Helping me learn

Looking back at things, it's possible to see how some of my behaviours started, becoming firmly entrenched.

Take dealing with tasks for instance. Let's be honest and say I have having difficulties in both the understanding of the nature of the task itself I'm asked to produce and any stages that are necessary to do it.

There are a number of way people try to deal with it.

The first is simply called you do it for me which might happen cos you feel sorry for me, I might actually be incapable of it but more often than not it's because you're feeling inpatient with me having to explain things and generally supervising.

You start to raise your voice and in the past you may well of called me names plus if you'd of been a teacher humiliated me in front of the class.

You'd just sooner just get it done to fit your time.

Another way might involved working out what I need to get better at and work on each bit, gradually bringing it together, coaching me. This may take time and a lot of encouragement as I easily get upset and feel like giving up but leaves me with something useful I can do.

Quite often that's what so-called Professionals have tried only to find little active support at home.

As crazy as it may sound I was effectively barred from the kitchen until I was 18 because I didn't know what to do even though I had been taught a bit of basic cookery at school. You'd of thought that would of encouraged but my folks have this way of doing things or rather not doing expecting you to just start things from nowhere with no support, questioning why you should even try.

So it's hardly surprising in time my stock response to seeing something that needed to be done was one of “What's that to do with me” or “I don't know how” if asked to help with looks of exasperation .

And when it came to dealing with criticism about how I might do something I learned not to avoiding it because that was more acceptable than trying cos I wouldn't be supported.

I acted like I didn't exist.

If didn't know what to do in an activity, I'd just deke out missing out on valuable activities although I did feel confident to draw in one and do a craft kit recently while with friends

That's one reason why even being set a exercise to study something and make a short report can be good idea because if you set me the task, provide encourage and guidance to make the effort but punishment for not trying, it can help to change a cycle of behaviour that might be comfortable routine but doesn't help me at all.

I can be trained to try.

Laneside recollections

That's cool. I mean it's sunny of not exactly warm today as I was out walking around locally, taking in the smell of the farms, seeing the lambs in the fields grazing and even watching with amazing a flock of over forty birds take of in a 'W' formation from a field near the woods circling just above me. They were all occupying the field ready for it.
Isn't nature just so awesome?
I just so loved watching it patiently as a child usually as we walked to school along the sidewalks and farmers fields unless we were fortunate to get a lift with one of them taking their daughters to school in his car with mud covered tires.

 That's the tie I had on at Camp, a silk deadringer for the one I had at Junior school where we kinda had to wear it.

 

The photo didn't quite do full justice to the badge - and two schools I attended we did have prefects and house systems -  so here's one of it in its shield design.

Some schools use either rectangular or rounded badges to denote such earned status.

Did I ever say I did on a few occasions I got mentioned in 'Special Mentions'  on Friday weekly assemblies and given a badge to wear on top of my uniform connected with it? 

Discipline and the disabled middle

Some people with the best of intentions get a fundamental  thing wrong about having a disability (or if you’re like me several overlapping ones) and this doesn’t just run into raising children it does cover handling the adult middle or little.

It’s that saying you have condition x or syndrome y, it’s implied somewhere down the line that as the person with you have no control whatsoever over and the only thing you can do is just distract you from any inappropriate behaviour.

The message you get is “I can’t help it, don’t punish me for it” and not a few people buy that forgetting that in many instances you can develop some control (it may be hard going though) and in any event we have to live in society where the only one set of  laws and commonly accepted values applying to all.

The reality though is more often than not I do know the difference between right and wrong, people with disabilities especially mentally debilitation ones like mine are actually much sharper than you'd credit me for.

We do pick up on patterns of behaviour and so test the limits and very capable of soon getting out of control.

When I'm like that, acting up causing you to think about how to respond,  I (and many others) are quite capable of comprehending certain types of behaviour result in consequences.

If there is room to act out and you create a mental space for me to do so, then I will be defiant and stubborn.

With me my parents felt really quite guilty about how my disabilities affected me to the point they seldom really disciplined me for anything nor expected anything by way of respect or following fairly ordinary rules around contributing to family life.

In many ways what I need and certainly needed at the time was clear structure and  to have enforced consequences

So when it comes to being an adult middle (or little), actually you should treat us like any other when it comes to dealing with our attitudes and behaviour.

 

If I have been dishonest disrespectful  or disobedient, spank me  cos 

I'm not that stupid enough not to known it was wrong.

 

 Pull my knickers down to help me feel your spanking

 

Don't feel you cannot cane me when my behaviour deserves it either.

 Make me do Corner Time with my bottom bared

Although we all operate from a position of informed consent, there is no earthly reason I should be spared from regular middles discipline such as spanking and the cane just because I’m disabled because I have the same needs as any other middle.

If my attitudes and behaviour warrant it, then it should just happen within the agreed limits. There are times when I do attempt to use my disabilities to justify laziness or acting up and for that I should be treated like any other middle.

Actually a clear cut structured system of rules and applied discipline is extremely  beneficial for some of us

Seasonal habits

I was looking at a TB  related site  a couple of days back when I saw an entry that piqued  my interest.
Well it won't long before the weather starts to get warmer which overall is good thing but it means we get warmer and in our attempt to cool down we perspire especially if we'd been doing anything physical such as playing or riding your bike.
So it makes sense to have a good wash and change the clothing nearest to our skin feel fresher and -and there's no nice way of putting it - reduce the chances of stale sweat smelling near others.

 Changing may also make sense if our play has lead to us getting a bit dirty and we're going to be sitting down to eat as people don't generally like dirt and especially mud being brought back in the house.

Going forward

Not long before next weeks big event here so here's the post before the last which in some ways at least is connected .

 I recently saw this motivational piece of art a few weeks back and I feel it's kind of apt really not least with me, working with one person to assist me and having a bit to do with others who are working on things that hold us back be it unhelpful attitudes, perhaps learning the 'wrong' lessons from our past experiences or struggling with organizing life.
 Sometimes it's easy to go with easy, to think that the only things to do are just fun things and rely perhaps more than is good for you on others, ignoring the things that others may have gotten their heads around.
But it's never a all or nothing situation as being 'on the move' puts you ahead of those who aren't and as hard as the last two months have been for me making changes, living with rather more accountability than I'm used to, I am making progress which makes it all worthwhile, not least feeling calm enough to do things that have bad memories for me.
Thanks.

An innocent past

There are times people misread it but my Age Regression lives in me as a re-run of that mindset even it includes spanking because it was all a part of the same life as a child and not seen as anything else.

It's also to be expected that I'm to keep my underwear well maintained free from wear and spotless when put on at all times to preserve the appearance of a well turned out girl at all times.

Charlie

As you might recall, something unexpected was given to me at Christmas (and I'm still overdue one present!) but it needed shall we say a bit of work to give it some life.

That's right the Grafix build your own teddy bear  that needed some groan up assistance with it  as I don't do sowing and so on with my amazingly bad hand to eye co-ordination.
Well at least he's alive is Charlie Bear having been named, having his birth certificate filled out and quite huggable too.
Tis a good life to be a teddy bear of a little.
Before I forget, I'd like to thank some new acquaintances  from one site some littles, others people who've been helping littles in their lives who are reading this blog.