Easter Monday Edition

It was August Bank Holiday as I write this so this edition is going to be about a number of things that kind of connect.

The first thing is I am continuing with my study which isn't by any means easy having just done a English practice exercise based on an extract from "The Sea Raiders" by H G Wells who I suspect writes above my innate comprehension level. The fact this is supposed to be set for 11 to 14 year olds may give you an insight into just how real my problems actually are and why it's progress that I'm sat at  desk in uniform doing this not throwing it back at you!

I've got a whole Math unit revision  to complete too based on all the work I've done so far this year before moving on Shapes which just to ensure I have a hope in heck of having gotten the foundations to get right.

The other thing is although we don't talk about as much as at one time we did when things really started coming to a head the reintroduction of traditional corporal punishment has made a very real difference to my attitudes and behaviour over the years ass I have built up a powerful connection between cause and effect, with "zolts" going i my mind as to what happens BEFORE I get into that oppositional habit so I THINK before I ACT.

Things today while not perfect do run better for all that so I'm grateful for it and indeed to mark sure I start this term with a much better attitude I have been given a reminder caning on the bare with obvious weals that hurt to remind me.

 

The one thing we know from nine and a half years ago is it really works on me.

Getting better lessons

Today's entry is a bit more reflective after recent events and with my feeling a bit off this morning my mind does turn to other things.

Despite some of my challenges and as this blog does show some of my less social  turns  that require a good spanking, I do oddly enough want to be a good girl, be more use to people and generally make a difference in peoples lives.

Trying and I can be, to follow more of the ethos of things like GirlGuiding, revisit more of  the lessons I really should of learned around that time and make some clear changes is more where I am at presently cos really the only thing that needs to change is me.

I have this big soft doll to cuddle up and hug that should help remind me of what the best me looks like and get more into line.

Going backwards to go forward really is more what's needed for more to move on.

As you know I do study and that studying involves Math so I need a basic Geometry set and this the one I currently have that comes in a slip case.

 On the reverse of the slipcase there is a an illustration of what is included  in the set.

 When you get to pull it out of the slip case  you have an aluminum  tin that keeps it all together in a simple, traditional way that also is very elegant.

 When you pull it open, in the lid you have a school timetable you can personalize while on the reverse it has information on weights and measures and this is wrapped around a stencilling kit.

As you can see we have the time honoured, rule set square and protractor couples with a compass, pencil, erasure and pencil sharpener that all fits neatly.

Personally I think this is a great basic set you can add too later on.

 

Because I do quite a bit of colouring too I did pick up this Staedtler heavy duty two slot pencil sharpener as I find myself needing to resharpen them to help keep my colouring neat.

 

Again learning to aside other thoughts and relearn being content to colour, use your imagination and be a good deal less reactive stomping is more the thing and colouring does help keep me feeling calm and in control of my at times wayward emotions.

A leopard can change its spots

It is easy to get into a mindset of thinking about those things in  your life that may not be going so well or even into comparing how you are doing compared to others but that's a habit which so easily leads to you beating yourself up.
Like for instance we may only know of what another person really is doing from what it is they've shared with us which may well be selective, missing out any mess ups and only as they feel it is so really those comparisons may not be too accurate.
The other side of this is we may be understating our own abilities, using a very high baseline to judge them by or be so used to perceiving our failure that we automatically feel we have when maybe we've done okay really.
This came to me on Sunday where I had spent this weeks Study Weekend working on a longform part of guide working with a person I hadn't collaborated with before with no indication of the exact format and structure they were working for even.
Let's say the absence of that usually gets me into tailspinning territory  as I stare into the blank page on my non microsoft office suite so I type a few headings  and eventually find one to start typing to and slowly work may way to the final one.
I review it and send it to the person I am working with with not to say it's not perfect but it's like the best I can do here thinking to myself it's not really good enough, maybe they'll do the electronic equivalent of tearing it up even.
Imagine then you get a message to say although it may need the odd change, they really like it that even they say it's a pleasure to read something so well written, that actually I'd structured it similar to their own section.
Really, Jo that boarding school girl severely dyslexic actually manages to pull it off when she was feeling like walking the corridors thinking she'd failed!
I think the point here is I grew up so much with the idea I was no good at this that I came to believe it didn't matter  what I did or anyone said they could help me, that I couldn't change that outcome.
I changed the outcome cos I actually believed in it enough to do the work using techniques that I had learned and was prepared to spend my time on learning  and learning to trust people who were prepared to help me make those changes.

Getting with the program

The other side to an upcoming regular blog edition which in the topsy-turvey world actually comes out first!

The first thing to say was this whole period was something of a rush job so I really had get moving sorting up transport single-handledly, checking that nothing had altered as the railway has a lot maintenance work on around the weekends.

A major part of these weekends is to do with supervised study which this time was both English and Math and is taken in a room with chalkboard set up where work to copied is put on, and any formal instructing is done through  through the person taking the lesson interacting with me as their adult school child.

I have to sit at a wooden old style based school desk and matching chair with my exercise books and pen, pencil and erasure on the desk top, only able to leave if I ask to be excused.
Actual school work books are used based on current school curriculum requirements and standards.

In front of the desk is a traditional ratton cane and nearby are a leather strap, a tawse and ruler all of which is in full view of me  and to which for the entire duration of my stay can be used on me. 

I made a number of mistakes starting with not checking my cellphone either before I departed or while travelling to the person I was to met with so before we even began I was hand spanked and lectured over it which probably has a lot to do with just not being used to using cellphones, usually checking just on arrival, replying then. I have to change this from now on.
I did make a few mistakes with the math  not helped by not paying full attention to the instructions which saw me being bent over the desk.

One thing that has changed now is I'm instructed to "assume position" from where I'm sat so I put myself over the desk, presenting my raised bottom to be the given the spanking they have decided to delivered each and every time.

So I am now made to play a complicit part in of each spanking I have earned by offering my bottom up to the pain and discomfort that it will feel.

I was strapped twice and then I just got up without asking permission and so got tawsed.

The other thing is the spankings I got were talked of in my company as were what lead to them as I squirmed with embarrassment having sit there being talked about, having people speaking in support of spanking me for them.

Shame is something I am being caused to feel for my attitudes to move me on which is so much how as a actual child some people did  to make me feel uncomfortable with unacceptable habits and behaviour

Later on I was better when it came the cookery doing a very good job of making mashed potato and carrot by hand, making slivers of parsnip and  a whole fruit pie by hand which is the first time I've ever made a pie never mind a fruit one including the pastry.

The lessons I learned from November, where I was  put into the kitchen to teach me to be responsible  by helping out in the cooking of our evening meal had started to sink in as my relationship has changed with them.

I have to play an active role when I'm with them, I have to contribute to the house by my actions, I have to follow the rules and accept consequences when I do not.

The still smarting bottom I have is because of my attitudes and actions which while much better than they were two years ago still  have some distance to go before they get into line with most peoples.

Letter writing weekend

A scene from the past? Well I'd be in some very serious trouble for cheating like that and I recall well at boarding school a classmate too who wasn't the popular kid in class for bragging and being somewhat priggish did try the concealed note trick for an exam and got caught out.
It brought a smile upon my face!
Another great story was the kid aged 14 who was in an electrified wheelchair who writing his Geography homework about Japan wrote of his extensive trips and personal knowledge that he sure couldn't of had although Ronnie was a gas to be with. He'd been clearly caught out plagiarizing a book from the library as there was no way he'd of gotten the bottom of the seabed!!!
As my Papa knows whatever my failings are I'm never that dishonest as hard going as studying can be for me like this weekend where I was working on understanding the types of writing, the typical format and structure of each and the style and tone doing exercises in rewriting from supplied information letters and articles in all  five of them.
That's to develop competence and confidence in using them in everyday settings to help me do more for myself and my BFF, Lucy, support each other in our studying in addition to generally getting our lives together.
After that I listened to some music to relax and chatted cos too much studying and no fun isn't any good for me as much as having to settle down and do some structured activity is.

"We interupt this blog with a Newsflash"

Not the why are we waiting  edition but if you hadn't spotted I'm actually away which makes blogging more difficult as I can't go and place five links at various places and many people rely on social media for updates than tried and true systems like RSS and even 'Following'.

There are classes laid on during this period I'll be attending where I'll be doing some work -ones a bit vague but two are arts and crafts based which apart from being fun to do, putting me in a class really takes me into little space, feeling I'm back in school.
One difference from being in school in my day was we didn't have a half of the technology today's schoolboys and girls had not least that you have at hand as it were and some of issues associated with it. We passed notes and made paper airplanes in class.
Do you think I'll whip out my cellphone starting going through texts and missed calls when we're meant to be working?
I rather suspect if I did it would be dealt with cos apart from distracting others, disrespecting those who take time out to take the classes, it doesn't help me to learn to concentrate on the task in hand as I'm easily distracted.
Rules do have a purpose.

Industriously studying...

Do you know, just as we get toward the end of the weekend where to be honest it probably was for the best I was indoors with the rain, the sun starts shining incandescently, illuminating everything.

This weekend I was studying as the impact from the electrical storms in my head I get with migraines has gone away looking at all the regular Polygons and how you work out internal and external angles which turned out to be as easy as pie!
In English I did some set work around vocabulary , looking how to use adjectives, nouns, verbs and adverbs to add flavour to your writing so it is more interesting to read and the use of formal and informal words and phrases.
This was pretty difficult because with my disabilities I have a limited vocabulary both for speech and written English, there are ten year olds with wider ones than I, and quite often I can't 'see' other more colourful word choices when I think about what I'm going to say that may help make what I say more interesting and memorable.
I don't like sounding as if my words have just been just superglued together than a few fragments to make a sentence and it may be this exercise can help with that.
I'll have a go at writing another short story before we go away as I won't be getting far this week as the coach company that runs some of our locals buses has stopped trading so something like 40% of local services aren't running including nearly all Saturdays!
The local Council are trying to sort this out but it takes time because you need vehicles and drivers of which there's a shortage so I may use that time typing out a story.

Weekend lessons

Well after that weekend off studying and not the previous weekend being able to write you know what happens: Resumption of studying this weekend tackling the outstanding English work taking our time so I don't over do things but equally I am not allowed  to get away with not doing the things I can do.

 This last two weeks has seen me work on symmetry and shapes in Math and punctuation together with how to write interesting sentences so they hold the attention of reader not sounding very samey.
The last week I got 90% in the math unit and 87% for the english which doesn't surprise me as I do struggle thinking of different ways of expressing the same idea and the notion of active sentences is not something I'm familiar with.
My ability or at least how I feel about expressing myself does impact on my poor self confidence, often feeling unsure about if people are following what I'm saying and what if they get all wrong?
Between things, I wrote a short story for and about a group of friends in the way I one would of been 2013 here around a fictitious school and an incident in the day of the life a group of boarding school children.
At least one person was quite impressed with the sentence structure and language used in telling the story so there's a direct practical application of the formal lessons I have been learning this last six months.
The more informal side of this experience deserves some comment.
 It's always been easier to sit around not doing things either expecting an exemption, or because those who might of expected anyone else to  seem to think I shouldn't to the point they never really saw what I could do because they never had me try it.
So for a very long time my default was to do nothing and in so far anything like studying went  if it wasn't going to be easy then plenty of people would just let me do next to nothing even while it may of hard going, I could of done something more.
That's really thing that is changing both with the studying having to do things I find hard, coping with flare ups of some of my conditions which consideration is given to and even being with people where I am expected to help out, contributing in kind that people are helping me turn around those old habits.
Thinking over how I have dealt with my recent paw problems plus my more recent visits staying with people underscores this so much and I'd like to thank everyone who has and is helping me move on cos it's time I did.

Pay attention Jo (yet another study weekend)

This was typed between bit of spare time this weekend where it was bright and sunny although not exactly warm here not that it stops his Gingerness from being out for hours at a time.

"Cheer up, Girls, it can't surely be that bad" is the thought that enters my mind looking at that picture and the desks we sat at one by one until my secondary education were similar for those of us brought up with rote learning and the notion the teacher delivering the lesson to the class.
This weekend I've been studying  with an English practice on an extract from Oscar Wilde's The Picture  of Dorian Gray which was more about how to answer questions long answers where there is not a clue in the question as the what in the extract you need to look at and where necessary quote from.
Not wishing to sound like I'm on repeat, but my reading age is barely in double digits so reading it for the gest of the story was very hard going but I managed 90% in this.
The other part of the study is my favourite subject  -NOT- Math looking at working out Areas, Circumferences, Diameters and Radius using formulas for squares, circles, rectangles and triangles (right angled and others) in addition to learning about Solids and Nets which involves having to use ordinary math.
Although part of the formula wasn't properly explained so I had to work it out for myself, I did actually get 100% on this unit which is pretty amazing.
I'd like to thank Papa Bear for his supporting me, he's a lovely, firm but fair guy who believes in me probably more I've done in the  past to be honest and everyone else who does helping me grow.

The Tudors

I had a fairly wide ranging education even though I missed chunks and arguably wasn't properly taught but I did study History to the equivalent of English A level standard and a chunk of that was about the Tudors in England and Wales.
We didn't go too much into education back then, although it was very much something the really well to do boys had back then and as can be seen from this marvellous illustration  a boy in a state of disgrace regarding his conduct would be birched in front of his peers.
It also was a period of judicial Corporal as well as Capital punishment if you were caught begging or stealing.

Studying in discomfort

Golly gosh so much rain this weekend that him who hacked my account on Friday been begging to stay in and use his litter tray instead!
On Saturday in English, I've been looking at the second bain of my written life the one below spelling which I'm officially lousy at and above structure, namely paragraphing.
You know I never really knew what they were for and this section left me thinking for like ages I'd thought a paragraph was the exact same thing as a sentence but seemingly they are not.
A paragraph apparently is a group of sentences talking about the same thing or follow on from each other and at least over in the UK in handwritten work you do indent the first sentence of a new paragraph whereas in typing classes I was taught not to!
The benefit of using paragraphs are that they show clearly you're writing about something new. It may be a new point in an essay, when you talk about new person or they speak if it's a story, if you're talking about a new place or a different time when people read your written work.
The section also looked  at how you link sentences together too.
I got 100% on the end test for that which included writing three paragraphs of a story to demonstrate your ability  to use them well although needless to say some of my linking words show Canadianisms.
As well, I looked at punctuation,something a person I know who helps  people stay on track but who also does private English tuition recognizes is a weakness of mine with the work covering capitalization, clauses  and phrases amongst many things.
Sunday saw the return of Math dealing with the efficient use of calculators and what the keys really do, like I didn't know what the +/- key was for(!), working out formulas which was very hard and  ordering Decimals which isn't like the Hallway Monitor bellowing at you if you're going to fast or not in line, which is something that sure happened at my school.
I got 100% in the first and last areas and just 66% with formulas but even getting that was a minor miracle compared  to how I used to be and shows just much changing how I'm treated and at the same time giving me proper support and guidance can help

I'm also working in some discomfort cos I hurt my small toe yesterday with the inward top bit nearer the foot hitting a hard plastic object as I lost my footing, getting up quicker than perhaps I should of, not really thinking. I'll spare you a picture but a small portion of is definitely bruised (it's black!!!) and while I'm a bit better today, last night I was limping on my right foot! This is not what I'm needing for later on in the week.

Final January study weekend

If you looked around of Friday and nothing seemed to have changed, that's okay cos I didn't make a optional late week entry.

Anyway, this Saturday saw me working at English looking at different styles of writing, formal and informal, the sort of language, sentence structure and introductions, concluding paragraphs and the way you sign letters.
Writing I learned can be about many things thing, such as stories, essays, informing, explaining ,advising and persuading people by argument and how each has their own needs to be effective.
As well, I learned about the importance of planning what you write, setting the topic, the points or when it comes to stories, the plot, seeing it through to a conclusion that leads to the reader understanding fully what you were saying.
It's very tempting to just plow on with an idea very much as it comes to you without really making sure at the end you've fully covered everything that's relevant to it and while it's possible in the age of the text writing program to change things, it's still more time consuming to rework everything compared to just setting down and making a plan.
Structuring matters especially to ending a piece of writing, which has never been my strong point as while I did lean how to write a decent business letter at college a good number of years back, everything we did was very business orientated including how to compose telegrams.
The other area of English I did was around Reading, looking at descriptions and how authors compare and contrast characters answering questions on extracts including quoting to back up the points in my answers.
I got 100% in one test and 70% in the second, which for someone with my disabilities is pretty good going.
On Sunday because I'm better now, I had math work to get on with such as looking at using and calculating Ratios, working out Units and Money (the making sense of that I really struggle with in shops).
That sort of thing can help if you're trying to figure what's the best offer in the shops, what the total cost of things are and how much change should have cos as embarrassing as it is it's all stuff that adds to the other aspects of being out, shopping emotionally that soon takes me into very negative oppositional behaviour.
In addition I have Long Multiplication and Division to work at which I struggle with, being warned of consequences if I flat out refuse to try get to grips with them cos I'm like that at times.
I did the tests on this and I got them all right just using paw, pencil and paper.
My BFF suggested trying a Times Table cd to help me learn my Times Tables as I struggle with them so I got one, copied it and it lives on a portable player so I can both learn and keep them them fresh in my head.
Knowing my times tables helped me especially with long division  which I think was the big problem at school - taking to take me to more advanced work without really grasping the basic things - so I just dug my heels in.
Thanks to everyone not least my BFF for supporting me checking in across the two days.
Lucy, you're a star!

Final study weekend

The weekend brought on more work on my English looking at how different strucures go with different types of written work plus thing are described  and characters compared and contrasted. My Math work involved looking at ratio, portions, units and basic muliplication with division.
 Hmm as you’d prolly guess I was threatened with a spanking if I didn’t at least start on Long Multiplication and Division (no, not the diversion on the A461!) as I was starting to get stroppy which as you guys know is a bit of problem of mine when I didn’t want to do something I need to cos it’s not that stuff isn’t hard, I just don’t wanna try half the time so I make things harder for me and that’s why I’m dealt with very strictly from now on.
This kinda approach may not  everyones cup of tea but undermines what a Caregiver type relationship comes down to, You as the Caregiver are a Parental Authority Figure working with and Enforcing what we’ve agreed to help me as your Middle make the most of my abilities and cracking down on attitudes of mine that self sabotage my becoming more mature is a part of that.
During the weekend I was checked on by BFF so I had direct support across that period from someone who’s in the similar situation as I as we have many conditions in common and sadly the same attitudes, encouraging me to keep going as I did for her. This mutual support is really helping.

More Study weekend

This week had a couple of totally unexpected problems that I've touched on at various sites so I don't particularly need repeat the details of what happened other than to say the combination of them plus damaging my neck accidentally had meant I haven't been feeling well over the last few days.

This weekend saw  me working on my English comprehension, working out from the text what is going on and how characters in a play or story feel by carefully reading the text looking not just what is said but how they use language to convey it.
I had to study extracts some were non fiction, others were plays and answer questions from it, quoting  to back the points I made which was fun cos if you know about something like photography and the extract is about it, you have to answer from that extract alone rather personal experience.
I also had a whole unit on Shakespeare and his plays-you can't escape him here in the Midlands-dealing with language, types of play, theatrical terms and questions on extracts to do.
I got 90% in my tests which super good for me.
Normally I'd also do the Math work but given how poorly I'd been with dizziness I was lucky to be given credit for this and excused while being expected to do as much as I can with the English because I was able to do some work and so am expected to now.
It's very different to how things were when I'd deke out of anything but the very strict, firm but fair approach that's being taken to me is helping  me take a more mature approach do dealing with my conditions. That has to be good for me.

Weekend studying

Another weekend goes and can you imagine what I've been doing over two days in this cold and snowy time?

 Yes, I had double studying this weekend where I actually had just sit down and work my grey socks off rather than either being distracted by other stuff online or otherwise and actual get started on time as I have from now on...
Is that an offstage Ow you hear? (lol).
So on Saturday in English I was working on backing up points by using quotations and getting to grips with making sense of Shakespeare, being able to read extracts from plays and make out what really is happening to the point of being able to show I understood  what I had read.
Shakespeare isn't like me  just coming out with it even with a bit of diplomatic license, it's often wrapped around long poetic descriptions and anything but direct.
I did manage to get every question right this week as well as drawing neat boxes to make the tables to put some of the answers in.
During the week the Ks 3 Math study and workbook arrived which could mean one thing, that like it or not I had Math to work on  and was required to get myself a Geometry set and traditional exercise book to write my work in on Friday when it had been snowing.
Can you imagine it, a increasing number of exercise books with "Joanne, [Subject] Month/Year and Form: 1EB" written neatly on the front that I am to fill out over the year?
Sunday I had to tackle Math starting on what you'd call basic number work such as how you put numbers in order to express them as Math and in English as well as size before moving on addition, subtraction, multiplication and division featuring patterns, multiplying and dividing  in decimal units which cause my fears to multiply(!) as well how to multiply and divide numbers like 20, 300, 800 which I can't recall being shown not that being truthful I'd of paid that much attention to back in the day.
I'm also working through Multiples, Factors and odd, even, squared and cubed numbers too and it's all starting sink in as although this is hard for me, I did actually manage it, even going back over one calculation three times until I spotted where I was going wrong which was very good for me as I'd of thrown the pencil at you cursing until very recently.
In a way it really underscores where the work on my attitudes and behaviour slots in because it's not that this isn't hard  for me but it is something with support I can grasp but didn't want saying in effect "Too hard, why even try" which is why a very strict line has and is taken with me.
It actually shows that with a no-nonsense approach when it's coupled with support and guidance I am able to do things, that I have abilities I can use and from now on I'm to put a real effort into trying. 

I CAN DO MORE WITH THE RIGHT HELP WHEN I ALLOW OTHERS TO HELP ME
That is what being a responsible disabled adult middle is all about

Also my BFF checked in during the days to see how I was getting on, like actually getting started and I did the same for her which does seem to work well for both of us and she did well too.

New term

For a good while now for reasons connected to my  general health and multiple disabilities,I have been out of the workplace which if you knew me you’d see makes a lot of sense as in a good many respects if you were to try to help me to a job, then actually you’d end up doing the lions share which be hardly economic and with being unwell, I’d be taking a lot of time off too.
The downside of this there isn’t really any organized ‘day care’ to help me use this time, challenge me not just in the intellectual sense but also from the point of just being prepared to give new things a go as well as working on making the most of my limited abilities.
This year I am to work on this and part of it is to deal with two things that are a essential part of of everyday life I do struggle with which at the period most of most people got to grips with, I didn’t in part because in that era there wasn’t much recognition of different ways of learning and also, and connected more with this blog, the problem is my attitude toward challenges.
I have a lot of problems in understanding  basic math, the sort of math you’d expect the average twelve or thirteen year old to do, from long multiplication and division onward problems around  reading for comprehension and expressing myself clearly in text that also spell over into verbal expression that can spell over into me being oppositional.
I am to study anew these subjects using more contemporary study guides and workbooks, the sort children today use at a similar level of development to that I’m left at, making notes and doing unit tests that will be marked.
It began yesterday with a fairly gentle easing in doing a couple of sections in English looking at what is Text, its different forms (fiction, non-fiction), ways of expression feeling and atmosphere and so on using ideas that I don’t recall being formal taught back in the day.
Anyway, I was supposed to had gotten started at half past Nine but by Ten to Ten I was still sat there defiantly looking at the study guide because it looked hard.
That’s the problem in me. You see, over the decades and especially during childhood because of the genuine difficulties from my disabilities, if I didn’t feel like giving something a go even if it maybe something I may need to get to grips with, then I was allowed to either not do it or put next to no effort into trying rather than having to but being given credit for what I did do (and get right).

By Ten to Ten the trusted Adult (who is is allowed to discipline me)  that was  supervising the days work, came over and told me off for refusing to get started as after all, if I had a genuine problem with it, he would help.
He put me over the chair pulling my black gymslip up which was followed a big tug as he pulled my gym knickers right down and proceeded to give me twelve strokes of the leather paddle which really hurt my bottom. For good measure afterward he made me sit with my knickers down to add to the sense of brought on shame which also meant  my bottom hurt even more on the chair.
He proceed to explain this attitude of mine where I say I have a disability that makes doing things hard and then deciding not to even bother with anything requiring perseverance, taking a defiant  attitude toward even trying wasn’t helping me manage it and as an adult middle it was time this was put a stop to.
My disability isn’t an excuse for not trying
This is why he explained is why from now on every single time I do something like that, I will be paddled for it on the bare, no if’s buts or maybes.
After that, I did actually start, feeling very tearful as my bottom throbbed and I got through two units in the study guide and the corresponding sections with tests in the work book getting 85%.
He like most grown ups do understand how my disabilities cause genuine difficulties and gives me credit for that.My attitude gave me no credit because I refused to start and as painful as yesterdays lesson he taught me was he was right.
My disability isn’t an excuse for not trying
My results were quite acceptable and although other units may be harder it doesn’t mean that either I will fail nor it justified taking the attitude it looked too hard for me because I will be judged on what I do right and helped with what I don’t.
Like every other person from now on I am expected to try and give things my best shot
My disability isn’t an excuse for not trying – EVER

Junior Jo

One form of Junior me was this, modified by a friend a few years back where the grey pleated skirt was changed for a straight hard-wearing one similar to that wear by girls at my high school and where the red sweatshirt is replaced by a V neck sweater allowing my blouse an school tie to show through.
The key word in this 'Junior', pre-teen, as that's very much how feel my inner child is and mentally I'm at as afterward the mismatch between appearing teen and how I was (and remain) really became more noticeable to the point I had to be looked after and even sheltered from some aspects of regular teen life.

Age regression

What does age regression mean to you?
It’s not a phrase I use simply because my Middles with a little side flows from my inner child in real time less than the notion of say taking on a pre-defined role with an script, running more with actual child within emotional responses and  needs as it happens in real time. It’s more space for my Middle with little side to express herself with the ‘play’ being the setting where she comes out.
It also is the case with developmental disabilities and brain damage, even at school, not least high school, I was considerably younger than my years which left me out of sync from my mid teens onward with most of my peers although I could share in say a love of music and some movies at least but with a lot their more grown up interests and sexual references going completely over my head, like they’d be talking about making out and I’d be more interested in having a teddy bears picnic or a tween sleepover.
For me those situations either on line or in playmeets  with some of my friends over here are very therapeutic to me because they’re where I can really let that side of me out without the fear of people poking fun although the community where I live are very tolerant of my child-like ways and being know to have “special needs” does run  to my advantage in that way, allowing a greater degree of self expression than I’d of imagined after leaving high school.
How do you express you inner-kid: online? offline as part of your everyday life?
Online is fun as I am very childlike, cracking lame jokes, getting super excited but thankfully most people are at least tolerant of my childlike ways although I make serious posts on non IK sites but am very open at sites like DDLG World or Girltalk.to.forums about my little side sometimes really regressing in say a IK chat room
In what we call Real Life, as will be apparent later on, my 'big’ and I express ourselves pretty much the same, which can be fun  cos I just can’t help being myself as I use child-like phrases and words instinctively, often have plaything with me (my last works colleagues 'got it’ and were super understanding of me being very much a child to the point of buying childrens gifts at Christmas),  do dress in a more child-like way, often have cute plushies around, and easily move into little/middle headspace when I’m out, playing with thing.
My IK really comes out at Adult Little Girl meets and sleepovers, it’s just like boarding school which I loved having been to one and I’m always dressed as Middle in either playwear or English school uniform which fits me perfectly.
How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don’t feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.
The answer to this is simple  which is to say I don’t have much of adult sense of self through the real world impact of learning, development and intellectual disabilities to the point much of the adult world is beyond my personal comprehension, having no interest or need to. Basically I’m a child with a big age number living more like a child apart from paying taxes and that.
What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?
I struggle with things around getting things done on time, do put off important things for more fun in the moment activities, badly need structure and am capable of being disrespectful of others because I get more into what I want then and there without considering them. As well, I don’t always judge situations well and my abilities especially in  emotionally stressful situations to keep up with and process verbal reasoning can get so poor that it just ends up jumbled up with me getting more and more frustrated with that person.  Grown up approaches to disciplining me simply aren’t effective because they just can’t go in.
What works better with me is having clear cut rules and rigid boundaries around what I’m expected to do and clear consequences which is what my mentor/caretaker has been working on with me since just before Christmas. The main focus is around working on bring more permanent changes in my behaviour and attitudes rather than just the use of discipline through talking about situations and one on one guidance.
Discipline forms an important part within the maintenance of those rules though, flowing very much as the consequence delivered for breaching them in the way as a child  it would and so my mentor/caretaker does use corporal punishment with me as so an increasing number of trusted 'grown ups’ when I’m in IK situations involving them with permission and appropriate discreteness, often when I’m dressed more as a child too.

I find being disciplined less stressful than wordy verbal scolding, feeling very calm over a knee while it also certainly has helped together with the guidance and love of others in improving my attitudes and behaviour no end. My parents have little idea what this is about but they’re really impressed by how much I’ve improved.
The aftercare is really good and I find afterward its like I’ve been 'reset’, centred anew with no past offences hanging over me although it does hurt.

Junior caning past

It always seemed to me that one of things that marked out becoming a Junior was the attitude taken to how having committed some infraction or other you were treated.by parents and especially your school.
In the past although it would it would of been something more like a scolding, smacked hands and possibly having to miss recess but because we were now Juniors, we were expected to think more about what we did and because we were older we were to be went straightway to our head teacher where as before the class teacher handled it.
I have many disabilities, some it had to be said weren't identified until after I left the education system but my physical and aspects of my developmental ones were known while in a mainstream  school and for me therefore it was no different.
I was a bit more prone to acting on impulse compared to some of my classmates but not especially naughty but could act up not least when I was meant to be doing something I found hard going or I felt people were ignoring me on purpose.
The Headteacher was at least compared to some other kids I knew was actually lovely man who did care about us, often inquiring casually how we were about our lives outside of formal lessons and did heaps to help us but he did believe strongly in classroom discipline.
You could talk with a teacher but never tell them what to do or demand your terms and they wanted you to try, then you were expected to do your best, making any changes later if they felt it wasn't working. And I was prone to trying to demand things or over-reacting so my teacher would send me to his office for a lecture often with a suppressed snigger from some in the class.
That was the point when as the expression goes, the kid gloves came off as he'd lecture me, simplifying his points, before pulling out his cane at which point I gasped as it sank in something unpleasant was going to happen.
Noticing my expression and being ready to go into a 'But-but-but Mister' appeal he explained what was to happen to me HAD to be the same as the others in the class and although he loved me, my being disabled was NOT an excuse to be treated different and more to the point he refused to treat me any different and so with that, he put me over the desk.
This was point my pants came down and my main Adult Authority figure gave me six strokes of the best before hugging me and sending me in tears back to the class.
It didn't happen very often afterward but whenever I acted up up to my last Junior term, I'd end up being sent to him although it didn't effect our relationship as I understood he trying to help me behave and rightly he needed to treat me the same as the others.
Indeed up until his death we had a great relationship having kept in touch since leaving his school and his own retirement.
I have him to than for not only keeping order in our school that helped me learn but also for demonstrating discipline wasn't a bad thing and it comes out of love.

Teen uniform

It's not unknown for older schoolgirls to wear plain tights to school which with the plaid skirt she's wearing does rather work well and I suspect the school jumper is made for them as I don't think it's like the sow on school badges one had for your blazer.

As middlish teen school uniform one balance its a very good choice although it doesn't have the appeal of a traditional pinafore tunic aka Gymslip.