Disability and discipline

There is one subject that I'd like to talk about on this blog which I do have views on.

 

While good arguments can be made for punishing people for things they could do but didn't especially if they had negative consequences for others, I do feel it is wrong to punish somebody for something that they had little or no control over such as stammering, being unable to write neatly, forgetting because of memory problems and so on.
This was something I did see occasionally in school and quite often in the workplace where it was just presumed everybody there had no disabilities and from that there were no excuses period for not being able or struggling with a task.
What as individual you needed was either support in the the task or or some extra tuition to master a task on a one to one basis which was something I had to fight tooth and nail for even at the risk of alienating some colleagues who though this help for me was somehow a threat or  unfairness to them.
Not  work reviews that seemed to be every other week sapping your confidence or any chastisement that if we'd of just refused to do right would of been justified and disability shouldn't prevent you for getting it.

Being an Edwardian Girl

I find the past interesting not least looking at past fashions at our local Museum's  in this bit of the Midlands and little girl fashions is one subsection of  that.

Sears of Chicago, Illinois had this to offer in 1914 what Britishers would instinctive call the Edwardian era cos they define things by the Monarch on the Throne but I think you can spot some timeless elements like the collars, relative simplicity of the dresses and the Ribbon in your head, something that's making quite a comeback over here in the UK in the last few years.
The Bloomers look really charming!

 

Meanwhile, this side of The Pond  near the end of World War One, you can some complete outfits it's the frocks * and head wear that get my attention like the Straw Hat, like I've never worn one in my entire life.

I could just picture meeting a group of similar attired children at a Summer Party out of doors back then.

The Edwardian era was one of change of styles from those that went back toward the 18th Century to after 1910 when the more streamlined Sailor based look came including navy Gym Tunics which remain a part of schoolgirl uniform today.

The site link below is actually pretty interesting for documenting those changes and even has colouring pages to print off and colour!

Fashion Era

(*=In the form of English they speak here, a Frock is a woman's dress or gown)

I am good

Although I am a troubled Middle adult little girl who does mess up, I am a girl who  has an innocence about her even though my family is a mess have many unresolved issues from the past that impacted me.
I don't think in terms of the advantage I may take from another by engineering situations, playing people against each other,instead I like to help people when I can being around for them because I  care.
I'd rather cuddle my plushies than hurt  a soul
I have a good heart.
I AM GOOD.

Post Experience Project edition

Yesterday marked many things such as the 90th birthday of Her Majesty, the Queen and sadly was the day the multi-talented musician and actor, Prince died but it also was the day the door shut on what had been a part of my life permanently.
The Experience Project finally shut its doors at 4PM PDT April21st after giving notice but sensing a certain nostalgia, I did get in using a spare account to leave a few brief posts up interacting for the last time with people.
You see I joined it would of been about eight years ago after reading quite a bit from the site sometimes about things about other people I'd encountered before had  and also it had to be said  to find out more about me.
They way it worked was that you found an experience you wished to talk about, be it one affirming some element of you or as I did writing about what I had felt and though comments, messages and further entries you through what it might be you were feeling.

It was by talking around this continual sense of still being a child that Iearned that a good number of others did from different directions, that I'd sooner lay across the sidewalk in a dress marking out and then playing hopscotch.
It wasn't that everything was good there, it was and remains a very mixed experience with me but together with another short lived time on a site I found the Sissy lifestyle was very much odds with me with some sending me coarse messages.
That was the first spot where I began to understand you could be an Adult by chronological age but feeling as a Little Girl enjoying the childhood of a girl the second time around that lead to other places and what has been very much my life ever since.
We talked about different ways of presenting  as that Little Girl and that then lead into talking about the past and schooling, where I discovered the  notion of being that 'adult' in law little schoolgirl involving uniforms, teaching  and having encountered the girl in question, lead to meeting her face to face.
It also was the place I found from somewhere the courage to talk about something else about the past at home and at school, rules and consequences, how they differed and to the extent some of those needs even remained.
I came out as a person who feels the need to be spanked as that schoolgirl, middles child forever to help me behave myself, talking with others who are, talking with people who did spank them around how they did it.  They in turn started very open conversations  with me about how I'd like my bottom spanked and how that would effect my relationships with people would be doing this.
This in time lead to me getting a caregiver figure that used spanking and other techniques to help change my behavior, bring in a clear cut sense of accountability and others coming into my life restoring the accountability and childhood spanking that has helped me so much.
Experience Project as a site was a mixed thing with me but I learned to explore, articulate and stand up for me, my identity and my needs, helping move me on setting up a life that is so much the better for me.

Roadmaps?

It's kind of funny how it is you find the inspiration you need  when and where you may least expect it such as this drawing by TheLatestKate on Tumblr.

Tumblr is a funny place in that all manner of things can be found on there, sometimes original texts or as in this instance art amongst a vast forest of straight reblogging of everyone elses so sometimes you see the same thing several times over not helped by encourage people to reblog things that may not even be their own just because someone got there first.
But actually, to get back the post itself,  when I first started this blog and got on a few sites sites way back when, truly I had no real idea of where everything would lead, never mind the series of connections and roundabouts I'd go through tryin' to figure it what was I was and what it was I wanted and needed.
Some of directions like one I wrote about April last where I found I had much less in common with people who define themselves as being sissy generally meaning their more into the idea of being made into something that approximates to but never takes the gender role of female from a male background with a lot gender based humilations liberaly tossed around.
Sometimes I with my disabilities actually lacked the language to articulate and even look for what it was I was really looking for  even if in some respects it had been staring me in the face from when I first realized on the onset of my teens that actually I didn't feel that,had none of the 'push toward establishing an adolescent self' cos actually developmentally I was and remain very much the child.
What I did want was a kind of new forever parent type figure I could relate to as that child, who was going to be the adult I'd relate to AS that child being cared for and where necessary chastised as that child because those were and are my actual needs.
In other words what I was wanting in my life was Caregiver for the middle with a little side me not a plain vanilla type relationship nor one just centred on  full on BDSM.

Weekly review

This week was important for me for a number of reasons one of which was a lovely little does a couple of AB related comics and the storyline featured something that was a painful Core Memory  for me.
You see when I was little, I had a lot of difficulty speaking and very poor language skills which unfortunately made me a target for people to take advantage of knowing I'd be without the means of defending myself by doing things themselves and blaming me.
This included for some reason my younger brother and one of things he'd do was he'd start a toy war saying his toy was better smarter and was going to defeat mine, getting so carried away in that either he'd launch a fight  or damage something saying it was all my fault.
It wasn't that I was an angel but I did as now know when and what fights to pick and those weren't them and so either I'd get scolded or lose out on something even though it wasn't my fault. This was one of several things that left me feeling less than safe at home.
My older brother if he was around could see right through this and deal with it, as he did when my folks were out as he did spank me a few times but as he was a Mini-Dad to me and I knew he did genuinely care I accepted it. We get on very well now no doubt helped by him reinforcing boundaries between me and authority figures.
The other thing is following the issues at one forum I talked about last week in various places, the moderation people who were removed set up a new site which is really cute even though a few bits are understandably being worked on  given they made the site up in four whole days.
The site is unapologetically covering the whole of CG/l with separate sub forums for various bits so if say BDSM isn't your thing then you don't have to read anything about it.
I rather like it
Link:
 DD/lg World
Tomorrow I have some math work to start on OR Else!

I have needs

I like to have my hair patted, I like to be hugged and gently stroked when I am feeling in need of your affection and reassurance by my Caregiver and others because it is a need I have, to be loved and feel loved.
I have the right to have my needs met.

On restoration

Restoration

Restoring the balance both at home with my parents and with other adults trying to get so a kind of natural order is there is very much what the last fifteen or so months of my life has been about, been given a proper place in those relationships, subject to their adult authority at all times.
When I look back at how things were at the start of this I can see how unsatisfactory the way I interaction at home and with other adults were, doing pretty much what I pleased no matter how they may of felt about or been effected by it.
I had a okay relationship with Mom and poor one with Dad and didn't really feel bonded to other adults at all so things did not run anything like smoothly for a lot of the time.
It wasn't that I was necessarily super obnoxious but I could not truthfully say I was exactly well behaved either having little sense of boundaries and parental and other adult guidance in my life.
It felt that I'd been been left without any guidance but being expected to know what to do when in fact I had no idea about how to behave.
That was when during Christmas 2014 when the external guidance started and as time went by other people followed through with everything changed although it took time.
This was when there now was a set of House Rules and similar rules for other adults brought into my life with very real consequences for any breach of those rule.
These included  being scolded, having my knickers taken down to be spanked or caned without fail and having to carry out any restitution straightaway.

Of course I didn’t become perfect overnight, but gradually, week by week, the new discipline code began to turn my behaviour and attitude around and as the adults recast as disciplinarians began to feel this wonderful sense of positive empowerment to act because they cared. Every time they took me over their lap I felt that at last I was receiving a way of providing me with the kind of positive guidance that I needed. I felt that they were giving me exactly what I needed, at exactly the right time in my life and I could see that I was absolutely thriving on this old-fashioned form of discipline.

It wasn't that it was all discipline, because it did include face to face discussions about my behaviour and conduct and what my many limitations being allowed for, I could and should be expected to do better together with rewards so it was recognized when I did really well to help me form a sense, a belief, in my ability to do the right thing .

This restoration  went hand in hand with having me dress more as that adult child often in her uniform as a learned to accept and co-operate with adult authority  I resembled their child subject to their adult authority with that uniform signifying my acceptance  of their rules and the spanking that I subject to in it.

Spanking I would say in my experience is an excellent form of discipline for girls who like me are over 18 and live at home or with adults to help learn how to conduct ourselves and adopt good personal habits