Sense of place

One of the starting points of where things went wrong for me was really in what you might call my sense of place in the scheme of things when I was much younger.
In my scheme of things I was an exact equal of everybody around me including my parents, teachers and other authority figures having the same power and authority as them, muscling in on activities and conversations.
They could not as far as I was concerned deny me that and it had to be and more times than not even my parents would not so any delineation was not policed I could say just 'borrow' something from them without asking and as it would happen something might be damaged, then they'd shrug their shoulder at the 'accident' rather than getting on to me about what I was even doing having it without asking first.
I wasn't a child in their relationships and I didn't see me as one.

 They needed to pull me up, reminding me they and they alone were my authority figures and I was subject to their authority being expected to conform, disciplining me strictly when I did not  so I learned this and how that also applied to other sources of authority.
I needed to be taught who I was.

Tinker Bell and online games

I just adore Tinkerbell

Tinkerbell also abbreviated to Tink, is a fictional character from J. M. Barrie's 1904 play Peter Pan and its 1911 novelization Peter and Wendy. She has appeared in many film and television adaptations of the Peter Pan stories, being particularly associated with the 1953 animated Walt Disney picture Peter Pan. 

She also appears in the official sequel Peter Pan in Scarlet by Geraldine McCaughrean and commissioned by Great Ormond St Hospital as well as the "Peter and the Starcatchers" book series by Ridley Pearson and Dave Barry.

I love simple games that can be played on line and one place I love visiting is Best Dolls Games.com who have lots games from matching up games to dressing up games where you pick out various outfits and accessories for your character.
It's very addictive and makes me feel so happy playing.

bestdollgames.

Being a little

There's a very big part of me that remains a soft girl who loves being surrounded by her plushies wearing the sort of clothes and fashions more akin to young girls.
A day with the dress up box is something I'd lap up.

Childhood incidents

 

You really want to know what I did?

Hmm.. Deliberate destruction of a classmates toy at school aged 10 in the school cloak room cos I didn't think he should have it.

Period of 6 months harassing a fellow student at 14 involving threats to fight and knock over him and his wheelchair  and cos he was small, physical weak and I quite liked the power. I only stopped cos I got bored with it. He said nothing, so nothing happened, although others knew all about it.

Stole from school bus assistant. 

 Spending two years doing next to nothing in class and failing subject exams by not revising for good measure. Just told by folks they were disappointed in me so smirked when their backs were turned.

I'm not proud of any of it but there's something that needed to happen back then.

The thing was a Spanking because I evaded many school punishments by intimidation and lying plus home life was very disruptive with the usual preference just to say "We're disappointed" which was simply pathetic given the severity of these incidents.

It failed to prepare me for adulthood and all the responsibilities it brings.

Decluttering Jo

To get past many of my problems we need to declutter everything around me like my bedroom to reduce to just that the bedroom of a girl minus any techno stuff and even say a tv so I have a room where there is just my bed, my girlish clothes and maybe a table to study to focus on.
Distractions are in general a bad problem with me, I could stay up watching tv all night and although my computer is a big tower thing downstairs if it was one of the increasingly popular Laptop Computers, if it was in my room  I seriously doubt if I could leave it alone.

What is a Middle

I am what is commonly called in the wider age-play and related World as Middle with a little side which means in everyday terms I have the sort of Headspace, emotions and thoughts more in common with actual children and for me it's more around 12 ish.
In general terms Littles and Middles notwithstanding what they need to do studying or at work, pursue hobbies and interests that  are routed very much in their own experiences in 'childhood'  coming from their 'Inner Child' often with the same intensity and passion that you'd think it was that' child' playing.
Sometimes you may play, draw or maybe colour by yourself or you may meet with others who share the same sense of being 'forever a child' in that sense be it around peoples own homes or by meeting up at venues which are often discrete as unfortunately sometimes families and employers getting completely the wrong idea either disown you or find some reason to fire you not least in some 'sensitive' posts and that's before we bring in the Tabloid press.
For some it begins and ends with just 'the play' for others it may extend into dressing more like the age of the 'child within' while do so with say dresses that wouldn't be far removed  from that of a young girl at a party or play clothes like dungarees or for some of us school wear (and in the UK at least school wear is very much associated with childhood in the form of formal uniforms).
I have a blog which is around this aspect of being a middle while this is really more centred around my emotions and behaviour, how that taps into parent style oversight and what I see as the need for the spankies of my Junior years to return in this whole age-play little/middles life of mine.

Socializing issues

It's an interesting proposition as someone who does struggle with regular socializing because I find it doesn't take much to take me into sensory overload where because I can't cope with the level of emotional input, in effect I shut down.
I do find the level of drama such as you have in offices resembling in some ways school groups and also online communities troublesome and if I don't detach I soon lash out at people where my developmental disabilities soon reveal themselves.