Ruffles

There was a time when I kept battling around wearing something like this dress which would of been some eight years or so ago. Part of it was I saw anything frilled or ruffled as being connected to the subculture "Sissydom" and in particular the whole push on humiliation of males 'forced' so-called  although in truth most were 'gagging for it' and how people in that community expected me to really seedy for just sharing the odd thing in common.
It's taken time and being with girls to just see wearing something like this rather than the kind of 'adult' wear as something I could do, just a part of being an everyday innocent girl far removed from the past.

Frozen colouring

On a bright sunny not as warm as it was yesterday morning I went in to town, which is almost a history trip in  itself in our district and ventured into the local branch of McColls, the newsstore group in Cheshire passing the weekly outdoor market with the fashion and fruit stores with the store holders engaged in sales patter.

Well with some of my up and down emotions of late I felt the need  to have something to do  that would be enjoyable so I picked up this  Frozen colouring book I could work through armed with my stack of coloured pencils.
I so need this.

Self control

This, I feel contains quite a lot the truth for me personally and maybe a good number of you too. For all my real life problems and disabilities, I do have enough control over my thoughts and actions to exercise appropriate choices but I don’t and that put simply is why disciplining me makes sense. It’s to move me toward doing what I’m capable of.

Easter Monday

On the nom here as you'd kind of expect for an Easter Monday having finished one set of my chores off for today, breaking into an egg with aid of a knife. Before now I've just bashed my way into it with a spoon but I felt like, you know, being a bit neater.
I'm feeling better in myself compared to the last ten days or so where I've struggled to feel like logging into certain sites we know and taking part in much of the activity never mind chat so I'd like to thank everyone not least LKM for trying to support me through this period as events have hit harder and deeper than perhaps might of been expected.
I'm just getting a few things together ready to visit a couple of friends tomorrow between finishing off tasks for a few days having been tearing my hair out yesterday when I mislaid a card only to find it between two Wellington boots!
It's crazy ol' World, eh?

Deminished roles

You know, there's a part of this that would of raised an eyebrow in the recent past and it isn't this whole idea of a Caregiver or mentor in my life or even that I'm a little which truthfully I've been for decades.
It's that part of my presenting to adults now in this evolving set of relationship is that I'm to dress very much like a girl while being addressed and treated as their child and that is emphasized still by them dressing as adults and using more obviously grown up mannerisms.
It isn't that I don't have a say it's more my role has  changed, there are now conversations that aren't for me and I am not an equal  anymore because they are in effect my parents,  to whom I am to obey and respect as part of this process of helping  me grow up.
This process may be hard going it but it will help me to grow up and be a stronger person.

Coping with change

This was an unexpected randomly thought out blog entry that came crashing to me this afternoon so do bear with any typos or quirkier than usual grammar.

 
So it's hardly a surprise we become accustomed to the idea that everything will remain 'just so' which to be honest is one thing I sure loved when I was younger, the whole certainty with its sense of well-being from repeating that pattern week after week.

 
Every so often though, something comes along and knocks it over. You feel lost if not numb and bewildered too as it seemed to going along so well.
It is okay to feel that way, sad things happen, we hurt and a good number of us are hurting right now. 

 
I can't speak for all of you but things often seem to go in cycles and my last lot of cycles have seen me  do different things, learn and improve on skills that I've struggled with, form new and more helpful friendships and understand more about myself and others too.

 
All those things can and are helping me deal with this because they've given not only ears to listen and understand how I may feel but also the strength to carry on when I just feel like lying there crying (and I know that feeling so well).

 
You know, those we miss so much would never of wanted us to stay like that forever and you might imagine this friendly nudge coming out urging you on, reminding you can start again, even if we find it hard.

 
Personally, I feel it's helpful to think about those things that I have reason to be thankful for over the years from the situations that just appeared from nowhere and to which I had no real plan for. 

 
Just thinking about it, my life has changed quite a lot in the last ten years for the better and much of that isn't down to some super medical recovery on my part but more because I've been working on dealing with more how it's handed out to me, making the most of it smiling even through some of the Meh moments.

 
It is easy to get into a cycle of beating yourself up when things aren't going to plan, thinking we are useless (been there and done it) or feeling guilty over things that maybe we didn't have that much of a say over but I'm going to try to get on with life the best I can from now on.

 
That's a much of lesson from my childhood that I can use today and maybe it's of some use to you.

Medicine for behaviour

What has been prescribed for me and appears to be working....