Uniform revision?

Last week was rather different in that the prospect of a day of lessons prior to another event had been raised and to which I had agreed

I have a skirt very much like this although at the moment I was required to get although I was offered a tie  although a n other needed to fasten it form me as the person running things is shall we say "old-fashioned" and doesn't believe in clip on ties plus white school blouse.

That takes me to this, a classic 11 plus look I recall from my own childhood complete with ties as junior and senior school children are expected to wear and fasten their own with only some combined infant/juniors having a common uniform across all ages from rising 5's to 11+ insisting on either white or navy long socks be worn.

Also my knickers were specified - nothing remotely "adult" just old school full knickers to match my navy skirt.

Until a few years ago it wasn't unknown for me to be on the receiving end of the odd bit of discipline in a more everyday context although with covid and that things had dropped off.

At a site I've seen and been talking with people including two I know more around school days and especially discipline and I think something like this girls look may be it and perhaps while I often thought more in terms of thinks like hand spanking, the slipper, ruler and paddle how would I feel about caning coming back and what if I had to hold and present it the person who was to cane me?

I had ever done only experienced the odd very mild physical punishment in actual school during the period where it was being phased out and had never attended any kind of an adult school session in the way some do, booking weekends and being "in role", this school day was something new.

We did some Mathematics (aka Math/maths) covering imperial measurements which is not something being metricated I found easy with all the conversions and different forms, science where we looked at how Lava Lamps work, English comprehension and grammar and observation. which I was better at although truth be told being dyslexic, having less than five word memory retention and put in remedial classes for some subjects I did better on.

Being the poorest in the group in individual tests did mean being bent over the desk for a spanking in front of the class but what was more surprising was apart from the familiar feel of your skirt being raised over my back and folded in, I felt a hand around the waist of my navy knickers and felt them being pulled down in full view of everyone.

I was being bare bottom spanked with brisk firm strokes of the paddle loud sounds of it landing on my skin, gritting ones teeth as I felt each stroke before they decided to pull my knickers up and skirt diwn before returning to my own desk.

It was incredible to experience a punishment that was tailored to add humiliation into the mix so directly particularly as the person concerned hadn't really shown much interest in going beyond over knickers before.

While it remains painful, it was a great experience.

Issues in AgeRe communities

Just nine day to go for I'm off so sometime next week after checking the weather forecasts I'll be in for some serious packing for the five days I'll be away although being Winter I wouldn't expect quite so much outdoor activity which give how hot it was last summer was a bit of a must.
One topic that is still rumbling around on Tumblr is the extent to which any individuals own points of view on transexual identity and politics are both acceptable and should come into anything they may do in a community such as moderate a discord server or run a community.
The idea doing the rounds implies that a person who has the view that dysphoria is necessary, questions the 75 or more quoted genders on Tumblr as actual genders not gender representations) or doesn't feel you can be non binary and either gay or lesbian is somehow unsafe to perform such a task.
To me that only would be an issue if the person was talking around specifically such issues which would strike me as being quite odd in a community of age regressors where you'd only convene to regress together  playing and talking as your younger self AND if the person was acting on such a point of view such as refusing to use your preferred pronouns, deliberate misgendering and generally being a prick.
I cannot say hand on heart whenever I regress I am thinking about gender theory, forms of sexual attraction whenever I play with my dolls or plushies nor colouring cos I know my gender and it's not an issue with who I play.
Nor would I say having been face to face with people that I have had someone push gender issues into play nor I have had cause to.
To me that's much more older student/adult conversation and debate really that doesn't belong in the regressive experience and so I feel holding such views so long as others are respected should not be seen as a bar to doing things that can help people enjoy their regression.
There are too many parallels with the witch hunt in adult LGBTQI circles going on here I feel on matters where there's no clear cut authoritative answer.
Inner kids need protection from that discourse but respected as they are.

Trans politics

It hasn't been the best of reads at one discourse blog I don't follow but have on speed dial for keeping up with the background to some off the other stuff I do follow but today I am just gonna set out my opinions around this topic.
In 2019 we are hearing more of people who do not accept  physically or socially being male or female as filled out on their birth certificates or by family to which attitudes in the past have been "you're being silly" to today's which is less critical and in some circles very much at one with it.
Sexual politics is often emotionally charged  especially when it comes to gender identity to the point some people do construct notions of true transgender transitioning with the inference that anyone who doesn't meet that is not valid.
One viewpoint that goes back to the earliest days of 'treatment' is the notion that a person has to have an intense disconnect with and sense of disgust at the gender they were recorded and socialized with in order to be transexual.
In other words you feel so disgusted internally about it you have to change everything around it all of the time.
The problem I have with that is most people who have never felt remotely questioning of gender themselves don't define themselves in terms of "and I am NOT and am so glad I AM a ....(/) " so much as they just are and get on with it.
In other words A girl is a girl because she is, it is what she feels.
People do when it comes to social roles and interests differ when measured against stereotypical norms so the sporty girl or the ballet loving boy are still girl and boy respectively.
To me that's more routed in gender roles and expectations as much as sadly some people are left feeling "it would be easier if I was [insert opposite gender].
The nature of transexuality is however it's not just the leaving of the social trappings of gender but implies you also wish to leave the body you were in because you want/desire the physical form of the gender you feel you are and not just at the point of wanting to 'fit in'.
People have defied convention expressing themselves or even presenting outwardly as a gender different to the one recorded without any surgery sometimes for short periods on occasions for most of their lives.
To want surgery to align yourself permanently physical to a sex (and sexuality can come into it too)  with its own attendant risks is one area where I do feel there simply has to be more in it than just being seen outwardly as that one gender as that is literally covered up where it physically counts.
This may not be everyone's view point, am sensitive to people being 'beaten with a gender stick' in their lives but do feel treating people who don't share you own view as a some evil enemy that should be prevented from having a differing point of view on it is wrong.
It's not our opinions that cause problems it is what we do with them that actually counts and causes harm.
If having a differing view causes you such emotional discomfort that you feel you have to self injure or attempt to take your lives, yes I understand your anguish but you need help for those feelings. 
Just saying "If you say that I'll take my life" is emotionally manipulative.

R.I.P Susan

First off thanks two my two recent followers on this blog.
Secondly we're looking back this week at the life of a person who was an important part of my life recently.

Part of what lead to more exploration of this life of mine is tied up with someone, namely Susan who had MS that died Tuesday last and whose death I have been struggling with over the last few days.
They had a Grammar School education with a bias  toward the arts and humanities that showed itself in the breadth of general knowledge they had coupled with razor fast wit.
Like much of this side of my life it started out when I got online and I joined a site which is no longer with us called Experience Project was set up by a lot people with M.S. as a means of sharing experiences but it wasn't long people they moved beyond  M.S. and into all sorts of things that were in peoples lives.
It would of been around 2010 that I encountered user NaughtySusi around a period where I had looked at some sites connected around people whose lives are more like a child's but had a ton of issues with and I found groups she had joined and written stories and experiences connected around being a little and in particular around adults who relive their school days in various ways  such as restudying school subjects, the wearing of (traditional) school type uniforms and particularly here in the UK, those who do have a longing for and prefer to get school type discipline such as spanking that existed in state schools until 1987.
It was through reading these entries and corresponding through comments, messaging on site and later on email that we both explored our interests in all three and after a while, I was able to meet several people face to face on a site that was more around Adult Littles without  a constant backdrop of at the time very out of hand sexual content and contact by 'sissies'.
It was no accident the first time I met her and two other people I was dressed as a school girl because through a fairly austere upbringing and personal disabilities I wasn't given nor capable of going down the more frilled and pastelish pretty little girl side and at the first big gathering where I met a good many others including my second bestest friend I presented to them as that.
It wasn't long before I started to go to bigger meet ups and when I did until mid 2016, I was always with her and a n other staying with them before travelling down to where we all stayed for several days before returning and making my way back home.
One of their strong points was cooking and until retiring they had been a Meat Technician for a Butchers so she could turn any piece of meat into a delicious meal and on a number of occasions had cooked with the help of others full cooked dinners where we met up as it was self catering with a big kitchen area.
Another was their general knowledge which she put to good use in running quizzes at various events.
As I mentioned in this blog in late 2014 because of issues I was having around my attitudes and behaviours that lead to the resumption of spanking and parenting but this was a topic that initially both of us had talked of some years before which after a while I did openly show  my interest around having this as an 'adult'.
It wasn't long after we met up face to face that I actually saw first hand she had actually got it arranged that she was and while much took place in private, more lighter hand spanking and corner time was done in my company.
I began to feel that I wanted to experience this whenever I was with them and their friend not least because in many ways I was being supervised more like a child and so I plucked up the courage to broach the subject.
They formed an agreement to spank me with no exceptions starting very much as they meant to go on with a paddling, brought in more chores and contributing in my relationship with them and Susan took an interest in this understanding how much I badly needed it.
Given how much this helped to change things for the better  for me, this is something I am most grateful for her exploration and encouragement to have myself spanked for my own good.
In any relationship, there are always somethings you may not see eye to eye on and it is fair to say gender politics and devolution were two we strongly disagreed over and whereas I was for being more circumspect around giving opinions not requested, she was not. What you saw was what you got unwrapped up.
As time went by, it became more obvious to me at least, her MS was progressing as she felt more in discomfort, started to have more issues with balance, eventually requiring a electric wheelchair to get any distance.
Indeed in some respects the last big meet up she attended brought much of this into focus not being able to take part in the outdoor activities or those that required going upstairs and spending quite a bit of her time having a drink and the odd smoke (although she was cutting them down) whereas in the past she was involved more to the point of being able to go to nearby park and 'play'. I think while there she sensed that.
Telling she didn't make the 2016 Halloween meet up at her friends nor any of the subsequent events we normally attended although if I was at her friends she'd phone and talk with us such as at last years Halloween party.
As painful as this is for all of us who were in her life right now, I feel she's very much at peace and so its better to give thanks for the life she lived, her involvement in ours and personally for what she gave freely to me.
Thanks for being in our lives, Susan.
x

On gender presentation

Sometimes it seems I spend chunks of my time arguing not just with the usual suspects, men with fixed ideas about 'their' woman but with male to female transgendered individuals regardless of status within 're-assignment' or not about your rights, our rights to present as we see ourselves.
Females from whatever gender history have the right to express themselves in terms of how they dress on the street however they like be they more like on the left in jeans which is very common for women just getting about our towns and cities right across to skater skirts which isn't a million miles removed from how I dress outside of more obviously middle or 'age play' related stuff or even to wear shorts.
As a female you have plenty of options and you own them.

Outing day post

It’s kind of funny how some sites leave you feeling, some more informed others are a bit more sneaky in that you end up owning up to likes nay even fetishes you ordinarily wouldn’t of even considered. It may even by that’s part of their purpose, to get you leaving something permanent behind, you know  a trap, and if that’s true it’s rabbit cave I’ve fell onto all right.
But odd thing is, I don’t feel bad about it in the way that in the past I have cos I’ve moved on and it’s just a part of me that I wouldn’t be complete a  person without.
I own my gender identity, needs and fetishes and I'll stand up for them.
If I like playing  online childrens dress up games for hours on end well so darn what?

Victorian play

Daytrips were a rare thing for us not least for not having a school minibus compared with today  but we did go out to find out about such things as the Victorians and what being a Victorian Child might of been about.
Shockingly we learnt many Victorian children didn't have a childhood as we understood it, with schooling with them as soon as they were able being expected to enter the World of Work often doing dangerous things like looking after Coal Mines and Mills doint the things the grown ups couldn't do with no say in the matter.
Sometimes we'd have a playtime during such trips in a nearby park or something and when it came to the Victorians we were introduced to the games they played playing as if we we were those children and I'd go and play with the girls games like this.
I think it's where I get the idea of wanting to go back in time from cos I just feel it.

For the teen Trans Kids

Okay, now I’ve gotten your attention we will get to business
We’re a bit grown up here so let’s start off by acknowledging something straight off and that is if you’re transgendered you been like this from birth, you had a female inner child who came out doing fairly regular girlish things like playing with dolls, carrying your teddy with you, playing dress up and so on. You might of been caught out and scolded (or worse) or maybe you did it when nobody much was around.
As you got a bit older you may have stopped the dressing side for a whole of reasons such as trying to make yourself fit in as say a male because of peer pressure or maybe your school and sporting commitments got in the way.
Now you do restart and like you’re feeling “Whoa! I feel different now” you seem to be preoccupied with looks, boys and the inevitable  that goes with it you may feel like doubting who you really are.
The good news is actually you’re the same as everything so-called regular teen school girl having this adolescence interest/curiosity around sex but still having some child like sides to you and this is okay. What’s never okay is for Adults to take advantage of you sexually.
So for all the teen transgendered children out there, be strong, be yourself but keep safe!

Dress her up

While much of this blog is around school related and emotional issues leading into talk around discipline it's not the whole of it nevermind  how I like to look.
Well as I'm sure no boy, go one and make me into an attractive frilly girl like either of these as I just love the costumes as while it may be out of my comfort zone, it's good for you to  work with me exploring my female sense of self.

Before we leave

What would you think immediately upon encountering her in the restroom? Would you question what she was doing there and maybe what her past was?
It never ceases to amaze me the fuss so many make about people in the process of gender transitioning and that time you need to relieve yourself and maybe touch up your make up even though it’s clear you’re presenting as a female. Then there’s the clever so and so’s who say well I think you oughta be in the men’ as your not all 100% transformed rather ignoring the risk of abuse, sexual even , they’re putting you at risk from never mind the fact they’re no laws mandating dress modes for genders anyway.
If you’re reading this and you’re not transgendered, please think about this before huffing and puffing the next time you need to leave the table in a café and aren’t sure if the person in the toilet line is meant to be there or causing a hissy fit.
Thank you.

Bonds

One abiding memory from Junior school was the bonds between us, that we'd play together in the playground, sit next to each other in rows even though when it came to sharing in class there was competition for who was going to work with who and share the dining hall table with at lunchtime.
We were inseparable from each other laughing and giggling together, passing notes so we'd all end up being punished together even though I was a 'special girl' because you accepted me as just that while the boys viewed me as a alien.
The sisterhood at our school mattered heaps to me and is a big part  of the Junior experience in an age-play context I'm looking for.

Junior experiences with spanking past

For me walking as we did from where we lived and indeed sometimes on arrival to school is well lodged in my memory to the point my mind returns to that past whenever I'm along that route.Hey there! Just typing this up at the cooler start of this hot summers day before I chill out on  my swing with plenty of drinks outdoors.

Still, during the week while dressed up as my little girl self, something came back to me that has remained with me for a good many years and it's that I'm writing about this week.
It was at middle school around the age of  ten that this happened.

For several days I had had this uneasy feeling that I was being talked about to and from school by people who weren't part of my class  - I think they were the class below me - for some reason probably connected with not being a part of their gender separated world.

Anyway, this afternoon at the end of school I started the walk back home along the big main estate thoroughfare and went to cross over as I though I heard voices sounding a bit menacing a few steps behind and walked about three houses down when two boys jumped on me and started kicking and punching me. 

I played dead and they kinda gave up so I got up hurting a fair bit and was asked by a lady who lived in the garden where this was by if I was alright.

I guess in hindsight the bigger thing was the shock as from that day I just switched off emotionally not trusting the other kids around me much and always being fearful of boys.

It's taken decades to begin trusting people and almost as long to believe in right to be me and gradually with everyone's help at GT I feel I'm getting there.

My experience of spanking at Junior school is lodged firmly in my memory not least for simply being a regular part of our lives and the room we'd be taken to for this was a big room where the head teacher did his work during class time with a wooden wall with big plain windows and a door we had to wait by several of us at a time to be called in.

Looking through the glass you'd  see say girl standing in the room who at that moment could easily of been me upset, bottom on fire waiting as the next child is spanked in front of us  for our collective actions which in a simply way we just accepted back then associating it with the order that kept us safe because the Adults were in control of us.

It is an important part of my age-playing as in addition to discipline needs which I am beginning to accept better now.

My uniform

I had discussed the notion of uniforms before, not least on this blog and more recently on girltalk as it appears different girls have a different and sometimes a choice of looks depending on how they themselves and their roles in an 'age-play' context with some being more the dressy sort and others not.
To me a function of having something outside of what in a more Adult setting I have say for work is to help me make a switch so that when say I'm in chat I look like the Middle with a little side I feel so I resemble that girl talking away or when I'm doing more middlish, littles things.
Being transgendered and thinking more forward I have a lot of things like the sort of blouses you'd were say for work so I thought about something like a school uniform and indeed they are white.

It's also the case my strongly felt need to be spanked and disciplined is routed in that junior experience, the one that in so many ways is in my inner child that having and wearing a uniform I associate with it makes sense.
I will be wearing a grey juniors pleated skirt with red top over the blouses together with white socks. I'll also be in traditional plain school knickers just like I was back then when at my junior school they'd spank me over them which in hindsight I appreciated.
This I think is going to be good for me.

Play clothes II

There's a bit of me that is sandwiched between middle and little, sometimes being little and at other times influenced by but middle and it's things like ra-ra skirts especially in cotton although to wear these at this time of year you'd be look at being indoors with the central heating on.
Play clothes really is an area I feel a need actively consider wearing and to explore as a part of my physical expression of being junior me.
Something like these T shirt and skirt sets but in grown up sizes would probably would it cos they need to be connected to child-like fun .

Play clothes

Clothes are worn for all occasions and here's one that' so me, clothes to wear when playing.

 T shirts are dead easy to put on and look after coming in suitably cute designs like this one.

There is nothing wrong at all in wearing shorts as a girl and as a girl I have every perfect right to wear them as part of being that girl  and as big part of my past childhood was in shorts there's no reason not to take it forward.
Shorts with no zip or button fly  being held at what would of been the hem in very girl like manner are entirely appropriate for me. Having a boy past doesn't mean I have to be in skirts and dresses 24/7.

Judy

A big influence on me was the comics I read and the series of stories in them some were reprints of older stories while others were more contemporary.
Some were bought for me, some were shared such as those from the big box full my first two schools had that we could read if it was recess and the weather was too bad to be outside playing and others were say second hand annuals, girls annuals specifically.
They usually featured girls dressed in their school uniforms typically Tunics (Brit Speak: Gymslips) in situations subject to adult authority, disciplined as we were as they felt fit as it was in that era.

 

It was a fictional world of girls I followed not least for it allowed me to set myself as one them in my imagination, a what might of been and a clear influence on how now I present as a Junior girl being an adult little and her world.

One girl, three looks

 

One girl, three looks.

Sometimes it seems there can only be one kind of girl you may be or feel, dressy, sporty or relaxed lounging one but to me you can be all three and  more

There are I feel a number of mes and that's really what I'm exploring this year cos I want to meet and experience them for myself.

The LB years-Gender corrected corrections

When I went to school in the 1970's and 1980's it was rather different than it is today with more understanding around gender difference and gender equality apart from back then in every school I went to, corporal punishment was permissible sometimes set out in rigid guidelines, others at a teachers own discretion.
I am transgendered, spending my time on the then rigid  'boy' side of the gender divide imposed by the school although at high school I did find girls who were prepared to do mini -girl make over sessions during recesses to let me be 'a girl' at school.

These days I dress more as traditional younger girl.

I did at times get into trouble for various things at school and rather than being sent either on my own or with Boys to be punished I often wished for a scene like this.

Being with the girls punished together as the 'girl I really am' standing as she is on the right awaiting my turn, having witnessed my friends.

But then for me it could of cause be much stricter and a transgendered 'special girl' about to be caned in my girls school uniform, in front of regular girls would be just.

Of course you may end up being spanked by the Head Girl or a Prefect now and they may take you knickers right down for it too!

While for some usually transvestite/crossdressers there is a more sexual fetish going on with schoolgirl uniform spanking, for me it's not being more a return being a child but in her correct gender, being disciplined as she expected in her actual childhood.

Being spanked as a girl is a bond with the sisterhood of my youth.