp chat room and the classical music thread of a music site who put up with my regressive side pretty well.

That ties into having by way of presents one classical music disc plus two records pre-ordered that I'll write about at some point, some money and chocolate.

What is it all about?

 

Unlike some in the Community, I never coveted anything other than a younger image simply because I never felt it and that's quite apparent when it comes to things tomorrow where nothing grown up is taking place. 

All I wanted was the old-new childhood experience I didn't have at the time, to present in the ways I preferred, to play with and play more girl-like games while being to prepared to play a bit more "rough" with boys where I enjoyed what they were doing the odd time and be referred to as that girl, following here own interests rather than being told "No, you cannot do that cos it's only for girls".

So for me the arguments won for girls to play football ("Soccer"), do more physical things previously reserved for boys are things I hold with even if they were not part of the period I originally experienced and I see no reason why if I wish they cannot be part of my own Now.

There are some who think when we are together everything should be as it was but that is something I really cannot agree with.

Things moved on for a reason.

Smallness continues

Last week was the second Anniversary of Mom's death, by irony on Valentine's day and some three weeks before her wedding anniversary date too so I was away on that day but while I was carrying that with me as it were apart from ones case.

Perhaps that was the better thing to do really rather than just being sat at home looking at the pictures and maybe spending an hour or so by the graveside because she was always clear that life goes on and wanted you to continue.

Mom was well in on this more child-like me as much as we found ways of balancing that with the expectations in certain social contexts with grown ups present and did want very much for me to continue attending our more "little" get togethers.

The idea of a little me enjoying the recreation of childhood christmas complete with tree, presents, games and meals would of been something she'd of been happier with than just staring at the wall.      

That was the better choice.