The new term clean up

After last weeks entry, an entry of a different sort this week as many schools return, set for Autumn give or take the odd designated training day many of us don't recall before much of the bureaucracy in modern teaching started.

This blog does go back a very good while and has been a bit all over the place with presentation, content, the odd issue with blogger and so on not being helped with me being seriously ill at times and unwell at others.

Part of which has been it hasn't been always clear what exactly it has been about sometimes going down one rabbit hole for quite a period and then changing so for this term we are having a fairly comprehensive tidying up session.

Some posts are being expanded a little to add missing detail, some that are effectively just repeat posts within roughly the same period removed and replaced by posts from that period that cover other things connected to adult little girl and adult school girl life.

The difference between this and the main Littles blog was really that this was supposed to be the blog that looked more into how I was feeling, my thoughts around this life, meeting the challenges of it not least my emotional and behavioural issues and meeting them to help me move on.

Over the years like many sites Blogger has added whole new paragraphs and sections around what it considers acceptable posts - for instance on post from 2009 that had a return like to a quiz was unpublished and then restored a day later because they saw it as "spam" only a few days ago after over a decade of being published - so not everything might necessarily fit in which instance does it need to be around?

So while what it is about hasn't changed some posts have and the other thing is images have changed as some lacked them, others were of poor quality and the odd one *may* had come close to new guidelines restrictions so using a substitute that matched the topic but less problematic have been considered and done.

I *may* look at the standalone pages at some point to see if the can be made less wordy and review any images

Basically the blog remains the same although it more fully meets the original intended focus - me, my issues and how they are being dealt with - although while covering spanking is not by design a spanking centred blog.

Easter Monday Edition

It was August Bank Holiday as I write this so this edition is going to be about a number of things that kind of connect.

The first thing is I am continuing with my study which isn't by any means easy having just done a English practice exercise based on an extract from "The Sea Raiders" by H G Wells who I suspect writes above my innate comprehension level. The fact this is supposed to be set for 11 to 14 year olds may give you an insight into just how real my problems actually are and why it's progress that I'm sat at  desk in uniform doing this not throwing it back at you!

I've got a whole Math unit revision  to complete too based on all the work I've done so far this year before moving on Shapes which just to ensure I have a hope in heck of having gotten the foundations to get right.

The other thing is although we don't talk about as much as at one time we did when things really started coming to a head the reintroduction of traditional corporal punishment has made a very real difference to my attitudes and behaviour over the years ass I have built up a powerful connection between cause and effect, with "zolts" going i my mind as to what happens BEFORE I get into that oppositional habit so I THINK before I ACT.

Things today while not perfect do run better for all that so I'm grateful for it and indeed to mark sure I start this term with a much better attitude I have been given a reminder caning on the bare with obvious weals that hurt to remind me.

 

The one thing we know from nine and a half years ago is it really works on me.

Getting better lessons

Today's entry is a bit more reflective after recent events and with my feeling a bit off this morning my mind does turn to other things.

Despite some of my challenges and as this blog does show some of my less social  turns  that require a good spanking, I do oddly enough want to be a good girl, be more use to people and generally make a difference in peoples lives.

Trying and I can be, to follow more of the ethos of things like GirlGuiding, revisit more of  the lessons I really should of learned around that time and make some clear changes is more where I am at presently cos really the only thing that needs to change is me.

I have this big soft doll to cuddle up and hug that should help remind me of what the best me looks like and get more into line.

Going backwards to go forward really is more what's needed for more to move on.

As you know I do study and that studying involves Math so I need a basic Geometry set and this the one I currently have that comes in a slip case.

 On the reverse of the slipcase there is a an illustration of what is included  in the set.

 When you get to pull it out of the slip case  you have an aluminum  tin that keeps it all together in a simple, traditional way that also is very elegant.

 When you pull it open, in the lid you have a school timetable you can personalize while on the reverse it has information on weights and measures and this is wrapped around a stencilling kit.

As you can see we have the time honoured, rule set square and protractor couples with a compass, pencil, erasure and pencil sharpener that all fits neatly.

Personally I think this is a great basic set you can add too later on.

 

Because I do quite a bit of colouring too I did pick up this Staedtler heavy duty two slot pencil sharpener as I find myself needing to resharpen them to help keep my colouring neat.

 

Again learning to aside other thoughts and relearn being content to colour, use your imagination and be a good deal less reactive stomping is more the thing and colouring does help keep me feeling calm and in control of my at times wayward emotions.

A somethings extra post

After last week's entry I've been sorting a few things out for a charity collection and generally making space for CatMas in late december as one present has already arrived, boxed up and sorted the shelves out a little.

Waves. That sounds rather like me, things just coming over, focusing just on that and sometimes then moving on to something else as you then start thinking "Did I really want this?".

Dolls were a bit of up and down thing with being rather late in getting any having never been bought one and most I had tended to be the porcelain sort with posable bodies in various usually vintage costumes rather than dollies to play with.
 

So I'd get the odd one or two and then "The Imposter" would start in my head saying "You really shouldn't be feeling this way, wanting to play. Just what would people think???"

Before you know it you're almost convinced to give it all up and hand them on which certainly would be better than just binning them.

This is a recent one, a 1978 seven inch Brownies doll in the then current uniform which these days isn't strictly uniform a mix and match from our lists thing so no one six looks the same unlike then.

 

 

Then there's the more role model sort such as this original British Airways Stewardess one from the days countries had "National Carriers" which was presented to staff and can we keep our -ess's please.

 

We're not men thank god and there's nothing demeaning about having a female title, actresses are not just "eye candy"  but highly accomplished performers and Stewardess's perform and important role where knowledge, tact and common sense make a huge difference to air travel.

Reflections on the week

 Well we are back although the journey certainly tried my patience with diversion, road closure and resurfacing signs coupled with incidents doubling the time it took to get home from littles camp.

It's a sign that this thing has actually worked that I was able to zone out, letting it pass over me without going into a meltdown or swearing quite badly, keeping calm even when the car driver was starting to get quite agitated.

The other thing was I was able find a way though the politics of presentation as one or two have some rather trenchant ideas about how littles should dress and unlike them I accept the changes today have a good number of things that are better when it comes to gender roles and how we dress.

So I found ways of being more "girlie" when I felt like it that weren't so stereotypical and stood my ground where an activity simply wasn't going to work for me in a respectful way, doing all I could to help out.

That again used to be a bit problematic mainly because few said exactly what and when they really needed a hand and I'm used to more direct "I could use some help" statements rather than mind reading, bobbing up all the time with offers that would be met by counter offers.

I'd say I did good this time.

A message coming in spare moment

 

Golly, a week away with the girls where playing a street tough you do to deal with males can just drop so we get to be as cutesy as we feel on the inside with our plushies, pretty bows and pretty shorter skirts and dresses on.

You get the opportunity talk about and even release feelings and emotions that are in you without anyone thinking you're so weak and vulnerable they'd take advantage.

You get back to doing what you're best at, playing, baking things for fun, running around playing sports, being in the moment.

I don't do social media and that while away cos I'm just being little me, sometimes silly, sometimes needing sharp reminder about what I'm doing but it's okay.

It's really about honouring and respecting your inner little self.

Do we really belong here?

There will be a pause next week I think simply for being away and so not with chromebook and you really cannot type up droves of posts for blogs to cover that period while getting ready to go away with all the packing and the regular weekly activities and that.

There is one topic I keep coming back to which is around age identity and from that what really is appropriate because if you are very much a person to whom sexually or other kink based interests apply (like bdsm) then it's quite straightforward.

You may role play an age in a context, say DD/lg reflecting a point that for you you wish to return to in the context of that and any relationships but you still ultimately see yourself as, and identify with, your age as recorded on your birth certificate.

You are also quite likely to have the adult adeptness to handle adult content sites connected with that.

And that is okay.

I seldom if ever feel adult, although I know the law says I own consequences for actions I commit as one and never identify as an adult (I could have written this in my teen easily).

I struggle with tasks that require adult levels of comprehension and seeing what is coming next so does it make sense at all for me to have a presence on any adult site that has lead to issues around bullying, presumed overt sexual interests and what not?

In the ideal world, I will be blunt and say, No.

The problem comes for me in that a small portion of me, a portion that in childhood featured the threat and delivery of spankings that still runs through that perception of how I see me is a topic that (understandably)

today cannot be mentioned in child safe places (heck references to it often get removed in republished children's literature).

That only leaves adult sites as places I can talk about and with people and then sometimes they won't allow you to reference any however briefly that occurred as a child at that time and we'd all agree mentioning that of actual children in the modern world isn't right (and attracts bad sorts).

And those places are the ones I struggle with, cos beyond this one subject, I really don't belong in scenes that going by any assessment of my emotional intelligence would show I'm too young for.

I'm just wondering if really leaving such spots for good might not be the most sensible thing for someone like myself.