Welcome back

Easter came which we referred a bit about on last weeks blog and the start that goes very with it like events that I should be away to this weekend  and eggs obviously.

It's been a long time since I started it being an unashamedly littles blog even if bits may have come from other accounts elsewhere talking very much about what interests me as well as my life as one and part of the reason for this was to help explain what it's about and to encourage others in accepting this part of them.

When you can, you feel more at ease being who you really are regardless of what gender background (if any) you may have because the funny thing is every adult (a groan up) has a childhood base that the other areas of your life are built on so if you don't feel at ease with your younger side to the point perhaps of denying it, then quite often it trips you up. 

Beyond the schoolgirl look this is one that I like in Spring and Summer for being outdoors having fun playing and exploring out and about.

If you are transgendered, the whole identification issue can lead to a situation where your past childhood gender is effectively discarded as if you land as the man or woman you are without those bonds that those assigned at birth have and importantly drawn from.

It is common place in today's society for example for woman to hold on to the interests and passions of their girlhood without any question to their abilities in the world of work. Is that a bad thing?

Many of best creative ideas it seems to me come from that childlike state of mind (is it no accident so many in the creative industries are like that), prepared to think out of the box, drawing inspiration from their pasts?
What you may do with this childlike side is very much your own affair but it may involve wearing more girlish  styles of clothes (and what options we have!), possibly some kind of play or the rediscovery of pastimes you really enjoyed such as sports or arts/craft work.
The one thing I have learned thinking last night while together with a group of littles was the sense of personal  innerpeace I've found since, the feeling free to express my real feeling and emotions by simply being me rather than a reduced down 'groan up' version that simply left me sad. And to be with others, contributing and sharing in that fun.

Hugs, Jo
x

Experiments

It is a very windy day with much rain so it will be very much a stay indoors, read comics and stay warm day until it dies down enough to sort out the many moved items and a broken bird bath later on.

At one site people are discussing identity which for many of us tends to be complex because really many of us share multiple ones and within each you may not do or meet every single aspect some put under it.

It has also over the years been a delicate and troubling issue with me at least as much for the prejudices of differing communities toward certain groups from the big girl world of transfemales and transexuals feelings towards any of us who are more around being and dressing more child-like as in "little girl" or within that community of Little Girls towards other groups such as "Baby Cubs", AB and/or DL or "Sissies".

Some refuse to have anything to with you be it in real life or online no matter what you, yourself might do in your own take on that life or around others. 

And we all need to be aware of how our actions may be seen especially when in more public settings but when in reality nothing in it gets between what other groups are doing nor is illegal or immoral.

I will acknowledge I have always had a suppressed more overly girlie side that fits more in with some aspects of "sissy" as much as I can and enjoy other sides such as schoolgirl presentation and in real life recreation than what some "little girls" seem to be comfortable with and yet it's just a look, a cut of a few pieces of material stitched together. 

Dresses in satins often with prints, frilly undergarments possibly frillier than most girls would like but you just adore can I truthfully say I don't have a more sissy side?

Elsewhere I've battled with it, tried arguing against it, and yet it keeps coming back and what is wrong with someone seeing me as "a sissy" - just that individual and what really is my own issue with me?

I think it's time to accept that side of me and to say don't be afraid to call me what I am among many other things a "little sissy" in the same way many accept my needs for sp@nking and they can go together without straying into very much adult content territory.

1,300th post

Do you know something? This happens to be1300th post here at The Dorm which is quite a milestone (not a Millstone) in its history.

 Indeed it almost never really got started between pressures from my career and having an early version of a blogging tool that was used for more mainstream "big" posts  and if you really want to know the truth, actually I'd of much sooner just had this one cos it's everything about me.

When I say everything, I mean starting with having this very much childlike (but not childish) little girl side that has never gone away , enjoying the simpler things of life like dolls, teddies, engaging in children's games and interests.

It's taken me to different places, meeting some remarkable people who share the same side mixed in with their more groan up side all trying to balance both sides of themselves and sometimes with having partners too.

It's also the only blog that deals with an important side of my life quite openly, that I am transgendered and how that taps into issues from my own childhood, having an inner girl child and has lead to me presenting as that female both at home and increasingly in the presence of others, something that has helped me an awful lot.

Our community, the alg community, has supported in its own way, me in all of this.
In this blog I do talk from time to time about things such as music, books and anime which have been great interests of mine for a while but in a different way, more from how they tie into my past and the child within me which sometimes by accident has occurred elsewhere as ultimately I can only be me wherever I may post.

To mark the occasion of this 1,300th post we've taken a break as I was editing iD tags for some music files that were messed up before loading in the micro sd card. We all know that stuff often needs sorting.

The countdown before CatMas continues next week.

Downstairs girl

One first thing to say about this last week has been for a variety of reasons some routines have been different not that I'm kinda ocd over routine although I do benefit from some structure in my life which is why this post has been typed today when otherwise I'd of been busy.

The last few posts have been about interests of mine as I'm not exactly a one dimensional adult little girl by a long shot and things I had and enjoyed from my birthday rather than personal posts so I thought this last one of March would be different.

Birthdays do bring back memories not least around Mom and that's a part of what I'm looking back at this week.

Shared life is often a compromise whither you live as a couple or as individuals who maybe share a property and also this can and usually does cross over to relations with parents, relatives and so on. 

You may sense that some parts of your life not least for a good number of us being  a 'little' come under the heading things you can't share or be otherwise open with although there's nothing remotely shameful in it.

This is particularly so if like me you're also coming at this as being Tg too with a number of inter family issues around my being so following my greater involvement around alg activities I had been wondering more around working through this with Mommy.

We did manage to evolve to a point where it's finally okay to present as alg downstairs at night where just both of us are in (Grumpy has his own space upstairs he resides in then) as I feel fit, and she feels comfortable engaging with me sat in the front room being the same me as before for an hour or so. 

We did starting to bond better, I can openly call her Mommy - indeed even addressed birthday her card as that - which is helping both of us work through this having had our difficulties in the past around gender based issues.

Another issue is  the site Sp@nking Needs,a site for adults who feel the need for and those who did perform said services has ceased to be.

I joined in 2014 as it had a less fet1shly, more thoughtful feel to it that made it a great place to talk about those needs and some of my disciplinary issues that required some treatment which in time they did get.

It's a great pity such great sites seem to be going in an age of social media and ever shifting regulations as it was really safe.

bb

What is it all about?

 

Unlike some in the Community, I never coveted anything other than a younger image simply because I never felt it and that's quite apparent when it comes to things tomorrow where nothing grown up is taking place. 

All I wanted was the old-new childhood experience I didn't have at the time, to present in the ways I preferred, to play with and play more girl-like games while being to prepared to play a bit more "rough" with boys where I enjoyed what they were doing the odd time and be referred to as that girl, following here own interests rather than being told "No, you cannot do that cos it's only for girls".

So for me the arguments won for girls to play football ("Soccer"), do more physical things previously reserved for boys are things I hold with even if they were not part of the period I originally experienced and I see no reason why if I wish they cannot be part of my own Now.

There are some who think when we are together everything should be as it was but that is something I really cannot agree with.

Things moved on for a reason.

Thanks

Sometimes you end up looking at the past and with both this Covid-19 business an a few other issues on my mind  it's no that surprising I'd be looking at the comics I read as girl which as I wasn't well for a chunk of that time kept my spirits up.

 

Minnie The Minx as a favourite of mine in the era she'd be a minxing and Dennis really was the menace and like us they'd both pay for it in the end in this classic October 19th 1957 edition in a novel way.

It also references the popularity of Calypso music which was coming in after a decade of immigration from the West Indies to Great Britain.

Cartoon strips such as that I find have always helped lifting my spirits and also thanks for those who have send me their love recently.

What is a Girl?

I noticed more by accident the other week, something I talked about several years back was being discussed at a site with links back here so thought I'd write something about about it here a few years on.

Being a girl is...being how her feels in you, as it comes out of your own feelings as expressed by you in dress, interests and play.

In so far as being an adult little girl goes, it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship or not, if you have a sexual side in your life or the extent to which you are able to let this side of your life out at home or around your local area.

Being either transgendered or gender fluid/variant and of any and no sexuality does not make a  difference  to being and your ability to let the adult little girl you feel out so long as ...you feel Her in you.

There is no one model you have to confirm to.

You may prefer to dress more like a younger child or 'Baby' , a young child which may be dresses, dungerees or shorts or more Middlish looking Tween or young teen.

You might do more party or school type attire if that's you (I like sitting behind a desk in school attire doing exercises) depending on circumstances such as the ability to spend time with a few others.

You may have a Caregiver in your life. 

It really doesn't matter as little girl you is...You.

Some people do find their younger side may have a different gender presentation to their "Big" which may seem odd (and kinda threw me a few years back to be honest) but actually it's okay.

If that's you then please come presenting as that  Little Girl for the period - a little consistency during play helps - bring something with you and you know we'll share teddies, dollies and play even if your "Big" presents as male.

Those of us who aren't super frilly won't kill you if your presentation  goes out that way.
The only thing we aren't so keen on is people who take being a female, especially a little girl and project an overriding sexual side to it (We appreciate Adults often have a sexual side but that stay's in the bedroom and never at little girl playtime!).

It was my experiences elsewhere with "sissies" who tended to push a very full on sexual side linking femininity with subservience, ritual humiliation, who also by clearly linking being a girl as an insult, insulted our sense of being,  co-opting part of our identity for that whole "humiliated as a girl" thing rather than them being a girl if frankly they rather liked it even in short doses or enjoying their maleness if that was them, that troubled me.

Winter Littles Camp 2019

This week we go back about a week and a few days while I was away at the UK Littles Camp somewhere in the Midlands for a meet up that turned out a bit different than normal and not just because we were in a different location.

First off setting off on the Friday was chaotic in the extreme for damage near Norton Bridge that caused over 50 minute delays and cancellations on my train and on many others as it affected the whole West Coast Mainline between Scotland and London.
It was more by luck and following gut instinct I found a train within a few minutes to time although technically it too was delayed by over 50 minutes so arrived something like on time as I waited with a friend to pick up another person.

I like taking pictures so when I spotted this view nearby, I was rewarded with this lovely sunset scene that to me sums up Winter with the rolling hills in the background.
Arrival on Friday afternoon was made easier for it being roughly an hours drive from my friends as we went around the countryside and  through a  town  with walled gates that anyone familiar with this part of the Midlands would recognize.
We unpacked meeting Andi, Daisy and Suzy, putting the food we bought for the week away and had lamb shoulder steaks, mashed potato and greens while everyone else had various Indian foods ordered locally before making a bit of start on one of several jigsaws and I read a couple of comic annuals.

Saturday after getting up and helping set things up for breakfast, Miss Green had organized a cake and biscuit making cookery class where various biscuits and cakes were made in animal shapes such as Dinosaurs using moulds and a caterpillar  from swiss rolls covered in pink icing.
Fudge and I decided to make cupcakes - eighteen of them - using a commercial mix to which two eggs, a portion of margarine, milk and flour were added and whisked by hand before going in the oven.
Above is a few that were decorated with icing sugar, the shapes being cut out using a mould.
The midday meals were meat based salad buffets put together by Daisy and Suzy that were much appreciate with fries too.
Saturday saw Jillian's General knowledge quiz complete with pictures of famous stars in their earlier years you had to identify.
We had mainly fish and chips from a nearby chip shop (where else?) for our evening meal Caroline having places the order earlier  and being picked up just after the mad hour at the store.
It may of been had a little later than normal but I think the quality more than made up for it.
Sunday after going out was more a relaxing day and for tea we had various mainly steak based pies mashed potatoes and peas prepared by Miss Green with help from assorted others followed by  Sammy's home made Strawberry cheesecake having been made the day before was served which was delicious.

Across the days several jigsaw were done including a three dimensional Harry Potter one, one of Amsterdam and this one.
A number of people took advantage of this areas outstanding natural beauty - it has an official status to that effect - to go on walks.
Sunday night meant it was time for the "All purrpuss nekomimi Music Quiz" that was hosted by a certain Neko who has a lot to do with this blog that was run in four teams.
Amazingly there was draw so the Neko had to generate a tie-breaker that put Mr Paul's Tone Def's in the lead followed by the LKMFK's.
This was followed by Miss Green's reading of a farmyard story before bedtime, a ritual I very much like.

On the Monday, a good two cars worth of us walked two miles each way from a parking lot to visit the attractive  medieval market town of Ludlow which can be seen here with St. Laurence's church to the left with the castle, which we visited together with the towns market interacting with people.
Although I didn't make the very top, the Normans not really being into disability access, I did with assistance did get beyond ground level which was great for me personally.

This is Clun Castle that a number of us visited on Sunday as Fudge kindly offered take a few us with them which is more a relic of motte and bailey construction, quite a way up for which I did need a fair amount of assistance.
Monday afternoon was taken up with Alice's enjoyable Disney Princess treasure hunt that was staged in the place we stayed going up down a good number of stairs.
In the evening after the Chilli Con Carne that Karla and Caroline had made with cottage pie for one who cannot be doing with spices and rice that was delicious.

A couple of people left on the Monday due to work and related commitments but as unexpected we'd been allowed to stay an extra night and my train had been booked for midday when everyone had left by around ten am Tuesday, Miss Green and I went to the Shropshire Hills Discovery Centre to see the exhibit on the ice age Woolly Mammoths that were found at Condover, Shropshire in 1986/7 and how that part of Shropshire had changed over the centuries covering geography, history and agriculture to the present day.
It's interesting to note how this part of Shropshire played an important part in Great Britain and the significance of the Woolly Mammoth find.
This also included a film presentation in a mini film theatre with seating.
We went on to see the meadows plus a short walk that was accessed via the fire doors and returned where Miss Green enjoyed her cream tea and I had a choco pudding with cream all of which were sourced from local producers and made by hand in the pleasant cafe.
We then moved to a nearby rail station to catch my train straight home but not before seeing a freight train come through on platform one and arrive at the biggest and best rail station in the North-west Midlands, hopping into a taxi in minutes straight home.

Doing something like this doesn't take an ocean of organizing necessarily but does require a certain amount of planning and  co-operation which remarkably worked well even though unlike previous times there was no fixed rota with people just helping out as needed even if you were there to relax and enjoy being in little space.
Thanks to the various persons who bought, fixed and served food, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, put on events that made things so enjoyable plus thanks to Suzy for organizing and Miss Green and Andi for finding and checking out the place.
As remarked upon in the main text, this time people really went beyond four walls in large numbers enjoying what the area around where we stayed had to offer both in ones and twos and even going as a group out, carpooling as necessary enjoying that time.
If coming to this place can have that effect, let me say this plain: Unless there's a good reason not to, let's return for another Winter because that wasn't just healthier for being outdoors, it brought people more together. This is what I feel we needed.
From a personal point of view this was easily the most rewarding Camp for not just being out but also for doing more challenging things such as getting about Clun Castle and walking to Ludlow and back being helped along the way.
It may of been difficult but your help doing this was so rewarding so to those who literally pulled me up and along helping me to do things I hadn't managed before many many thanks cos you can't know what that feels like.
Roll on Summer Camp.

Thoughts from Summer LG Camp Dorm

Sometimes this blog is more in sequence with its parent middles/littles slice of life one and there times when it's not but this is the Dorm side of Summer Littles Camp 2017, the account of my six days away so is best read in conjunction with it.
One of things around the main event of that period is because we just pay for venue as 'self catering' everything that we need we have to organize and to large extent make ourselves unlike say staying a hotel complex which both keeps the price reasonable and gives total exclusive access to the building and very secluded grounds so we can for that period be ourselves with our partners, caregivers and others as littles very openly.
To that end we have a chore list to which everyone including one Joanne has to keep to unless there are truly mitigating circumstances why you cannot do your stint to help ensure everybody pulls their weight, so for example on two occasions I set up for a dinner and one evening meal although the fall I sustained from the Sports Day activity meant I didn't do the other of two allocated evening meal setting ups and set up for breakfast.
In twenty-seventeen then Jo did not just accept someone covering for her one missed chore, thanking them but made up what she did not do with no fuss or prompting.
Equally when as it was getting toward time for our midday meal during the second arts and crafts session, with people drifting away although I was in pain with my aching back, I stopped behind helping the organizer everything up tidy up.

Having been verbally thanked for helping with that being told I was a good girl for being prepared to do this, I was presented with a stick on badge (pictured) for it.
In a similar vein I helped with the unloading, collecting together when we left  and unloading on return of the many things including sports equipment that made Sports Day possible for the person who looked  after me..
My attitudes and behaviour with them was very good  which can be shown by thinks like helping in making our meal on arrival, washing up, satisfactory setting a table when we arrived and I was tired and in discomfort including making the soft drinks for when they returned with our fish and chips.
I only needed a few brisk hand spankings for inattentiveness without good reason over my underwear just to sharpen me up the odd time which is extremely good as attitude and behaviour goes.
The Jo in twenty-seventeen is different from back in twenty-fourteen, that I think is the thing that is most apparent because that what I turned an deaf ear to whilst expecting to be told to help is becoming more the one who offers or even just does things without being asked.
It is because people have cared enough to reset what they expect from me that is within my abilities as painfully obviously limited as they are to much higher standards and to hold firm to them. It also has a lot to do with their preparedness to take me in my very child-like but adult form and spank me without fail when I fell short, letting myself and them down because it has made big improvement  since they started that and I feel more proud what I am becoming because it.

Post 600

I mentioned  a short while back at various places we were approaching the 600th post of this blog which by coincidence was just over a year and a week back and I was thinking about doing something a bit special.
Well other things intervened altering the posts between as well as the frequency a bit for good measure not least being very unwell recently and during that period I thought about some of things and people that matter  the most to me.
The first thing is there's a person who I've only known for a few years and due to distance I only see from time to time who in their own way has been such a inspiration and source of reassurance at times even though they themselves have had their own difficulties some of which we do have in common.
They've encouraged me to be more open about myself, who I am, what interests me with other people, to feel comfortable doing arts stuff like drawing which I've always had hang ups with just for the fun of it and above all just accepts me as I am.
The year has been hard for us both following the death of our (and probably for a good number of you, yours too) close friend where we've both been supporting each other  and both of us have been supported by others which has been a great source of comfort.
You're a star.
Then there are other people such as those that have given me a home from home where I can just relax with my mind free from some of the stuff that gets on top of me here, enjoying a meal and like minded company together.
Which if on it's own is something I'd be thankful for but you go much further than that, you look after me, not in a super fussy way but more an observing the scene and responding way, knowing that if I'm giving signs of been tired (and I tire easy) you'll get me to where I need to be, bed, in  suitably child-like way that leaves me feeling relaxed and very little.
Then there people who help me deal with some of baggage from the past because a number of my responses to situations has tripped me up, not just say from not doing something important but also making it harder for me  fit in cos I do things that can conflict with everyday norms, a good number of which I never really learned and was never expected to take any account of.
Sometimes because of some very bad encounters I had, I'd disengage first to avoid situations that had distressed me rather than mastering them.
Instead you've had higher expectations starting from the outset that I was to at least try to do what everyone else was expected to even if I needed a close eye on me and when I didn't you were prepared to follow through with appropriate child-like discipline to help me change.
A lot of people in a way gave up on me thinking I couldn't be given a second shot at getting this right but they didn't. Rather than feeling I could only mess up, they helped me replace it with a feeling I could get it right and if I messed up once, the by learning the right lesson, I get it right the next time.
For once I started to begin to look forward to social encounters knowing I'd be helped by firm, loving and caring people to handle them so I could enjoy my time with people more (and hopefully they'd feel the same).
And that does wonders for my self confidence.
In so many ways then  these things are the things that matter and have mattered so much to me over the last 100 odd posts here, the gifts that are priceless and to whom I am most thankful for.
**Thank You**

Pinafore dresses II

This post goes back to December 7th, 2008 where I talked about what I loved about Pinafore dresses as a style and in particular what that meant to me so I wasn't really sure if a sequel was really called for but seeing that it was a very popular entry on this blog, in a way you dear readers have settled it.
You see I actually wore one at the Littles Party for two days no less and it confirmed much of what I wrote back then.

The first thing to say is I found wearing it extremely comfortable, with plenty of movement in the shoulders and arms which I quite enjoyed.
Also I did wear actual blouses with it which wasn't my original plan but it worked out fine, finding the dressing experience which is something I do find difficult in real life (not that anything in my life isn't) quite easy, getting myself in it and zipping myself up.
As was said by persons whose names I won't mention, actually it does really suit me going on my frame very well and they weren't flattering me as I have to say they were absolutely right about that.
I look as if I belong in them.

It's obvious then that I now know what works so with that, I shall be wearing more pinafore dresses in the future including a black one just like this with a pocket and I will be getting some more white blouses as they just look right under them as that also ties in with more girlization of the wardrobe as nearly everything else is apart from a couple of pairs of trousers regardless of what may happen in the future.
They are me.

The LB years - LB into LG ageplaying and adult girlhood

This whole blog like its other has a Core Memory that simply cannot be expunged from me, my past and my life,  being  positioned as a boy socially growing up, and how that links to my expression today as little, the little girl I was but was mispositioned, the boy form she had to be presented as and in the little girl form I express myself - as an adult little girl.

For me what I learned was regression started early as I always felt much younger and by the onset of teens clearly wasn't one and from time to time I would try dressing as a more junior boy although as time moved ontrying to live with a suppressed girl and wanting my Junior life enveloped in by got messy.
On truth though, the only real difference was the wrapper, I felt like a girl dressed as a boy just give a boys name and with people looking for boy expectations from me although I was more at one with the Tomboys than missing forests of lace and frills.

Really the girl in the other wrapper, a traditional pinafore dress, is the realized me taken out her shorts and boy uniform and put in the Girls but it is the same me, same attitudes and critically carrying the same core memories.
The Little Boy life I had IS the life the Little Girl had and experienced
 When it comes to ageplay then, I show my little side in girl presentation although the little side that comes out is from that dressed as a boy past.

The spanking I had positioned and dressed as a boy, with my shorts and underwear taken down

Is the same as I have now dressed in girls attire with my dress pulled up and my knickers taken down for the exact same reasons.
School based role play is something that was always on my mind and if I'd of not been  transgendered would I of done school based role play with caning, like I was brought up with?

Yes!

And would I accept today role playing school girl dressed me being bent over and caned across my knickers?
Yes!
Because it's all the same and the corporal punishment I received  from those adults like Teachers helped me and it's that I so want back in my life as a little even though rather than wearing the shorts I wear a dress (or a pleated school skirt) now