Stepping out as the really real me for real

Well we are back after being away from midday Friday last dealing with things that weren't done online like my Tumblr, blogs, the UR and EB Forums and real life things from the likes of the NHS, gaps in shopping with not being out last Wednesday and the like.

Most of the stuff about being away is on the main littles blog as that's really what it's about, totally non sexual fun more like a summer camp for legal adults which for strange types on Mumsnet is what its been always about.

Anyway for me it was within those terms a more frilly affair  with wearing white patterned long socks with frilly tops, going with more frilled underwear and nightdress, part in many ways of the changes we've been going through over recent months but all from a non sexual, fetish free direction.

The kind of look I'd of gone with in my early teens.

The Hello Kitty socks going with them even as in this picture with a sweatshirt and skort.

Jigsaws were done like this Mr Men one, a more child-like one cos as I said we're playing as if we're at summer camp with friends.

I felt great letting this mixture of little and sissy sides together in simple way, living in the moment being more the the full me rather than trying to fit in to someone elses idea of what this is all about.

Result!

Summer playtime

As you may of gathered I was going to be away for a few days this weekend which was a part the reason for posts being a tadge rushed.

 
But as ever and increasingly more so, I had do everything like pack everything I was going to take away with me, sort out transportation and remember to take some with me a biscuit  as I'd be travelling across midday with two friends.

This tends to be easier than sorting train connections and the almost inevitable issues these days of cancellations and delays due to weather, industrial action or no driver turning up.

Seasoned readers of certain forums will know, the last few weeks haven't been good with me with family health worries not least dads cancer, diabetes and related complications so a large part of being away was to get away from that and play more.

We've been finishing a few bits of collections off such as my Blue Peter annuals most going back to when I was younger and our television wasn't colour.

There will a more frilled mode of dress going on as you all know really that's me but in a relatively subtle more Little way given the setting - it always makes sense to "Read the room" - and keep within the events expectations.

I not usually much for short sleeves especially dresses as that's one area where body image connected dysphoria is strong in me (not feeling comfortable in your skin is so not funny) but thought this was a good setting with people to try it.

Plus it's so it's so middle/little and that above all was where I wanted, nay needed right noe.

* Picture NOT brought to you Associated Rediffusion but as I has no smart phone and selfie stick (dangerous given my computer usage issues) this is as close as you're gonna get AND see, I is for real.

Something is happening

This week is gearing up into being another hot week so I'm trying to get things done before the thermometer goes above thirty so where do we begin?

This blog.

We do get comments from time to time nearly all published unless there's a good reason not to and thing to address is the elephant in the room where I am going as I write from my experience and emotions, preferring that than just publishing captions and memes.

That is why it is different - you might feel better - than some so as I go along a journey in self discovery and expression then that does alter the context although you can't erase the past some of those past elements continue in this journey perhaps less so due to opportunities but still within me.

So they may be references to spanking as a corrective if I feel it's relevant or is going on in this life although in some ways bits had been around for a while but held back not least when in some circles Little Girl vs Sissy as bitterly thought over to point you were not meant to mix even if all you wanted to do was spend some time playing with toys, dollies and that.

Indeed one person who appears to have stopped posting at one site constantly misquoted me around all of that.

And there will be some things that are more around that such as looking at publications, toys and the like.

I am pleased this blog in its currently evolving form, talking about those changes, keeping those things few really need to know every single detail of is being not merely accepted but appreciated as it is.

Thanks.

Gurls bedroom edition

Hello readers. I'm feeling better today compared with last week which was painful to put it mildly so I thought I write something.

You know I think I owe you all a debt of gratitude really - honest I do - because whilst being pawley I remembered there were things I'd sooner be doing.

Then you see you  reminded me of something that was I had buried things like dolls I've never played with or put up and I wanted to wake up to that!

 'Stamps feet saying "I'm a little gurl, I want my dolls, teddies and awfully cute things out" ' so with that plus a bit of help, I removed stuff I no longer needed  and the process found two completely unopened dust covered  boxed dolls that just for once someone had kindly bought me for Christmas.

Anyway, I had a magical two hours playing with the white porcelain doll pictured that the manufacturers called Daisy but while sat down on my knees in my charcoal grey skirt and named her Louise after a dear school friend and made a space so when I wake up in the mornings I can see her without moving .

While I was at it those unwanted things were moved for a charity collection and I put up some Hello Kitty posters instead covering the door with stickers of her too for good measure.

I also renewed some of my sock collection for something more frilly and lace detailed as always liked that sort of things but struggled with pulling tights up and found stockings with suspenders very fiddly while the so-called hold ups well didn't on me.

Like you're forever pulling them up.

This are so much better with skirts and dresses.

Before I forget, thank you all for reading last weeks entry as I noticed an awful lot of you did when I saw the statistics today.

Btw It's okay to comment on my blog if you wish or even follow it!

Transitional arrangements

Great isn't? The combined fibre/telephone service has been dropping out this week so phone calls "dropped" mid flow and refreshing on sites was problematic apart from the usual click here and get an infection things presently taking advantage of the FUD (Fear, Doubt and Uncertainty) with the impact of online legislation.  

Still the good news is I'm rediscovering bits of the past that got chopped and changed on the blog over the years and one was I did have an interest in wearing proper maids attire and indeed at one point so wanted to work as one.

Can't say if that'll come back but it was something I did enjoy.

You can't escape the past though, and I've been through some rough patches like while I was in my teens I went rolling down a hill backwards in a motorized scooter scaring the heck out of everyone (and probably myself too) when I made a big mistake involving gradients that could of been fatal.

Talking of the past, I was reminded of things from the past while reading a few tumblr blogs where that realization at time I always seemed to want to present different to peers from time to time and the tension between their ideas and mine.

This sort of presentation was what I liked around the middle of decade that kind of got the "and she's wearing that!!!" looks but in context I just love gothy meets kittenish looks beyond school girl atttire and god knows school girls have more than one look for after school!

That was the thing and maybe I'll return to that.

Aproximations

Last week was really rather hectic with sorting out the washing from bring away, storing the case away ready for the next time away and dealing with the many things that didn't get done but we got there.

One thing you've of noticed is some changes of emphasis within what what I'm publishing here as over the years we've gone back and forth around some topics as people and sites have left and new folks come about.

One interesting thing that only by accident I found out was "K" who I know and love in real life who is in a relationship quite openly described hurself as a "sissy" on their social media that has pictures of hur on it although publicly within the group it was never mentioned.

That might of been because of historical (and I also say personally hysterical) antagonism between the LG (Little Girl) community and Sissies to the point some would refuse to share spaces even if we kept things very much around more child-like play, keeping anything remotely sexual well out of things.

When you consider how many may do  "little" and who are in relationships, then plainly people keep the parts apart.

So when I look at that then I can just openly say "I am a sissy" the way I elect to be.

Sometimes it can be classic schoolgirl as it was last weekend, it may be more party frock or may be more satins with lace and bows all with stuffies tossed in.

Girlish ankle socks, traditional knee length socks, white tights or hold up stockings depending what works best or maybe more a mix and match look.

As that gurl, this I'm sure is just how it would play out, in hur outfit, just as ever over a  lap getting hur spanking no doubt when lines were crossed.

That's what I'm more comfortable.

Experiments

It is a very windy day with much rain so it will be very much a stay indoors, read comics and stay warm day until it dies down enough to sort out the many moved items and a broken bird bath later on.

At one site people are discussing identity which for many of us tends to be complex because really many of us share multiple ones and within each you may not do or meet every single aspect some put under it.

It has also over the years been a delicate and troubling issue with me at least as much for the prejudices of differing communities toward certain groups from the big girl world of transfemales and transexuals feelings towards any of us who are more around being and dressing more child-like as in "little girl" or within that community of Little Girls towards other groups such as "Baby Cubs", AB and/or DL or "Sissies".

Some refuse to have anything to with you be it in real life or online no matter what you, yourself might do in your own take on that life or around others. 

And we all need to be aware of how our actions may be seen especially when in more public settings but when in reality nothing in it gets between what other groups are doing nor is illegal or immoral.

I will acknowledge I have always had a suppressed more overly girlie side that fits more in with some aspects of "sissy" as much as I can and enjoy other sides such as schoolgirl presentation and in real life recreation than what some "little girls" seem to be comfortable with and yet it's just a look, a cut of a few pieces of material stitched together. 

Dresses in satins often with prints, frilly undergarments possibly frillier than most girls would like but you just adore can I truthfully say I don't have a more sissy side?

Elsewhere I've battled with it, tried arguing against it, and yet it keeps coming back and what is wrong with someone seeing me as "a sissy" - just that individual and what really is my own issue with me?

I think it's time to accept that side of me and to say don't be afraid to call me what I am among many other things a "little sissy" in the same way many accept my needs for sp@nking and they can go together without straying into very much adult content territory.

Safety and submissiveness

 

Today's entry is a bit different than some from the recent past although going way back in time in other places it was the kind of thing that I was prepared to talk about and that point blog sites were less "prissy" about what could be published.

Submissiveness is something I think most of this blogs readers would be aware of, the extent to which we may be prepared to do something that may not of been at our instigation and to just accept what another may do upon us.

It can come in different guises and I'm not inclined to say how your live should be lived.

For some of us, as Littles we may be happy to hand over a chunk of upper (adult) decisions and responsibilities to a Big because it gives us the mental space to just be our own child pursuing our playfulness to wherever it does knowing we'll be looked after when say it comes to stopping to take any medical treatments or pulled away for spanking if in our playfulness we've got out of hand.

For others this can run into notions of being "made" to dress in certain ways, such as a "maid" (great pun,eh!), sexy bimbohead, being treated in ways that outsiders would see as humiliating (and some people do like it surprisingly enough) or even just being "used" in a sexual way.

Some things in that last set do have some clear risks, one reason why some communities have codes based around advanced consent even if may appear to be "forced" and the use of safe words if what was agreed at the outside is not from a psychological or physical sense "safe" at the time and so on.

Given the amount of interest shown around them clearly whatever our own ideas about what we'd do, they are meeting a need some people have.

The one area I do feel we need to very cautious over are things that involve allowing others direct access to our money as some forms of domination involve financial extortion or the use of personal details and photographs for blackmail

Some might fantasize about it - a common form is that of the deliberately outed "sissy" - but could that person really deal with the in real life consequences such as losing jobs, friends and damage within their families never mind losing their home?

You may enjoy life as a little, some like being in certain respects more of a doll, a plaything that  ultimately that individual buys into but certain elements need really thinking about because the risks are very high and hard to escape.

Acting on your submissiveness is okay but do stay safe.

Roadmaps?

It's kind of funny how it is you find the inspiration you need  when and where you may least expect it such as this drawing by TheLatestKate on Tumblr.

Tumblr is a funny place in that all manner of things can be found on there, sometimes original texts or as in this instance art amongst a vast forest of straight reblogging of everyone elses so sometimes you see the same thing several times over not helped by encourage people to reblog things that may not even be their own just because someone got there first.

But actually, to get back the post itself,  when I first started this blog and got on a few sites sites way back when, truly I had no real idea of where everything would lead, never mind the series of connections and roundabouts I'd go through tryin' to figure it what was I was and what it was I wanted and needed.

Some of directions like one I wrote about April last where I found I I always had sissy traits even though I control the exact form that may come out as as really gender re-assignement does nothing for my own sense of gender identity - I don't see myself as a female trapped in a male body.

Sometimes I with my disabilities actually lacked the language to articulate and even look for what it was I was really looking for  even if in some respects it had been staring me in the face from when I first realized on the onset of my teens that actually I didn't feel that,had none of the 'push toward establishing an adolescent self' cos actually developmentally I was and remain very much the child.

 
What I did want was a kind of new forever parent type figure I could relate to as that child, who was going to be the adult I'd relate to AS that child being cared for and where necessary chastised as that child because those were and are my actual needs.

In other words what I was wanting in my life was Caregiver for the middle with a little side me not a plain vanilla type relationship nor one just centred on  full on BDSM.

Taking your turn

People live in a social system for the most part that even if you could do everything from home, nonetheless you would be working to expectations and instructions of others.

If you go away with someone often there's some agreement about how chores like tidying up, washing up, making or otherwise getting meals and organizing activities and you are expected to be engaged with that doing your share.

The idea of doing something like that appeals especially if could wear a proper maids uniform, not the cheap pvc ones as being proper maid who's a sissy is so up my ally and if we could mix some uber discrete c.p. if I mess up that would be perfect.

Getting proper started

It's strange. For most of my life - ever since I saw the lovely schoolgirls at school in their very girlish uniform - I wanted to wear a school uniform regularly. And now that I have more of the chance to do it, I don't. At least not often.  I hedge my bets dressing more like the office junior who left secretarial school for the world of work rather than actually regressing and when I do it's usually more the PE kit I put on rather than than regular day school uniform.
I have thought about this a lot lately and I think I have an explanation. I think it's because I lack the confidence to just come out as having this need, fetish, whatever you wanna call it even though I know I have it and even some who were born and raised as girls do even.
It's not that I have an issue with regression or even been seen as child-like - god knows I've acted at times in public very much like the child dressed as grown up - it's the fear of freaking at putting myself in actual girls attire not girl like attire for adults.

Back when I started all this  I was just getting over the nervous breakdown and the realization I wasn't an adult at least functionally and that pretending otherwise really had screwed me up. I was devastated (well, I'm still devastated) and maybe somehow I longed for my feminine junior schoolgirl side even more than usual. So it was great feeling to be wearing something more akin to what we did before I left school but didn't take things where they needed to be.

I think it would help a lot if I had a play partner or a dominant of some sort  who "forces" me to wear my uniform everyday not because they would be making me do anything I didn't really deep down so much as pushing me past that fear of freaking so I realize the appearence of that junior girl I am as much as is possible in my life cos that's really what is best for me.

Things I would of loved Mommy and other female adults in my life to have done for me in childhood include plaiting and putting my hair in bows after washing it from a shoulder length.

Stopping the pouting and dress as the sissy you are

Quite often we talk other things on this blog such as "being little", interests that align more to that such as children's books, cartoons and given some of our issues with regulating emotions, spanking  although it's not by any means a focus.

This week we're going to talk something else that does matter as a part of my identity, being a Sissy, part of the mix of me.

If you are a sissy, then it's not a matter of dressing as the kid you were, often you were prevented from expressing yourself at school, in various youth movements and at home so it was all very secretive.

Now most of those constraints are over, just where do you begin in being you?

We wore rugged and sometimes itchy attire having memories at 14 wearing very itchy long trousers at school that were so irritating to my skin because they were' "the rules" but what we wanted and if we could find a moment alone we did was were girls attire because it felt softer, more comfortable and, yes very pretty.

Once we did it, we knew deep down that was what we wanted to wear.

Personally I feel as a Sissy we need to start with something like soft, satin babydolls and slips and definitely matching panties, making them a permanent part of our lives because you feel so much better in yourself for dressing the way your head always wanted.

Now of course as a Little Sissy you won't dress like your older sister might going out, but you may wear soft vests and matching patterned knickers and either plain tights or socks, knee length for school looks and ankle with cute motifs when watching tv, playing or having fun.

While you love skirts and dresses and I have lots, you'll have girls sports shorts too which if you're a bit concerned about being seen out, aren't noticed by most going about their business.

More changes for the gurl

Summer time and we're taking stock of being more open about who I am from its hidden days and the odd misstep along the way as it affects this blog and its' readers.

Being 'sissy' is controversial in that it avoids flying under flags of convenience, just saying you're Trans or perhaps going down an outward route of transition even if when it comes down to it you don't see yourself as an woman which in law you would be even if you do have as I do, a very much major "littles" side.

To me it's about intellectual honesty even if every sissy does it differently you're not coveting what a transexual feels that she is a women born in the wrong body, you just wish to gender present as you feel including your sexuality connected sides.

My little side is more schoolgirl but something more kawaii and more overly feminine features in my more regular older self image rather like this, decorative because I love dressing to be noticed and to feel pretty.

Part of the experimentation around presenting that is going on involves changing my underwear as the person who is pushing my buttons has decided to put me in soft  plain underwear with lace detail to bring out more of the Princess in me.

It's also quite interesting to find I actually enjoy this being dressed by another which underscores my more submissive side even though I was a willing party in all this.

The sissy side of Jo.

Whenever I've talked before about fashion  and me mainly it's been around the whole kind of image of myself with some variation of an 'A' line skirt coming from the waistline down as I'm more a girly gurl in that regard more inclined to stomp my feet at the mere suggestion of anything when it comes to over wear with legs screaming "I'm not a boy" at the top of my voice (or what's left of it!).

The bigger amount of what I have talked about has been more school uniform based as much because a large part of me harks back to those days and would sooner go back to them.

I was reminded of this while looking at what needed to go as part of general taking stock I have and keeping only things that are great shape but really there's been another side that can go in with a love of cute stuffies.

Frilly,  a cross between sides of "little girl" and sissy gurl something like this is really up my alley even if I may need help getting dressed

Outing

The term 'outing' usually refers to when some aspect of your life specifically your gender or sexual life that you wish to be hidden is revealed to others without your consent by others and can be seen as part of bullying or intimidatory behaviour.

Although I did feel awkward about it originally on this blog I am being more open about some aspects of me not least I am a Sissy and I can enjoy some notions like being dressed in very feminine and frilly way even to the point it may be female who is encouraging my self exploration and maybe she loves that "made to dress as" thing.

That though is different than if a person deliberately against my wishes and interests decides to make all of that known.

At one time it was either in print or face to face sometimes with it being used to blackmail an individual in professions where say being gay or being trans  may of been limiting to your roles or even prohibited.

Today though I feel the biggest danger fro being outed in this way is through the internet using social media such as Facebook to comment on you or to set up fake account in your name to alert others to what makes you different.

I have seen some folk deliberated outed by folk and it sure ain't pretty.

 
Even if it isn't deliberate, the impact of an accidental compromising tag in  picture or comment from someone you might know can really bite you in the rear.

If your friends with someone, please do think about what you say about them and where.

Over and done with

There's all manner of ideas that go through your head one you've had a history of denial both by yourself but especially by others in your life who had a significant part in such as mothers, aunts and female cousins.

You may feel you lost time being you to their denials to be yourself at times that really mattered in your life whenever you had birthdays, entering teenagehood exploring more presenting and practising your make up plus playing a role in family weddings.

You didn't have the chance to try on anything that required a bit more care putting on and co-ordinating as you only had tiny spots always in dread of the unexpected return so everything that pull of pretty much.

This is more what I really wanted: Time with an Aunt or step mother who would work with me on presenting, getting me into pretty soft dresses and matching frilly lingerie so I looked and felt the part - the part I am called up to be as the sissy I am.

Nothing ridiculous, nothing inappropriate, but a very feminine look that worked for me and for you to take me out dressed as such, learning appropriate etiquette, enjoying the experience.