Past memories and thoughts

This week I've been feeling pretty good overall and I remembered about the first pedigree cat  I had after the dog we had had before went a bit off and tried to turn on Mom in the kitchen with teeth gnashing.
Candy came as part of pair with her brother who was a good deal more active doing things like swiping the record deck arm on the stereo console unit we had with his paw or making a play for the goldfish in the days you could just buy or 'win' them as a kid.
She wasn't too keen on fussed being  typically aloof seal point Siamese but was pretty affectionate with you when she felt in the mood  and they came with us on vacations scratching  ones bare legs having chewed part of the wicker travel basket.
One thing I do want to talk a bit about is inaneness of unsolicited messages  not least as they come from places where actually the answers to most questions can be found because they have been answered in actual posts and usually come from not reading things like my profile which exist for that reason!
Some of those questions are connected with my regressed life not least spanking within it which tend to show the individuals clearly assume one has or wants a regular set spanking as either a bdsm or sexual thing.
The thing with me is there isn't a set number of times because it is discipline based as judged by whoever is in charge of me  at that point and if they themselves feel it is justified subject to my consent to being spanked in the first place. They may even feel an alternative may work better in that individual instance!
Even if they did, it will backed by more guidance because the aim is not just to spank me, but in the longer run transform those attitudes and behaviours which takes me to another area.
Some people like to feel they are 'Caregivers' because they enjoy dominance, controlling  as they spank you but actually although that is a tool, the main criteria is to care and love the individual supporting and guiding them to be the best they can in their everyday lives.
In other words the main defining criteria isn't dominance and control, it's loving guidance.
Before I finish off, this is a week  a year on from the bombing of the Manchester Arena that killed 22 people, one local and injuries mentally and physically a good number in this district, mainly children and teenagers to which a special service was held at St. Annes, Manchester as part of events to mark a day we cannot forget.
We may be continuing on, believing in not allowing terrorists  to dictate our everyday lives but we are hurting.

Paying ones respects

Part of last week was taken up with getting ready for and attending Susan's funeral  which will what today's entry is about
I set out around Midday Wednesday to travel by train to my and her friends in South Staffordshire from the North of the County because Susan had lived for a considerable period in the far South East of England which would be 460 square miles round trip and take a considerable amount of time to get to.
Thus the arrangement was going to involve  having a cooked meal and stopping over night because we'd need to set out just after 6AM  to deal both with the traffic around Birmingham in our region plus that around Greater London/Surrey/Kent which even around Mid Morning is very high to be sure of getting to our first stop.
We played some music including a couple of Beatles cds I'd brought with me as they  had grown up with them on record but no longer had them before going to bed early which is pretty much when my normal bedtime is as at times poorly disabled adult-child.
We got up and dressed very much in black with in my instance deciding to wear a wine coloured sweater in a colour Susan often wore with it before fixing some breakfast ready for off packing a coat in case it was needed and in my instance some oatmeal bars and fruit juice she I need something before being able to pull into a motorway service station that part from selling gasoline, has shops, a cafe and toilets.
As two immediate family members of mine are diabetics, I take the importance of regular meal breaks pretty seriously. Sensing a migraine (travel plus flashing light/sun can trigger it) coming on I immediately took my tablets as they help.
Traffic from Oxfordshire onwards was heavy so we stopped off along the M25 London Orbital Motorway to buy a few things and use the conveniences before continuing in view of the Surrey North Downs where I had been resident for a period actually before we arrived at our first stop a very important town in the history of the Norman Conquest with a splendid Abbey.
Our first task was to get a wreath to the undertaker (the person who deals with the deceased's body) before they closed and the body would make its precession to the Crematorium which we did. We also met her carer who had some mementos before going to the Bluebell Cafe for a a pot of tea served in the finest Staffordshire pottery and found the place the wake (reception for family and friends of the deceased) was for later on.
We then walked about a mile to the rail station to pick up three friends and with another who was staying locally then drove to yet another famous town in the Norman Conquest on the coast where the Crematorium was and where the traffic along the 'A' Road which is the main link to London was pretty bad as it was also in the middle of the town itself.
Indeed it was that bad one of our friends travelling independently only just got there in time!
We assembled in one of the reception rooms waiting for our slot before  we stood at the side of the drive way where the black long car, the 'hearse' , followed by a car with Susan's parents who are elderly and frail in it before we moved relatives first to the chapel for the service to begin.
At Susan's request, the song Parisienne  Walkway by Gary Moore and Phil Lynott was played at the start followed by the eulogies from a Butcher to whom I'd certainly heard about in her life who know her as a man working and socializing together, her parents and then from my friend.
Because some people only would of know her as a man while the service very much referred to her in her transitioned gender and name, for those who were not aware of it reference to her former (male) name was also made.
Drawing them together, they illustrated her wit, intellect, ability to quickly learn, the contributions she'd made in peoples lives as well as her more 'I'm right, you're wrong  and I'll say what I think' side which she had (and acknowledged herself).
There was a reading of the William Wordsworth poem "I wandered lonely as a Cloud" which we learnt was one Susan  had learned from her mother.
The service concluded with another of her music choices Queen's Another One Bites the Dust before we travelled back to her town for the 'wake' which was held in a social club she'd spent much time in over the years.
A spread was laid on so given the weather had held up to the point I'd left my coat in the car, we took our drinks to an outside balcony area with tables together with food and sit in the fresh air talking where we were joined by her Aunt and Uncle and her carer who spent time talking with us about who we were and about our part in Susan's life.
By early evening it was cooling down so we moved to the bar area where tracks were being played in memory of her on the jukebox such as Rubber Bullets famous within our group for an attempt to play a playlist from computer but refusing to play anything but that much to her amusement as from her point of view 'Techno-faff' as she called it, had failed!
We also spotted on the club wall she'd won the club Snooker championship one year as well as learning a bit more of the club games she played such as chess.
By that point all goodbyes being said to her friends,family and amongst our own, we departed for the long trip home which had us arrive with one brief stop around 10:15 PM and quickly having salad before bed time.
It says a lot about me that where as normally I'd of been up anytime from about half five to half six normally I wasn't down Friday morning until eight because not just emotionally but physically I was shattered as glad as I was to have been  able to attend.
We did talk about the service and about her life as we had some breakfast before travelling by car to Bilston Street Island parking lot and walking to the rail station to catch my train (and bus) home.
It was difficult, as I remarked to one of our group, had I of had mascara on my eyes would of been pandafied as I was tearful travelling down rubbing them but I do feel this will help in both dealing with the grief and in generally moving on in my life which was influenced by hers so much.

Just resting

This last week has been a bit different with not being here for a few days so in a  way it feels rather like I'm playing catch up right now like with dealing with unopened mail and the like apart from getting the washing done.
One great thing about where I live is even in more built up centre there are undeveloped patches of land that are a haven for wildlife which may be things like birds and small mammals but as here actually you can get to see horses grazing  where the fields are let to individuals although this very field was the one in 2005 where one horse decided to steal my camera bag using his teeth that had my then Minolta camera with lenses and run off with them.
I had to get the owner to go in there and retrieve it all covered in horse spit and clean it!
I have  been walking both when I was away and also here where it's gotten a bit cooler from the start of last week but I think we'll be back to t shirts and thin skirts or shorts with fairly soon as while very hot weather isn't my thing, being able to drop off the layers and taking in some sun as well as fresh air is something I do really like.
The cherry blossoms and blue bells are still out here.

Everything changes

It was a shock to some to realize Hello Kitty wasn't actually a cat but rather a girl and an English one at that but that did not mean she wasn't real or a genuine personality but that kind of thing can run on in everyday relationships too where people may not who we first think we see them as.
Such things don't deserve the cry of "Fake, fake, fake" you find on social media followed by a witch hunt and even if you did see them as they are right first time doesn't mean they like you may change over time especially over politics or identity issues digging around to find contrasting posts.
It's just evolution really.
That's one thing I'll be keeping in mind while I'm away this week at Susan's funeral which I'll be off to later on today.
Another thing is what might of seemed at the time a major issue may over time correct itself to the point you might restore a friendship or resume on a site after a major hiatus which was the case this last week where drama at one site lead to the removal of senior people who in turn set up a newer site a number of us thought safer emotionally which had to simultaneously to a situation that new site was losing money and activity to the point of closure in early June and the original site changing to be more inclusive with many of people we felt uncomfortable with away from the driving seat.
I've made my peace with how the original site is and have picked up from where I left now which I guess is a sign of having a more maturer outlook and being prepared to let past discourse go.
Until next week, bye. 

Monday reflections

Here we go with another weeks entry in the weekend where my BFF was away enjoying herself and I was catching up on a few things.
Part of the weekend saw me out delivering the community magazines on foot to people, interacting face to face too as I went up and down peoples paths while trying to unsure I didn't get caught out by the showers as the weather was very unsettled.
I also removed a few old catalogues from the dining room as they were not just out of date  but in the instance of Maplin's ones well that store is in the process closing down so will be totally redundant within a week or two.
One strange thing that happened was I got a cd I hadn't ordered  from a company I do use and looking through he orders and invoices I simply cannot one for it at all. Bizarre or what???
I have gotten near enough everything organized now for getting to Susan's funeral including the train tickets as it is in far South east of England and I'm in the Midlands.
There should be an edition of this blog next week and I'll be around first thing Wednesday to post any links in the usual spaces before I make my way down there.
Finally this week, I mentioned last week about some unwanted followers on tumblr and how they can bring more of the same.
A few weeks back I spotted someone had followed  and reblogged a post of mine whose user name looked a bit suspicious so I went over to their account and noticed first of all there was a high proportion of picture of children in questionable poses so I scrolled down and spotted a few that he had reblogged that were clearly sexual.
Going to that persons account, I found what I can only described as being a large collection of some that went back quite some time which was really extremely sickening.
Having worked in child protection, nothing surprises me anymore and one thing you have to bear in mind beyond even the content is in the making of such images children are exploited and injuried.
I filled out a number of report forms with brief descriptions, my concerns and links to the posts for both account holders and sent them to Tumblr's minor safety people.
On Monday I got notification action had been taken - the entire accounts had been shut down - and  I only hope details are passed to their local police to go pay them a visit.
One hopes amongst these peoples followers they get the message, regardless of whatever sexual orientation you may have, involving children in it is an absolute NO. By statute they cannot consent to it either.

Bestuff - early social media

Thanks for everyone who read and enjoyed last weeks outdoor edition of the blog not least the pictures.
This week I'm going back a bit in time to around ten years ago before some of you were online even and looking at one site I loved in the before Facebook, Instagram and Tumblr were the social media of choice.
The main reason you join any kind of social media is to form connections with others,  in other words it's the cyber equivalent of face to face networking so you need to find thinks that link you to who share things in common.
The mainly British social media of choice in the 2000's was Friends Reunited that worked though connecting you to schools, colleges, university and workplaces to others who had connections to them.
Bestuff was an international site that did things in way that soon become more the norm.

Rather than looking at where you've been, it looked at what you liked such as favourite films, foods, pets, hobbies, dating likes and so on in groups created by users which you'd mark up as likes that added into a mosaic collection of your "Bestuff".

 New Stuff, new categories were listed you you could keep up and by going through categories you could find your "Bestuff" and share it.
It was a bit like a game where you'd go around looking for and creating things you'd share.
It's a bit like Tumblr where you look for thing you like, reblog and follow each other except it was a bit less high tech and didn't have the messaging sophistication.
There was a Friends section you could add those you shared the most stuff with and a messaging board and my best buddy on there is in that screenshot, Tribble, to whom we had a keenly felt relationship between us.
It closed down after a period of graveyard languishing a few years back but part of my past includes this early social media so when I think  back to things when this blog was in its infancy, I do think of those days by the "Big Computer" on sites like that before joining Google Plus and Tumblr.
Of the two I'd say Tumblr is the busier by far and Google Plus is one of those things I file under was encouraged by a group of friends who seemed to want to leave Facebook but then decided freebees were worth more to them than better privacy and control of who you posted too and promptly left me on there as I refuse to do facebook. Actually I have two accounts but do wonder from time to time about scrapping one completely since I seldom use the other.

Outdoor week

Phew, it's been a warm week out with plenty of sunshine so I've been out for quite a while so if I haven't been as active as I might on social media, that's unfortunate but I honestly feel it's better to prioritize my physical and psychological well-being.
Fresh air and exposure to sunlight  ultimately are better for me.
One recurring problem I have on social media is the lack of respect  a number of people have for your own boundaries such as being followed by very graphic pornographic  accounts that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination and them to even reblog your posts to accounts full of such material when then starts to bring more of their followers interacting with you.
Why does anyone think I want to be seeing endless genitalia on display often engaged in highly sexual acts especially when I have it clearly shown on my accounts I don't wish for it and will remove people that disrespect that?
One the other hand my second best friend furry ab comic is coming along quite well at a point the main character not giving the story away is at an important stage in her immersion into the world of littles and how being in that position plays out with the all too real consequences and emotions.
While it's never a text book of it, it does help in illuminating and bring to life the concepts and 'how would it feel if I were to' parts that anyone with an interest around Caregiver/little relationships in the broadest sense needs to consider before jumping in with both feet.
The comments section also has helped in explaining the importance of consent, the use of safewords and so to anyone who *may* be curious themselves.
As well, I've been in touch with a friend to get arrangements all fixed to travel to Susan's funeral as it's a few hundred miles away which should help with closure.