Establishing a mature independent you...

I recently saw this which was originally published by the artist Kittycouch in April that I thought summarized so well what trying to be a mature independently minded person with your own boundaries but also respecting other peoples ideas and ones is about.
I just thought in a week that saw some drama in one Age Regression community and also at the spanking needs site this is something that's needed as everything within it applies and it is I aspire to in handling differences which is  a part of the everyday normal things between people.
We're all a bit different.

A year this week

This week marks the first anniversary of an incident that occurred a year ago, over December 7/8th last year to be exact that had a significant emotional impact on me apart from drawing some lessons from that for a number of reasons I had not been able to openly talk about which is why there mentioned here and not on either 'main' blogs.
I think we are are all familiar with social media and although I don't do things like Facebook and skipped the My Space phase entirely I did do briefly Experience Project and after a few prompts from some Lolita associates, I decided to do Tumblr starting with a a fairly regular sfw cg/l come Littlespace one adding a more 18+ cglish one as cg/l and some regressed discipline based spanking one on totally separate accounts.
This was the period 2015/6 where the whole question of under 18's and Cg/l, the emerging Tumblr Age Regression communities were forming as that side in some folks Cg/l relationships seemed to be what they were looking for and yes, being Tumblr we had bitter discourse (and a fair few threats).
The start point for how the incident occurred stems from a error born of what seemed to be a quick and easy way to deal with how a DMCA takedown lead to the 18+ Cgl-ish account being terminated by Tumblr where I decided to remake it in a more toned down form as a Secondary tumblr on the first one's account.
The short outline of that for non tumblr people is you don't have separate  following lists for each and while people can follow each Tumblr separately, when posting the default is your main and you have to toggle down to your secondary tumble when posting OR reblogging.
At that point my primary account didn't belong to any group or community because all that was to come around mid 2016 and so it was a sfw Cg/l account that provided you minded what you posted such as nothing sexual  on it  then that was it.
To save creating another Tumblr email/password ID I created that new 18+Cgl account as a secondary on the back of the original account in late January 2016 where I was loosely aligned with sfw cg/l.
Part of this discourse that has been the bain of CG/l and Age Regression on Tumblr is the separation between sfw Cg/l (toys, child-like play, cute fashion and meets) and 18+ or especially nsfw Cg/l that may take in sexual acts, bdsm and potentially spanking (although that can be sfw and non sexual) in that some may only want the sfw side of caregiver/little and not welcome interaction from any people more into say bdsm or sexual stuff of a  graphic nature.
Toss in the Minors in DD/lg (and CG/l) on Tumblr controversy and you'd have to be an idiot not to see a problem around adults who may be sexual/kink and minors who are not allowed (rightly) to be sharing that space.
This on Tumblr lead to a separating out of 'pure' sfw and increasingly minor accepting Age Regression from sfw Cg/l, the formation of communities that only accepted that and what some saw then as the demonizing of all Cg/l including the sfw form that moved into prohibiting interaction from sfw Cg/l  and in some the promotion of the idea 'Littlespace' was inherently  kink because some in more 18+ and Nfsw Cg/l used the term.
By the October of 2016 war had broken out between purist Age Regressors and those who used the Caregiver/little setting in a more sfw quasi-parental way  with a alignment of some in DD/lg supporting the purists.
Into that a number of people who had either been on the sfw Cg/l end or had joined Caregiver/little Age Regression (CGL/re) felt that separation hadn't stopped the war nor the business of Kink people getting in what were now minor friendly spaces and created a new community with own lexicon purposely to avoid shared terms with all CG/l communities featuring a CareBear logo.
That started out around the second week of November (the 15th??), I was hovering around the CGL/re community although not in membership but for two weeks they had dual membership where you could belong to them AND another another either CGL/re or the more Purist (and argumentative) CHIldREgression (Chire) and I joined with a person from Chire and in the first day we actually messaged each other rather than being suspicious of each other.
To understand what was to happen we need to go back that second 18+ non sexual Tumblr that was still operating, still reblogged some non sexual  'adult schoolgirl' spanking content with me having to remember to 'toggle' to that account and although I love her to bits I reblogged my BFF's posts cos we have the same sort of regressed non-sexual  CG/l life quite a bit sometimes when I hadn't been well being up around four in the morning.
It was a term of the community I joined November 23rd that you could not interact on that Tumblr with anything DD/lg or CG/L and by that fateful December morning even CGL/re although it was unclear if it applied to the whole account and by extension post anything that would go on such an account or just that individual tumblr.
Things had gone well, I'd masked the following information so nobody could see what accounts I followed although there had been the odd near miss where I forgot to switch account and wiped the post in seconds.
Well it would of been early December 8th UK time when not getting any sleep I fired up the laptop around 4AM starting first with the main Tumblrs posts reblogging and then reblogging anything from the accounts of those who followed my second Tumblr which needless to say included some spanking posts between yawns and had finished by about twenty to six when I noticed the message indicator was on and when I looked at the posts, reviewing them I saw on of the reblogs intended for that second Tumblr had instead gone on the first so I  quickly deleted deleted it thinking nobody would up that time of the morning.
I clicked on the message thinking it might of been my Caregiver with a "And what the heck are you up this time Young Lady expecting a probable trip to LapLand tm with a paddle" when I saw the user name of the Communities Mod who had asked me to leave the Group citing that post to which I replied in the affirmative.
What I didn't count on was a highly misleading blocklist post that implied it was much worse than it was AND this wasn't the only post which was a bare faced lie.
Throughout the day the blocklist and its falsehoods were reblogged, people didn't just unfollow me they blocked me -  near enough a fifth of my followers - and what was worse was I couldn't talk to anybody about what happened and why the account the mod put up about it  who has been accused of falsehoods since was incorrect because blocking prevents messaging.
I started to pace around the house in a distraught agitated state, crying all the time feeling I'd not just really messed this up but I'd let my followers down and people would start messaging me to drive me away. I wanted to end it all.
It was horrible.
It wasn't that I knew I'd made a awful mistake and in hindsight a bigger one in making that Secondary Tumblr, it was the banishment that even went beyond that community and the lack of any kind of forgiveness and restitution, the feeling nobody cared confirmed when I put an anon post about the topic just confirmed it: one mistake and you're dead for life.
I joined another community just before Years End with a couple of things in mind, one being to find someone who was prepared to allow me work to earn my reputation back by my actions as the loss of it weighed heavily on my mind.
I also felt there they had been inconsistent as another community Mod had had quite a bit of nsfw material on theirs but HAD been allowed to move it to totally separate Tumblr and yet for one post in error I had been banished.
The community I joined had a value system that was more around respecting others as you would have others respect you when it came to any interaction that lead to less petty squabbling and 'dobbing in' others with all the anxiety and paranoia that goes with it. It would offer the benefits of belonging but less stressful.
It had easy to understand clear cut rules on posting that I thought I needed so I could learn how to post responsibly, had no issues with terms like Littles and littlespace and recover from the anxiety the whole incident caused.

I think the lessons I learned was Quick Fixes aren't always a good idea, who my real friends were and you can dust yourself off and restart so long as you do  learn from things.

Keeping warm

For a long time a staple of my more Tomboy look were lined tracksuit bottoms of the sort that was less overtly masculine with a very sporty feel to them but plainer fleece lined ones that for a period I wore a lot with baseball jackets.

 Just to annoy the brand loyalists I'm not simply because they tend to made from similar materials in the usual factory locations despite attempts to use 'sports science' to build up a strong sense of individual identity and unless you truly are using them in a professional sports context, you generally don't need that stuff anyway.
These area navy blue pair I recently  bought as I usually prefer to avoid baby pinks or white as they tend to show up marks and draw rather more attention to them than I'm comfortable with.
While non-brands can be cheap, I find the finish doesn't last as much.

Reflections on what spanking is for

Well, I got my two new usb memory sticks to replace the defective HP one I mentioned last week which appear to be faster at not just reading but writing too as it took me less time than usual to transfer over the read only HP ones contents to them and then add anything that of necessity had been stored on the laptops own hard drive tidying up as needed.

That's as much techno stuff I really need to say here but for a few days I've been suffering with a migraine which has slowed me down although thankfully I had already written Monday's littles blog and have an idea of the next ones text in mind.

There are a few things I do feel like saying of which one is don't like clumsy mini-modding by people who may be new to a place around rules that it is obvious they don't quite understand more or less implying I had broken it.

The second is almost a constant refrain which is the main reasons why you don't go into detailed talk around childhood spanking on adult only sites are, firstly it's not a site about spanking minors so it's off topic, some people would write accounts of childhood spanking lingering in great detail author clearly enraptured as if we really wished to read it and that sadly such an account could be a thinly disguised depiction of an actual child having (one hell of a) spanking in which instance it might be argued we hosted 'child abuse' material that not only would trigger those of us who are child abuse survivors but also bring unwarranted attention that also has the potential to put members at risk of investigation.

Of itself it has nothing to do with spanking been associated with some as sexualized and the site reason for existence is seeing spanking as a NEED for some adults and it's application as being therapeutic rather than providing sexual gratification although there is a sub forum for those who do have sexual feelings arising from it.

For me spanking has been a therapeutic experience helping me deal with my feelings and at times tailspinning impulses, helping with other areas of my regressed life in helping me deal with my childhood, providing necessary structure and discipline I truly needed.

I have had people now fortunately banned suggest my age regression is not real, that I do not get into a regressed space with those very much child-like thoughts and even words using cuss words on that site.

Like in their world only Age Play is real and even question who I am even though people who look for that will find proof positive I'm Jo not Joe or Rob not to mention plenty of people have had face to face interactions with me and know this.

My regression doesn't need tainting with presumptions of supporting child abuse (which is really sick given some of the stuff I've had in my life) or just being for sexual gratification and that latter in particular really does make me wonder why I joined as I expressly rejected that whole scene and this non sexual approach is what caused me to join.

[Edited 12/7/2017]

Wednesday's on my mind edition

This week gone I was dealing with a few things that play with emotions that sometimes get too carried away with.
The first was really more cos we've been decorating here which often feels like it's two-thirds moving and one third actual time decorating by the time you've moved things and put them back where they usually live.
The area we were decorating is the living room wall of which a part is a corner where I sit  with plushies on a surface, music players to avoid any tv shows that I find too hard to stomach emotionally and the Chromebook for looking at certain sites on so obviously they'd have be moved.
Because of my memory issues moving things isn't a good idea generally speaking as I can and do forget anything suddenly gone as I have little short-term memory and so I planned where to move them to writing a note in my pocketbook of where each thing was and where it normally goes.
This goes well and by Sunday we are putting things back as the person decorating sees a patch he's not too happy with and goes to touch it up while I wasn't up. Now I get up and it comes to that part of the day I'd be looking looking at using one the players  but they aren't there. I go looking all around the house for them all frantic  as apart from the cards with music one I didn't want to lose, these thing are a few hundred pound each almost breaking a pictures it falls over and nobody says "I moved this" or "What you looking for" until half an later were one person said "I moved them because I touched up the painting" putting them somewhere you'd never expect to see.
Like why can't you just say when you come down "Oh by the way I put this here"? cos it really wound me up thinking I'd lost something expensive to replace.
Another thing has been some issues within the stealth Tumblr I haves age regression communities where two people have been very much at each others throats to the point one threatened to end their life late Sunday and another hasn't been heard of since a similar statement was issued a a few days back.
My own feelings are that two of them are feel they *are* age regression to the point they bully themselves and attempt to bully others apart from being very manipulative to everyone else which one reason I keep my distance from direct involvement in groups and why my main Tumblr is with a group that outside a few rules has 'live and  let live' approach to how people regress and what when outside of that regressed headspace people may do.
To me everybody does this thing differently and what's so wrong with that?
The third thing is a little techno and that is a couple of years ago I bought a HP brand 64gb usb memory stick and it has developed a fault that seems common with PNY sourced sticks of this series where it goes into write protection only mode which in everyday terms means you can read what is on it but not edit nor remove anything. A digital headstone in a way which is frustrating as there's 7gb spare AND I did want to remove some content.
While it's still read only I'll copy over to two new Sandisk sticks, one just as music copy (Flac and some Lame Mp3 320's) and another that can live in the Dell windows machine for pictures and littles related text content I don't want handing around on a hard drive.

An Authentic Jo

Here at the dorm I've been rather busy dealing with the Blogsphere tm of this is one of a few in this family of blogs that go back to the mid 2000's that deal with different aspects of my life overlapping a little but with main focus which so reminds me of school Venn Diagrams that one was to draw neatly or be suitably admonished.
In someways then it's perhaps for the best this family blog member is fairly recent as all the 'baby steps' in blogging happened before and had been learned from so the same mistakes had not been repeated.
An often repeated comment I hear at various sites that sadly I'm less able than I'd like due to my physical disabilities to message is around the extent in a world where people do cultivate an image of themselves and their abilities to the point when one interacts with them either messaging or face to face even there's a gap between what you read and what you see with me I'm very much the same on any site, any kind of 'chat' and  when I've been privileged to spend time face to face with people for extended periods.
The word that comes to mind is "Authenticity", the extent to which one is true to yourself in harmony with your own spirit while respecting rules and social conventions that make life frictionless as we all know what to expect.
Thus while on one blog I do write around social trends and current affairs, another more of joys of littles regressed life and here around emotions, attitudes and the role of corporal punishment in my life neither denies what the other centred on and where all is intertwined, the one whole me.
What I write about is what I feel, what I have experienced and actually know routed in my life albeit my education, employment and learning more about coping with my actual needs rather than what may know second hand or the views of those who write about what they have read.
The one thing towering over all is a childhood that was very much routed in being in an actual boarding school for much of my education which went beyond of curriculum subjects but in moral character building and standards and one that understood you learn through consequences, believing strongly in disciplining you very much for ones own good.
What I have to say around this and as it applies in particular to corporal punishment  is very much from having received it 'in loco parentis' several times each deserved and from that how that changed for the better those attitudes and behaviours first hand rather than any kind of role playing fantasy.
I know it works well with me as it did with most of my peers at the time not just in nipping our behaviour in the bud but also of deterrence of the class,  year group and ultimately whole school from acting on such impulses.
The benefits in terms of being able to study, to have your teacher just come in and start the lesson and carry on with everyone engaged rather than endless low level disruption might surprise present generations!
It is that I suspect the last person who commented picked up on in the broader sense in that I am the product of such an education and it shows in my work.
Thank you for your compliment.

Weekly review

I'm taking things a bit steady this week for a reason, namely I was having 'spoons' issues to the point over the weekend I just fell asleep, zoning out too, when I was talking with my BFF. Unfortunately I don't always spot when this is likely to occur which is like kind of embarrassing and often I'll have no idea until I wake up this happened and even the just what it was I was meant to be doing.
I may delay publishing one blog and concentrate on a upcoming Tumblr anniversary entry apart from also working on anniversary entry and associated work on The World of Joanne_chan so like that's two significant things to mark.
You can't stop the unexpected though .
Earlier this week a person we know knocks on the door about twenty past nine in the evening which is wind down time with me before I have a drink and go to bed and Mommy lets her in plus dog. The dog is the reason she came cos it had been badly injured requiring some £2,000 worth of veterinary work plus much tlc by its owners to restore walking and she wanted to show its progress. Mommy kind of forgot for one thing my plushies were all out on a couch in a line, theirs various children' completed craft kits of mine in the fireplace, dolls in the corner by me, one on my chair and...wait for it...I was in my uniform too! Fortunately she wasn't phazed by it however I take things as if you arrive with no warning then you can't expect people to change or put away things so you either accept even if puzzling or leave cos it's your space and you don't live in that to suit others ideas and that.
I've been continuing with trying to reduce portion sizes a little as two thick beefburgers and a plateful of rice really is too much before you add a substantial sweet into the picture as I wasn't created to be a walking waste food consumer and equally I've been continuing with regular daily exercising not least during the weekend as inactivity added to that excess food really doesn't do me any good healthwise.
That's what I couldn't understand as I'd eat quite a bit including a ton of candy at Littles Camp but actually lose weight by the end which leads me to the conclusion actually littles shaped movement I feel okay doing is the thing I need and nothing too focused on targets plus that really boring adult stuff.  Kinda more play in play mindset that functions as exercise if you will.
I've also been listening to a lot of piano music recently not just cos I like the music but actually I find listening to a piano very soothing emotionally getting lost in the peaceful mental scene.