Happy Halloween

Yes's it's that day in the year where the ghouls all come out and I stock up on candy to dole out.
Happy Halloween people!

Some of us can't get enough Fairy Tail!

Sorting me out

 

I don't like tattoos much but this is so much not just the kind of bedroom I just love with it's children's furniture, care bear plushies and posters but also of being in a very young girl gingham dress, braided and bowed as an adult little.

I was never really intended to be a grown up.

Guilty secrets.

We might begin by saying according to Google, I have now 14 followers of this blog and it is going to circulated a bit more widely with a short introductory message.
For most of this week I've been reading a mixture of Enid Blyton's Secrets series with the first two stories in their 1960's paperback editions as modern editions haven't so much edited as partially re-written the first chapters that are essential to understand why 4 children would runway in this period from their guardians.

Guilty secret time:

Okay, the eagle eyed will spot a modern no-no on the front cover of this, one of the original three story collections in the Amelia Jane stories.
Amelia is a home made ragdoll who lives in the toybox with the other twos of the children who own them with a teddy bear, sailor boy, wooden mouse and a clown as well as a 'golly' a black faced doll if you grew up in the 70's or before you may well have had in your toybox.
I have fond memories of my toy box I can assure you with dolls teddy bears and even a golly (eek).
Amelia being home made hasn't been what we'd call socialized and so is gets very bored doing incredibly naughty damaging things, playing with matches, being very rude and spiteful, just like many young children, something that no doubt makes it very easy to identify with.In some respects it's almost a moral tract showing action and consequence through the adult narration.
The other toys do with the help of the brownies (another no-no in modern editions) restore order. Amelia has to stand in the corner  and is smacked, just rather like I was at that age for doing pretty much the same things cos like any kid I was capable of 'naughty'.
'Golly' is a no-no too but anyone who has read these stories know he's a really sweet but strong character who will stand up for himself and isn't afraid to take the lead on bring Amelia back under control.
I guess the 'Golly' problem lies with parts of his depiction having prominent eyes and red lips being too close for some to 'blacked up' white actors who some see as promoting a negative stereotype of black people although Enid Blyton sure doesn't in her stories and in the UK at least 'Golly' or 'Gollywogg' was never frequently used as a racial insult.
Given I at least have been called a 'muppet several times before now and no one has insisted on removing that word from public tv and literature, shouldn't we judge a book by it's content and only take offence when a character is being portrayed in an offensive way?

On taking steps back

Everything around this blog is a bit like an umbrella in some ways because what it is  I get from and am looking from from this whole being like a child who I am thing is a sense of place that makes sense for me.
Sense from the point of I am treated and engaged with at a level that I am capable of understanding both intellectually and emotionally because people have tried, sometimes pushed by so-called experts to take me further but that only created problems around coping with the expectations that go with them.
I had to be sheltered from a lot of things even in my later years at high school and my experiences since, not least the breakdown that happened a few years back underscored the problem because as hard as I tried to make sense of these expectations in reality I couldn't meet them. I only acted as if I had a understanding - and a shallow one at that - of them to try to fit in where really I wasn't and could not.
I need to take two steps back and be treated more as I actually am to take the step forward to do what I can the best I can.

Schoolgirl roleplaying

I'm currently engaged in a online School Roleplaying game where I play as myself in a class that has set work to produce from internet based resources and there in game and out of game rules.
It also has rules about when work should be handed in and a written punishments system outside of any verbal chastisement so as far as it is possible it has much of the emotional and psychological feel of being in school, having to work and being judged up on that so to that extent I may experience unpleasant emotions in much the same way as I did in real in real school.
I've consented to this within the game because I feel the setting of tasks and the certainty of some written punishment such as lines to complete my help train me to be more focused and that I am under disciplined which as I've talked about here was and is causing problems in my life.

I want to see the lights

Well I'll start this blog entry with a thanks to Pink and Frilly for following this blog.

Okay guess where in the UK this might be seen? You see I went off on another little adventure to a place you might have childhood memories of  and is surrounded by fun things you might want to do.This place has trams a plenty running up and down some like these are modern ones but at weekends and high season the old types are run.

Okay that place is Blackpool, Lancashire, Northwestern England, a place that is  unapologetically loud and I travelled on as coach using the Motorway network although we as a bit naughty and used the slip road but a few miles from my main road to join it! Being very near the entry point to one of the principal motorways has its advantages.
Like a number of UK resorts it's has a pier that jets out into the sea with various attractions including amusement arcades on them. This one had a Victorian Photography booth where you can wear and be photographed in period attire.

 You can see just how far out it goes! It's as well there were things undercover as it rained hard for a period in the afternoon. I went to Harry Ramsden's for lunch where the service was exemplary and the Plaice lovely and moist.

One prominent landmark is the Big Wheel although going on that is out of bounds for me as I'd lose my head if I went on on it.

That's the big Tower which is being restored near the SeaLife Centre, Dungeons  and the waxworks museum. I spent quite a bit of time in Toymaster looking at the dolls, colouring books, sylvarian families toys and that. I'm sure the assistant clocked me!
In the foreground is one of the illuminations that was one of the main reason for going as these lights have partially renewed allowing for more fantastic effects. There were fairies, teddybears, diamonds and at a Quarter past six, we assembled to go through them all illuminated at Seven PM. It was beautiful.
By Eight-thirty, I was back home for a light snack before putting my jim jams on  as this little girl was dead tired and needed her sleep.

Outing day post

It’s kind of funny how some sites leave you feeling, some more informed others are a bit more sneaky in that you end up owning up to likes nay even fetishes you ordinarily wouldn’t of even considered. It may even by that’s part of their purpose, to get you leaving something permanent behind, you know  a trap, and if that’s true it’s rabbit cave I’ve fell onto all right.
But odd thing is, I don’t feel bad about it in the way that in the past I have cos I’ve moved on and it’s just a part of me that I wouldn’t be complete a  person without.
I own my gender identity, needs and fetishes and I'll stand up for them.
If I like playing  online childrens dress up games for hours on end well so darn what?