Christmas

Happy Boxing day people.
As is normal for someone like me I still get children's presents and Mommy bought me this years Beano annual

Nausicaa-Of The Valley Of The Wind

This anime was the second animated feature by director Hayao Miyazaki and for it he chose to adapt his own best selling manga whose huge success in Japan help launch Studio Ghibi and this anime bears all the hallmarks that its output over the years  features in its successes, namely magical kingdoms,great characters and stunning animation.
The story is routed in the past, a thousand years ago after a big war where a seaside kingdom known as the Valley of the Wind is one of the few areas that remain populated.
The people of the Valley, lead by the courageous Princess Nasusicaa are engaged in a constant battle with the Ohmu, a most powerful group of insects who are guarding a poisonous jungle that is spreading across the Earth.
In the anime, we see Princess Nausicaa  and her brave companions working with the people of the Valley, striving to restore the bond between humanity and the earth.
One of the most important messages in it I feel is that as people we need to work alongside nature  for our own well-being.

Edited 2017 for blu ray pix.

Childhood Fiction

Part of this whole adult still  a child side of me involves reading  often things about or even from  my childhood.

The What Katy Did trilogy  by Susan Coolridge  I originally read but never owned as a child having more of Enid Blyton's novels but a good few years back I bought the 1989 World Distributors editions together with Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.
I hope to read more.

Amanda's New School

This is a paperback I've had from my schooldays that I've always had a soft spot for although it is an update of the 1932 original Nesta's New School story.

The outline of the story is Amanda's wealthy adoptive mother dies, and she goes to live with her birth mother and her sister Alice. After a privileged childhood, she has to adjust to a middle class school as well as a new family.
This sort of theme is one I've always adored being less about midnight escapes and epic escapes than many school stories for girls and rather more on the character of the girls such as Amanda being of more practical import for girls such as I with things we have to overcome and adapting to changed circumstances.

Thanks

Sometimes you heave to go backwards to go forward in being the best you you can wither or not it's really more like last week and being retaught  your behaviour and standards or it's really about finding who you really are after years of people pleasing.

People tried to push me down a level of presenting that had others assume I was a fully mature young lady when in reality my head was hardly just in its teens and my interests while sometimes crossing over were coming more from that of a young child- a girl who still badly needed guidance and the space to play.

I had less need for lifestyle magazines never mind political publications and the like and really rather more for comics with short stories, jokes and playthings like dollies to be encouraged to get involved when we had visits leaving the real grown ups to have their own conversations.

I'd like to this opportunity to thank everyone at GT,G.I,  IK,DDlg and FA for your concern following recent events and how they have left me feeling, be they comments in chat, on posts or face to face.

I was  pleasantly surprised to read one blog entry that addressed that topic of balancing your little and big lives an individual was facing that had a direct quote from  me upon my return after a few days so thanks Jake for that.

I'm slowly de-stressing and beginning to think more around how get to where I feel most comfortable and resolving some longstanding issues that compound if not of themselves create them.
Thanks again,
Jo
x

Drifting back in time an some

Autumn has ended so thoughts go very much towards the Big Event of Winter, Christmas and the countdown for it in a couple of weeks time having gotten over all the Bonfire night stuff earlier on this month.

Perhaps it's not so surprising your mind drifts away from what it should of been concentrating on perhaps getting cocky and lippy into the bargain with it 

It's hardly surprising given my own gender past there's a big chunk of me that both feels being in a more junior role treated as a child of my era was dressed in pinafore dresses and even being in some sort of school would suit me.

A hand spanking followed by the cane for "childhood offences" while in that role leaving me tearful would over time help better train me.

Maybe it'll all happen one day.

Team Games

One sport I liked at school was Netball

Going on with the ball under pursuit.

 She goes to score!

 Ready to throw the ball!

I love ball games running around as part of a team.

School corner time

 

I wasn't always a good girl when I was young, truthfully its where much of this started, and I can recall the times where apart from being smacked in front of the class, afterwards I was made to kneel facing the wall where dried rice had been applied.

I looked very much like this by the time I'd done that corner time, very sore with indentations on my knees.

Footwear in the past

There are bits about my my early school days that stick out.

 One is that all the girls had white socks usually knee length on as in that era the idea of a school girl in trousers would of been unthinkable as their parenst were only starting to demand the right to wear pants in the workplace.
The other was the 'classic' T bar shoe with a  buckle fastening as girls shoes didn't have laces except say plimsoles.

Scouting and me II

Following on from last weeks post where we talked about what might of happened had I of been able to join the Brownies as a young child there is no need to think similar experiences ought not happen today in this forward in the past life.

 We could make me into a home packed Girl Guide, buying me a uniform and set tasks similar to the current program to work towards both at home and outside discretely setting an one hour home session during the week to attend.

It was the case in my original childhood era that Girl Guides and Boy Scouts could be spanked by the person in charge of the pack apart from obviously your parents if they heard bad reports about you while on activities.

So on the face of it there is no reason within a home pack Girl Guide setting as an adult little while engage in those activities I shouldn't be given a spanking if back then that was what would of happened, kept purely to childhood means such as the slipper or strap.

While you were at it you'd remind me of my promise as a Girl Guide and how my attitude and behaviour crossed it to help get the message in.

This really could be a great thing for me teaching me new skills including life skills and good opportunity to correct my previous path.

Scouting and me

The one organization I'd love to have joined when I was a chronological child would of been the Brownies, the younger side of Girl Scouting but it was never to be. In fact my folks never enrolled me to any part of the World-wide Scouting movement which was a pity for although I have disabilities it wouldn't of been hard for them to accommodated me (and I'm sure if asked nicely they'd of been happy too).
This is the Brownie uniform I'd of been proud to have worn, learning more about self-reliance, serving others and improving my poor confidence at the time.

Taking the promise, one I'd of been happy to made in 1972 as I had no problem uphold the principals and pledging my allegiance.

Here's a 70's vintage uniform with  badges but can you see that oh so  1970's smiley face yellow badge. I used to have loads of them then!

Taking care of business

Sleepy-byes

This really is sort of way I make any room when I go away on vacation really mine by adding a least a plushie or two and say a flower. I do prefer though to have more books, plushies and playthings in a room as it does feel really to spartan for me, preferring more the feel of a childs bedroom which is me really.
I really don't care that much about having a tv so long as there's a room in the house I can watch tv shows on.

Flashback to the seventies

This was more the sorts of fashions for girls I recall from the early nineteen-seventies that remains an influence on me.

Girlish annuals

When I grew up, I had annuals like this, that Gran bought me as she only wanted me to happy doing and reading what I liked:

She also bought me more girl centred comics too as well as teaching me how to bake cakes and playing games with me.

and their annuals like this:

She help to mould this girl into who she became and is much missed.

Up, awake and socializing

It's true I have a somewhat relaxed approach when it comes to some daily routines compared to others and this might be connected with being more child-like.

This could of easily of been a weekend on a school vacation just casually lounging having gotten up fixing a quick breakfast socializing and I did read in my teens while doing this although my folks were really fussy-strict about getting fully dressed when you were awake  and never wearing your pj's when you're up.
I am sometimes unthinking when it comes where I rest my feet and that so sometimes I feel I could use a bit of "Feet off the table" grown up authority.

Card games

Well when I was young I loved playing cards either with my school friends in the Dorm or when at my Nans usually if Mom was busy away someplace for the day or so.
We played shape games  using Snap and similar games or games like Top Trumps where you have facts on the reverse and you trade information around subjects like travel, cars or sports such as Soccer.
It was fun!
Recently I got some new cards to replace those I lost from my youth trough thinks like Mom's saying you don't need 'em anymore or cos I was ill and Mom was concerned in case they had Germs on them.
As you'll see there's a common theme running through them yes that cat Hello Kitty and her friends as I'm sure if Nan were alive she'd of bought these to play with me loving cute stuff like me.
First pictured is the Hello Kitty Travels top trumps set that can join my 'vintage' Top trumps sets and then some ordinary cards made by Waddington's that have Kitty on around by the hearts, ace of diamonds etc. Last one is the HK twist on the British classic Whot!

Souvenir

I went away this week and by way of souvenir, here is a picture of where I stayed.

 As you can tell it was very sunny indeed with all the flower in full bloom in the guesthouse gardens which is something I enjoyed waking up and rushing downstairs to sit out in in the morning. I'd always pack some short sleeved  t shirts and pull on skirts to put over my swimsuit as well as hardier clothing for walking and something more formal foe evening dinner with fellow guests.

A trip to the outfitters

It's the bestest thing for me to be put in

Presentations

Dressing me as a school girl makes a lot of sense as I am so very child-like on the inside, it's what I feel like most days not relating to you as a adult.

Things from the past are in the present

One thing that is in life as an adult but child for me is spanking which is something I do consent to as it helps better regulate my emotions and also helps with keeping attention which I am poor with apart from forever saying "don't want to" to reasonable requests.

Things that are also around are comics around the lives of fictitious school girls and their adventures reflecting the life we are reentering.
 

The Head Girl at the Gables

Today I'm going to talk about another book of mine that I've had for a very long time and this copy dates to 1971.

It's a story about a girl called Lorraine who wasn't thought of being Head Girl material by all her peers at The Gables, their school being rather quiet and withdrawn, scarcely one of the schools personalities.
The Headmistress, Miss Kingsley has altogether different thoughts so she's appointed but from the get go, a hard struggle for Lorraine to win the girls over begins. She decides to organize a School Show, finding a new ally in artistically minded Claudia, taking command in a most surprising effective way.
She finds a newly discovered talent for painting as part of her school life which leads to the unmasking of a dangerous spy ring.

Schoolgirl

As a person with a LG age of 12 this is close to how I see myself just perhaps a year or two younger in full school girl uniform right down to the socks and shoes although I do wear tights sometimes as do many contemporary British schoolgirls.
Although I don't actually own an 'over sized' uniform, the way I dress is based loosely around this but from ranges that fit my size and worn in the same sort of way.
I'd like everyone to treat me as child within I am.

Third base!

It's that time of year and I love wearing short skirts so this Honeybee Games type skirt the sort we all used to wear for PE is just great with Tshirts.
Nicely finished I could just fancy a game of Hockey and maybe Rounders over afternoon tea.

Holiday Report

I visited the Snowdonia national park, in Wales recently as I had been experiencing a lot of stress and it was having a serious effect on my mental wellbeing.
I was greeted by exceptional hot, sunny weather affording superb views of Mount Snowdon and the isolated moorlands surrounding it.
The lambs were all out in the fields young and old some having a chew of the grass, others sheltering in the shade of nearby hedges, walls and trees.
A few had the bright idea of exploring the human domain of the narrow roads and we needed to slow down to allow them to cross back into the fields.
I liked the solitude up there but I’m not sure the idea of being literally miles way from the nearest market town would really do for me which I guess is a reflection of my urban upbringing.
Betws–y-coed is a place I like to stop off at as here are good range of shops and spectacular waterfalls. There are a lot woodlands in the area and I took a lot photos – on my ageing Olympus OM10 of the trees, sometimes lying underneath the branches to get the viewpoint I wished to capture.
Llandudno: It remains a largely unspoilt Victorian seaside resort with excellent shopping facilities. The Theatre is really good and many amateur choral performances are hold during the summer season in local churches. On Tuesday there was a Brass Band concert taking place, appropriately enough, on the Bandstand along the promenade. The players were really good – I’m no great fan of Brass Bands but the musicianship couldn’t be faulted.
Bangor: I visit here a lot, being a University town with bookshops, a record store and some good Pubs that serve meals.
Things that didn’t go as they should: I days filming got wasted as a Fuji film become tight and tore whilst rewinding it out of the camera – we came close a to a two inch dent being added to the guest house waste paper bin!!!

Jennings

I went for part of my childhood to a boarding school where of necessity all your relationships with teachers, care staff and class mates  are very different plus to a very large extent you're living by someones rules wearing a uniform all day with no chance of a change.

While there I read the Jennings series of book based upon the adventures  of two friends at prep boarding school called Jennings and Darbishire which made sense as  was in similar situation and we too had our adventures that seemed incomprehensible to those who were responsible for our welfare on the grounds. 

There remains a very large part of my that would enjoy a return to boarding school and I was fortunate to spend 6 months in a residential college where I could go back to being the boarding school kid with informal dorm parties and all the little intrigues.

Trans

Imagine one day you were strolling along  having had some serious doubts about your life and this conversation started.

I could of given that answer having been wearing off and on female clothing since the age of 8, raiding the clothes in the wash and stuff due to go to refuse. That's because it's how I see me. Simples.

Well, I am a magical girl through that transformation.
I have always considered myself to be transgendered from the get go with many significant grown ups seeing the girl in me. Because of the effects from this mis-mash of male body (and expectations) and female self image my behaviour was somewhat effected having issues with self confidence, attempted self harm and near enough a nervous breakdown, I was under a psychologist for a period who picked up on my transgenderedness (though they didn't use that word then) but my folks can't accept this.

Following a periodic outbreak of cross dressing in adulthood, I resolved five years ago to do so on a daily basis because it was me and I felt I was beginning to understand the real me.

I am proud to be what I am. 

Keep working

I do better where there's a clear understanding of who is in charge, what the rules are and instant consequences.

Taking care of your appearence

I have always felt there is a good deal of merit in the notion that taking care in appearances often leads to a more disciplined approach in other areas of your life such as learning and being conscientious.
A good deal of that comes from my own recollection from being at schools that had uniforms that we were expected to wear correctly at all times and to whom we were taken to task for when we did not such as fastening our buttons or ties correctly.
Although I struggled and still do with both I knew enough to ask for the help I needed to ensure I was properly dressed and so was not exempted from what every other child learned, which it has to be said was only right.
This is a part of reason as a adult-child regressor I do wear a uniform beyond just mentally taking me back in time to the childhood that mentally I am unable to progress much from.

Chobits and Interests

I liked this anime for a long time dealing as it does with technology and that age old question if you could fall in love with a robot in this case a persocom (personal computer in an human looking form) called Chi.

Unfortunately the first dvd set of it got from Ebay I discovered was a fake. It had been made on a computer from a official dvd issue but they had radically reduced the picture quality in an attempt to squeeze 12 episodes on a single sided one layer disc! The discs had inkjet printed labels and no case.

In total the used just three discs for the whole set!!!

Normally a PAL disc can take upt to 6 episodes on a dual layers.

Recently I have replaced it with the US official 4 dvd NTSC set  issued reissued and remastered which looks much better.

 

 

Winnie The Pooh stickarounds

GBP £10.99

UK stockist: Children's Rooms

Other products available include linen, photo frames and Twin Bell Alarm Clock.

Winnie The Pooh Stikarounds at Children's Rooms

P.s I got my new Gilberts netball skirt today!

Animal friends

Many of us have our first exposure to animals as children.
We may be taken to see ponies, to a working farm or even a zoo - in my case we had school trips to the Zoo most years actually that we went on a charted bus on together with our sandwiches and pop.
Still more of us had our own animals such as rabbits, cats and dogs that we shared our time with and maybe it was the first taste of responsibility we had taking the dog for it's daily work, feeding the rabbit carrots or sorting out the litter try of your cat.
In fact I had all three although not at once although the dog went a bit funny in the brain department and sadly had to go.
I think our having exposure to animals is a force for good, don't you? 

Childhood co-operation

 When I think back to my days at Junior School, it is images like this that go through my mind, the time we spent out of doors not just playing although that was fun but also of our trips out to various places where we went to learn things although our teachers cared enough to build in some play time and treats to keep our interests up.
Inevitably we were in teams usually one boy paired up to a girl having to co-operate as the reality of those days was and in many still is of rigid gender lines not so much by school design but more from within the classes you were in themselves so we did learn more about each other and while we lack the language for it, each others assumed gender roles and identity.
I passionately believe in the idea that boys and girls need to value each other and their own identities in a more co-operative and less gender denying way than the tendency to make it very much girls versus boys every time.
That as a transgendered child and now adult  I feel would be in our best interests too.

Acceptance of control as an adult but child

The world and us can be different and what some of us are looking for is really a cross between old school authoritarian parenting and benevolent mistress to set the direction for us rather than trying to figure a way by ourselves.

We are desiring a instilling of your ideas and moulding to help us be the best us we can given we're clueless about how we see the world and the world sees us.

I'd like that person to work on getting me to presenting in more overly feminine ways bringing out the frills to go with dollies I can be playing more with rather than getting super obsessed with the groan up world and super anxious

Because I am not an adult developmentally  I need a adult parental character in charge to keep me on track and provide the no-nonsense discipline I need in my life which is why they keep the tools at hand to help me behave myself. 

Corner time for Jo

Childhood

 

My childhood wasn't particularly easy having physical disabilities that made it  difficult to walk smoothly without falling over, problems with reading, writing and speaking  and then their was the whole girl caught in a boys body problem which really wracked me off cos it just wasn't me knowing who I was.Some of my teachers did understand a little of how I felt but most didn't and indeed I had an absolute brute of a male teacher with homophobic attitudes against poofs and sissies tearing them to pieces  in front of the whole class.
In addition my family life was disturbed with relationship issues, arguments threats to call the police in to do with my dad and mom. Some say kids don't want their folks to split up but  honestly I have to say I did. I wanted a forever end to it all.

The luckiest girl in the school with Girls of Saint Cyprians

Hello there. It's Joanne again and today I'm going to talk about something that's a part of being my age regressed self and a part of my actual childhood, reading and the girls stories we had at school.

Stories about the fictional lives of schoolgirls were very much what we read of not least for being having the kind of situations in them we could oh so readilly identify with and although these were set in the early Twentieth century, there was less difference between our lives and theirs as perhaps is the case today.
The Girls of St, Cyprians story is centred around a local inter school annual competition called the "Alliance" and is about Mildred Lancaster an orphaned Fifth former who has an inherited talent for the violin but is disappointed to find  she isn't chosen to represent the school in the Music section of the competition due to her day dreaming.
In order to fulfil her dreams for her future she needs to make a decision and to learn a lesson

The luck the Luckiest Girl in the School refers to is the luck one Winona has following feeling out of her depth, getting low marks with her teachers accusing of her of laziness. This would be odd as the mysteries of Geometry and Latin keep her glued to her books well into the night.
She realizes the dreadful truth-that she's an impostor in the School-and her days at Seaton High School, won on a scholarship are over. She becomes indeed the Luckiest Girl in the School.

These copies are my original Armada paperback editions from Nineteen Sixty-nine so there is a little wear as you'd expect being read as a child and surviving the big wooden toy box when we moved.